Funny Friday

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. "Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300."

"Easy, Dad," the boy replied. "I earned it hiking."

"Come on," the father said. "Tell me the truth."

"That is the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"

Funny Friday

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."

The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!"

The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory's just as good as it's always been, knock wood." She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

Funny Friday

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it!

Get out of the car you dirty rotten scoundrels!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.

The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.
(True story!)

Funny Friday

A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.

    The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."

 


    "Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

    Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."

    The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

    The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."

    The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What??! They gave me a Chihuahua??!"

Funny Friday

Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high.

Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.

The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps

After 2 hours it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs."


Margie: Sounds just like something Edna would do.

Fun Friday

Opposite Day

This could be a fun day or people could just think you're bonkers. Try it and see what happens. Edna does this all the time. She always says the opposite of what I say. Poor nitwit can't help it because she was born a fruitcake.

Enjoy your day!

Sunday Funnies

Salute To Blondie

Margie: Edna, I just had the most pleasant memory about Mama and Daddy. I bet you can guess what it is.

Think about comic strips and how Mama and Daddy loved the same one. Do you remember which one it was?

Edna: Of course I do, I'm not daft yet. They just loved that Blondie and Dagwood, Daddy said reading it always tickled his funny bone.

You know, my first husband Joe used to call me Blondie.

Margie: Good gosh a mighty, idiot, you always bring that up. That was 70 years ago and Joe is gone. He got religion after being married to a demon.

Anyway, you're so flusterating! Blondie was first published in 1930 and Dagwood was a rich playboy back then. I don't recall that.

Edna: Margie! Don't you go making our readers think I'm older than I am, I was married to Joe only 40 years ago and you know it.

And it just figures you'd notice that Dagwood was a rich playboy, you're such a gold-digging hussy. I suppose Blondie was his trophy wife?

Margie: I suppose Dagwood's daddy thought so because he disowned Dagwood when he and Blondie married.

Edna, remember how Daddy would have a Dagwood sandwich every Saturday after he did the yard work? Those were the days.

Edna: Now you're making me hungry, sister. Is it time for lunch yet? I've got a hankering for one of those sandwiches.

Fun Friday

Sunday Funnies

Fun Friday

Thanks to funny.com


Margie: Well, that's sure the truth as I know in my life.

Fun Friday

Margie: Every time Edna gets mad at me, which is more often than she'd admit, she always tells me that I'm not worth a plugged nickel. Has anybody ever told you that?

Here's something fun that should set the record straight. Just wait until Edna sees this. Try it for yourself.

Want to see how much you're really worth? Take this fun quiz and set people straight.

Hear this, Edna! My worth is $2,380,042.00. Eat your heart out. Too bad you can't sell me.

So, how much are you worth?

Sunday Funnies

*Image owned by poptart at Collector's Quest

Edna Visits Cypress Gardens

Margie,

Now, you know I don’t like to speak ill of people, but Aunt Biddy and Itty-Biddy are driving me plumb crazy. First, the two of them decide that we should go to this park called Cypress Gardens. It’s actually a very pretty place, but that’s not the problem. Once we got there, they insisted on taking part in the water-skiing show, even though I told them the audience wasn’t supposed to participate. (That’s Aunt Biddy in the orange outfit, and that’s Itty-Biddy right smack dab in the middle of the line.) I was so embarrassed, I thought I was going to die.

This vacation is turning out to be less restful than if I’d just stayed at home listening to you yammer in my ear.


Love, Edna


Margie: Oh Edna, that Itty is a ring tailed tooter! I'm surprised none of you are in jail yet. The two of them look like the fools they are.

I suppose you'll be going to Biddy's for Christmas? That would be a sight. I hear they always rob the bell ringers at Wal-Mart so they have Christmas money.

I've had a wonderful vacation! I've had lots of callers and lots of bed rest. I feel 25 again!

Maybe you can extend your trip a bit longer?

Happy July 4th

National Humor Month

Margie: Sakes alive, Edna. Look what I found in the newspaper. It says here that April is National Humor Month. It says here, "It is designed to heighten public awareness on how the joy and therapeutic value of laughter can improve health, boost morale, increase communication skills and enrich the quality of one's life."

This is for you, Edna.

Edna: Well my lands, Margie, I wish we'd have known about this sooner, we could have been blogging about it all month! Although, it seems like it's always National Humor Month around here, doesn't it? And Mama always said that laughter is the best medicine.

Margie: Edna, if you're anywhere around, people are bound to be laughing. I've been laughing at your crazy antics for years.

Edna: That makes two of us, then. And you can interpret that however you'd like.

Redneck Relatives

Mama was a refined, gracious lady but that did not exempt her from having kin that embarrassed her.

Cousin Billie Jo is the daughter of Mama's baby sister. Poor Mama always said she couldn't understand how such an uncouth brood existed.

Cousin Billie Jo married John Rayburn Brummitt who is a kindly man but a drunkard. Mama once asked Billie Jo if John Rayburn drank and Billie Jo said, "Only when he's thirsty."

***********************

Margie: Edna, I got a letter from Cousin Billie Jo in Tennessee. You want to help me answer it?

Edna: Margie, you are welcome to answer that letter yourself if you have the time. Besides, I'm not speaking to Cousin Billie Jo since she called me wanting bail money, and then didn't even send a thank you note after it was wired!

Margie: Bail money? You never told me that!

Edna: What, you think I tell you everything? Just read the letter already, I don't have all day.
*************************************

Dear Cousin Margie,

This here's yor cousin billie jo. I got youn's letter t'day and wuz glad to hear from youn's. That Edna always was a pistol ball. Ain't she? I told all the folks bout her-whatcha said n all bout her and them there town fellas.

Wish y'all could come see us. Been a long while since we seed youn's. John Rayburn's been tending to the farm as aways. Always sumthin to do round this here place.

John jr. dun gone and signed up to go to the army. Said he's had enuff schooling. Alma Jean got herself hitched down to the walmark parking lot. them walmark folks is nice They said we could have the weddin'doings down there seein how alma jean works for em and all. she was perty and a good time was had by all. we did miss yor special tea tho, Margie.

After the weddin' seems like the whole town showed up for dinner. smoked a pig all night before and made turnip greens. that was some fine pot likker. Oh, the girls from the Sunday school pulled out all the stops. They brung ever kind of them casseroles you kin imagine. Tater salad and beet pickles, and one of them kilt and fried 12 chickens.

Cousin Hershel snuck in some hooch & we all said we thunk of you & cousin edna.

Hear's a pitcher of John rayburn, hershel, and john junior.

Rite me back, Margie, and tell Edna we may come see youn's & bring the whole busload of kin with us.

love,
billie jo

Such Devoted Sisters

Edna: Margie, my goodness but you look stunning today!

Margie: Edna, you’re a beautiful lady.

Edna: Margie, please give me some of your words of wisdom, I'm in need of the expert guidance that only you can provide.

Margie: My goodness, Edna, you flatter me. I think you're far wiser than I am. You're brilliant!

Edna: Margie, I think you exaggerate, you're clearly wiser than I am. And may I say, you certainly don't look like the older sister.

Margie: Edna, you are the best sister a person could have. Do you know I couldn't live without you?

Edna: Margie, you know I feel the same—oh, I can’t go on with this blather any longer! Can we please just yell “April Fools!” and have done with it?

Margie: I lie like a dog, Edna.

Edna: Nice to hear you finally admit it, you old bat.