National Library Week

Margie: Edna, I'm giving you fair warning that I won't be home much this week. It's National Library Week and I've been asked to help out down to the library.

I know you'll sit here all week whining and pouting so I bought you a pacifier. You're welcome to come to all the activities and there'll be free food. I've never known you to turn down a free bite.

Edna: My goodness Margie, I know you think you were insulting me but all you've really done is show our readers how mean you are. Although, I'm pretty sure they already knew that.

I'll come along with you to the library, but I bet they won't want you there with that bad attitude. You'll scare the children.

Margie: Edna, you don't make a lick of sense! You act like a baby when I make plans then you sulk and pout until I get home. If I stay home then you complain and whine about how mean I am.

You come to the library, sister, and you best act like a grown woman. You got that? Let's think up games for the children to play.

Edna: How about "Spot the Shriveled Shrew"? Or maybe "Are You Smarter than a 100-year-old"?

Margie: I prefer "Who Super Glued Edna's Tushie To Her Chair?"

Edna: My lands, listening to you yammer on has given me a megrim. Why don't you super glue your mouth and let folks get on with enjoying National Library Week?

Margie and Edna's trip to the library

Edna: Margie, how about you tell our nice readers about that embarrassing incident you started the other day at the library. Go ahead, tell them.

Margie: Why must you lie, Edna? It was you who acted out in the library. Do you really think I'd show out in my former place of employment?

Dear readers, my sister is not a nice person. Never go to the library with her and try to pick out a movie to watch.

Edna: I can see I can't trust you to tell an accurate version of events, so I'll just explain to our readers what really happened.

Yes, Margie and I did go to the library to pick out a movie to watch. But she was being her mean and hateful self, as usual, and she wouldn't agree with any of the wonderful movies I had picked out.

Margie: Edna threw a hissy fit because I wanted to get a nice Western. Edna wants to watch dancing or love stories. Give me a manly man and horse movie any time.

Edna, there was no need to yell in the library. I hope somebody tells Pastor.

Edna: Oh no, I'm not the one who was making all that noise and causing the library patrons to look at us like we were heathens. Didn't you see that young mother hustling her children away from you while you were having your conniption fit? She told me as she went by that she hoped my sister learned to control herself better in public. She meant you, you harpy.

And what's wrong with dancing or love stories? All you do with those Westerns is tell lies about how you used to date all the handsome actors. Besides, I look at a horse's rear end across the dinner table every single day, I for sure don't want to look at any more on the TV.

Margie: Edna, as usual you have lied to try to make yourself look good. You are trash but try so hard to hide it.

There's nothing wrong with dancing or love stories if we could hear them in the English language. Lord a mercy, that French screeching gets on my nerves.

I know, Edna. I always hold the mirror up at the dinner table so you can look at yourself and I don't have to. Ruin my appetite.

Edna: You see how she talks to me, folks? Margie, I hope you've got a back-up plan, because that security guard said they're not letting us back there for at least a month. That's the only place in town that had free movies, I hope you're proud of yourself.

Margie: I am proud because I have friends who will let me in and I'll get the movies I want to see for a change. Spoiled brat.

National Librarian Day

Margie: Edna, I just love this day that's been set aside for librarians. You know I spent all my working life as the Jericho librarian. My word, I helped many a student there and I must say that I helped everyone by being strictly professional yet friendly.

Many students say that I'm the reason they went on to college, Edna. I do love it when folks come back to Jericho and want to see how Miss Margie is doing. I am certainly held in high regard by the citizens of Jericho. Edna, why didn't you ever visit the library more often back then?

Edna: Margie, I'm sure if you think long and hard on that question, you'll figure it out. Now, just because I didn't go to the Jericho library does not mean that I dislike reading. Quite the opposite. I just preferred to go to other libraries where I knew my book choices wouldn't be scrutinized then spread all over town by some busybody with loose lips.

Anyway, now that the library has a much more discreet head librarian, I just adore going there every week and bringing home a bag full of new books. Sometimes I think there's no better feeling in the world than having a fresh stack of brand-new books to read. All those new worlds to explore...my lands, it's enough to send me into raptures.

Margie: My stars, Edna, I'm glad I wasn't that kind of librarian and I'm especially proud that the Jericho library didn't stoop to the level of offering the kinds of books you always wanted to read!

Remember when Miss Maizie told the town about you reading that "Peyton Place" book? What a scandal that was.

The only thing that sends you into a rapture, Edna, are those books that arrive here in the mailbox with no return address.

Edna: Margie, every time you open your mouth, out fly a flurry of untruths and fibs! You're just spoiling for a fight, but I won't be stooping to your level so you can just forget it.

And since you were such a helpful librarian, maybe you can tell our readers how they can celebrate National Librarians Day.

Margie: Librarians do a wonderful job and it's not as easy as it sometimes looks. Give your librarian a special Thank You today for all their hard work. They don't get near the appreciation they deserve.

Work Like a Dog Day

Margie: Edna, I'm really proud of the work ethic our parents instilled in us. Both of them believed in hard work although they weren't work-a-holics.

In all my years working as a librarian I worked like a dog too. Edna, how hard does a dog work? Most dogs I know lay around all day.

Edna: I do not know how that figure of speech got started, because you're surely right about dogs and their work habits. Sometimes I think they have the right idea.

Mama and Daddy would have been proud if they could see how hard we still work today, even though we don't have jobs anymore. It takes a lot of work just to keep this old homestead going, even with Cousin T helping us out occasionally. I think I work harder now than I ever did when I was the receptionist at the Salt Mine, and I worked 12-hour days back then.

Margie: You're surely right, Edna. Being a librarian was more work than anybody could imagine. Do you know what hard work it was to find a private place so I could read all the new books before they got checked out?

Exactly what kind of work do you do around here now, Edna? I can't recall seeing that.

Edna: Don't start on me, old woman, you're not going to ruin yet another blog post with your snippy remarks. You know good and well that I do all the work that you neglect while you're holed up down there in the basement. You're working like a dog on something down there, but I think you're working at being up to no good.

Margie: Sister, what I'm up to in the basement is all good. My lips are sealed.