Margie the TV star

Margie: Edna, I have a secret. I didn't tell you before now because you always interfere in my business. Anyway, I was watching the Food Network and they're looking for new talent. I had Cousin T make a video of me cooking and it's in the mail. I'm calling my show Margie's Manly Meals. I'll be cooking for different manly men every week. The ratings will be the highest in history. How do you like that?

Edna:  Margie, what do I care if you humiliate yourself on national television?  You'll just be showing the world what I already know: that you're a shameless hussy who can't cook.

And poor Cousin T, I wish you wouldn't involve that boy in your shenanigans.  He was raised to respect his elder's requests, even when said elder is a nincompoop.

Margie: See? You're trying to interfere in my business. You're just jealous. You don't want me to be a star. Well, once I'm a star, I may have your manly Frenchman on my show. How do you like them apples?

You best watch who you call names, Missy. You won't be sharing my new riches if you keep it up.

Edna:  If you think I want anything to do with your floozy money, then you've got another think coming.

Margie: What I think is that you're a moron because floozy money spends as well as any other kind.

Bora Bora bound!

Margie: Edna, that Frenchman you like just got back from Bora Bora and he sure did post some pretty pictures. I'd like to go sit in the sun there for a week or two and warm my old bones. Why don't you treat us to a nice trip? I'll buy my own sunscreen.

Edna: Why don't you treat yourself and I'll pay my own way? My lands, you are always looking for an opportunity to freeload, sister.

Bora Bora does sound lovely, though. I like the idea of sitting around in the sun, sipping on cool fruity drinks. But this better not be one of those clothing-optional places, because I will be darned if I'm going to look at your what-nots for two weeks. The very idea is enough to put me off my feed.

Margie: Edna, you never want anybody to have a pleasant trip. You can go inside while I sun my what-nots. Somebody might enjoy seeing them. I know I'm going to enjoy some of those fruity drinks.

You best mind your manners too. You always belch in public and embarrass me.

Edna: You're fooling yourself, Margie. NOBODY wants to see your what-nots. You mark my words, I am not going to have your misconduct get us banned from yet another resort. Don't make me tell our readers what happened when we went to Oahu. I still can't look at a coconut without cringing.

Margie: Edna, I have stories I can tell too and you won't like them. Frankly, you've already ruined this trip for me so I'll stay home.

Speaking of coconut I'm going to get the one I bought today. Guess where I'm going to crack it?

Edna: Your hard head would be perfect.

Edna's Favorite Things, Poetry Edition

Edna: Folks, April is National Poetry Month, and in honor of the occasion I've written a few haiku poems about some of my favorite things! I hope you all enjoy them. (Except you, Margie, I already know what you're going to say so you can just zip it right now.)

Margie is Gone, by Edna (Callahan) DuBois

Margie's out tonight.
I don't know where, I don't care.
Good riddance, harpy!



Mon Cher Gilles, by Edna (Callahan) DuBois

Smooth, charming Frenchman.
I'd love private dance lessons!
Leave your wife at home.



Death by Chocolate, by Edna (Callahan) DuBois

I like my chocolate
Like I like all my young men:
Sweet, handsome, and rich.

Fantasy Friday: Mon Cher Gilles

Edna:  You know, I'm not one for watching a TV show just to have something to do of an evening. And I definitely don't waste my time with shows I don't like...unless mon Cher Gilles is in it.  I watched that silly "Sisters and Brothers" because they'd found a part for him, and I watched "Modern Family" on Wednesday night, just to see him.  My lands, he can sure brighten up a television screen!


I'd never heard of him until he was on Dancing With the Stars a while back.  I guess he was in some smutty movie before then, but I don't bother myself with nonsense like that.  My goodness, though, he was something to see when he was dancing!  Smooth as silk, he was, and with that French accent?  Well.  You can see why I'd watch something I didn't like just to have a few minutes of him on the TV.

After Wednesday night, I do think he might be better suited to comedy.  I'd like to see him in a movie that shows off his dancing talents and his sweet personality.  I could see him as  a Gene Kelly type:  light on his feet and easy on the eyes.  I think he'd make a wonderful leading man, he has those French good looks that would make the ladies swoon.  Oh, or maybe like in one of those foreign films from the sixties, all sultry and in black and white.

Edna:  My lands, I'm feeling a touch overheated.  I think I'd best go sit on the porch a spell with some iced tea and cool off a bit.

It's that time again

 

Edna: Margie, when was the last time you dusted off this television set? It's like it's barely been used all summer. 

Margie: Edna, there's nothing good on summer television. I'd rather sit on the porch or sunbathe or hang out at Bailey's. When was the last time you did any dusting anyway? 

Edna: Well, I'm dusting now. Don't you know what time of year this is? It's fall premiere time! My lands, the way you complain about summer television, I would have thought you'd be counting down the days. I'm excited about our old favorites coming back, like Castle, but there are some good-looking new shows this year too. Have you heard about Ringer? It's got that "Buffy" girl and it looks very suspenseful. Oh, and it has that lovely Nestor Carbonell from LOST, too. 

Margie: I know exactly what time of year it is and I have my shows already scheduled. I don't know anything about a Ringer but that Secret Circle looks good. So does Person of Interest. I have to watch Dancing With The Stars even though I hate that show. You know how I love Nancy Grace so I'll be rooting for her. I hope she doesn't shame me. 

Edna: You tolerated me watching DWTS when mon cher Gilles was on, so I guess I can afford you the same favor. Just don't expect me to call and vote for her, in case there's someone I like better. There's a few comedies I'm looking forward to, like Suburgatory and New Girl. I know you don't like sit-coms, but if I can watch all those boring documentaries you like, then you can sit still long enough for me to watch something funny. 

Margie: Okay, you can watch those silly comedies but I'm putting in my ear plugs! You know, sister, we could get one of those DVR's if you weren't so stingy. I could watch Body of Proof, Unforgettable, and Anarchy when I pleased. I hate they're all on at the same time. It's odd that you like funny TV shows when you're always so sour. 

Edna: Just to show you how sweet I really am, I'll dip into my pin money to pay for a DVR. I consider it money well spent if it means you'll stop griping at me. Good Lord woman, close your mouth. You're attracting flies.

Bora Bora

Margie: Lookie here, Edna. This says that pretty Frenchman you like is on
vacation in Bora Bora. What kind of place is that? Couldn't they just call it
Bora? That's dumb to call it the same name twice.

Edna, I think you best pack and head to that Bora Bora before there's big
trouble. If that man goes out in that piece of cloth he calls swimming trunks then
I fear for his safety. Hurry up now. It's your duty to go head off a riot!

Edna:  You hush up and leave that boy alone.  If he wants to take his family to some tropical destination, that's his business and no one else's.  Just like it's his business if he wants to go around scantily clad.

I do like the idea of heading up his security team, though.  That young man probably doesn't even realize he needs protection from floozies like you.  I'd best drop him a line and let him know that I could offer him some valuable services.

Margie: You do that, nitwit, then I'll call and ask what services Sing Sing has for you!

Je t'adore, mon cher Gilles!

Edna:  It's February again, and this time of year has me thinking of valentines and keeping warm in the cold weather with a nice, handsome man.  So, here's a little valentine for my favorite handsome man, mon cher Gilles:

Edna:  Je t'adore, mon petit chou!  Come pay me a visit some time and we'll take a spin around the dance floor down at Bailey's Tavern.

*Image courtesy Duke University Digital Collections

Margie Loves Navy Day

Margie: Edna, I was just reading that today is Navy Day so look what I dug out of that old trunk of pictures. Remember these two sailors?

Edna: Margie, I'm not sure that I'm in the mood to listen to more of your escapades. That's probably just some picture you cut out of a magazine.

Margie: Edna, you're the old fool who cuts Gilles Marini pictures out of magazines then tapes them on your wall. You even have one of his face taped on your pillow.

Anyway, this is Navy Day and I always like to honor our military men. I've known so many of them over the years. Happy day to all you sailors!

If you're ever in Jericho just ask anybody to direct you to my basement. Come sit a spell and let's have tea.

Edna's Fun Friday: Mon cher Gilles has returned!

Edna: Yes, I know, I've posted about Mr. Gilles Marini before when he was still a contestant on last season's Dancing With the Stars. So why bring him up now, you ask? Well, I have been mourning the loss of mon cher Gilles on the TV every week since last season ended. So, I'm pleased to tell you all that he has a guest spot on the ABC show Brothers & Sisters, starting this Sunday night! My lands, I haven't been this excited since mon cher Gilles almost won the DWTS dancing trophy.

Here's a promo clip from ABC for Sunday night's episode:


And in case you needed a reminder of Mr. Marini in action on DWTS...


Have mercy!

Edna's Fun Friday: Mon cher Gilles

Ooh la la, comment dit-on "sex on a stick"?

Edna: You know, I was never one to watch reality shows, just ask my sister. But I've recently become enamored of "Dancing With the Stars," and I'll tell you why: Monsieur Gilles Marini. My lands, but that man can move across a dance floor! He reminds me so much of the handsome young men I met in Paris when I was just a sweet young thing. Watching Gilles do the waltz takes me back 60 years and makes me wish I could slip on a sequined skirt and flit across the floor again with a tall, suave Frenchman.

But since dancing Frenchmen are pretty scarce here in Jericho, I guess I'll just have to content myself with watching mon cher Gilles on YouTube and on DWTS until he gets voted off. Take a gander ladies (and gentlemen too, you know who you are), and enjoy watching Gilles and his partner Cheryl dancing the waltz from a few weeks ago. Just lovely, wouldn't you say?



*Photo property of Fred Goudon