Itty-Biddy in jail

Margie: Edna, Aunt Pearlie called this morning. It seems Itty-Biddy got arrested. She read about the Girls Gone Wild and decided to have a party.

Itty wants to know if you'll come bail her out???

Edna: Hmph. You tell that floozy that I bailed her out once already down in Daytona Beach for those public indecency charges. I told her then it was her last chance, so you can just tell Aunt Pearlie to let Itty-Biddy rot in the hoosegow.

Margie: Edna, we'd best move. What if you make those Biddy boys mad and they come after us?

Edna: Don't you worry, Margie, those boys are still in the state pen for bank robbery, remember? We're safe as chicks in a henhouse right where we are.

My lands, but that branch of the family is trashy, aren't they? I don't like to speak ill of others, especially kin, but they sure do take the cake.

Margie: They sure are trashy, Edna, and it's all Aunt Biddy's fault. You know how Mama always called Aunt Biddy a ring-tailed tooter? It took me years to figure that one out.

Not only do they take the cake, Edna, but they'll take anything that's not nailed down!

Edna: Well now, isn't that the truth? The last time they were up to the house, my good Sunday hat, the stapler, and the remote control from the TV all went missing. And Lord-a-mercy, I don't even want to know why those boys took our eggbeater and the left shoe from your good pair of pumps.

Margie: That's a strange bunch, Edna. I'm just glad we had all the chocolate and Special tea under lock and key.

Maybe we should give all of them a thought-blocking helmet and spare the aliens a real shock.

Edna: Are you kidding? Why spare the aliens and not us? Personally, I can't think of any other bunch of people that I'd rather be abducted and taken far away to another galaxy.

You tell Aunt Pearlie that we don't want to get mixed up with that bunch of no-goodniks again. If Itty-Biddy needs bail money, she's just going to have to raise it herself. I hear you can get good money selling your plasma these days. Of course, her blood is 100 proof, but maybe they'll pay extra for that.

Margie: Edna, I'm headed for the toilet. You've got my tickle box plumb turned upside down.

Edna goes on vacation

Edna: Margie, do you remember that letter from Aunt Biddy that I got a couple weeks ago?

Margie: Edna, I am not interested in any old letter from Biddy. You know Daddy was ashamed to say she was his sister. She is a hooligan.

Edna: You're just saying that because you know she never did like you. It's just as well, really. I gave her a call, and she invited me down to Florida to visit her. You know she lives in Miami Beach now. She told me to tell you that you're not invited.

Margie: Edna, if you go see that crazy Biddy then don't you think you'll be coming back here to live. I'll not have it! Do you hear me? This is the end of the line.

The very idea! Where's my Special Tea? Go on, Edna. Good riddance I say. Don't let the door hit you on your way out!

Edna: Calm down, Margie, you're going to bust a blood vessel with all that shouting! Now, you know you wouldn't have any fun down in Florida anyway, you always complain about the bugs and the heat. And just you try and keep me from coming home again; maybe I'll have so much fun in Florida I won't want to come back.

Aunt Biddy told me she'd send her youngest girl to come get me and drive me down to Miami Beach on the Biddy bus. You remember her girl, Itty-Biddy, don't you?

Itty-Biddy

The Biddy Bus

Margie: Holy Smokes! Lawsy mercy. Itty is a scary sight, Edna. If that's the kind of company you want to keep then you go right ahead. You're taking your life in your hands if you get in that Biddy bus!

Mark my words, Edna, no good can come from this trip. Well, unless you decide to stay. You best look out for Biddy's boys too. Hoodlums.

Edna: Margie, you'd better get ready for me to be gone, Itty-Biddy will be here tomorrow and I'm going to be on that Biddy Bus when it leaves town. Oh, I'm going to have such fun down in Florida. You behave while I'm gone, you hear?

Margie: If something happens to me while you're gone, Edna, try not to feel guilty. Goodbye Edna.


*photo courtesy of Photobucket