Moving Out

Margie: Edna, I was just looking through this shoebox and found these old papers where Mama and Daddy bought this house in 1930. They paid $7100.00 for it when it was new. Lord a mercy, Edna, that wouldn't even pay our electric bill for a year nowadays.

Edna: Well, it might if you'd stop leaving the TV on all night! I swear, sometimes I think it's just a big square night light to you.

My lands, I wonder how much that amount would be today, with inflation factored in? It seems like a relatively small amount now, but it was a lot to folks back then.

Margie: That's what I was thinking, Edna, so I had an idea. Let's call the real estate lady and have her come over. She can tell us what the house is worth now then you can buy my half or we can sell the place and split the money.

I'm moving to California to live on the beach. By myself, Edna.

Edna: Oh happy day, she wants to live by herself! Will wonders never cease? You go ahead and call that real estate lady and see what she has to say. But if you think I'm buying out your half, you've got another thing coming. This house is way too much work for one old lady. I have half a mind to move to one of those assisted living places I saw on the news, where all the elderly gentlemen take Viagra and it's a non-stop party.

Margie: I'll call today, hussy. The only reason this house is too much work for you is because you expect to be waited on like a queen.

Yes, you should go to the home but I'm going to the beach where those half nekkid men don't need any Viagra.

Edna: You are a mean old shrew who completely underestimates the amount of work I do around here. Fine, go live by yourself, you'll see just how invaluable I really am. I hope those nekkid men take one look at you and run the other way. If they're sane, they will. Perhaps I should warn them ahead of time.

Admit it, though, Margie; if you moved away, you'd miss Cousin T something awful.

Margie: You're the shrew, you lying liar. Cousin T is going with me. I won't leave him here to be corrupted by you!

I'm taking Mama's silver too and the car and the still and several other things you don't need to worry about.

Edna: Oh no you don't, Mama said that silver was supposed to be split up between the two of us! Don't you make me call a lawyer over this, you thieving thief! And the car, too? You must be plumb out of your mind.

As for Cousin T, I can't imagine he'd willingly move anywhere with you. He's a sweet boy, but you'd best leave him here where he has friends. Besides, you'd traumatize him, carrying on with half-nekkid men the way you plan to. Hussy.

Margie: That does it, you flaming floozy. No way am I leaving here so you can be happy. I'll be staying right here to make your life as miserable as I can!

By the way, Edna, somebody spilled pancake syrup all over your bed. Hussy.

Edna: Well, if that SOMEBODY is planning on sticking around, then SOMEBODY had better go clean the pancake syrup off of my bed. Or SOMEBODY is going to get quite a surprise when they go to put their shoes on tomorrow morning.