Ringing in the New Year!

Wishing everyone a healthy and prosperous New Year!

Love, Margie and Edna

Merry Christmas!

We wish the merriest of Christmases to you and yours!

Love, Margie and Edna

Festive Friday: Linus explains it all

We're making our list...

Edna:  Margie, you know what?  I say we dispense with the thoughtful gift-giving this year and just buy silly presents for everyone on our list.  No one will complain, because we're so old that no one will want to be disrespectful.  Plus, they'll think we're losing our marbles, which no one will say anything about either.  What do you think?


Margie: Edna, you finally had an idea of your own! You're right that we can get by with a lot because we're old. I do think, though, that people know your marbles were lost years ago.  What shall we get our friend Joanne?


Edna:  Well, I think she'd really like one of those mer-man ornaments we blogged about last month. She's always going on and on about the Margiedales, maybe she'd like a hunky mer-man for her Christmas tree.  

Margie: That's a wonderful idea! Wait a minute. What if she sits in front of the tree staring at him and forgets to send us our presents?


Edna:  I think that's a chance I'm willing to take.  
I saw a commercial the other day for one of those Obama Chia pet heads.  We just have to give that to someone, don't you think?

Margie: That's a perfect gift for Jack Sack. She's always posting about politics and she does love baseball. If she doesn't like Obama head then she can take a baseball bat to him.


Edna:  Margie, that's perfect!  Now, who else do we have on our list?  We should probably get something for Mrs. Pastor, shouldn't we?


Margie: I think we should get a book for Mrs. Pastor. She does love to read and Pastor is kind of boring. How's this?


Edna:  Fine, but maybe that gift could be from you alone.  Let's give her a nice plate of home-made cookies, too.  We don't want to get on Mrs. Pastor's bad side, and she's the one person in town who'd raise a fuss about what two old ladies got her for Christmas.


Margie: Sister, if you're planning to give her cookies you made then we really will be on her bad side. Maybe we should just buy her a nice box of hot cocoa.


Edna:  Fine by me.  I'll even buy it for her so you can put your change purse away.  Merry Christmas!


Margie: Glory be! Have you been in that Christmas punch already?


Edna:  Kiss my grits, Margie.

Forever Lazy

Margie: Lawsy me, sister, I found something named for you! It's called Forever Lazy and that describes you to a T. This is the very thing for you to laze around in all day. I think I'll buy you and Pastor both one of these because he's pretty lazy too.

Edna:  You can keep that overgrown onesie away from me.  I think that's the dumbest thing I've seen in a long time, and I look at you every day.  I'm not wearing anything that has, and I quote, "Zippered Hatches in Front and Back, for Great Escapes When Duty Calls."

Margie: Edna, I find it to be a wonderful thing when clothes are zippered so you can get out of them in a hurry. I can see many possibilities here.

Edna:  I should have known you'd find some way to floozy that up.

Snow!

Party People

Margie: Edna, did you know that some people enjoy getting together with friends during the holidays? There hasn't been any fun in this morgue since you moved in. I've got a good punch recipe that I want to share with my friends since you won't let me have a party.

Friends, you must try this Promegranate Champagne Punch. I do suggest that you double the champagne for a little extra kick.

Edna:  Who said I won't let you have a party?  You're welcome to celebrate all you want as long as you clean up after yourself.  The problem with you is that you want all the fun but you don't want to handle the mess afterwards.  You go have your party, but you can have it in the barn.  In the meantime, I'll have a party of one with some of this:  Alchemist Punch:  Hooee, that'll get the party started!

Margie: Said the pot to the kettle. You'll be on your vacation, half -wit, so I'll be partying in the house. What you don't know has never hurt you.

Edna, you drink that punch and you'll be out for days.

Edna: If I have to listen to you yammer for even one second more, then I want to be knocked out for days. And what makes you think I don't know about your parties?  Who do you think found your girdle in the pantry last week?  I don't even want to know what that was about.

Margie: Sister, you may be a fruit loop but you can sure give me a good laugh sometimes. You were always jealous of me.

Edna:  I am never jealous of anyone who isn't smart enough to keep track of their undergarments.

The mailman's Gift

Margie: Edna, I've been studying on what we can give Mr. Mailman for Christmas. I don't think we should give him another Jack Daniels' fruitcake like we did last year though. We didn't see him for 4 days after he took that thing home.

I'm thinking of giving him something that all men want but few get and that's my picture with a nice note attached. I only have a few left but he deserves one. What do you think, sister?

Edna:  As usual, I think you're an idiot, and a paper-waster to boot.  You know he's going to throw your picture in the trash the first chance he gets.  Why don't we get him something useful?  The post office has a list of acceptable gifts for mailmen, and soda is on the list.  Why don't we give him some of your Orange Crisp soda for Christmas?

Margie: Edna, you're a moron and I don't like morons! Why don't we give him that big box of See's candy that you hid under your bed? It hasn't been opened because you're so dang stingy that you're waiting until I go to the beauty parlor. Guess what, sister, I'm going to start doing my hair at home! Idjit!

Edna:  Well, now you're just being mean.  All right then, why don't you dip into your pin money and buy the man a gift card.  The post office says you can do that as long as it's not more than $20.  I think you can afford that, you grinch.

Margie: Why is he my mailman all of a sudden? You get mail too. Well, I suppose bills count as mail. You should try to be more frugal, sister. As for any pin money I may or not have? It's none of your business.

I'll just give him a jug of Special tea then he won't remember if we gave him a gift or not.

Edna:  Even though apparently the post office frowns on giving liquor to your mailman (those party poopers!)  I think that might be the smartest thing you've said so far.  Although, that's not saying much since you consistently set the bar pretty low.

Margie: Edna, how would you like a bar upside your ugly head?

Festive Friday

Margie: I do so love a sweet voiced man!

Edna's Christmas Wish

Edna:  Margie, I've found what you can get me for Christmas.  Macy's is having a one-day sale today, too, so you won't even have to pay full price!  Isn't that wonderful?

Margie: Edna, you've finally lost your marbles. You think I'm getting you a gift after you treated me so badly when I asked for a maid? You can buy your own gift, idjit. What nerve!

Edna:  I should have guessed as much.  Besides, you'd never spend that kind of money on someone else.  You're such a Scrooge, Margie!  

Well, that's okay.  That just means I don't have to give you a gift at all this year if you're going to be such a sorehead about everything.

Margie: See how childish you are, sister? Mama said it's better to give than receive but all you care about is what you get.  You're the Scrooge.

I'm not even going to put up a tree this year because you don't deserve it.

Edna:  Hmph, like that's such a hardship!  You know I'm the one who always ends up vacuuming up the pine needles so no one steps on them.  I swan, those things are like daggers if you're in your bare feet.

You know what, Margie?  You sure don't deserve a Christmas present but plenty of other people do.  I'm going to donate my money to a worthy charity instead of buying something for you.  At least they'll be grateful, unlike a certain selfish hag I know.

Margie: I wouldn't mind having a dagger right about now.

What charity would that be, dear? Your Alcoholics Anonymous group?

Edna:  How anyone can be so hateful and spiteful this time of year is simply beyond me.

Margie's Christmas Wish

Margie: Edna, you leave me alone every Christmas while you take a dumb vacation. I'm happy you go but I resent being stuck here with all the chores. I deserve some help while you're gone so here's what you can give me for Christmas this year.


Edna:  Margie, what on Earth makes you think you even deserve a Christmas present?  The way you've treated me and the rest of the town all year, you'll be lucky if anyone gives you a gift.  It figures you'd want something like one of those scantily-clad male maids, you're such a floozy.

Margie: Edna, would you rather give me a present or had you rather spend your vacation wondering if I'm in your room or throwing out all your old Tupperware? Oh, that does sound like fun.

Edna:  Margie, I'm padlocking my bedroom door and windows so I won't be worried one bit about what you'll try to get up to while I'm gone.  Besides, that's your Tupperware so feel free to throw it all out. 

Margie: Idjit, padlocks can't stop me. Dynamite should clear your whole room and all your junk. Just get me a maid.

Edna:  Fine, here's your maid. I hope you and she are very happy together.

Festive Friday: Let it Snow!

Welcome to Festive Fridays!  Every Friday during December, we will be posting holiday songs as sung by our favorite crooners.  We hope you enjoy listening and watching as much as we enjoyed choosing.

First up is the lovely Rosemary Clooney, singing her version of "Let it Snow!"  Wherever you are, dear readers, we hope you're staying warm.

The Kindergarten Life

Margie: What is the world coming to, sister? Look a here at this story about kindergartners getting these iPad thingys. In my day we learned how to read from a book and we looked up subjects in an encyclopedia. Kindergarten used to be for kids to learn how to read and write and color pictures. This old world is getting too fancy for me.

Edna:  Maybe you're just behind the times, sister.  Today's children have to prepare for the world they're going to live in, not the world they already live in.  I just hope they won't be doing all their work on an iPad, that would be a sad state of affairs.

Margie: You're being a nitwit but that's what you are. I guess you can't help it. It's a sad day when children aren't being taught the basics. I suppose the teachers will all be without jobs soon because they won't be needed. I fear for those poor children who don't have the joy of reading a real book.

Edna:  Margie, if you read that article you'll see that they are being taught the basics but the school is just using technology to do it.  I want them to know the joy of reading a real book too, and I bet they will.  This is just helping them learn.  At least there will still be a real live teacher, it's not like they're being taught by a robot.  Well, not yet anyway.

Margie: Mark my word, Edna, if the government can find a way to save money by swapping robots for teachers then they'll do it soon. Maybe the robots would even like that lunchroom food.

The Callahans

Margie: Edna, come help me write this letter to my friends in Hollywood. I know a lot of TV people and I'm going to let them know that these reality shows on TV are junk. Who cares about these boring Kardashians or the Braxton family? Not me. Once The Callahans hit the screen then we'll be the only reality show worth watching.

I must say, though, that I don't want cameras in my bedroom or bathroom.

Edna:  Good Lord, NOBODY wants cameras there, believe me.  And if you think I'm going to consent to being on a reality show with you, you're nuts.  I value my privacy too much, and I certainly don't want the rest of the world to see what a lunatic you are. 

Margie: I don't care if you consent or not because I'm the one who will be what the show is about. The only reason you value your privacy is because you're afraid somebody will see you without your dentures.

Edna:  Fine, you just go ahead and do your stupid reality show, but I know the law.  They can't show me on the TV without my permission, and no way am I signing anything that allows that.  And don't you say anything about my dentures, you've had them longer than I have.

Margie: Don't you worry, sister, because I'm not about to let them film you. I don't want people to think they're watching the "Walking Dead."

Happy Thanksgiving!

May you and yours have the happiest of Thanksgivings!

Love, Margie and Edna

Prim and Proper Returns

Margie: I found an interesting article in the Jericho Times today, sister. It says that "prim and proper" styles are coming back in fashion. Go get your clip on earbobs and drag out those old head scarfs. You know you've always thought you were the Queen of prim and proper anyway.

All the famous fashion designers are working on this old stuff. Everything will be covered from the knees to the neck. I guess you like that?

Edna:  Goodness knows I don't want to see anything between YOUR knees and neck. 

I think it's high-time that sort of style came back.  But you know, it's not that I like it because it's prim and proper, but because that style was so clean and fresh looking.  None of these wacky colors and patterns, just cool elegance.  Like Grace Kelly or Katharine Hepburn.  Those designers aren't dumb, they know people want more Jackie O and less Brittney Spears these days.

Margie: You'd look nice, Edna, if you'd tie a head scarf around your face. I guess you'll be dragging your white gloves out of mothballs too?

Mama always said you acted like you thought you were a movie star. Will you be getting your bouffant back too, Edna C.?

Edna:  Oh honey, I've just been waiting for a chance to bring back the white gloves and the bouffant!  I've got my movie star sunglasses, just like Jackie O's, and my pencil skirts and clutch purses.  I'm just pleased as punch that this "mid-century" craze has caught on.

And really, this world could do with a little more class and a little less crass.  You'd best take some notes, sister.

Margie: Lord help us. What's next, nitwit? Shall I expect to see Baked Alaska on the table next Sunday?

Speaking of punch I'm going to go make a gallon. I believe I'll make that Lime Sherbert Punch to match your movie star hair.

Edna:  No Baked Alaska, but I believe a molded Jell-O salad is in order.

Margie, you need to get your eyes checked, my hair is not now nor was it ever green.  The lady at the hair salon called this shade "Lovely Lilac" and it matches my favorite lavender sweater set perfectly.

Margie: I love Jell-O salad, sister. Make some Kool-Aid too.

I call it Putrid Purple and it matches nothing I've ever seen.

Edna:  You're a horrible, hateful sister.  You can just keep your opinions to yourself or I'll hit you over the head with my alligator handbag.

Margie: I hope there's a live alligator hiding in there.

Edna:  Why don't you come over here and find out, you harpy.

Margie: Why don't you kiss my bouffant?

Walking Dead

Edna:  Margie, aren't you glad I made you start watching The Walking Dead?  I swan, it's one of my very favorite things to watch, which is something I never thought I'd say about a zombie apocalypse story.

Margie: I get you and those zombies mixed up. I do like that cute boy, Daryl, because he's got spunk. I don't like that Shane and I can't wait to see what he does when he finds out he's going to be a baby daddy. Edna, do you think he's going to find out soon?

Edna:  Well, that Lori and her chicken arms doesn't seem like the most straightforward person in the world, so my guess is she's never going to tell Shane.  She's just going to finagle it some how to make that poor Rick think it's his.  Let's hope Rick is good at math, if you catch my meaning. 

Margie: What you mean, sister, is that Chicken Arms is a dang floozy! She was sleeping with that Shane before she even grieved for what she thought was her dead husband!

I hope Rick finds out and feeds Shane to the zombies. They wouldn't want her because she has no meat on her bones!

Edna:  Pretty handy there's a barn full of zombies right there.  I bet they'd eat Chicken Arms, they must be mighty hungry right now.

You know what I'm hoping is that we find out soon what happened to Sophia.  That's dang near driving me nuts, and poor Daryl doesn't seem like he's going to rest until he finds her.  Which is unexpectedly sweet for him.

My favorite survivor right now is that sweet Glenn. Even if he and Maggie have gotten a little closer than her father is comfortable with, I still like that boy.

Margie: Lordy, I'm tired of that search for Sophia. She needs a good spanking when they find her. 

I like that Glenn too. He and Maggie are sweet together. I hope he doesn't become a baby daddy too!

Maybe Maury Povich should visit and figure out who's the daddy?

Edna:  Maury's probably a zombie by now, Jerry Springer too.

I have some bad news, though:  I think they're gearing up to do a mid-season hiatus soon.  I think that after the episode after Thanksgiving, we won't see any more of these folks until February.  And you just know they'll do a cliffhanger!  Best get your heart pills ready.

Margie: Sister, hiatus is a fighting word in these parts! The only hiatus that interests me is the one you take.

Are you gone yet?

Fantasy Friday

Margie: I declare, Edna, that I'm amazed by new trinkets like these chocolate diamonds. They're right pretty but do you think they're made from real chocolate? They could cause a person to have sticker shock. I didn't know chocolate was so expensive although I sure can't afford M&M's anymore.

Edna:  Margie, those "chocolate" diamonds and pearls just go to show what idiots you and the American buying public are.  Because "chocolate" equals "brown," and who wants a dingy brown diamond on their hand or ears?  I swan, it's all a conspiracy to get you people to buy inferior and ugly gemstones.  It's only because Madison Avenue has convinced you that they're so special that anyone even wants them.  And don't even get me started on the YELLOW diamonds.

Margie: I am not an idiot, sister. Chocolate isn't brown; it's chocolate. I bet those diamonds are like my M&M's and won't melt in your hands or on your ears. Who's the idiot now?

Yellow diamonds? I guess you're trying to say they aren't really gold? You confuse me, Edna.

Edna:  Well, you're easily confused.  Those yellow diamonds are just like the chocolate diamonds, dingy and ugly, and they're most definitely not gold.  I have my doubts that they're even real diamonds.  And you ARE an idiot if you think that "chocolate diamond" jewelry is really made out of chocolate.  If that's what you think, then I've got a bridge in New York to sell you for cheap.  Idiot.

Margie: Edna, if you own that bridge then half of it is mine. Who's the idiot now, sister?

Edna:  I'd say I'm looking at her.

Have a Merman Christmas!

Edna:  Margie, I think I may have found your Christmas present, but I'm not sure I should buy it for you.  It panders to your lowest tastes, and I'm just not sure I want to do that.

 

Margie:  Oh Edna, I want one of each! Well, maybe 2 of those Candy Cane ones. I'll wash dishes for a year and never complain.

Edna:  Margie, I do believe I'd like a signed and notarized statement to that effect.  Merry Christmas to me!

Margie: Not so fast, nitwit! I wasn't born yesterday. I want to see the ornaments first. I'd best go buy some hooks too so Cousin T can hang all my ornaments from my bedroom ceiling.

Edna:  Lord knows it's been MANY yesterdays since you were born.  You've seen the ornaments, you idjit, they're all right there on that website.  I'll only buy them for you if you provide proof that you're going to stick to your promise.  Otherwise, it's lumps of coal in your stocking this year.

Margie: Edna, it makes me sad to think you don't trust your own sister. I'm glad Mama isn't here to see this. I'll get the proof and hand it to Deputy Jimmy when you show up with my ornaments then we'll trade.

No sister has ever made a life more complicated!

Edna:  You take all the joy out of gift-giving, Margie.


Photo courtesy of Blogadilla.com.  To see the Merman Christmas ornaments in all their glory, head over to Diamonds of the Sea.

Occupy Grocery Stores

Margie: Edna, you know those Occupy Wall Street people? I thought they were probably just a bunch of hippies looking for a handout but I was wrong. I think we should start our own Occupy movement and call it Occupy Grocery Store. How do you like that? I'm sick of these greedy corporations raising prices and cutting the size of everything. They draw the big bucks while our checks never go up. I say we gather all senior citizens and put them on the front lines. How will it look for the police to haul old ladies like us to jail?

Edna:  Oh honey, I do think you might be on to something.  And I certainly have plenty to say to those greedy food companies.  They think we won't notice when they put our favorite food in smaller packages and then charge us more.  They must honestly think that we're a bunch of morons who don't notice anything farther than the end of our collective noses.  I think it's time for the American buying public to rise up and say "Heck no!" to re-packaging and higher prices, and show those corporations a thing or two. 

Should we pack a lunch?  We might be protesting for a while and I don't want to faint from hunger.

Margie: Preach on, sister. Down with greed! Up with cheap Oreos!

Sister, let's take that old cooler of Daddy's. I'll fry some chicken and you pack the white bread and sardines. Should we take something sweet? Besides me?

Edna:  Grab the cheap Oreos and let's get this thing started.  You go cook, I'm activating the church phone tree and find us some warm bodies to go with us.

Margie: Edna, be sure to call Mr. Green. He lost his wife recently so he'll be anxious to join us. Actually, why don't you ask the men's Sunday school class to go? Tell them to bring some cards.

Edna:  Oh no you don't, you hussy.  This is a protest, not an  old-fogey mixer!  If those men come along then all you floozies will lose your focus, and I won't have that.  We'd best make this a ladies-only gathering.

You'd best get to cooking, woman, so we can start protesting.  Now hop to it!

Margie: Edna, who died and told you that you were in charge of all this? Maybe I'll handle the protest and you can go Occupy Jericho jail!

Thank you.

Every day, not just on Veterans Day, we are profoundly grateful to our American soldiers for the freedoms we enjoy.

Thank you, all of you.

Talking Turkeys

Margie: Edna, I'm as mad as an old wet hen! I went to Gracie's Market this morning to buy the ingredients for my Green Bean Casserole. I never saw such high prices in all my life. I took Gracie aside and told her she needs to lower her prices. She wasn't very nice and asked what would happen if she didn't. I told her she'd be sorry because you would not be happy if Thanksgiving rolled around and you didn't get your favorite casserole.

Edna:  But Margie, I thought you were going to Paris for Thanksgiving this year?  What happened, did the government finally put you on the no-fly list?

Margie: No, nitwit, I decided to stay home and roast an old turkey that's lived here far too long to suit me!

Edna:  Try as you might, I won't let you ruin my Thanksgiving.  Why, I'll even make you your favorite dessert, pecan pie!  That ought to sweeten you up.  I know how much you love your pecans, and we can only afford them during the holidays.

Sister, since I'm making this pie for you, why don't you give me the money for the pecans?  They're about $10 for a shelled bag.  Go get your coin purse, I'll wait.

Margie: I'm not paying when you claim you're making the pie for me. Mrs. Smith makes a better pecan pie than you do anyway. Why don't you try to sweeten up and let's have one Thanksgiving when you're not so dang crabby?

Edna:  You first, sister.

Margie: I'm going out to eat and you can sit home all alone.

Edna:  Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

Margie: Edna, kiss my crabby Thanksgiving grits!

National Sleep Comfort Month

Margie: Edna, it says here in the paper that this is National Sleep Comfort Month. I can tell them a few things about sleep comfort! First, you need a good mattress and box springs. Next, you put freshly laundered bedclothes on the bed. Third, you take a hot bath and lotion up your body. Finally, put your dang earplugs in if you're like me and have a sister who snores like a freight train.

Edna:  You know what would make me sleep comfortably, sister?  You sleeping in another house completely!  I'm afraid to go to sleep at night lest you come rummage in my belongings for something to pawn. 

I'm with you on the freshly laundered bedclothes.  There's nothing like slipping into a bed made with fresh sheets.  Even better if they've been dried on the clothesline outside.  Reminds me of the good old days when we'd help Mama with the laundry.  Margie, remember that time she made you pin up all the wet laundry by yourself as punishment for breaking my baby doll?  That was a nice day.

Margie: Edna, no pawn shop would buy that junk you call treasure. I didn't break your dang doll. Mama wouldn't believe me when I said Mrs. Pastor's son did it.

I'll tell you how to have the most comfortable night's sleep ever, sister. Get in between those freshly laundered sheets with a freshly showered gentleman like Jensen Ackles!

Edna:  Well, isn't that just a typical floozy solution from you!  I think I'm going to stick with warm milk with honey before bed, and leave the catting around to the likes of you.  Just don't disturb my sleep, you hear me??

Margie: Edna, jealousy has never become you. I can help you sleep once I get my pistol.

Fantasy Friday

Margie: Edna, I'm tired of the same old Thanksgiving. You always have to have
things like they've been for all our lives. We always have turkey and that nasty
cranberry sauce plus your watery potatoes. I mind my manners and try to
eat that stuff but I'm done. I'm doing something different this year.

Edna, I'm going to have Thanksgiving in Paris. How do you like that?

Edna:  I say bon appetit!  The farther away from me you are, the better, especially at the holidays.  I'll finally get to enjoy what I want for a change without having to hold my tongue while you pout and whine because I didn't make something just the way you like it.  Sounds like pure bliss to me.

Margie: Sister, I am so glad you feel that way! You just feel free to cook anything you like. I'll even bring back some of those French candies you like.

May I borrow your credit card now, sister?

Edna:  Oh honey, if you think I'm going to finance your trip then you'd best think again.  This was all your idea, so you can just do your fundraising on your own.  And no, "fundraising" does not include emptying out my coin purse or ransacking my room for valuables to sell.

 

Margie: Edna can ruin a fantasy quicker than anybody else I know.

Thanksgiving memories

 

Margie: Edna, I love November and all the smells and pretty leaves. I sure miss our folks though. November reminds me of Thanksgiving and that always reminds me of Grandma Callahan. Remember how we'd go to her house and get so hungry because it smelled wonderful? I remember the cinnamon most. We did get in some trouble a few times though.


Edna, remember how Grandma would give each of us a ball of dough and a rolling pin? She'd let us roll out that dough then cut out cookies in any shape we liked. Lawsy me, remember that time my rolling pin flew out of my hands and hit you upside the head? I'll never forget the look on your face!


Edna:  I cannot believe you are bringing that incident up in the midst of so many other happy memories.  That was not an accident, no matter what you say.  If Grandma Callahan hadn't been standing right there, you can bet your bippy you'd have been sporting a matching goose egg on your own head!


She was a wonderful baker, remember?  Her biscuits were light as air and her fruit breads were always in demand at the church bake sales.  Too bad she wasn't able to teach you how to cook, sister.


Margie: Too bad that rolling pin didn't knock you into another century.


Edna:  Go ahead and insult me all you want, you shrew, but you're not going to taint my memories of our grandmother.  Thanksgiving was always a wonderful time at her house, she loved the holidays.  Remember the year she put a pilgrim hat on the pumpkin?  Mama and Daddy laughed so hard when she brought that to the table, I thought they were going to choke!


Margie: Edna, I have good memories too. Remember that year that you got into the grape salad and couldn't eat dinner with the rest of us because you were sick? Oh, I really enjoyed that year when you had the measles and had to stay in the parlor.


Grandma loved Daddy like he was her own son. She always made his favorite custard. Why don't you go whip us up some custard, sister?


Edna:  Why don't you come here and get acquainted with my rolling pin?

Happy Halloween!

May you all have a safe and "spooktacular" Halloween!

Love, Margie and Edna

Fantasy Friday

Margie: Edna, look at this car. Mrs. Pastor always gives me this Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog so I can browse. You can buy me this car for my Christmas present. I'm going to drive to Hollywood and get in the movies.

Oh, before you tell me your usual lie about having no money? I called your bank's President. We dated in high school and he's never gotten over me. He said there's more than enough in your savings to buy this for me. Will that be cash or credit, sister?

Edna:  Margie, I was waiting for something like this to happen, you've no head for practicalities.  That money in the bank is earmarked for our funerals, not some razzle-dazzle sports car.  You can just go to your "boyfriend" if you need that kind of money, you're not getting it from me! 

Margie: Edna, you're such a dingbat! You can pay for my funeral by selling the car. How's that for practical?

National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Margie: Edna, October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I feel
we should offer our friends some information. Poor Grandma Callahan died
from breast cancer but we didn't know much about it back then.

Men can also develop breast cancer and it's important that we mention them also.
Male breast cancer makes up less than 1 percent of all cases of breast cancer,
and is usually detected in men between 60 and 70 years of age.

Edna:  I think it's a great idea to educate our readers about this serious issue.  Do you remember that young lady who used to live down the street about 20 years ago?  Her mother told me not too long ago that she'd found a lump, and she needed a mastectomy but refused to do it because she was embarrassed.  The next thing you know, she's gone, and for what?  There is no shame in getting a mastectomy, especially when it's a matter of life and death.

Margie: I do recall that, sister. There certainly is no shame. I don't know what's wrong with people these days.

Edna:  Well, the beauty of the age we're living in is that with so much information available, there's no excuse not to go to your doctor and have a frank talk about your risks and options.  And maybe someday soon we'll be telling our readers about the cure for breast cancer.

 

Folks can go here for more information:

 

The Susan G. Komen for the Cure

November is National Diabetes Month

Edna:  Margie, if you ever bothered yourself with something other than, well, yourself, you'd realize that November is National Diabetes Month.  The American Diabetes Association has lots of tools to help you learn more about the prevention of diabetes, including going here to take a Type 2 Diabetes Risk Test.  Diabetes is a serious condition, and the more you know about it, the better.

Margie: Edna, I'll have you know that I led a discussion about diabetes last month at the Senior Center. I told them about poor Uncle Bud who was diabetic all his life.

You might want to lay off all that sugar you inhale, sister.

Edna:  Lies!  Lies and slander!  I'm not the one in this house who adds a cup of sugar to every glass of sweet tea.  But just to be on the safe side, maybe it would be good for the both of us to stop eating sugary things.  At our age one can't be too careful.

Now hand over that pecan pie and I'll just run it over to the neighbors so we can start fresh with no sugar in the house.  I said, hand it over!  Good grief, she's run into her bedroom with it.  Fine, be that way.  We all know who the smarter (and healthier) sister is in this house anyway!

Fantasy Friday: Mon Cher Gilles

Edna:  You know, I'm not one for watching a TV show just to have something to do of an evening. And I definitely don't waste my time with shows I don't like...unless mon Cher Gilles is in it.  I watched that silly "Sisters and Brothers" because they'd found a part for him, and I watched "Modern Family" on Wednesday night, just to see him.  My lands, he can sure brighten up a television screen!


I'd never heard of him until he was on Dancing With the Stars a while back.  I guess he was in some smutty movie before then, but I don't bother myself with nonsense like that.  My goodness, though, he was something to see when he was dancing!  Smooth as silk, he was, and with that French accent?  Well.  You can see why I'd watch something I didn't like just to have a few minutes of him on the TV.

After Wednesday night, I do think he might be better suited to comedy.  I'd like to see him in a movie that shows off his dancing talents and his sweet personality.  I could see him as  a Gene Kelly type:  light on his feet and easy on the eyes.  I think he'd make a wonderful leading man, he has those French good looks that would make the ladies swoon.  Oh, or maybe like in one of those foreign films from the sixties, all sultry and in black and white.

Edna:  My lands, I'm feeling a touch overheated.  I think I'd best go sit on the porch a spell with some iced tea and cool off a bit.

If You're Going To San Francisco

Photo courtesy of Joanne Olivieri




Margie: Edna, look at this lovely picture our friend, Joanne, just sent me. She knows how much I've always wanted to see that bridge. I've seen it in the moving pictures and I always wanted to be there and to hear the foghorns. Well, I can't say I like those foghorns now because you blowing your nose makes the same sound.

Anyway, Jo says you'd never believe how many women have met their future husbands on that bridge. Seems the women climb up there and threaten to jump until a nice fireman gets them to come down. Sister, what do you think about me going out there for a visit?

Edna:  Margie, if you want to climb up on that bridge then you go right ahead.  I surely won't stop you.  But how are the firemen supposed to see you in all that fog?

Margie: Edna, I can swirl my dress tail and that fog will blow away in the wind. Look what I'll see when that happens.

Adopt A Shelter Dog Month

Margie: Edna, did you know that October is Adopt A Shelter Dog month? There is only one thing in the world that annoys me more than you do and that's people who pay high prices for a dog yet won't take one from a shelter. There is certainly nothing wrong with a shelter dog. They've had their shots and they deserve a good home. Your local shelter is the perfect place to find dogs of every type, size, age and personality -- all waiting for a loving home. Let's tell all our friends about it, sister. Well, not that you have any.

Edna:  Margie, I do believe you would treat a dog better than you do me.  Maybe October should be "Adopt Edna" month, then I'd have a loving home with people who care about me instead of living with you.  Ah, but a woman can dream!

Margie: Edna, that's a brilliant idea!! Let me get some cardboard and post signs all over town. Why don't you go start packing, dear? I'll even make a jug of tea for you to take along. Oh, here's a picture of me for your new bedside table. Would you like it autographed?

Edna:  Kiss my foot, you harpy.

Fantasy Friday

Margie: Edna, I stayed up late last night to watch Gone With The Wind again. I do love that movie and I enjoy it when you're not around flapping your gums. Anyway, I was thinking about who would be my fantasy couple to star in a remake.

I would play Scarlett because she had great beauty and charm. Rhett would be played by Jensen Ackles. I can see us now standing at the foot of that grand staircase. As we gaze into each other's eyes Scarlett (me) says, " Frankly, my dear, pick me up and take me up this dang staircase."


Edna:  Oh, good Lord.  Any movie with you in it would be a monster movie, not a sweeping romantic drama.  Maybe you could be in a remake of "The Creature From the Black Lagoon."  You certainly have the complexion for it, heh heh heh.

Margie: Edna, maybe you can kiss my grits!

Food Insecure

Margie: Edna, I've been reading this blog again about the food stamp challenge. Those poor fellas have been at it for a week now. I was just reading the review they've written and I think they need a home-cooked meal. I also think they have some some really good ideas and I even found one that I want to try.

If you start skipping breakfast, sister, that's 7 biscuits and 7 eggs we'd save every week. You can drink water out of the faucet and that will eliminate the need to buy your tea bags. How does that sound?
Edna:  Pfft, I'll do that as soon as you slash your monthly whiskey allotment by 95%.  

I do think it's wonderful what those young men are doing.  Everyone should be aware of how much money they spend on food, and how much money they could save with some careful planning and budgeting.  I think it also highlights just how mindful people who use food stamps have to be to stretch their food budget to feed everyone in their family.  We could all learn a thing or two from a challenge like this.

Uncovered Angels

Margie: Edna, guess what I found in today's paper? There's an article about a church that needed to raise money for their building fund. I'm going to be charitable and buy one of their calendars 

Edna: Margie, you hussy. You don't care about helping them raise money, you just want to buy one of those nekkid old men calendars they're selling!  You know what someone is when you have to pay to see them naked, right?

Margie:  Smart?

Edna:  Pfft.

Margie: Well, I'm going over to the church to tell Pastor that I know how we can get money for our building fund.

Edna: You'd best tell him it was all your idea, too. I don't want you dragging me into your floozy nonsense.

Margie: Well, my idea is actually to use the YOUNG men. I guess you're going to lie & say you're not interested?

Edna: I am not. It's indecent and that's all I have to say on the matter.

Margie: Indecent would be those magazines you have hidden in your hopeless chest.

Edna: Margie, you are a lying liar who does not know what she's talking about. Are you out of your brain pills again?

Margie: Do you even have a brain, nitwit?

Edna: A bigger one than you have, sister.

Margie: Then why isn't your head bigger?

Foolish Friday

Margie: Edna, stand back! I'm mad enough to spit! You know how mad I get when I go grocery shopping and prices have gone up. Well, that's happening more often plus the size of things is decreasing too. These corporations are greedy and have lost sight of what customer service is all about.

Well, Hershey's takes the prize for scamming chocolate lovers. Have you seen their new Hershey Air Delight Kisses? Edna, they're trying to sell air to us. Who do they think they are? What's next, sister, Air Soda? Turn up the bottle and suck it in.Calorie free.

Edna:  Good Lord, that has to be the most durn-fool thing I've ever heard of.  They've replaced some of the chocolate with air and they expect us to be excited about it? Just how stupid do these big companies think we are, anyway??  Hershey, I'm ashamed of you, and I think Mr. Milton Hershey would be ashamed of you too.  And what really gets my goat is you just know those new airy Kisses won't be any cheaper because they have less chocolate.  Instead, I bet they'll want us to pay more just for the honor of having air bubbles in the middle of our candy Kisses.

My lands, I think I'd best go lay down, thinking about this foolishness has given me a megrim.  Margie, go fetch me some of that new Air Tylenol, please.

Margie: Forget the Air Tylenol. I wonder if I can sell you because you're an Air Head??

Following The Food Stamp Challenge

Margie: Times are tough these days for folks except the ones in Washington, D.C. Some folks are unemployed, have lost their jobs and homes, and many are food insecure.

Angel Food Ministries has gone out of business and that will hurt a lot of people as a box of their food only cost half of what it did in the store. Food banks can't take in enough food to provide for all those who need it. Food stamps only provide a small amount so you'll go hungry on those if they're all you've got.

Here's something I found recently that may interest you whether you're on food stamps or just a tight budget.

For the month of October, John and Michael  will live on a food budget equal to the amount of an average Alabama food stamp recipient’s benefits. They are posting what they buy, their daily meals, and even snacks. It's well worth reading and I've already learned a lot.

Frugal Fun Day

Margie: Edna, did you remember that Saturday was Frugal Fun Day? That's a day when people are supposed to participate in fun activities that are free or inexpensive.

I suppose I'm dreaming if I think you did anything fun because you're a stick-in-the-mud person. I guess I should have told you to go fly a kite.

Edna:  Shows what you know, because I did fly a kite!  I got that old kite of Cousin T's out of the shed and had me a fine old time down at the park.

I suppose you did something frugal, too?  That'll be the day!

Margie: Don't you worry about what I did, sister. Let's just say many of the finer things in life really are free.

Dancing with the elderly

Edna:  You know, in my day, I could really turn heads out on the dance floor but I'm just not that flexible any more.  I don't know how this lady in Ohio does it, but she's still doing splits at 94 years old!  Gosh, I hope she takes Boniva or something, you could really break a hip that way.

Margie: You turned heads for sure because your partners always yelled when you smashed their toes!

Boniva? She'd best have a few stiff drinks before she dances. I'm no fool so I'll just sit here and watch TV dancing.

Edna:  At least she's brave enough to get out there and dance at her age.  When was the last time you did something unexpected for your age, Margie?  Oh wait, you act like a floozy all the time so I guess I have my answer.

Fall TV Review

Margie: Edna, there were lots of new TV shows last week and I found some favorites. I don't like Dancing With The Stars but I'm watching because my friend, Nancy Grace is on it. She's doing a great job too. At least she doesn't step on her partner's toes like somebody I know does, sister.

I really liked Person Of Interest. I love to watch a handsome man kick tushie. My favorite new show, though, was Revenge. That show could give a person lots of ideas. What did you like, Edna?

Edna:  Oh no you don't!  You're just trying to trick me into revealing my favorite new show because you know that as soon as I do, it will get canceled.  Well, I'm on to you sister!

All right, maybe I liked Ringer, just a little bit.  I'm finding it a little confusing, though.

Margie: Edna, that's because you're always confused. I think I'll get my pistol and cancel you!

Edna:  Kiss my grits, harpy.  While we're on the subject of you being an idiot, why didn't the DVR tape Terra Nova last night like I set it to?  Admit it, you erased the recording because you knew the show was about dinosaurs and you were afraid you'd spot one of your old boyfriends.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Margie: That wasn't all I erased, nitwit.

Edna:  That's true.  You erase at least a year off your age every time you have a birthday.  Keep that up and pretty soon you'll be too young to drive legally.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 

Breakfast Honey

Margie: Edna, why in tarnation do you have to be so dang selfish? I made my breakfast this morning and everything was all nice and hot. I go to get the honey which you know I put on my biscuit every morning. Was there any honey? No, selfish, there was none. You ate the last of it & didn't replace it.

Well, you won't best me, sister. I just called Cousin T and had him go get me some. I sure do feel fine after a healthy breakfast!

Edna:  You try pouring that on your biscuit and you'll be drinking your breakfast.  Which I suppose you'd enjoy more anyway, you lush.

Supernatural's back!

We know everyone is talking about fall TV this week, we are too.  Supernatural returns tonight with its Season 7 premiere.  While we're not sure what this season holds, we do know that they boys have a lot of fun on set.  While you're waiting for tonight, why don't you check out the Season 6 gag reel from last season's DVD?

 

Criminal Minds

Margie: I'm feeling my oats today, friends. I made a plan with Mrs. Pastor to get Edna out of the house tonight so I can watch Criminal Minds. Mrs. Pastor is going to ask Edna to help at church for a party for the children. There is one good thing I can say about Edna and that is that she loves children.

Criminal Minds 7th season starts tonight and it's going to be awesome. Prentiss returns from the dead and you know the team is going to be highly upset about that. This season will also highlight the personal sides of the agents' lives like Rossi's ex-wife paying a visit.

I'd best go get my snacks ready.

Male fashion..what??

Edna:  I have lived a long life and have seen many things.  But never in all my born days did I ever think I'd live to see men wearing pantyhose and carrying purses.  Margie, what do you make of this?
    

Oh my!

Margie: Edna, I miss the days when men were men. Can you imagine Daddy wearing panty hose? Mama would have put him in the mental. Besides, sister, I'm not about to trust a man with a purse!


Edna:  I think man-fashion has gone too far. Pantyhose aren't comfortable for women, and we don't have nearly the amount of...um...items to pack into them that men do.  I feel sorry for those boys who wear pantyhose, talk about being a slave to fashion.


You know, equality between the sexes is a wonderful ideal.  I think people should be able to wear whatever they want to, and it wasn't that long ago that women wearing slacks was frowned upon.  But there are plenty of things men wear that I wouldn't want to, like neckties.  And plaid flannel.  We've got to draw the line somewhere, and I say it should be drawn right before you get to "idiotic".


Margie: Well, sister, some men need to wear a girdle! Too many Big Macs these days. All I can say is that all men should pay attention to the clothes worn by Jensen Ackles and Nathan Fillion. I bet you wouldn't catch those two with a purse or wearing high heels!

Final Fillion Friday

We've come to our final Fillion Friday for a while.  But don't be sad, dear readers! Castle is coming back on Monday September 19th and we get to have brand new Nathan for a spell.  Needless to say, we are very excited. Watch the clip below to bring you up to speed in time for the season premiere.

   

Also, if you want to see Nathan talk about his descent into becoming a crazy cat person, head on over here for his appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live this past Monday.

Fall Recipes

Margie: Edna, it's getting cooler every day and that means Fall is almost here. My appetite picks up in cool weather and I've been studying on what I want to eat. I have a hankering for a Yankee Pot Roast but do you think I can find all the ingredients here in Jericho? We're not exactly Yankees.

Edna:  That's just a name, idjit.  I don't see any reason why you can't make the gol-durned thing and just call it "Jericho Pot Roast".  

This time of year, I'm craving squash.  I'm thinking of trying something like this squash soup recipe from Alton Brown. 

He may be crabby, but he does know his food.

Margie: He's no crabbier than you, sister. You just want that soup because you know squash doesn't agree with me.

Here's what I'm going to make & I do mean all of them.

Edna:  Whooee, you're going to need a lot of apples!  Before you make your grocery list, remember that I'm not going to pay for 34 pie's worth of apples.  Maybe one or two, though, especially if your lazy tushie is going to do the baking.

Margie: Edna, nobody asked you to buy a dang thing! Don't you worry about how I'm going to get all those apples. You don't pay, you don't eat.

It's that time again

 

Edna: Margie, when was the last time you dusted off this television set? It's like it's barely been used all summer. 

Margie: Edna, there's nothing good on summer television. I'd rather sit on the porch or sunbathe or hang out at Bailey's. When was the last time you did any dusting anyway? 

Edna: Well, I'm dusting now. Don't you know what time of year this is? It's fall premiere time! My lands, the way you complain about summer television, I would have thought you'd be counting down the days. I'm excited about our old favorites coming back, like Castle, but there are some good-looking new shows this year too. Have you heard about Ringer? It's got that "Buffy" girl and it looks very suspenseful. Oh, and it has that lovely Nestor Carbonell from LOST, too. 

Margie: I know exactly what time of year it is and I have my shows already scheduled. I don't know anything about a Ringer but that Secret Circle looks good. So does Person of Interest. I have to watch Dancing With The Stars even though I hate that show. You know how I love Nancy Grace so I'll be rooting for her. I hope she doesn't shame me. 

Edna: You tolerated me watching DWTS when mon cher Gilles was on, so I guess I can afford you the same favor. Just don't expect me to call and vote for her, in case there's someone I like better. There's a few comedies I'm looking forward to, like Suburgatory and New Girl. I know you don't like sit-coms, but if I can watch all those boring documentaries you like, then you can sit still long enough for me to watch something funny. 

Margie: Okay, you can watch those silly comedies but I'm putting in my ear plugs! You know, sister, we could get one of those DVR's if you weren't so stingy. I could watch Body of Proof, Unforgettable, and Anarchy when I pleased. I hate they're all on at the same time. It's odd that you like funny TV shows when you're always so sour. 

Edna: Just to show you how sweet I really am, I'll dip into my pin money to pay for a DVR. I consider it money well spent if it means you'll stop griping at me. Good Lord woman, close your mouth. You're attracting flies.