M&E and the Restaurant Rant

Image courtesy of the NYPL Digital Gallery

Edna: Margie, do you remember that young family who used to live next door to Joe and I when we were first married? It was that sweet couple with the little girl, Elaine. Well, I ran into Elaine at the market last week, and my goodness has she grown up! In fact, her hair is grayer than mine, but that's beside the point. She told me the most interesting thing.

Margie: Good Lord, Edna, that was near 70 years ago! Let me think. Yes, I do remember Elaine. She always came in the library to tell me hello.

What did that sweet girl tell you?

Edna: It was not that long ago, you harpy, you're always trying to tack extra years onto my age just to make yourself feel younger! She's actually in her 60s now, and her doctor told her that she's having trouble with high blood pressure and she needs to restrict her salt intake. But this was what was most interesting: her doctor also told her that her biggest problem was eating restaurant food, because it has so much salt added to it to enhance the flavor or to hide the fact that the food is not high quality. And he's not talking about McDonald's, he's talking about sit-down places like Red Lobster. Well, let me tell you, it did not surprise me one bit. Mama told us for years not to trust restaurant food and, as usual, she was right. It's a good thing that you and I make all our own food, at least we can control the quality and what goes in it.

Margie: Lie about your age all you like, Edna, but you can't fool me.

Mama was always right. I think she took after Grandma because Grandma taught Mama not to eat at just anybody's home because you never knew if they were clean. I'd say the same about a restaurant.

Besides, Edna, nowadays these restaurants are cutting back on portions while charging more. You and I don't put all those preservatives in our food. Why, it's no wonder my skin is like a 30-year-old's. I eat right!

Edna: Margie, the only way your skin looks like a 30-year-old's is if you're counting in dog years.

You know though, restaurant eating isn't all bad--at least at a restaurant, someone does all the cleaning up for you. I don't mind that one bit. Although, the flip side is that you take your chances finding odd objects in your food--you just can't win.

Margie: That's the truth if you ever told it, Edna. You want anybody but you to clean up. You act like you live in a restaurant and I'm tired of your messes.

I'm going to put on a pot of beans for my lunch and you can fix what you please, sister. You've made me mad.

Edna: Margie, your attitude calls for a quote from one of my favorite people to ever work in a restaurant: Kiss my grits!