Thursday, April 23, 2009

Bedtime rituals

Margie: I think it's time to get ready for bed, Edna. Oh, that reminds me of something we talked about at the ladies' luncheon today. We were discussing how people have their own little bedtime rituals like brushing their teeth or lotioning their body.

It struck me, Edna, that you and I have have had our same rituals for years. I hate to say this but that anti-aging cream you've been using for years isn't working.

Edna: Speak for yourself, Margie, they haven't yet invented a wrinkle cream that can tackle those crevices on your face.

You know, I'm not so sure I want to share my beauty secrets and bedtime rituals with our readers. A lady shouldn't talk about such intimate things.

Margie: Edna, you nitwit, Mama only raised one fool and you prove you're it every time you flap your gums.

Tell me what is so intimate about the fact that you leave your dentures in a glass overnight? Or that you claim to have beauty secrets but I never see any beauty results.

Edna: Margie, it's one thing for you to see my at my worst, but I try to maintain at least a bit of decorum when it comes to letting our readers in on our private lives.

All right, fine, you want me to share something, I'll share a tried-and-true ritual that I do every night before going to bed. I slather Vaseline on my hands and then cover them with white cotton socks and sleep with the socks on my hands all night. When I wake up in the morning, my hands are smooth and hydrated. That's why people say I have the hands of a 20-year-old.

Margie: Lord have mercy! That's not what they say when you take the gloves off.

Here's my secret, Edna. I go to the beauty parlor once a week but I like for my hair to look freshly done in between hairdos. That's why I always go to bed with my hair under a pair of nylon bloomers. They make my hairdo last a whole week.

Edna: Oh, Margie, there are so many jokes I could make about that but I am going to do the classy thing and take the high road.

Actually, my favorite bedtime ritual doesn't have anything to do with beauty care. I always keep a stack of books on my nightstand, and I like to read a bit of a good novel before going to sleep. It's a soothing way to unwind at the end of a busy day, and my dreams are always sweeter if I've read for at least a few minutes before falling asleep.

Margie: Reading before bed is a sweet treat without sugar, sister. I adore a good book. Books are also a beauty aid because they help you relax which makes for fewer wrinkles.

Edna: You said it, Margie. You know, I wonder if our readers might want to share some of their nightly rituals with us?

Margie: Oh let's ask them, Edna. That'd be fun!


wanderlass said...

so funny. i just started reading and wonder if there are 2 of u or just one with an alter ego, ha ha.

on nightly ritual. i would only go to bed after drinking a glass of water and then empty my bladder. my boyfriend said i have issues. ha ha.

Grampy said...

Very funny. My wife does the book thing. I just do the tooth brushing and soaking. If there is a good comedy show on TV it always lets me relax before going to bed.
Thanks for sharing.

Lidian said...

What a delightful ad - that lady looks so pleased. The folks at Duke sure have some lovely things, don't they? I wonder what their bedtime rituals are...scanning ads? Marking student papers?

I like to brush my teeth with my electric toothbrush, which is still novel and amusing to me(and effective!). And I turn off the laptop! :)

Margie and Edna said...

Margie: Wanderlass, there are definitely 2 of us & I'm the nice one. Aren't you worried about wearing out your bladder?

Thanks Grampy. Your wife is a smart lady.

Miss Lidian, I would not like to mark papers as my bedtime ritual but scanning ads with handsome men in them would be lovely.

Jodi said...

I love it. I miss coming over here and reading. It's been hard lately to even keep up blogging. Have an awesome weekend gals!



terocious said...

For years I have been trying to induce an out of body experience before bed. I close my eyes and listen to the dogs bark or the train whistle and try to envision myself floating under the door, which I can do becuase I am without my body, and out into the yard. Sometimes I circle the neighborhood a few times just for fun before I come back and join my body in bed.

At this point I am not sure if this really happens or if I have just gotten plum good at imagining it from so much practice!

-Cousin T.

Carol said...

I have no nightly ritual because every day is a wondrous adventure in spontaneity. The only sure thing is brushing of teeth and going potty. Sometimes I slather lotion on my dry skin. Yes, life is an adventure! :)

Kimberly said...

How have I missed this? Wickedly funny! I love the snark. You ladies are fabulous.

BK said...

Hmm, I guess I have the most boring night time ritual before I sleep every day. Brushing of teeth is a must and I believe this is normal for most people. As for me, I'll of course brush my teeth before sleeping. And in additional to that, I will usually finish dropping my 300 EC cards before I sleep. Yes ... loyal member I am.

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