Thursday, April 30, 2009
We wish to thank all our top Entrecard droppers for April. Thank you for all your support.
1 Blog & 2 Sides
Split Rock Ranch
A Grateful Heart
The Chicago History Journal
Real Liberal Christian Church & Christian Commons
Things About Computer
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Edna: Margie, I've been looking at our budget again, because I know we said that we wanted to take a vacation this year. We're not going to be able to afford to go anywhere, but I have a suggestion for something we can do instead.
Margie: Edna, you know how I hate budgets but I know we need one. I'll be interested to see what you think we can do instead. Lay it on me, sister.
Edna: Well, I've been hearing a lot about these "staycations." You know, where you stay home instead of going somewhere, and you make your own fun! I think we could do that, don't you? We could turn this old homestead into a day spa, with just a little bit of creativity.
Margie: You call staying home with you fun, Edna? Get a grip. I suppose, though, we could make our own fun if we invited some gentlemen over.
Day spa? Like getting nekkid and sitting in a hot tub? Maybe this could be fun.
Edna: Margie, this would not be for inviting gentlemen over, you hussy. This would just be for us. Although, if we do a good job, I suppose we could open it to the public and charge people. Only a small fee, of course.
I was thinking we could have Cousin T rig up an outboard motor in that old water trough we've got in the back yard, make our own whirlpool for easing away those aches and pains. It might be dangerous to turn it into a hot tub, though, how would we do that without involving a woodfire? Personally, I don't cotton to the idea of boiling myself. Maybe we should test some of these ideas out first before we really commit to the idea, what do you think?
Margie: Edna, call Cousin T and the two of you see if that idea will work. Don't worry about getting boiled because I'm going to make us a mud bath right over there. Do you know how much rich folks pay for those things?
We'll be the talk of the town and I'm all for charging a small fee to let folks use our facilities. What else do we need, Edna?
Edna: Oh, a mud bath, great idea! I hear all the posh spas have those, and our mud is good, rich Kansas mud, so it's extra-special. The pigs sure do seem to like it, I think our paying customers might, too.
You know, though, before we try out that mud bath, let's try something else out. I heard about these fish in Japan that will give you a pedicure by eating all the dead skin off of your feet. I think we should check and see if the fish in the crick out back will do the same thing. It's such a hot day, how about we go dangle our feet a while and see what happens?
Margie: Edna, this water is so cool to my feet. This will be a wonderful staycation. Folks can try the hot tub then step into a nice mud bath then sit here by the crick.
Edna, are those dead fish I see over there around your feet? How many times have I told you to buy some Odor Eaters?
Edna: Hmmph, if those are dead fish (and I'm not saying they are), it's only because your feet killed them and they floated downstream to me. We may have to think of something else for our staycation day spa, I don't think these fish nibbled on my feet at all.
Let's go try out the mudbath, then we can call Cousin T about that whirpool idea.
Margie: When you call Cousin T, Edna, ask him if he wants to have a fish fry tonight. I'd hate to waste these fish you killed.
Oh Edna, this mud is so cool. No wonder pigs love it. Wouldn't you enjoy a mud mask, sister? Here's mud in your eye. Wheeeeee!
Edna: I cannot believe that you just threw mud at me! What is wrong with you?! I surely hope you don't act this way when we've got paying customers.
Oops, I'm sorry, did I accidentally trip you?
Margie: Take my hand, Edna, and help me up. Oops, did I pull you down in the mud too?
You're no longer a blonde, Edna. Here you go, you're a muddy brown now. Where's my Kodak?
Edna: That's it, I've had it! Don't you dare get your camera or I'll...uh-oh, do you hear sirens? We'd better scram, someone must have called Deputy Jimmy on us!
Margie: Run for your life, Edna, unless you want a jailcation!
outboard motor blade lacerations,
or the cost of making bail.
Monday, April 27, 2009
It was with great sadness that I read of the death of Beatrice Arthur on Saturday. She was one of the funniest ladies of television and one of my all-time favorite actresses.
I remember her when she portrayed Archie Bunker's neighbor in "All In The Family." She was such a wonderful actress that she got her own spin-off series called "Maude." It was hilarious as well as serious at times and Maude even discussed having an abortion at one point.
Bea made "Golden Girls" one of my favorite shows ever to be on TV. She had that deep voice and she was tall so she really stood out to me and so many others. Dorothy was and is my favorite of all her roles.
Bea, we'll miss you. Thank you for giving us so many years of your presence and wonderful characters.
We wish to express our deepest condolences to Bea's family and friends.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Margie: Friends, I'd like to share one of my pet peeves with you today and I'm sure some of you can relate. You see, there is not much that makes me madder than somebody laying piled up in the bed while I try to clean this house. It's just pure laziness and Mama didn't teach us to be like that.
Never fear, friends, I have found the remedy for those lazy folk. The next time you need to get somebody out of the bed, you go turn on this video and watch them shake that booty. Lawsy, it worked for me this morning.
Edna came a charging out of her bedroom bellowing like a stuck hog. If you've never seen Edna first thing of a morning then count yourself lucky. She looks like a haint from that Supernatural show.
Go ahead. Turn up the volume now. Rise and shine!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Image courtesy the Duke University Digital Collections
Margie: I think it's time to get ready for bed, Edna. Oh, that reminds me of something we talked about at the ladies' luncheon today. We were discussing how people have their own little bedtime rituals like brushing their teeth or lotioning their body.
It struck me, Edna, that you and I have have had our same rituals for years. I hate to say this but that anti-aging cream you've been using for years isn't working.
Edna: Speak for yourself, Margie, they haven't yet invented a wrinkle cream that can tackle those crevices on your face.
You know, I'm not so sure I want to share my beauty secrets and bedtime rituals with our readers. A lady shouldn't talk about such intimate things.
Margie: Edna, you nitwit, Mama only raised one fool and you prove you're it every time you flap your gums.
Tell me what is so intimate about the fact that you leave your dentures in a glass overnight? Or that you claim to have beauty secrets but I never see any beauty results.
Edna: Margie, it's one thing for you to see my at my worst, but I try to maintain at least a bit of decorum when it comes to letting our readers in on our private lives.
All right, fine, you want me to share something, I'll share a tried-and-true ritual that I do every night before going to bed. I slather Vaseline on my hands and then cover them with white cotton socks and sleep with the socks on my hands all night. When I wake up in the morning, my hands are smooth and hydrated. That's why people say I have the hands of a 20-year-old.
Margie: Lord have mercy! That's not what they say when you take the gloves off.
Here's my secret, Edna. I go to the beauty parlor once a week but I like for my hair to look freshly done in between hairdos. That's why I always go to bed with my hair under a pair of nylon bloomers. They make my hairdo last a whole week.
Edna: Oh, Margie, there are so many jokes I could make about that but I am going to do the classy thing and take the high road.
Actually, my favorite bedtime ritual doesn't have anything to do with beauty care. I always keep a stack of books on my nightstand, and I like to read a bit of a good novel before going to sleep. It's a soothing way to unwind at the end of a busy day, and my dreams are always sweeter if I've read for at least a few minutes before falling asleep.
Margie: Reading before bed is a sweet treat without sugar, sister. I adore a good book. Books are also a beauty aid because they help you relax which makes for fewer wrinkles.
Edna: You said it, Margie. You know, I wonder if our readers might want to share some of their nightly rituals with us?
Margie: Oh let's ask them, Edna. That'd be fun!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Margie: I declare, Edna, the obits are nothing but bad news. Maybe I shouldn't read them every morning but I do believe we should all pay our condolences to the family.
Look here. See? Here are 3 ladies from church who passed on just yesterday. I need to make some cookies and Special tea and go pay my condolences to the families today. You know, those poor husbands will be like lost ships.
Edna: Oh my, that is a shame. I must say, Margie, it's awfully sweet of you to be concerned. Maybe I should bake up some cobbler and go with you on some condolence calls, it would be the neighborly thing to do.
Margie: That's right kindly of you, Edna, but we don't want to crowd the folks. I'll be glad to take your cobbler and tell the folks you sent it.
Edna: Margie, I would not dream of sending you off alone on those calls, it just wouldn't be right for only one of us to go. Unless...there's some other reason you don't want me to go?
Margie: You caught me, Edna. I'll tell the truth. I'm worried about your health. You know, dear, how your allergies cause you to suffer and we just don't know what might be lurking in those houses.
Why don't you take a nap and let me take care of this for us?
Edna: I'm on to you, you hussy! I have known you for too long to fall for your fake consideration and sympathy. You just want to prey on those unsuspecting widowers, don't you? For shame, Margie, for shame!
Margie: Forevermore, sister, you do need to go to bed. You're delusional.
I'll be on my way to do some preying, I mean, praying. Good day, sister.
Monday, April 20, 2009
When we received this award, we were quite touched that someone considered us to be "Smart Bloggers." Although our blog posts are generally humorous and sometimes quite silly, we do try and adhere to a certain standard for content and quality. Our (very belated) thanks go to Smart Mommy at the Smart Mommy blog for bestowing upon us this award. We are very grateful indeed!
Now, we are breaking with tradition with this award. Normally we do not pass such things on to other bloggers. Oftentimes there are just too many blogs we'd like to recognize, thus rendering us incapable of making a choice. However, this time around there are several blogs we want to recognize that stand head and shoulders above the pack. We'd like to pass this award on to the following bloggers, from whose blogs we learn something new and interesting every time we visit:
- Lidian at The Virtual Dime Museum
- Sharon at The Chicago History Journal
- Stephanie at Rocket Scientist
- Bob at Black Holes and Astrostuff
- Ken at Ken Armstrong Writing Stuff
- J.D. at I Do Things So You Don't Have To
- The Modern Historian
- Link the one who gave this award and let them know you posted it.
- Pass this to as many Smart Bloggers as you can think and make sure to write something about them, like what makes you think they are Smart.
- Let them know they have an award.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Edna: You know, all that talk earlier this week about increasing endorphin levels got me to thinking that I should start up an exercise routine to make me feel better. But since I'm an elderly lady with weak bones, it will have to be low-impact. Imagine my excitement when I found this on the YouTube, do you think this might do the trick?
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Margie: Edna, I just love this day that's been set aside for librarians. You know I spent all my working life as the Jericho librarian. My word, I helped many a student there and I must say that I helped everyone by being strictly professional yet friendly.
Many students say that I'm the reason they went on to college, Edna. I do love it when folks come back to Jericho and want to see how Miss Margie is doing. I am certainly held in high regard by the citizens of Jericho. Edna, why didn't you ever visit the library more often back then?
Edna: Margie, I'm sure if you think long and hard on that question, you'll figure it out. Now, just because I didn't go to the Jericho library does not mean that I dislike reading. Quite the opposite. I just preferred to go to other libraries where I knew my book choices wouldn't be scrutinized then spread all over town by some busybody with loose lips.
Anyway, now that the library has a much more discreet head librarian, I just adore going there every week and bringing home a bag full of new books. Sometimes I think there's no better feeling in the world than having a fresh stack of brand-new books to read. All those new worlds to explore...my lands, it's enough to send me into raptures.
Margie: My stars, Edna, I'm glad I wasn't that kind of librarian and I'm especially proud that the Jericho library didn't stoop to the level of offering the kinds of books you always wanted to read!
Remember when Miss Maizie told the town about you reading that "Peyton Place" book? What a scandal that was.
The only thing that sends you into a rapture, Edna, are those books that arrive here in the mailbox with no return address.
Edna: Margie, every time you open your mouth, out fly a flurry of untruths and fibs! You're just spoiling for a fight, but I won't be stooping to your level so you can just forget it.
And since you were such a helpful librarian, maybe you can tell our readers how they can celebrate National Librarians Day.
Margie: Librarians do a wonderful job and it's not as easy as it sometimes looks. Give your librarian a special Thank You today for all their hard work. They don't get near the appreciation they deserve.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Edna: Margie, I've been looking over our budget, and I think we're going to need to make some changes. Groceries aren't cheap and neither is electricity. I'm sorry to say it, but we have to cut out some luxuries.
Margie: Lordy, Edna, what else can we give up? We've given up all the luxuries I can remember. I only put jam on half my piece of toast now so what's next?
Edna: I know, Margie, we're already living a Spartan existence as it is. But we just can't afford those trips to Bath and Body works any more, even if we only buy things a few times a year. And those Oreos you get at the grocery store every month? We'll have to cut those out, too.
I hate to say it, and Mama would be ashamed of us if she were still alive, but the hard truth is this: if we want luxuries in our lives, we're going to have to beg for them.
Margie: Forgive us, Mama. How did it come to this, Edna? We live in the United States yet there truly is so much poverty. We old folks can't even afford our medicine if we want to eat.
I have already given up Oreos and cold drinks. I can't even afford my orange juice anymore. I even gave up snuff, Edna. You know how cranky that makes me.
I suppose I could contact that Publix grocery store and beg for a gift card. I'd love to have one that would last us for a year.
Edna: That would be wonderful, Margie. If our groceries were paid for a year, we could put the money we save towards our electric and phone bills. It's a good thing we don't drive very often, at least the cost of gas isn't draining us dry.
While we're on the subject of asking for food, I sure wouldn't turn down a case of Dr. Pepper if they wanted to send us some. Oops, better make that two cases, you go through that stuff like water.
We already grow our own vegetables, maybe we should start keeping bees too. I hear honey is very good for you. And we wouldn't have to buy sugar at the store any more, either.
Margie: Dr Pepper? I need at least 2 cases a month, Edna. And, I might need some of that chewing baccky because it'd be cheaper to chew 2 meals a day and just eat one.
You can keep bees if you want to, dingbat, but I'll just buy my sugar and be sparing with it. By the way, Edna, I hate to ruin your day but the price of See's candy means we sure won't be seeing any more.
Edna: Margie, this is getting too depressing. I'm going back to bed.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Margie: Edna, since it's National Humor Month, I thought we could ask our readers what kinds of things they find funny then you and I can do the same.
Some people like cartoons and some like funny movies. I love Carol Burnett and reading funny jokes. Lots of things make me laugh. What makes you laugh, sourpuss?
Edna: Margie, you make me laugh, first thing in the morning when you haven't done your hair yet. My lands, the way you looked this morning was the biggest laugh I've had all week! I also like watching children play, some of the things they come up with are so clever and unexpected.
I must say, I like the idea of devoting a whole month to humor. With the way things are going in the world today, people need to laugh more. You know, laughing lowers blood pressure and increases your endorphin levels. We can all use a little de-stressing, I think.
Margie: That's the truth, Edna. I need more de-stressing than anybody because folks don't know what I live with here. You could make a psychiatrist need anti-depressants.
I guess it is funny when you watch the children play and they all run to their mothers while screaming about the witch cackling at them.
Edna: I refuse to let your foul temper and shrewish insults get the best of me, you harpy. I'm going to go find a re-run of The Dick Van Dyke Show on hulu.com to enjoy and you can just go find someone else to make fun of. I swan, my endorphin levels take a hit every time you open your mouth.
Margie: Edna, you sure are a poor example of Humor Month. I should have talked to Cousin T about it instead of you. You've made our readers need endorphins.
I just need some Special tea.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Margie: It's our lucky day, friends. Edna has gone to the Bath and Body Works store. Lawsy me, she loves that place so she'll be gone for hours. She'll try all their lotions and come home to give me a sick headache too.
Well, to be honest, we didn't have such a place when we were young women so we do like to smell good now.
You know what else we missed out on when we were young ladies ? Hot men. Yes, there was no such thing. Ladies didn't use such terms. I sure am glad I lived to see that change.
For instance, here's the hottest man I've ever seen. Turn me loose! Jensen Ackles, you shiver my old timbers! That's not all but a lady knows when to be quiet and just smile.
What makes him even hotter than hot? Look at this picture and see if you can guess. Lord have mercy on this old lady's heart!
Whooee, friends and neighbors, look at those suspenders! He makes suspenders sexy.
One more then I'd best go act like I've been cleaning house before Edna gets home.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
For her perseverance, good humor, and grace under fire, our friend Liz at the Pink Lemonade of Life blog is hereby awarded Margie and Edna's Special Tea Award. There are no rules associated with this award, and you do not have to pass it on to anyone. All you have to do is enjoy it, knowing that we hold you in the highest of esteem. Congrats!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Margie: Edna, the Kansas winters are so harsh and we seldom are able to go out anywhere. Being cooped up inside all winter is no fun at all. I must say, though, that I'm glad you had the idea of us doing our family tree this winter. It's been fun.
I do have one concern, Edna. I've run across some relatives that have made me realize that part of our tree is a nut tree. What will we do about that?
Edna: I don't think there's anything much we can do about that now, Margie, unless you want to build yourself a DeLorean time machine like in that movie. You know, Mama and Daddy were so genteel, I was mighty surprised by some of our ancestors. Remember how we found out about Mean Joe Callahan, the wiliest con man this side of the Mississippi? I swan, the amount of money he swindled out of good, decent folks, it's just scandalous.
You know, I'm not sure we can hold our heads high in town anymore if any of this gets out.
Margie: That's what worries me, Edna, is this getting out. Look what I found. You think Mean Joe was scandalous? How about our ancestor, Naughty Nellie? She was a saloon girl in Oklahoma.
My stars! I'm not sure I know what some of these words mean but it says here that she was a paramour of Jesse James and assorted other cowboys.
Maybe she wasn't so bad after all?
Edna: Oh good grief, trust you to find the floozy in the bunch! I guess that's where you get your...ahem...fondness for cowboys from.
You know, I think part of genealogy is knowing when to quit looking. What do you say we just tell everyone we're descended from royalty and leave it at that?
Margie: I surely am fond of cowboys, Edna. Oops. my mind wandered.
I think you're right and we'd best quit. Let's just say we're descended from Princess Nellie.
Edna: Sounds good to me!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Margie: Edna, Aunt Pearlie called this morning. It seems Itty-Biddy got arrested. She read about the Girls Gone Wild and decided to have a party.
Itty wants to know if you'll come bail her out???
Edna: Hmph. You tell that floozy that I bailed her out once already down in Daytona Beach for those public indecency charges. I told her then it was her last chance, so you can just tell Aunt Pearlie to let Itty-Biddy rot in the hoosegow.
Margie: Edna, we'd best move. What if you make those Biddy boys mad and they come after us?
Edna: Don't you worry, Margie, those boys are still in the state pen for bank robbery, remember? We're safe as chicks in a henhouse right where we are.
My lands, but that branch of the family is trashy, aren't they? I don't like to speak ill of others, especially kin, but they sure do take the cake.
Margie: They sure are trashy, Edna, and it's all Aunt Biddy's fault. You know how Mama always called Aunt Biddy a ring-tailed tooter? It took me years to figure that one out.
Not only do they take the cake, Edna, but they'll take anything that's not nailed down!
Edna: Well now, isn't that the truth? The last time they were up to the house, my good Sunday hat, the stapler, and the remote control from the TV all went missing. And Lord-a-mercy, I don't even want to know why those boys took our eggbeater and the left shoe from your good pair of pumps.
Margie: That's a strange bunch, Edna. I'm just glad we had all the chocolate and Special tea under lock and key.
Maybe we should give all of them a thought-blocking helmet and spare the aliens a real shock.
Edna: Are you kidding? Why spare the aliens and not us? Personally, I can't think of any other bunch of people that I'd rather be abducted and taken far away to another galaxy.
You tell Aunt Pearlie that we don't want to get mixed up with that bunch of no-goodniks again. If Itty-Biddy needs bail money, she's just going to have to raise it herself. I hear you can get good money selling your plasma these days. Of course, her blood is 100 proof, but maybe they'll pay extra for that.
Margie: Edna, I'm headed for the toilet. You've got my tickle box plumb turned upside down.
Friday, April 3, 2009
I left those dreams behind as I got older, but I recently discovered some wonderful banjo-playing videos on YouTube. Take a listen, and if this doesn't bring a smile to your face, then I don't think anything will.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Margie: Edna, these rainy days sure do bring back sweet memories. Do you remember how we'd all gather here in the parlor and listen to the radio? My word, Mama and Daddy did love to laugh.
We'd listen to Benny Goodman and Baby Snooks and, my favorite, Western Theater. Mama would pop corn and we'd have her homemade lemonade. Life sure was simple then. What do you recall, Edna?
Edna: I recall that you would pinch me while the shows were on so that I'd cry and Mama would send me upstairs for making a fuss while the radio was on. I swan, you were hateful even then.
Do you remember how much Daddy loved to listen to Fibber McGee and Molly? Whooee, when he got to laughing, the neighbors said you could hear him a block away!
Margie: You were such a big baby, Edna. You belonged upstairs.
Yes, Daddy did get carried away about Fibber. You know what, Edna? Let's send our friends here so they can hear some of these old shows for themselves. Maybe you can even catch the ones you missed.
Edna: Okay, but just you stay away from me with those devil's claws of yours. If you pinch me this time while I'm listening to the radio, I'll pinch you back, you got it?