Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Margie: Edna, look at this car. Mrs. Pastor always gives me this Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog so I can browse. You can buy me this car for my Christmas present. I'm going to drive to and get in the movies.
Oh, before you tell me your usual lie about having no money? I called your bank's President. We dated in high school and he's never gotten over me. He said there's more than enough in your savings to buy this for me. Will that be cash or credit, sister?
Edna: Margie, I was waiting for something like this to happen, you've no head for practicalities. That money in the bank is earmarked for our funerals, not some razzle-dazzle sports car. You can just go to your "boyfriend" if you need that kind of money, you're not getting it from me!
Margie: Edna, you're such a dingbat! You can pay for my funeral by selling the car. How's that for practical?
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Margie: Edna, October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I feel
we should offer our friends some information. Poor Grandma Callahan died
from breast cancer but we didn't know much about it back then.
Men can also develop breast cancer and it's important that we mention them also.
Male breast cancer makes up less than 1 percent of all cases of breast cancer,
and is usually detected in men between 60 and 70 years of age.
Monday, October 24, 2011
You might want to lay off all that sugar you inhale, sister.
Friday, October 21, 2011
I'd never heard of him until he was on Dancing With the Stars a while back. I guess he was in some smutty movie before then, but I don't bother myself with nonsense like that. My goodness, though, he was something to see when he was dancing! Smooth as silk, he was, and with that French accent? Well. You can see why I'd watch something I didn't like just to have a few minutes of him on the TV.
After Wednesday night, I do think he might be better suited to comedy. I'd like to see him in a movie that shows off his dancing talents and his sweet personality. I could see him as a Gene Kelly type: light on his feet and easy on the eyes. I think he'd make a wonderful leading man, he has those French good looks that would make the ladies swoon. Oh, or maybe like in one of those foreign films from the sixties, all sultry and in black and white.
Edna: My lands, I'm feeling a touch overheated. I think I'd best go sit on the porch a spell with some iced tea and cool off a bit.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Photo courtesy of Joanne Olivieri
Margie: Edna, look at this lovely picture our friend, Joanne, just sent me. She knows how much I've always wanted to see that bridge. I've seen it in the moving pictures and I always wanted to be there and to hear the foghorns. Well, I can't say I like those foghorns now because you blowing your nose makes the same sound.
Anyway, Jo says you'd never believe how many women have met their future husbands on that bridge. Seems the women climb up there and threaten to jump until a nice fireman gets them to come down. Sister, what do you think about me going out there for a visit?
Edna: Margie, if you want to climb up on that bridge then you go right ahead. I surely won't stop you. But how are the firemen supposed to see you in all that fog?
Margie: Edna, I can swirl my dress tail and that fog will blow away in the wind. Look what I'll see when that happens.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Margie: Edna, did you know that October is Adopt A Shelter Dog month? There is only one thing in the world that annoys me more than you do and that's people who pay high prices for a dog yet won't take one from a shelter. There is certainly nothing wrong with a shelter dog. They've had their shots and they deserve a good home. Your local shelter is the perfect place to find dogs of every type, size, age and personality -- all waiting for a loving home. Let's tell all our friends about it, sister. Well, not that you have any.
Edna: Margie, I do believe you would treat a dog better than you do me. Maybe October should be "Adopt Edna" month, then I'd have a loving home with people who care about me instead of living with you. Ah, but a woman can dream!
Margie: Edna, that's a brilliant idea!! Let me get some cardboard and post signs all over town. Why don't you go start packing, dear? I'll even make a jug of tea for you to take along. Oh, here's a picture of me for your new bedside table. Would you like it autographed?
Edna: Kiss my foot, you harpy.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Margie: Edna, I stayed up late last night to watch Gone With The Wind again. I do love that movie and I enjoy it when you're not around flapping your gums. Anyway, I was thinking about who would be my fantasy couple to star in a remake.
I would play Scarlett because she had great beauty and charm. Rhett would be played by Jensen Ackles. I can see us now standing at the foot of that grand staircase. As we gaze into each other's eyes Scarlett (me) says, " Frankly, my dear, pick me up and take me up this dang staircase."
Edna: Oh, good Lord. Any movie with you in it would be a monster movie, not a sweeping romantic drama. Maybe you could be in a remake of "The Creature From the Black Lagoon." You certainly have the complexion for it, heh heh heh.
Margie: Edna, maybe you can kiss my grits!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Margie: Edna, I've been reading this blog again about the food stamp challenge. Those poor fellas have been at it for a week now. I was just reading the review they've written and I think they need a home-cooked meal. I also think they have some some really good ideas and I even found one that I want to try.
If you start skipping breakfast, sister, that's 7 biscuits and 7 eggs we'd save every week. You can drink water out of the faucet and that will eliminate the need to buy your tea bags. How does that sound?
Edna: Pfft, I'll do that as soon as you slash your monthly whiskey allotment by 95%.
I do think it's wonderful what those young men are doing. Everyone should be aware of how much money they spend on food, and how much money they could save with some careful planning and budgeting. I think it also highlights just how mindful people who use food stamps have to be to stretch their food budget to feed everyone in their family. We could all learn a thing or two from a challenge like this.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Margie: Edna, guess what I found in today's paper? There's an article about a church that needed to raise money for their building fund. I'm going to be charitable and buy one of their calendars
Edna: Margie, you hussy. You don't care about helping them raise money, you just want to buy one of those nekkid old men calendars they're selling! You know what someone is when you have to pay to see them naked, right?
Margie: Well, I'm going over to the church to tell Pastor that I know how we can get money for our building fund.
Edna: You'd best tell him it was all your idea, too. I don't want you dragging me into your floozy nonsense.
Margie: Well, my idea is actually to use the YOUNG men. I guess you're going to lie & say you're not interested?
Edna: I am not. It's indecent and that's all I have to say on the matter.
Margie: Indecent would be those magazines you have hidden in your hopeless chest.
Edna: Margie, you are a lying liar who does not know what she's talking about. Are you out of your brain pills again?
Margie: Do you even have a brain, nitwit?
Edna: A bigger one than you have, sister.
Margie: Then why isn't your head bigger?
Friday, October 7, 2011
Margie: Edna, stand back! I'm mad enough to spit! You know how mad I get when I go grocery shopping and prices have gone up. Well, that's happening more often plus the size of things is decreasing too. These corporations are greedy and have lost sight of what customer service is all about.
Well, Hershey's takes the prize for scamming chocolate lovers. Have you seen their new Hershey Air Delight Kisses? Edna, they're trying to sell air to us. Who do they think they are? What's next, sister, Air Soda? Turn up the bottle and suck it in.Calorie free.
Edna: Good Lord, that has to be the most durn-fool thing I've ever heard of. They've replaced some of the chocolate with air and they expect us to be excited about it? Just how stupid do these big companies think we are, anyway?? Hershey, I'm ashamed of you, and I think Mr. Milton Hershey would be ashamed of you too. And what really gets my goat is you just know those new airy Kisses won't be any cheaper because they have less chocolate. Instead, I bet they'll want us to pay more just for the honor of having air bubbles in the middle of our candy Kisses.
My lands, I think I'd best go lay down, thinking about this foolishness has given me a megrim. Margie, go fetch me some of that new Air Tylenol, please.
Margie: Forget the Air Tylenol. I wonder if I can sell you because you're an Air Head??
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Margie: Times are tough these days for folks except the ones in Washington, D.C. Some folks are unemployed, have lost their jobs and homes, and many are food insecure.
Angel Food Ministries has gone out of business and that will hurt a lot of people as a box of their food only cost half of what it did in the store. Food banks can't take in enough food to provide for all those who need it. Food stamps only provide a small amount so you'll go hungry on those if they're all you've got.
Here's something I found recently that may interest you whether you're on food stamps or just a tight budget.
For the month of October, John and Michael will live on a food budget equal to the amount of an average Alabama food stamp recipient’s benefits. They are posting what they buy, their daily meals, and even snacks. It's well worth reading and I've already learned a lot.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Margie: Edna, did you remember that Saturday was Frugal Fun Day? That's a day when people are supposed to participate in fun activities that are free or inexpensive.
I suppose I'm dreaming if I think you did anything fun because you're a stick-in-the-mud person. I guess I should have told you to go fly a kite.
Edna: Shows what you know, because I did fly a kite! I got that old kite of Cousin T's out of the shed and had me a fine old time down at the park.
I suppose you did something frugal, too? That'll be the day!
Margie: Don't you worry about what I did, sister. Let's just say many of the finer things in life really are free.