Margie: Edna, I've been studying on what we can give Mr. Mailman for Christmas. I don't think we should give him another Jack Daniels' fruitcake like we did last year though. We didn't see him for 4 days after he took that thing home.
I'm thinking of giving him something that all men want but few get and that's my picture with a nice note attached. I only have a few left but he deserves one. What do you think, sister?
Edna: As usual, I think you're an idiot, and a paper-waster to boot. You know he's going to throw your picture in the trash the first chance he gets. Why don't we get him something useful? The post office has a list of acceptable gifts for mailmen, and soda is on the list. Why don't we give him some of your Orange Crisp soda for Christmas?
Margie: Edna, you're a moron and I don't like morons! Why don't we give him that big box of See's candy that you hid under your bed? It hasn't been opened because you're so dang stingy that you're waiting until I go to the beauty parlor. Guess what, sister, I'm going to start doing my hair at home! Idjit!
Edna: Well, now you're just being mean. All right then, why don't you dip into your pin money and buy the man a gift card. The post office says you can do that as long as it's not more than $20. I think you can afford that, you grinch.
Margie: Why is he my mailman all of a sudden? You get mail too. Well, I suppose bills count as mail. You should try to be more frugal, sister. As for any pin money I may or not have? It's none of your business.
I'll just give him a jug of Special tea then he won't remember if we gave him a gift or not.
Edna: Even though apparently the post office frowns on giving liquor to your mailman (those party poopers!) I think that might be the smartest thing you've said so far. Although, that's not saying much since you consistently set the bar pretty low.
Margie: Edna, how would you like a bar upside your ugly head?