Tin Can Tourists

Margie: Edna, I have a new adventure for you, me, and Cousin T. See this trailer? It was on the TV and I love it. We're going to be Tin Can Tourists. Do you know what that means, sister?

Edna: I hope it doesn't mean that you're going to expect to use my credit card to buy what looks like a bunch of very fancy camping equipment.

"Tin Can Tourist" doesn't sound very classy. You'd best explain it to me before I decide whether I want to do this or not.

Margie: Nobody needs your money, dingbat. Cousin T has a trailer that he'll fix up for us. I'll even let you put 2 flamingos out when we park.

The Tin Can Tourists is an organization who celebrates classic trailers and motor coaches. People are very creative when they fix these things up. We can travel all over the country and meet other tourists.

Edna: See, here's the problem with this plan. As delightful as it sounds in theory, you do realize that there will be three grown people trying to live in one of those cute little trailers? You and I don't get along as it is, and we have this big house to avoid each other in.

I don't know about this, sister...

Margie: Never fear, Margie has a plan. Cousin T will pitch his own tent and you and I will put a room divider up so we each get half a trailer. We can travel three months every year.

Edna, let's do it. Me, you, T, and a dog named Boo. Traveling and living off the land.

Edna: Well, okay. But only if you promise to stay on your half of the trailer.

Ice Cold Margie

Margie: I don't know about you all but I'm a cold old lady. Lawsy me, the weather is just frightful.

I'm sitting by the fire in the parlor and having a nice cordial and I think I'll look at some pictures to see if they can warm my bones. Come look with me and stay warm.

Visit Your Relatives Day

Margie: Edna, I have good news and bad news. Well, maybe it's all bad news. I suppose it depends on who's involved. Yes, since you and I are involved then it's all bad news. Do you understand, Edna?

Cousin T called with family intelligence and you know how he finds out all the gossip. Come have coffee, Edna, so I can tell you what's going on. Where is Superman when we need him?

Edna: My lands, you're starting to give me fits with all your hemming and hawing. Just spill it already! What did Cousin T have to say? And do I need my nerve pills?

Margie: Yes, you need a nerve pill and I just took 2 with some Special tea.

Cousin T says Aunt Hattie Mae told Cousin Beau that she and her kids, Bess, Fess, and Tess, are coming to visit us today. Seems today is a holiday called Visit Your Relatives Day. We've got to keep them away from here, Edna.

Edna: Oh my stars and garters, we'd best lock up the good silver! I used to think there wasn't any bunch worse than Itty-biddy and her brood, but I plumb forgot about the terrible triplets and their crazy mama. Do you suppose we can just pretend not to be home when they come knocking?

Margie: That sounds like a plan, Edna. Let's lock all the doors and windows then shut all the curtains and blinds. We can hunker down in the parlor and be quiet and still.

Can you think of anything we need to bring in from outside so they don't steal it?

Edna: Hmm, I don't know. It's a good thing the still is in the basement already, at least we don't have to worry about them carting that away. We should bring in our rocking chairs, though; all we'd need is to go out to sit a spell on the porch after they leave and only find the seat cushions. Lordy, with that bunch, they're apt to dig up our rose bushes!

Margie, you'd best call Cousin T to come hide out with us, because you know if we don't answer the door they'll head straight to his place. And tell him to pick up some supplies on the way over, we should probably prepare for a multi-day siege. That group may be dumber than stumps, but they sure are stubborn.

Margie: Edna, I called Cousin T and he's on the way. He's bringing locks and chains to tie down everything outside.

He also had a good suggestion for us. He says we should put a note on the door saying we've gone to see the Biddy Bunch then Hattie Mae and her brood will surely light out for Biddy's.

Edna: For once, that boy had a corker of an idea! I'll go write that note so it will be all ready to go when Cousin T gets here. When you see his truck pull up, you go out and help him, and then the two of you get inside quick. We don't want to be caught unawares.

Margie: Aye, aye to you, Edna. Party time tonight.

Edna the mermaid

Edna: As a little girl growing up in land-locked Kansas, it might seem unlikely I would have dreamt of becoming a mermaid. Margie and I knew how to swim; we'd sneak off to the swimming hole on hot summer afternoons when all our chores were done. Mama thought we were napping, and she would have been scandalized at the thought of us stripping down to our skivvies and swimming in public. But there, under the murky water, I'd pretend I was a beautiful mermaid with long flowing hair and a powerful tail that could propel me all the way across the ocean if I so chose. I never told anyone about my dream; Mama and Daddy would have thought it too fanciful, and Margie would have teased me mercilessly. So I kept my thoughts a secret, and would hide myself among the library shelves, quietly marveling over the mermaids in the picture books.

By the 1950s, I was a married woman. My husband Joe was a traveling salesman, and his work took him far and wide while I was often left home alone to twiddle my thumbs. Joe wasn't always a trusting man, and I do believe he worried, because I was still a pretty young thing then. I can remember the day he returned from one of his jobs, saying that he was taking me along on his next sales trip. We were going on a week-long car trip, he said, and I didn't even care where we were going. I was simply delighted to be going somewhere outside of Jericho, KS.

By the time we finally got to our destination, two days after we'd set out from Kansas, I was dusty and tired. Joe had driven as if on a mission to get to Florida, and I was wondering why I'd agreed to come. Our trip so far had been nothing but greasy diners and low-rent roadside motels. Joe didn't seem to mind, and why would he? He was used to this kind of life. All I wanted was to arrive wherever it was he was so all-fired up to get to. I'm afraid that I wasn't the best traveling companion, and I frequently let him know just how uncomfortable I was during the trip.

We didn't even stop at a hotel to freshen up before he drove me straight to what turned out to be the most magical place I'd ever seen: Weeki Wachee Springs. It didn't look like much when we first got there, but I had no idea what was in store for me. Joe led me to a pavilion and sat me down in a small theater that overlooked what seemed to be a large glass-fronted aquarium. I turned to give him a piece of my mind: we'd driven all this way just to see a fish show? My lands, we'd been driving along the Gulf of Mexico for almost the whole day, we could have seen all the fish we'd wanted without coming this far! But just as I started to speak, the music started, and he gestured that I should watch the tank.

It was as if I'd been sent staight back to my childish dreams in that Kansas swimming hole. The tank was filled with glorious mermaids! It was a mermaid show, something I hadn't even known existed. There were the most beautiful women dressed as mermaids, doing all kinds of acrobatics and amazing feats underwater. One of them even ate and drank and combed her hair, all without coming up for air.

I sat there, stunned but delighted, and wondering how on Earth had Joe known that this was what I'd needed, this brief and fanciful return to childhood? When the show was over, I turned to Joe, but I couldn't say a word. Joe simply looked back and said, "Happy Anniversary, honey."

Edna Is Coming Home

Margie,

Well, I’m on my way home. When we were eating dinner at a restaurant in St. Augustine last night, Aunt Biddy took her teeth out and dipped them in her coffee before putting them back in her mouth. And that was it, I just snapped. I think they heard me yelling all the way up in Georgia. Itty-Biddy got so mad at me, she said that she’d drive me right back to Jericho. Thank the good sweet Lord, it’s about dang time! I thought she’d never get the hint.

We did do some sight-seeing before we left town. Did you know that St. Augustine is the oldest city in the United States? I told Aunt Biddy maybe we should leave her here, since she’s the oldest person in the United States, but she didn’t think that was very funny. They have this old Spanish fort here; that’s it up in the right-hand corner. They let you climb all over it, if you want. I went up top and pretended I was firing the cannons out to sea, before the park rangers came and escorted me off the premises. They don’t let you get away with anything in this state!

Better pour me a glass of special tea Margie, I’ll be there soon. Itty-Biddy says she’s going to try and break the land speed record getting me back to Kansas, which I thought was mighty nice of her.

Love, Edna


Margie: Lordy, Lordy, Lordy. What am I going to do? I thought Edna would want to live in Florida. That old bat had to go and make everybody mad. Sakes alive.

I wish that cannon had backfired. I wonder if Itty might get lost? Lawsy me, I hope she drives to Alaska.

Cousin T, get in here. Fun time is over. Edna is coming home. Here, take this money and go get my nerve pills at the drugstore. Gather up all the Special Tea and put it in the basement. Oh, let that Frenchman out and send him packing. Call Deputy Jimmy & tell him to be on the lookout for a flying Biddy Bus.

Oh, run to the grocery store and get supplies and put them in the basement too. Run to the hardware store and buy whatever you need to lock us in that basement for a couple of weeks too. Get something to support that ceiling because Edna will be hopping up and down mad and it might cave in on us.

Cousin T: That ceiling is strong enough miss Margie. You had better fan yourself with this copy of cosmoplitan and calm down. You are all red in the face!

Margie: Oh Cousin T., I think I have the vapors. I feel faint. My heart just can't take one of Edna's baby tantrums. Can you think of anything else we need?

Cousin T: Maybe just a nip of special tea to calm them nerves.

Margie: Cousin T, I knew you had a brain! Let's go.

Edna: Daytona Beach

Dear Sister,

All this time I’ve been here in Florida, and I haven’t once gotten to dip my toes in the Atlantic Ocean, so I made Itty-Biddy take a detour to Daytona Beach. Margie, some of these scandalous bathing suits made me blush! You know how I sunburn, so I kept my muumuu on, but Itty-Biddy acted like she thought she was at a nude beach. As you might have guessed, this story ends with Aunt Biddy and I bailing her out of the local jail. Margie, crazy doesn’t just run through this branch of the family, it gallops.

I think you’d better tell Cousin T to start moving out of my room, I don’t think I can stand much more of these two.


Love, Edna


Margie: Edna, far be it from me to say that I told you so but I surely did. I knew somebody would end up in jail. I'm surprised it wasn't you, though, because you do love a nude beach.

My stars! Are you saying you'd rather live with me than live with the crazy Biddy's? I want to hear those words from your mouth.

Edna, Cousin T. says he likes it here and he especially likes your room. He said to mention squatter's rights?

Edna Visits Cypress Gardens

Margie,

Now, you know I don’t like to speak ill of people, but Aunt Biddy and Itty-Biddy are driving me plumb crazy. First, the two of them decide that we should go to this park called Cypress Gardens. It’s actually a very pretty place, but that’s not the problem. Once we got there, they insisted on taking part in the water-skiing show, even though I told them the audience wasn’t supposed to participate. (That’s Aunt Biddy in the orange outfit, and that’s Itty-Biddy right smack dab in the middle of the line.) I was so embarrassed, I thought I was going to die.

This vacation is turning out to be less restful than if I’d just stayed at home listening to you yammer in my ear.


Love, Edna


Margie: Oh Edna, that Itty is a ring tailed tooter! I'm surprised none of you are in jail yet. The two of them look like the fools they are.

I suppose you'll be going to Biddy's for Christmas? That would be a sight. I hear they always rob the bell ringers at Wal-Mart so they have Christmas money.

I've had a wonderful vacation! I've had lots of callers and lots of bed rest. I feel 25 again!

Maybe you can extend your trip a bit longer?

Edna: The City Beautiful

Dear Margie,

Well, we made it to Orlando. They call it “The City Beautiful,” and I guess it does have some pretty parts. We saw lots of orange groves, but there weren’t any oranges, so I felt kind of let down. When we got outside of the city, we got close to the amusement parks. My word, I’ve never seen so many cars in my life! Not even that time that Daddy took us to that road rally down in Lubbock. I swan, everyone here drives like their you-know-whats are on fire. Makes a body worry for their own safety. I offered to drive so Itty-Biddy could take a break, but she gave me the skunk eye so I didn’t offer again.

Love, Edna


Margie: Well, it sure wasn't a "City Beautiful" while you riffraff ruined the view! As for no oranges, Edna, that's why we have grocery stores. I declare, you're a dumb one.

Lordy, Edna, you best watch that skunk eye. I heard Itty-Biddy carries a knife and has used it on folks. I hope you've learned a good lesson down there.

Itty knew not to let you drive! You're blind as a bat. You all probably would have ended up in Lubbock again or maybe Alaska.

Look at the time! I have to go make tea for the mailman!

Edna and The Sponge Diver

Dear Sister,

Well, we were going to go to Orlando first, but Aunt Biddy got it into her head that she wanted to see the Gulf of Mexico. We tried to tell her it was out of our way, but she held her breath so long we thought she’d pass out, so we gave in. I swan, the woman may be in her 90s, but she acts just like a spoiled baby sometimes! And here I thought I was taking a vacation from what I usually have to deal with.


Anyway, we stopped at this place near Tampa called Tarpon Springs. That’s a sponge diver on the front of the postcard, although Itty-Biddy thought it was a space alien. She got so scared, she ran out of the souvenir shop. I’m destined to be surrounded by babies and idiots, I guess. I bought one of those sea sponges for you, Margie. You can use it the next time you take your annual bath.

Love, Edna


Margie: Look at the pot calling the kettle black! Edna, you're a hypocrite. You should look in a mirror if you want to see a baby idiot!

That Itty has always been a brick short. Guess that's because Biddy raised her on home brew instead of milk. Lawsy me. What nut jobs you fell in with there. Takes one to know one.

Speaking of bath, Edna, the mailman says you need to wash off all that stinky French perfume you wear. It's not really from France. He says they make it from stinkweed.

Biddy Bus Leaves Miami

Dear Margie,

Well, I think I’ve seen just about everything there is to see down here near Miami (and don’t think I told you everything!). Aunt Biddy said that she’s got restless legs syndrome, which I think means that she likes to travel. Anyway, we packed up the Biddy Bus this morning, and we’re headed north for a tour of the rest of the state. I’m a little worried about our safety since Itty-Biddy drives like a maniac, but I’m holding my tongue about that for now. Pray for me, sister.


Love, Edna



Margie: I'll pray they don't bring you home sister! You behave and let them have their way then all will be well.

Edna shouldn't be talking about holding her tongue because that is impossible for her to do. Edna and those Biddy's may do some wrestling before they ever get out of Miami.

Edna In Parrot Jungle

How do you like this picture of me at Parrot Jungle? These birds are so tame, they come and perch right on you. What you don’t see in the picture is that they aren’t potty-trained. I really do think that if an establishment is going to let birds sit on its customers, they should do something about the bird’s bowel control. I told the manager that, too, right before we got escorted out of the park. Oh well. Aunt Biddy is taking me to a dance hall tonight and she says that I’ll be the belle of the ball, since I’ll be the youngest lady there. I told her that after living with you all these years, I’m used to being the youngest and prettiest one in the room.


Love, Edna


Margie: Here's sure proof that Edna is a lying liar. That picture is so not Edna. I'll swan, looks like she'd quit trying to fool people.

Edna, you are no belle of any ball. You look like going to a dance hall! I wish you had as much dignity as I do. Poor Mama would be shocked at what a hussy you are.

You're a hypocrite too, Edna. You claim this is a family blog yet you talk about bowel movements. Yours locked up years ago. That's why you're so sour looking all the time.

You watch your step, Edna. Knowing Biddy I suspect that dance hall may actually be a house of ill repute!

Edna At Hialeah Race Track

Hello Margie! Look at this card here, those knobby knees on the flamingos remind me of yours when you wear short pants. My lands, I almost busted a gut thinking that one up. Those flamingos are at the Hialeah Race Track, which is this historic horse racing track near Miami. It’s a good thing it’s not open anymore, or I’d have lost all my money betting on some fast filly.


Speaking of fast fillies, I do hope you’re behaving yourself while I’m gone. And you stay away from the mailman, you hussy, you know he’s my beau!

Love, Edna



Margie: Here's another postcard that proves how hateful and mean Edna is to me. She just can't resist sending me her old slurs. Old witch!

I wish Edna would bust a gut. Lord knows her gut is so big that it would be like a nuclear bomb hit if it busted.

Just you wait, Edna, until you find out that the mailman has been sweet-talking me. As soon as your back was turned here he came. You're a demon, Edna.

Edna Does Hollywood

Dear Sister,

Did you know that there’s a Hollywood here in Florida, too? But people just look at me funny when I ask them which way to the movie studios. People are ruder here than they are back in Kansas, that’s for sure. Anyway, this postcard is of Hollywood Boulevard, which has this big circle right in the middle of it. We went round and round and round that thing on the Biddy Bus before we could get off of it. I like to fell over once we got home, I was that dizzy.

Shut up Margie, I can hear you saying something snide right now!

Love, Edna



Margie: Lord a mercy! I knew Edna would go down there and show her ignorance and I was right. I hope she doesn't tell them she's from Jericho because they'll think we're all hillbillies.

If Edna thinks she was dizzy from going in circles then wait until she finds out that I borrowed her new dress today and wore it for the mailman.

A Surprise For Edna

Margie: I am so excited that I just have to tell you all a secret. Just keep it under your hats because I don't want to spoil Edna's homecoming surprise.

You see, Cousin T and I were having our special tea last night and we got to discussing how Edna likes all that tropical stuff like what's in Florida.

After we'd enjoyed a few glasses of tea, I was telling Cousin T that he may not have book learning but that boy can build anything you want. And paint? That boy works magic with a paintbrush.

Anyway, I digress. Cousin T and I have have decided to do one of those extremist makeovers like what's on TV. You know that show called "Extremist Home Makeovers"? We're doing Edna an extremist bedroom makeover. Won't she be surprised when she gets home?

Now here's Edna's bedroom before she left.






Edna's Bedroom After


Margie: We still have to do a few finishing touches. Here's one I have to go get:





Margie: I can't wait to see Edna's face when she sees this! I'm such a thoughtful sister.

Edna and The Alligator

Margie,

Look here, I actually found somebody in Florida with a bigger mouth than you have! Heh heh heh, Aunt Biddy sure did laugh when I told her that joke. She thinks you have a bigger mouth, though. Margie, these gators here just come up out of the canals and onto your lawn if you’re not careful. Itty-Biddy says that’s why she doesn’t have her toy poodle anymore. She let the poor little thing out to do its business one morning, and she looked away for one minute. When she looked back, all that was left was a hair bow and some ripples in the canal. I’m watching my step, I tell you what.


Love, Edna

Margie: Another postcard? I don't find this at all amusing. Edna best not plan on living here if she wants to come home. Sounds to me like Biddy has rubbed off on her.

People like Itty shouldn't have pets if they can't protect them from alligators. I sure hope Edna isn't watching her step. Old hussy.

From Edna: To Cousin T

Dear Margie,

I saw this postcard and it reminded me so much of Cousin T and how he’s obsessed about his trains. I hope you two are getting along okay without me there to keep the social niceties going. Cousin T, you’d better be staying out of my chifferobe, I don’t want to come back to find out that you’ve been using my garter belts as tool belts. Margie, are you keeping that house clean while I’m gone?


I’ve got to go, Aunt Biddy wants me to come help her do her makeup, we’re going to the Early Bird buffet down on the beach. The sunsets over the water are beautiful, or so I’m told. I haven’t seen any yet since Aunt Biddy locks down the house at 7PM.

Smooches,

Edna



Margie: Lawsy me. Edna tries to boss Cousin T and me even when she's not around. Look at her acting like I'm a maid. She's the one who never offers to clean anything.

My lands! I've never heard of Aunt Biddy wearing makeup. Heaven knows it won't help her ugly face. That's especially so if Edna is going to help her. Edna thinks makeup was meant to be caked on.

Cousin T, come here. Edna has sent you a nice picture of a train. I guess her nasty smooches are for you too. Arg!

Edna goes on vacation

Edna: Margie, do you remember that letter from Aunt Biddy that I got a couple weeks ago?

Margie: Edna, I am not interested in any old letter from Biddy. You know Daddy was ashamed to say she was his sister. She is a hooligan.

Edna: You're just saying that because you know she never did like you. It's just as well, really. I gave her a call, and she invited me down to Florida to visit her. You know she lives in Miami Beach now. She told me to tell you that you're not invited.

Margie: Edna, if you go see that crazy Biddy then don't you think you'll be coming back here to live. I'll not have it! Do you hear me? This is the end of the line.

The very idea! Where's my Special Tea? Go on, Edna. Good riddance I say. Don't let the door hit you on your way out!

Edna: Calm down, Margie, you're going to bust a blood vessel with all that shouting! Now, you know you wouldn't have any fun down in Florida anyway, you always complain about the bugs and the heat. And just you try and keep me from coming home again; maybe I'll have so much fun in Florida I won't want to come back.

Aunt Biddy told me she'd send her youngest girl to come get me and drive me down to Miami Beach on the Biddy bus. You remember her girl, Itty-Biddy, don't you?

Itty-Biddy

The Biddy Bus

Margie: Holy Smokes! Lawsy mercy. Itty is a scary sight, Edna. If that's the kind of company you want to keep then you go right ahead. You're taking your life in your hands if you get in that Biddy bus!

Mark my words, Edna, no good can come from this trip. Well, unless you decide to stay. You best look out for Biddy's boys too. Hoodlums.

Edna: Margie, you'd better get ready for me to be gone, Itty-Biddy will be here tomorrow and I'm going to be on that Biddy Bus when it leaves town. Oh, I'm going to have such fun down in Florida. You behave while I'm gone, you hear?

Margie: If something happens to me while you're gone, Edna, try not to feel guilty. Goodbye Edna.


*photo courtesy of Photobucket

Margie and Edna: Past Vacations

Edna: Margie, summertime always makes me think of going on vacation. Why don’t we go anywhere anymore like we used to? Remember that year Mama and Daddy packed us up in the Model T and took us down to San Antonio to see the Alamo? That was surely a fun trip, even though it was hot as Hades down there in Texas.

Margie: We don't go anywhere, Edna, because you always want to drive and you can't see. If I drive you boss me around.

I do remember the Alamo. It was so hot that I almost went skinny dipping but I was too scared that Daddy would catch me and tan my hide. I remember one of the gentlemen at the Alamo took a shine to you, Edna.

Edna: Which is why Daddy high-tailed us right back out of Texas, he was worried about keeping my virtue safe. He knew yours was already compromised, you hussy.

Do you remember when we took that train trip out to Hollywood because you wanted to star in the “talkies”?

Margie: Edna, I told Daddy about your "virtue." Remember when he threatened to lock you in your room for the rest of your life?

I do remember that train ride. I could have been a star in Hollywood if only I hadn't let that sweet-voiced man talk me into going to Reno.

Edna: I think the movie industry breathed a sigh of relief when that happened; the world couldn’t have taken seeing you up there on the silver screen. Your face would have given even King Kong the scare of his life.

So, should we go somewhere this summer? I bet Cousin T would drive us anywhere we wanted to go.

Margie: Edna, I'm not the one who looks they got beat with an ugly stick. Hussy.

Where shall we go? We can't let Cousin T drive unless we lock up the Special Tea first.

Edna: Well, I got a letter from Aunt Biddy down in Florida and it sounded like she wanted some company, but she hates you. Maybe you'd better think of somewhere else to go.

Margie: Edna, I'm not going near that crazy woman. You'd better not go either. You know Daddy never wanted us anywhere near that fruit loop.

I'll get Cousin T to drive me to Hawaii.

Edna reviews Duma Key

You know, I’ve been a fan of Mr. Stephen King for a very long time. That young man writes a mighty fine story, and he surely does know how to put the scare into someone. And I was so happy to hear that he survived the recent nuclear unpleasantness; I guess maybe they didn’t set off any bombs up there in Maine near him.

Well, I read that new book he published, Duma Key. It surely was a heavy thing, my poor old hands could barely hold it. I had to drink an extra cup of special tea whenever I put that book down because my rheumatism would act up something fierce. But while Mr. King may be a wordy young man, he does seem to know what he’s doing.

This book is about a man named Edgar Freemantle who has a terrible accident, loses one of his arms, and does some damage to his brain. He decides to get a new start and moves from Minnesota to Florida (wise move, in my opinion) and takes up painting. Now, any other author would leave it at that, but not Mr. King. He’s not satisfied until his readers are so scared that they have to go to sleep with the lights on. He has poor Edgar, through his painting, become the channel for some evil being who’s been trapped on Duma Key (where Edgar now lives on the west coast of Florida). I admit, I didn’t fully understand all the details of the evil being, but I comprehended enough to be sufficiently scared. I don’t want to ruin the story for you, but you’ve probably read enough of Mr. King’s stories by now to know that things turn out okay, in his fashion. (Mr. King’s fashion being that good triumphs over evil, but not without some casualties along the way. And I’ve certainly read enough of the man’s stories to tell you not to get too attached to any character in the book, or sure as shootin’ you’ll be crying by the end of the book.)

One person I especially liked in this story was Miss Elizabeth Eastlake, an old woman who owns the house Edgar rents down in Florida. She knows a lot about this scary being, and was a bit of a painting savant when she was a child, until something horrible happened and she never painted again. (Margie, I can just hear you asking what a savant is, go look it up in the dictionary.) Anyway, Elizabeth reminded me a lot of Margie and me, especially in the scene where she’s sitting at the end of her driveway in her wheelchair, guarding her house armed with an old spear gun. You’ve got to admire someone like that! Plus, she was the much-loved younger child and had older sisters who bullied her when she was a girl, I could certainly relate to that.

So, to sum up, this was a very good book. It wasn’t as scary or as full of blood-and-guts as some of his other books (thank heavens!), but it was still scary enough to keep your toes curled and the hairs standing up on the back of your neck. Mr. King, please keep writing your good stories, but would you grant an old lady a special favor? Please make your next book a bit lighter. Thank you.