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Margie: Maybe we could make up a recipe. These companies like to see their products in a recipe.
How about Hershey's Chocolate Butterfinger Godiva See's Cake?
Edna: I'd for sure eat that cake! I can see that you've guessed my idea: make as many mentions of products that we can in a short blog post.
You know, I was thinking that the companies might like to know that I often sit in front of my Dell computer drinking Dr. Pepper, eating Mint Oreos and talking on my Nokia cell phone. All while listening to my iPod and using Bath and Body Works' Coconut Lime Verbena body lotion while I try to find something good to watch on my LG Flat-Panel LCD HDTV.
Margie: I like that one, sister. Maybe Neutrogena would like to know that I take them with me in the shower after I've eaten Little Debbie cakes and had a glass of Meadow Gold milk. After my shower I brush the chocolate away with Crest and Listerine. Then I rub my young looking body with Oil of Olay lotion which makes me look fabulous.
I then crawl into my bed of Martha Stewart sheets and read an Amazon.com book.
Edna: You know, nothing would make me sleep better at night than a Sealy Posturepedic mattress. Too bad I don't have one, which is why I take Advil Liqui-Gels for my bad back. Of course, a slice of your Hershey's Chocolate Butterfinger Godiva See's Cake might heal up my back right quick!
Margie: I'm on my way to the kitchen, sister. Just call me Betty Crocker!
6-7AM: Margie wakes up Edna by banging on pots and pans outside of Edna's bedroom door. Edna threatens to send Margie to an old folks' home.
Edna cooks oatmeal for breakfast. Margie declares breakfast inedible, eats a Little Debbie instead.
7-11AM: Margie checks in on her favorite blogs. Edna accuses Margie of hogging the computer. Margie accuses of Edna of wanting to look up pictures of "nekkid" men. Edna accuses Margie of being a moron.
11AM-1PM: Margie settles onto the sofa to watch The Young and The Restless which is the only soap opera she enjoys. Edna chooses this time to lambaste the mailman for letting all her mail get damp in the rain. Margie tells her to shut up or Margie will duct tape her mouth. Edna stomps off to her room while Margie gets her Oreos out of her hidden stash.
1-3PM: Margie catches a nap on the couch. Edna walks to the store for a soda and chocolate bar thinking she won't have to bring anything back for a napping Margie.
3-4 PM: Edna calls Cousin T to come over and fix the hot water heater. Cousin T comes over with his tools, but quickly realizes that by "hot water heater," Edna meant "still." Cousin T agrees to fix it, but only if the ladies agree to hide it in the basement.
4-7PM: Margie fixes supper for Cousin T while Edna gripes. Cousin T tries to tell Edna that he loves Margie's cooking. Edna leaves, saying she'll skip dinner, but Margie and Cousin T know about all the food Edna hides in her room.
7-9PM: Margie and Edna discuss the day over a glass of elderberry cordial out on the front porch. The discussion quickly turns heated when Edna discovers that Margie has been placing "lonely hearts" classified ads on Edna's behalf in the Jericho Tribune. Although Margie claims that she just wants her sister to find a companion and be happy, Edna (correctly) suspects that what Margie really wants is for Edna to find a man whose house she can move into, thus leaving Margie in peace.
9-10PM: Margie watches the news while Edna gets ready for bed. Margie loves this time of day when Edna is quiet. Who wouldn't be quiet, Margie wonders, if they looked in the mirror and saw what Edna saw.
While Margie is watching the news, Edna quietly ransacks Margie's room, retrieving all of her belongings that Margie has snuck in there over the course of the day. She also steals one of Margie's shoes, knowing that it will drive her crazy the next day looking for it.
10-10:30PM: The ladies wish one another good night. Each of them says a separate, but oddly identical, prayer to get through the next day without killing one another.
Edna: Margie, I've been looking over our budget, and I think we're going to need to make some changes. Groceries aren't cheap and neither is electricity. I'm sorry to say it, but we have to cut out some luxuries.
Margie: Lordy, Edna, what else can we give up? We've given up all the luxuries I can remember. I only put jam on half my piece of toast now so what's next?
Edna: I know, Margie, we're already living a Spartan existence as it is. But we just can't afford those trips to Bath and Body works any more, even if we only buy things a few times a year. And those Oreos you get at the grocery store every month? We'll have to cut those out, too.
I hate to say it, and Mama would be ashamed of us if she were still alive, but the hard truth is this: if we want luxuries in our lives, we're going to have to beg for them.
Margie: Forgive us, Mama. How did it come to this, Edna? We live in the United States yet there truly is so much poverty. We old folks can't even afford our medicine if we want to eat.
I have already given up Oreos and cold drinks. I can't even afford my orange juice anymore. I even gave up snuff, Edna. You know how cranky that makes me.
I suppose I could contact that Publix grocery store and beg for a gift card. I'd love to have one that would last us for a year.
Edna: That would be wonderful, Margie. If our groceries were paid for a year, we could put the money we save towards our electric and phone bills. It's a good thing we don't drive very often, at least the cost of gas isn't draining us dry.
While we're on the subject of asking for food, I sure wouldn't turn down a case of Dr. Pepper if they wanted to send us some. Oops, better make that two cases, you go through that stuff like water.
We already grow our own vegetables, maybe we should start keeping bees too. I hear honey is very good for you. And we wouldn't have to buy sugar at the store any more, either.
Margie: Dr Pepper? I need at least 2 cases a month, Edna. And, I might need some of that chewing baccky because it'd be cheaper to chew 2 meals a day and just eat one.
You can keep bees if you want to, dingbat, but I'll just buy my sugar and be sparing with it. By the way, Edna, I hate to ruin your day but the price of See's candy means we sure won't be seeing any more.
Edna: Margie, this is getting too depressing. I'm going back to bed.
Edna: Margie, I was reading this nice young man’s blog today, and it got me to thinking. Some cake company sent him all this free stuff because he said in a magazine how much he liked their product. Do you think we’re famous enough that if we say we like something on our blog, some corporation will send us some swag?Margie: Well, we are famous enough.Edna: I think it’s worth a try. We should send them a letter.Margie: Write it, Edna.+++++++++++Dear Corporate America,We are two very famous bloggers, and we have a lot of friends. When we like something, we tell people. Please see our list below of our favorite things. We would appreciate it if you could send us a lifetime supply of everything on our list. Trust us, you’ll get a lot of free advertising because we talk to everyone, whether they want to talk to us or not.Our Favorite Things:1. Oreos2. Dr. Pepper3. Neutrogena RainBath4. Hershey Kisses5. Redken Clear Moisture Hair Care6. Wal-Mart gift cards7. Free books from amazon.com8. Charmin9. Bounty paper towels10. Paula Deen Cookware
Thank you.Yours very truly,
