A Day in the Life of Margie and Edna

Image courtesy of the NYPL Digital Gallery

6-7AM: Margie wakes up Edna by banging on pots and pans outside of Edna's bedroom door. Edna threatens to send Margie to an old folks' home.

Edna cooks oatmeal for breakfast. Margie declares breakfast inedible, eats a Little Debbie instead.

7-11AM: Margie checks in on her favorite blogs. Edna accuses Margie of hogging the computer. Margie accuses of Edna of wanting to look up pictures of "nekkid" men. Edna accuses Margie of being a moron.

11AM-1PM: Margie settles onto the sofa to watch The Young and The Restless which is the only soap opera she enjoys. Edna chooses this time to lambaste the mailman for letting all her mail get damp in the rain. Margie tells her to shut up or Margie will duct tape her mouth. Edna stomps off to her room while Margie gets her Oreos out of her hidden stash.

1-3PM: Margie catches a nap on the couch. Edna walks to the store for a soda and chocolate bar thinking she won't have to bring anything back for a napping Margie.

3-4 PM: Edna calls Cousin T to come over and fix the hot water heater. Cousin T comes over with his tools, but quickly realizes that by "hot water heater," Edna meant "still." Cousin T agrees to fix it, but only if the ladies agree to hide it in the basement.

4-7PM: Margie fixes supper for Cousin T while Edna gripes. Cousin T tries to tell Edna that he loves Margie's cooking. Edna leaves, saying she'll skip dinner, but Margie and Cousin T know about all the food Edna hides in her room.

7-9PM: Margie and Edna discuss the day over a glass of elderberry cordial out on the front porch. The discussion quickly turns heated when Edna discovers that Margie has been placing "lonely hearts" classified ads on Edna's behalf in the Jericho Tribune. Although Margie claims that she just wants her sister to find a companion and be happy, Edna (correctly) suspects that what Margie really wants is for Edna to find a man whose house she can move into, thus leaving Margie in peace.

9-10PM: Margie watches the news while Edna gets ready for bed. Margie loves this time of day when Edna is quiet. Who wouldn't be quiet, Margie wonders, if they looked in the mirror and saw what Edna saw.

While Margie is watching the news, Edna quietly ransacks Margie's room, retrieving all of her belongings that Margie has snuck in there over the course of the day. She also steals one of Margie's shoes, knowing that it will drive her crazy the next day looking for it.

10-10:30PM: The ladies wish one another good night. Each of them says a separate, but oddly identical, prayer to get through the next day without killing one another.