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Margie: Edna and I have decided to make this Nathan Fillion Week. Lordy, I'd love to have him visit my basement. What a hunk!
Don't mind me because I want to tell you how sweet my Nathan is. He is the co-founder of Kids Need To Read. What's it all about?
"Kids Need to Read is a national nonprofit foundation that promotes childhood literacy and addresses the crisis in library funding that currently exists in the United States. Donating inspiring, new books to schools, public libraries, juvenile offender facilities, dropout recovery programs, urban afterschool organizations, and special education classes, the foundation works to develop a lifelong love of reading and an awareness of social responsibility in all children."
Edna: Margie and I both support anything that furthers childhood literacy, and it was a pleasant surprise to find out that Mr. Fillion does as well. Please take a minute to visit the site and find out all about this wonderful charity. Thank you.
Edna: I remember when one or two magazines would last you a long car trip, but you're right that they've been cut way down these days. I don't even like to pick up those fashion magazines, they're so full of ads for clothing that nobody but a stick insect could wear.
I used to get so excited when a new magazine would come in the mail, it would make my day to see that glossy cover in the mailbox. Now that we've stopped all our subscriptions to save money, I have to walk down to the library if I want to read the latest periodicals. Margie, the last time I did that, I saw some young whippersnapper sneezing all over the latest copy of People magazine. It was enough to put me off my lunch.
Margie: I got excited over the good stories. Nowadays, it's all about kids and marriage, and spouses who cheat. They sure didn't talk about such in our day. Pure scandal.
Edna, there's another problem for sure: people spreading germs. That's disgusting. I hate to say it but you're right about fashion. The only people who can wear that stuff would be a stick. I miss the old days.
Edna: Well so do I, you idjit, what on earth have we been talking about all this time? Just hand me my bottle of Germ-X, I'm off to the library to catch up on how that poor Sandra Bullock is doing.
*image courtesy MagazineArt.org
Edna: Margie, look at the time! Why didn't you tell me I'd been online this long? Honestly, sometimes I think the Internet is both a blessing and a curse, and that's the truth.
Margie: Edna, that's why nothing gets done around here. I suppose you're trying to find a man. You best be careful because bad folks can get information about you from that computer.
Edna: I'm always careful online, that's another reason why the Internet can be a dangerous thing. That, and people emailing you left and right, even though you said you never wanted to hear from them again.
Margie: Edna, do I hear gossip there? Who did you tell not to email you anymore? Mr. Jones? The mailman?
I worry about young children, Edna. Where's the fun of going to the library and researching topics from books? And all these old perverts trying to get to the children. Those perverts are the worst.
Edna: They are, aren't they? People with more time than morals (or sense) should not be allowed to have an Internet connection. We should write our Congresswoman about that, she hasn't had a letter from us in at least a week.
I worry about the children too, because I fear that the Internet is raising a generation of young people to be lazy about what they read online, and they're not as prudent with their personal information as they should be. In our day, there just wasn't the chance to publish your business all over kingdom come for perfect strangers to read. Imagine, we never would have taken out an ad in the Jericho Courier telling people that our "relationship status" had changed. Well, I wouldn't have anyway, I had more decorum than some people around here.
Margie: Good idea. Let's write her tonight. No pervert should be allowed to have a computer!
I'm glad we never spread our business all over town. Look at some of these blogs we visit. Some of them have near nekkid pictures. I saw one today of a nekkid cowboy. Edna, are all perverts male?
Edna: I think you already know the answer to that, you floozy.
Edna: Margie, how about you tell our nice readers about that embarrassing incident you started the other day at the library. Go ahead, tell them.
Margie: Why must you lie, Edna? It was you who acted out in the library. Do you really think I'd show out in my former place of employment?
Dear readers, my sister is not a nice person. Never go to the library with her and try to pick out a movie to watch.
Edna: I can see I can't trust you to tell an accurate version of events, so I'll just explain to our readers what really happened.
Yes, Margie and I did go to the library to pick out a movie to watch. But she was being her mean and hateful self, as usual, and she wouldn't agree with any of the wonderful movies I had picked out.
Margie: Edna threw a hissy fit because I wanted to get a nice Western. Edna wants to watch dancing or love stories. Give me a manly man and horse movie any time.
Edna, there was no need to yell in the library. I hope somebody tells Pastor.
Edna: Oh no, I'm not the one who was making all that noise and causing the library patrons to look at us like we were heathens. Didn't you see that young mother hustling her children away from you while you were having your conniption fit? She told me as she went by that she hoped my sister learned to control herself better in public. She meant you, you harpy.
And what's wrong with dancing or love stories? All you do with those Westerns is tell lies about how you used to date all the handsome actors. Besides, I look at a horse's rear end across the dinner table every single day, I for sure don't want to look at any more on the TV.
Margie: Edna, as usual you have lied to try to make yourself look good. You are trash but try so hard to hide it.
There's nothing wrong with dancing or love stories if we could hear them in the English language. Lord a mercy, that French screeching gets on my nerves.
I know, Edna. I always hold the mirror up at the dinner table so you can look at yourself and I don't have to. Ruin my appetite.
Edna: You see how she talks to me, folks? Margie, I hope you've got a back-up plan, because that security guard said they're not letting us back there for at least a month. That's the only place in town that had free movies, I hope you're proud of yourself.
Margie: I am proud because I have friends who will let me in and I'll get the movies I want to see for a change. Spoiled brat.
Margie: Edna, get your lazy rear out of that bed. You don't want to disappoint the children. Remember this is Reading Is Fun Week and we volunteered to help at the library.
I'm going to say something, Edna, but I'll deny it if you tell anybody. The children loved you last year and thought you were funny. You got quite a few of them interested in reading and I was happy to see that. Please try to act human today too.
Edna: As usual, Margie, I'm going to be gracious and accept the compliment while ignoring the insult. And I will say this: when you put your mind to it, you have a lovely reading voice. I know the children will enjoy having both of us read to them. I just love seeing all those little faces looking up at me, spellbound.
Margie: Edna, I know what you mean about those little faces. They do love a good story. I'm a firm believer in starting children as readers as early as possible.
Remember how Mama always read us a bedtime story, Edna? I do believe that's why we both love to read.
Edna: I think you're right, and we were truly blessed. Reading to these young children makes me think of Mama and how an adult can transfer a love of reading to a child. It sure would be nice if every child has someone in their life who would read to them.
All right, let's get going to the library, we've got young book-lovers to read to!
Margie: Edna, you know how I feel about books and people reading them. It helps your vocabulary and takes you to other times and places. It's fun and educational too.
Here are some books I picked out for you to read. It's not reading when you look at fashion magazines or read about the latest celebrity news!
Edna: Margie, I am tired of you putting down my reading material! I am not so frivolous that all I ever read are those horrible gossip rags. (And, might I point out, I saw Cousin T bring you that National Enquirer the last time he was here. So don't you go pointing fingers at me.)
Why are you bringing this up now?
Margie: Edna, I was at my book club meeting last night and some of the ladies asked why you never attend. They snickered and somebody said you only looked at picture books.
I want to help you so you're not the butt of so many jokes.
Edna: Don't try and pull that helpful sister act with me. I could care less what the "ladies" in your book club think of me and my reading habits, Miss Smarty-Pants. But, if I did care, you could very easily put those unfounded allegations to rest by telling them that I have a stack of books on my nightstand a foot high. And you know perfectly well that I check a bag of books out the library every week.
But I don't have to defend myself to them or to you. I know what I like to read, and how often I like to read, and that's that.
Margie: Edna, leave it to you to be critical of my life's work of trying to get more young people to read. As usual, you care only about yourself and what you do.
You put that stack of books there to flatten out those old love letters you claim you got during the war.
Edna: Well good night nurse, you are plumb driving me to distraction! Who was criticizing your life's work? You're the one who brought up the ladies of your book club and said that they were snickering at me behind my back, I was just defending myself. I'm all for encouraging young people to read, you nitwit.
Honestly, I can't talk to you any more today, I'm retiring to my room with my smelling salts and a book. You're on your own, sister.
"Read a Book Day is today. Take time out of your busy life, and relax with a good book."
