All Dressed Up

Margie: Edna, look at these pictures I found of us when we were girls. Lawsy me, did Mama think we were twins? Remember how we hated it when she dressed us alike? That old material always made us itch too.

I remember that day when you told her you didn't want to dress like me. Daddy gave you the Evil Eye and that always shut your mouth. I miss Daddy.

Edna: Daddy may have given me the Evil Eye but Mama understood. She said she dressed us alike because of her cousin back East who imported clothing and would send her the children-sized dress samples for us girls. She told me that it was a sin to waste anything, even clothes we didn't like. And that we should be thankful we had nice clothes, because so many children had to do without.

It figures you wouldn't remember that part, the part where Mama reminded us to be humble.

Margie: Edna, why do you always try to make me feel bad? I was thankful for everything except you. You wouldn't know humble if it slapped you upside your ugly head.

Edna: Get away from me Margie, don't you dare slap me! I'm not so old yet that I can't take you in a fight. I swan, it's just like you to take a reasonable conversation and resort to violence. Looks like you didn't inherit Mama's peaceful side, either.

Margie: I'll slap you with this wet noodle any time I please then I'll pull that tacky wig off your flat head.

I'm going to Bailey's. You make my nerves knot up!

Trivia Day

Margie: I sure am glad the holidays are over. They get on my last nerve. I don't like decorating and I don't cook anymore and I'm too broke to buy gifts. Speaking of gifts, the best gift I got is Edna being gone.

When Edna is gone I don't need my nerve pills, I can enjoy the peace and quiet, and I can play Jeopardy without Edna squawking like a banshee.

Today is Trivia Day and I love trivia games. It's too bad that Edna does too because she's a sore loser. If you ever want to play some trivia games then here are some places you can go.

Visit Your Relatives Day

Margie: Edna, I have good news and bad news. Well, maybe it's all bad news. I suppose it depends on who's involved. Yes, since you and I are involved then it's all bad news. Do you understand, Edna?

Cousin T called with family intelligence and you know how he finds out all the gossip. Come have coffee, Edna, so I can tell you what's going on. Where is Superman when we need him?

Edna: My lands, you're starting to give me fits with all your hemming and hawing. Just spill it already! What did Cousin T have to say? And do I need my nerve pills?

Margie: Yes, you need a nerve pill and I just took 2 with some Special tea.

Cousin T says Aunt Hattie Mae told Cousin Beau that she and her kids, Bess, Fess, and Tess, are coming to visit us today. Seems today is a holiday called Visit Your Relatives Day. We've got to keep them away from here, Edna.

Edna: Oh my stars and garters, we'd best lock up the good silver! I used to think there wasn't any bunch worse than Itty-biddy and her brood, but I plumb forgot about the terrible triplets and their crazy mama. Do you suppose we can just pretend not to be home when they come knocking?

Margie: That sounds like a plan, Edna. Let's lock all the doors and windows then shut all the curtains and blinds. We can hunker down in the parlor and be quiet and still.

Can you think of anything we need to bring in from outside so they don't steal it?

Edna: Hmm, I don't know. It's a good thing the still is in the basement already, at least we don't have to worry about them carting that away. We should bring in our rocking chairs, though; all we'd need is to go out to sit a spell on the porch after they leave and only find the seat cushions. Lordy, with that bunch, they're apt to dig up our rose bushes!

Margie, you'd best call Cousin T to come hide out with us, because you know if we don't answer the door they'll head straight to his place. And tell him to pick up some supplies on the way over, we should probably prepare for a multi-day siege. That group may be dumber than stumps, but they sure are stubborn.

Margie: Edna, I called Cousin T and he's on the way. He's bringing locks and chains to tie down everything outside.

He also had a good suggestion for us. He says we should put a note on the door saying we've gone to see the Biddy Bunch then Hattie Mae and her brood will surely light out for Biddy's.

Edna: For once, that boy had a corker of an idea! I'll go write that note so it will be all ready to go when Cousin T gets here. When you see his truck pull up, you go out and help him, and then the two of you get inside quick. We don't want to be caught unawares.

Margie: Aye, aye to you, Edna. Party time tonight.