Friday, March 30, 2012

Who do they think they're kidding?

Edna:  My lands, just when I think people can't get any dumber, they go and prove me wrong.  Just take a look at this diamond ring, Margie.  Isn't that the ugliest thing you ever saw in your life?  Well, aside from when you looked in the mirror this morning that is.  Hee hee.

The world's first "all-diamond" ring.  Looks like a Cracker Jack prize to us.

Margie: Edna, that really is ugly. It looks like that cheap jewelry you wear that turns your skin green. When I think about you and jewelry I think gaudy, cheap, and trashy. You make my head hurt.

Edna:  It should come as no surprise to you that the feeling's mutual, you harpy.  I was thinking that ring looked just like something you could get out of a gumball machine.  In fact, I bet we have a couple in the junk drawer.  How about we put them on and go swanning around at the VFW?  Maybe some of the old boys will think we're rich now and offer marriage proposals.

Margie: I love those rare occasions, sister, when your brain actually works. Let me grab my sandals.

Edna:  Good God, woman, you'd best stick with your closed-toed pumps.  We don't want the gents running away after they get a gander at your gnarled feet.  Freshen up that lipstick while you're at it, it's bleeding into your lip wrinkles again.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Windy Wednesday


The Wind
by Robert Louis Stevenson

I saw you toss the kites on high
And blow the birds about the sky;
And all around I heard you pass,
Like ladies' skirts across the grass

Oh wind, a blowing all day long,
Oh wind, that sings so loud a song!

I saw the different things you did,
But always you yourself you hid.
I felt you push, I heard you call,
I could not see yourself at all

Oh wind, a blowing all day long!
Oh wind, that sings so loud a song!

O you that are so strong and cold,
O blower, are you young or old?
Are you a beast of field and tree,
Or just a stronger child than me?

O wind, a blowing all day long,
O wind, that sings so loud a song!

Monday, March 26, 2012

National Peanut Month


Margie: March is National Peanut Month. I guess we all know a lot about peanuts. Yes, I remember when CBS came to town and filmed Jericho. It was a wonderful show even though a lot of nuts watched it. I bet a lot of nuts are still working at CBS too. I won't call any names.

I remember all the nuts we sent those folks. Those were the days, huh? Well, it's pretty quiet here these days. Edna and I still go to Bailey's but Skeet doesn't come by anymore and all those TV trucks are gone.

You all grab some nuts and let's watch the reruns of Jericho. Come see us again. We'll leave the lights on for you.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Factual Friday


Margie: Edna told me that there's going to be a new search for Amelia Earhart's plane and I surely hope they find it. What a mystery it's been as to what happened to her. Edna and I always felt quite fond of Amelia as she was also a Kansas girl.

Amelia was the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean and she disappeared in 1937. That reminds me of the time Edna tried to fly. I told Daddy that I saw Edna and Mr. Green go in the barn together. Well, Daddy headed for that barn in a run. Edna saw him coming and jumped out the barn loft door. She landed on her tushie and sprained her ankle. When Daddy finished with her I think her ears were sprained too.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Windy Wednesday


Margie: Happy Fragrance Day to all! I hope you all smell nice today. Don't be like my sister, Edna, though. Edna thinks if a little of something is good then a lot of it is better. That's why I'm lucky to get one cupcake when she bakes them.

Mama taught us that a lady should always smell fresh and clean although a few dabs of perfume will enhance the freshness. Once again Edna tries to smell like a flower shop. She can wear some stinky stuff!

Mama also said the way to a man's heart is through his stomach so I'd best go dab a little Meatloaf Madness behind my ears. Bye now.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Margie, Get Your Gun


Margie: Here's a picture of me when I was a few years younger than I am now. I was quite the markslady back then and you should have seen that fella run when I told him to get away from me or I'd fill him full of buckshot!

Anyway, it's the time of year when networks start renewing or cancelling our favorite shows so my picture best remind them that I don't cotton to my shows being cancelled. Just look how they treated Jericho! Margie has not forgotten. You hear me, CBS?

Here's a friendly warning to Fox. Don't you dare cancel my Alcatraz! You got that? I enjoy Jorge Garcia and I want you to leave him alone!

Who's next? CW, listen up. I absolutely love Ringer and you cancel it and I'll be ringing you! You don't want me to get angry. Just ask Edna.

I think my other show are safe. Oh, CBS, I want Jericho back too. Idjits!

Friday, March 16, 2012

Happy St. Patrick's Day!


Happy St. Patrick's Day, dear readers!
Love, Margie and Edna

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Windy Wednesdays: Butterflies


Margie: Friends, today is Learn About Butterflies Day. I love our butterflies and I enjoy sitting on the porch just watching all the colors and varieties. How much do you know about these beautiful creatures?

Did you know that butterflies can see red, green, and yellow? That's more than Edna can see on a good day.

The top butterfly flight speed is 12 miles per hour. Some moths can fly 25 miles per hour! They go as fast as the gentlemen getting away from Edna.

Butterflies and insects have their skeletons on the outside of their bodies, called the exoskeleton. This protects the insect and keeps water inside their bodies so they don’t dry out.

Sakes alive, I'd best go get some water so my body won't dry out. Go read about butterflies:

Monday, March 12, 2012

Plant a Flower Day


Margie: Today is Plant A Flower Day. Edna, we'd best get outside and do some planting because you know what Mama always said. Mama said a house is nekkid without flowers. I think I'll plant some pretty roses. What about you, sister? More stinkweed this year?

Edna:  Perhaps some hemlock, sister dear.

Margie: Poor Mama would be so ashamed of you, God rest her Soul.

Edna:  At least I'm not a hypocrite like some sisters I could name.  You are anything but a pretty rose, Margie.  More like a dandelion, popping up where they're not wanted.

Margie: Right back at you, idjit!

Friday, March 9, 2012


The dogs in Australia are VERY brave.

Edna:  Dearest readers, I'm sure you all know by now that I am a genteel woman and not prone to vindictiveness.  But that sister of mine could drive a saint to sinning!  I tell you what, that woman has no respect for personal boundaries.  Last week she snuck my brand-new purple satin pumps out of my closet and jammed her gargantuan feet into them for her weekly visit to the boys at the VFW.  Then she put them back in my closet and didn't say a word about it!  Like I wouldn't notice how they're all stretched out from her bunions.  She snagged the satin and scuffed up the bottoms, too.  She even had the gall to lie when I asked her about it.  I am generous, dear readers, but even I have my limits.

Well.  Maybe she'll learn her lesson once she takes a gander at these pictures from a news story I saw the other day about Australian spiders. 

Spiders!  SPIDERS!!!!

Edna:  That woman is deathly afraid of spiders, and she'll yell down the house if she spies even the tiniest of spiders inside.  I'm planning on blowing these pictures up and setting them on her nightstand so they'll be the first thing she sees in the morning.  Maybe I'll get some of that fake Halloween spiderweb stuff and put it all over her bed and nightstand.  Put a plastic spider right on the tip of her nose while she's sleeping.  THEN we'll see who stays out of whose closet!

Many thanks to Meg Wood for posting this news story on Facebook the other day.  And for contributing to the nightmares of all the arachnophobes on her friends list.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Windy Wednesdays!


Blow, Wild March Wind 

Blow, wild March wind! In hollows of the lea,
In copses low, thy bride awaiteth thee—
The timid, saint-like, white anemone.
She will not show her face, though woo'd by kings,
Till o'er her beat the pulsings of thy wings.

Blow, wild March wind! that we her face may see,
Through pine-clad gorges by our northward sea,
Through English woodlands where the blackcap sings.
Blow, wild March wind!

She lifts her face. The answering passion stings
Her veined leaves, at the rough kiss he brings.

Sing round her bridal couch thy melody,
Thy breath is life to her. Apart from thee
She droops and dies, the frailest of frail things—             Then blow, March wind!

Monday, March 5, 2012

National Nutrition Month


Margie: I see where March is National Nutrition Month. I'd like to know why, sister, nutrition is connected to eating right when we know how to eat right and that doesn't mean lettuce, yogurt, coo-coos, or humm-whos. I eat like mama taught us and that's why I'm still alive and kicking. Most food is nasty these days. Give me back my trans fat! Fry my taters in lard! Make my tea with a lot of sugar! Edna, I've made myself hungry and thirsty. Let's go to Aldi's and save some money!

Edna:  Good God a-mighty, woman!  You know as well as I do that if you eat like that and you're still healthy, it's only because you have good genes.  Most people need to be really careful about their food choices. What about Great-Uncle Walter who ate pig's feet for every meal and was dead of a heart attack at 39?  Sometimes I think people go overboard with what's good nutrition and what's not, but that doesn't mean you should just give up.

You go make that shopping list for Aldi.  You may not want any lettuce but I do, so be sure that we get some of that tasty artisan lettuce they have.  I never in my life thought I'd be eating purple lettuce, but it sure is tasty!  Especially with a little bleu cheese dressing.

Margie: Poor Uncle Walter. Remember how he loved those pickled eggs?

I do love that lettuce and they have strawberries on sale too. We could make a Strawberry Shortcake. You could make us some chili too but leave the beans out if you're planning to watch that movie with me tonight!

I'm sure glad Aldi lets us afford good food.

Edna:  If I'm making the chili then it's going to have lots of beans in it.  The doctor said you need to increase your fiber intake, you know.

I love that Aldi store, I'm so glad Mrs. Pastor told Cousin T about it.  There is no shame in being frugal, sister; you'd do well to apply that concept to the rest of your life.  I'm not paying for those new shoes you bought online last week, you know.

Margie: Fine, sister, then I'll provide the music for the movie.

People don't know how Aldi can save them money. Their store brand is better than some name brands and I'm sick of corporate greed.

Fine. I'll wear your shoes.

Edna:  You can wear my shoes if you do all the shopping for our healthy food for all of National Nutrition month.  Deal?

Margie: I don't know, sister. Do I have to pay for the food?

Edna:  Of course, idjit.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Blue in the face

Edna:  My word, Margie, come over here and take a look at this

Fugates of Kentucky, "Skin Bluer Than Lake Louise"; courtesy ABC News

Edna:  Have you ever seen such a thing in all your born days?  I swan, if it wasn't being reported by ABC News then I'd think someone was making it all up.  Those poor, blue people.

Margie: I swan, sister, do you believe everything you read? Cousin T turns blue when he gets mad and holds his breath. He even painted himself blue once after he saw a picture of "Blue Boy" is some book.

Edna:  Did you even read that article?  It says it's a real medical condition and that there are still people who suffer from it today, although it's very rare.  Cousin T turning blue is not at all what I'm talking about, idjit.  You're just being contrary because I'm the one who told you about it.  My lands, I bet if Mr. Jensen Ackles started talking about this you'd believe it.

Margie: Oh honey, Jensen Ackles could tell me MY face was blue and I'd believe it!

I suppose I should just be happy that I don't have that condition. Edna, what if those people are blue because aliens abducted them in the past?

Edna:  Good God, woman!  It is nearly impossible to have a serious conversation with you.  I'm going next door to see if the neighbors want to have an intelligent discussion, and if I see any aliens I'll send them your way.

Margie: No wonder she can't get along with folks.

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