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Margie: Edna, I was just looking through this shoebox and found these old papers where Mama and Daddy bought this house in 1930. They paid $7100.00 for it when it was new. Lord a mercy, Edna, that wouldn't even pay our electric bill for a year nowadays.
Edna: Well, it might if you'd stop leaving the TV on all night! I swear, sometimes I think it's just a big square night light to you.
My lands, I wonder how much that amount would be today, with inflation factored in? It seems like a relatively small amount now, but it was a lot to folks back then.
Margie: That's what I was thinking, Edna, so I had an idea. Let's call the real estate lady and have her come over. She can tell us what the house is worth now then you can buy my half or we can sell the place and split the money.
I'm moving to California to live on the beach. By myself, Edna.
Edna: Oh happy day, she wants to live by herself! Will wonders never cease? You go ahead and call that real estate lady and see what she has to say. But if you think I'm buying out your half, you've got another thing coming. This house is way too much work for one old lady. I have half a mind to move to one of those assisted living places I saw on the news, where all the elderly gentlemen take Viagra and it's a non-stop party.
Margie: I'll call today, hussy. The only reason this house is too much work for you is because you expect to be waited on like a queen.
Yes, you should go to the home but I'm going to the beach where those half nekkid men don't need any Viagra.
Edna: You are a mean old shrew who completely underestimates the amount of work I do around here. Fine, go live by yourself, you'll see just how invaluable I really am. I hope those nekkid men take one look at you and run the other way. If they're sane, they will. Perhaps I should warn them ahead of time.
Admit it, though, Margie; if you moved away, you'd miss Cousin T something awful.
Margie: You're the shrew, you lying liar. Cousin T is going with me. I won't leave him here to be corrupted by you!
I'm taking Mama's silver too and the car and the still and several other things you don't need to worry about.
Edna: Oh no you don't, Mama said that silver was supposed to be split up between the two of us! Don't you make me call a lawyer over this, you thieving thief! And the car, too? You must be plumb out of your mind.
As for Cousin T, I can't imagine he'd willingly move anywhere with you. He's a sweet boy, but you'd best leave him here where he has friends. Besides, you'd traumatize him, carrying on with half-nekkid men the way you plan to. Hussy.
Margie: That does it, you flaming floozy. No way am I leaving here so you can be happy. I'll be staying right here to make your life as miserable as I can!
By the way, Edna, somebody spilled pancake syrup all over your bed. Hussy.
Edna: Well, if that SOMEBODY is planning on sticking around, then SOMEBODY had better go clean the pancake syrup off of my bed. Or SOMEBODY is going to get quite a surprise when they go to put their shoes on tomorrow morning.
"Winchester Mystery House, Near San Jose Before the Earthquake"
Edna: I think I'm going to sue these folks over at The Winchester Mystery House website. I clicked on that link expecting that it was going to be all about my boys on that TV show, Supernatural. But I'll tell you what, there was not one picture of Sam or Dean Winchester to be found anywhere on that site!
I guess it was interesting and all, reading about that spooky mansion out there in California. I won't go into all the details here, but it was built up by the wife of William Winchester, the son of the man who owned the Winchester Repeating Arms Company. When he died in 1881, his wife Sarah inherited his fortune and a huge share in the gun company. Sarah Winchester, in her grief, spent the next 36 years continuously building a mish-mash of rooms and staircases. The place was like a labyrinth, and it's said that she consulted the spirits when making the building plans.
Today, the house itself (now four stories high after the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake, and numbering at approximately 160 rooms) is designated as a California Historical Landmark. There have been some reports of haunted happenings at the house, including footsteps, cold spots, and strange moving lights. To read more about the Winchester Mystery House, go here.
So what do you think Margie, should we have Cousin T pack up the car and head on out to San Jose and visit that place?
Margie: I'm all for that, Edna, but I'll be driving. Hold on and let me get my pistol, box of salt, and silver bullets.
I hope I don't shoot you by mistake, Edna. What a shame.
Edna: Just for that, I'm going to make you stay in the car while I take the guided tour. And I'm not going to buy you a souvenir shot glass at the gift shop either, you harpy. Cousin T, what souvenir would you like, dear?
Cousin T: A pair of earplugs.
Margie: Edna, I'm very excited about Halloween this year. I think it's wonderful that we decided to have a haunted house for all the children in Jericho.
I do have one small concern, sister, and I'll say this as nicely as I can. You said you'd like to greet the children at the door. If you do that, Edna, they'll run away screaming and will never see the haunted house.
Edna: Margie, if I had a nickel for every time you insulted me, I'd be richer than Bill Gates. You know good and well that the reason I want to greet the children is because I want to see their little costumes. They always look so cute, trying to be scary.
I hope we have a better turn-out this year than we did last Halloween. We spent all that time decorating the house and barely any children came.
Margie: See how you are, Edna? I tell the truth and you call it an insult. I love to see the little costumes too.
There's your answer, Edna. Barely any children came last year because you were waiting by the door. Besides, you ate most of the candy.
Edna: Oh no you don't, you fibber, I'm not the one who went to bed early last Halloween with a stomachache! I don't think we had as many decorations last year, maybe that was the problem. Everything looks nice and spooky this year, and I like how you put those fake spiderwebs out in the bushes.
Margie: I like how you helped Cousin T with his werewolf costume. He's going to do a good job this year.
Edna, here's a scary thought. Do you think Aunt Biddy and Itty Biddy will wear costumes this year?
Edna: Lord help us, those two look so ridiculous on a normal day, I'm not sure you'd be able to tell the difference between a costume and how they usually look.
I ran into Deputy Jimmy yesterday, and he said he's going to bring his two little ones by the house tonight. I told him to spread the word, we've got lots of candy and fun thrills in store for all the Jericho kids.
Margie: Deputy Jimmy? Bye, Edna. I'm going to the mall and exchange my costume.
Edna: Margie, if you can't show a lawman your costume, it's probably not good to show the young'uns either. Good thing I decided on the flapper dress, it's family-friendly.
Now go put something decent on and hurry back, I hear some children coming up the walk.
Happy Halloween
from Margie and Edna!
