The mailman's Gift

Margie: Edna, I've been studying on what we can give Mr. Mailman for Christmas. I don't think we should give him another Jack Daniels' fruitcake like we did last year though. We didn't see him for 4 days after he took that thing home.

I'm thinking of giving him something that all men want but few get and that's my picture with a nice note attached. I only have a few left but he deserves one. What do you think, sister?

Edna:  As usual, I think you're an idiot, and a paper-waster to boot.  You know he's going to throw your picture in the trash the first chance he gets.  Why don't we get him something useful?  The post office has a list of acceptable gifts for mailmen, and soda is on the list.  Why don't we give him some of your Orange Crisp soda for Christmas?

Margie: Edna, you're a moron and I don't like morons! Why don't we give him that big box of See's candy that you hid under your bed? It hasn't been opened because you're so dang stingy that you're waiting until I go to the beauty parlor. Guess what, sister, I'm going to start doing my hair at home! Idjit!

Edna:  Well, now you're just being mean.  All right then, why don't you dip into your pin money and buy the man a gift card.  The post office says you can do that as long as it's not more than $20.  I think you can afford that, you grinch.

Margie: Why is he my mailman all of a sudden? You get mail too. Well, I suppose bills count as mail. You should try to be more frugal, sister. As for any pin money I may or not have? It's none of your business.

I'll just give him a jug of Special tea then he won't remember if we gave him a gift or not.

Edna:  Even though apparently the post office frowns on giving liquor to your mailman (those party poopers!)  I think that might be the smartest thing you've said so far.  Although, that's not saying much since you consistently set the bar pretty low.

Margie: Edna, how would you like a bar upside your ugly head?

The Best of Margie and Edna

Margie: You all know how often we talk about our Special Tea. For all the new folks who need or want to get our recipe then check out this post that we did early in 2008.

Old Lady Jewelry

Margie: Edna, have you seen all these talented people making and selling jewelry? Why can't we do that and make some extra money? You could go buy the stuff, we'll make some jewelry, then we'll split the money. How about it?

Edna: Margie, if you think I'm going to bankroll the entire project and then give you half the money, you are sorely mistaken. Either that, or you've had too much special tea today.

I do admire folks who make that beautiful jewelry we see on people's blogs. I'm not sure my old hands are nimble enough any more to make anything anyone would want to buy.

Margie: We don't have to make jewelry, Edna. Maybe we could make things that would be easy on your old hands.

How about key chains? We could put our picture on one side and a nekkid man on the other. How about that? I'll go look for nekkid men pictures.
Edna: Good God A'mighty, you and your nekkid men! Do you honestly think that anyone's going to want to buy a key chain with a nekkid man on one side and two old ladies on the other? I'm not sure we want to cater to that kind of clientele.

Margie: You hurt my feelings you old fool. You just make what you want and leave me out of it.

I'm going in my room and look at my photo albums. I hope you're a happy dingbat. Hussy.

Edna: Margie, that is just like you! You have some grandiose idea but it has to be done YOUR way. Then when someone raises some reasonable objections, you pitch a mighty fit. Well fine, go ahead and sulk in your room--at least I'll have some peace and quiet today.

Folks, I tell you what, if you ever see my sister coming your way with her packed suitcases, you just shut off the lights and pretend you're not home.

Hot Tea Month

Margie: January is Hot Tea month and that makes me very happy. I love hot tea and it has so many benefits. For instance, my doctor told me to add a dash of Jack Daniels to my cup of tea so I add several dashes to every cup. Try it and see if that doesn't make you feel better.

Edna and I always drink our Special Tea hot in the winter. It sure cuts down on our heating bill. We sometimes have to turn on a fan so we can cool off.

Go grab a cup and enjoy.

The Charleston

Edna: Margie, I liked the look of this video. The music got my toes a-tappin', but I threw my back out trying to do the dance. Why don't you give it a try?

Margie: Get me the heating pad, Edna. I declare, I tried to kick my leg up and couldn't even raise it above my knee. Remember when we could actually do this dance?

Edna: I surely do, but we're not so young and limber any more.

I'll get you the heating pad if you get me some special tea, Margie. I think I need some sippin' medicine to ease my aches and pains.

Margie: That sounds like a deal, Edna. I do believe I need some of that medicine too.

Edna: Make mine a double, please.

The Special Tea Award

Over the course of our relatively short blogging career, we've had a number of people come visit us here at the Basement. Many people leave comments, and we thank you all, since we always love to hear what our readers have to say. But there are some individuals who are unfailingly kind, humorous, and enthusiastic when commenting on our blog. To honor them, we have come up with this:

We are giving this award to the following bloggers: Maitri, glor!e, Lidian, and Mr. The Hawg. They are talented bloggers in their own right, and are just really nice people. We think that it's always a good thing to recognize kindness as well as excellence, and we hope they appreciate this award.

Unlike most blogging awards, there are no rules with this one. It does not need to be passed along (unless the recipient wants to), nor is it necessary to link back to us or even post it on your blog. We just want you to lift a virtual cup of special tea, think fun thoughts, and enjoy your award.

Please know that this is not a one-time-only award. We'll be giving this award out periodically in the future, since there are other people we'd like to honor for their support and good humor. So keep watching, you might see your name on the next awards list!

Sister's Day

Margie: Edna, look what we missed. It says in the newspaper that the first Sunday in August is Sister's Day. They made a holiday for us. My goodness. How sweet.

I just think we can celebrate any day we want to, don't you? We're not getting any younger.

Edna: Very true, sister. At our age, every day we're still alive and coherent is a holiday.

I like the idea of Sister's Day, it's a nice chance to reflect on one's relationship with one's sister. Maybe have a glass of special tea and work on burying the hatchet. What do you say?

Margie: Oh Edna, I'm all for that but where is that hatchet going to be buried?

Edna: It's a figure of speech, you ninny! My lands, here I am trying to reflect on the beauty that is our sisterly relationship and you go and say something like that.

Just be quiet and drink your special tea.

Margie: Beauty? I'll just keep my sisterly thoughts to myself. I need a straw.

"First Sunday in August

Sister's Day celebrates being or having a sister. That means a lot of us will celebrate this special day.

Sisters are truly special and unique. Sure, we may argue and fight. But, when it comes right down to it, sisters are the best, the very best.

Celebrate Sister's Day by spending time with your sister. Make it a special day in some way for you, and for her."

Margie and Edna make up

Margie: Edna, I want to come home. I'm scared in this basement. Cousin T went home because he said you'd get that old strop after him if he didn't.

Edna: Oh good Lord, I should have known that's where you'd be hiding. You big sissy, come on upstairs. As for Cousin T, well...he's right to be scared, although I do appreciate the mighty fine workmanship in my new bedroom. Even if I didn't ask for a renovation.

Margie: Edna, I've learned my lesson. No more locking men in this old basement. Well, not unless I'm with them anyway.

Edna: I'd say you've only learned half your lesson, but I suppose beggars can't be choosers. Why don't you come on up and we can set a spell out on the porch and have an elderberry cordial.

Margie: Edna, that's a lovely idea. You won't poison mine, will you?

Edna: Oh, for heaven's sake, you're so paranoid! There's no poison, I promise--I may not always like you but you are my sister. Let's wipe the slate clean and start all over now that I'm back. What do you say?

Margie: Edna, does that mean you'll call Deputy Jimmy & take back what you said? I guess we can start over if you'll quit scaring Cousin T. He means well.

Edna: I know the poor boy means well, it's not his fault that once he gets into the special tea he loses all sense of reason. I'll bake him a cake to apologize for scaring him.

As for Deputy Jimmy, I'll have a talk with him too and see what I can do. But you are officially on warning. No more rifling through my belongings like they were yours anymore, you hear me? I'll not stand for it.

Margie: Edna, you're acting a bit strange. What really happened in Florida with those Biddys? You know I can take care of them if they did something to you.

Okay, Edna, I won't bother your things anymore. You know that special tea just makes me confused.

Edna: I’m going to overlook the fact that you’re saying it’s strange that I’m acting nice. Nothing happened with the Biddys, besides them getting on my nerves, and I thank you for offering to “take care of them” for me.

As for the special tea, well…everything in moderation, just like Mama used to say.

Margie: Edna, we need to be clear. You just don't seem yourself. I think those Biddy's unnerved you more than you're willing to admit. I'd like to shoot those Biddy teeth right out of Itty's head.

Oh honey, I moderate my special tea by the gallon.

Edna: Margie, let's just put it this way: some things happened in Florida that no one would believe, least of all you. I don't know how much more I can say without it affecting the outcome of the criminal trial. Dangit Margie, now I've said too much, are you happy??

Margie: Edna, I shall say no more. When you're ready to talk about it I'll be glad to listen. There are things in life that are best kept to oneself. Wouldn't you agree?

Edna: I surely do agree, and I’m glad you see it that way. Now, let’s go have that elderberry cordial and you can help me decide what kind of cake to bake for Cousin T.

Iced Tea Month

Margie: Guess what I saw on TV, Edna? June is National Iced Tea Month. Remember Mama telling us about going to the World's Fair in 1904? She said that was where she first tasted iced tea. Maybe we should have a Special Tea Month. What do you think?

Edna: Margie, I don’t think the world is ready for Special Tea Month. Maybe folks should just stick to iced tea for now.

There’s nothing I love more on a hot day than a tall glass of iced tea. My favorite is sweet tea, but I know not everybody likes that.

Margie: Mine too, Edna. I don't like old sour lemon in mine either. Maybe that's why your face is so puckered. Sour Edna.

It's going to be a hot summer, Edna, so we'd better haul out the gallon jugs for our tea.

Older Americans Month

Margie: Edna, this is Older Americans Month. I like what this article says about us being role models. I know I've always tried to live by the highest standards to show young ladies how important it is.

Edna: Margie, please don't make me call you a liar in front of our readers.

Margie: This is very interesting, Edna. My goodness. There are 9.7 million veterans over 65. How many do you think are men? I'd better start going to the VFW.

Edna: I didn't know that there were that many older veterans, either. For once I like the way you think, sister. Let's pack up some of our special tea and head down to the Jericho VFW--those soldier boys always did appreciate a trim ankle and a coy smile.


"Older Americans Month originated with a presidential proclamation in May 1963. It has been proclaimed by presidents every year since then. Last year, President Bush stated, “Older Americans help others to understand the past, and they teach timeless lessons of courage, endurance and love. Through their legacy of patriotism, service, and responsibility, America's seniors also unite families and communities and serve as role models for younger generations.”


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James Garner had a stroke last week and is hospitalized, but they say he's recovering and should be released soon. Get well soon, Jim!

Good health, BAD ideas

Edna: Margie, we’ve been pretty lucky so far in that we have enjoyed better health than two old ladies have a right to. But I know some people aren’t so lucky. And I think when you’re desperate for some relief from whatever ails you, you may not use the best judgment in choosing a product to help.

Margie: That's true, Edna. I've done many things to try and cure my hemorrhoids as you well know.

Edna: Margie, you have just given our readers way too much information.

I have seen some pretty crazy things in my day, but the ones on this list simply take the cake. I’m no medical doctor, but these just seem like bad ideas to me.

1. Botox. Yes, I know people in Hollywood love it, and even housewives have Botox injection parties. But any process that combines the words, “needle,” “face,” and “botulism injection” just seems like a bad idea, I don’t care if it is FDA-approved.

Margie: Edna, I saw Priscilla Presley on TV and she had that Botox face. Hers is the only face I've seen that's uglier than yours.

Edna: But at least I’ve aged gracefully, unlike someone else I could mention. Now, take a look at this next one:

2. The tapeworm diet. Now, I can’t tell for sure if this is a joke or not. Take a look, Margie, what do you think?

Margie: Edna, I am not even going to look at that. You know I'm not partial to any worm.

Edna: I don’t blame you, I almost threw up all over the computer. In this day and age when the cost of food has skyrocketed, would anyone seriously entertain this as a good way to lose weight? From their website: “How it works...You take one or two cysts and then the worm will attach to the wall of your small intestine. It will grow over the course of three months to a length of three feet. Then around day 85 you will take a dose of medicine to kill the worm. Then you let your body rest for a month and decide if you want do it again. You do this until you have achieved your weight loss goals.” Mind you, these “cysts” have been dissected out of an infected cow. You read that right: AN INFECTED COW. Still seem like a good idea? For a real eye-opener, take a look at their frequently asked questions.

3. Murine Earigate System. Okay, I admit, this one may not be as bad of an idea as it appeared on the TV commercials. Remember how we saw that commercial and thought they were blowing out the earwax with compressed air?

Margie: Yes, and you tried it and blew your brains out.

Edna: Hush, you ninny. I stand corrected about that commercial, because their website says that the product’s “patented reverse-spray nozzle gently sprays natural-source sea water backwards out of the ear, cleansing the canal without pressure on sensitive ear drums.” Sea water? Margie, remember that time we went on that family vacation to the Gulf Coast in our old Model T, and Mama made us put alcohol drops in our ears to get the sea water out after we went swimming? What is this world coming to when you'd actually spray it into your ears?

Margie: Mama wouldn't cotton to that idea one bit, Edna. We'd best stick to doing what Mama said.

Edna: I think you’re right. I swan, maybe we should start bottling up our special tea and marketing that as a health aid. If you squirted some of that in your ear, it surely would take care of the earwax right quick.

Cousin T Visits The Basement

We are so happy to have our Cousin T visiting us today. He would come spend summers with us when he was just a tadpole. He's moved to Jericho Junction now so he can visit more often. (Keep the Special Tea out of his reach, Edna.)


Margie: Cousin T, you live at Jericho Junction now so you can visit us much more often. I'll give you some Special Tea to take back home with you. Now, you just sit down and tell us what's going on in town.

It is true the junction is just a hop, skip and a jump from here but sometimes it can be very difficult to get all them things in the right order to wind you up where you want to be. I love it in your basement though. Your root cellar was my second home when I was a kid. I love how it can be 95 degree outside but stay a nice cool 62 down here. Do you remember that time the twister sirens went off while my sister Sadie and I were over for supper and we all rushed down here and when we emerged that old oak down the hill was on it's side with half of it's root canopy sticking out of the ground? Oaks is some strong trees too.

You ladies should know better than me what is going on in Jericho though. I only get a call when one'a Beck's guys kicks in a door and they need someone to fix it.


Margie: Mr. Hawkins gave us new computers but these new-fangled contraptions confuse us. What should we look up on the innerweb, Cousin T.?

My feeling is it doesn't matter what you are looking up so much as how you are doing it. I got me laptop too and what I really like to do is to start a fire outside in the burn barrel using some of them scraps from my carpentry job and then sit around all night tending it and listening to baseball and sniffing around online finding stuff Like THIS fella who plays a really nice harp. I like the way his eyes go all glassy when he play's.


Margie: Edna wants to go to the carnival. Do you have a car? Maybe you could take us?

That reminds me of one of my favorite songs. Most people think I am weird for liking THIS guy but I think his singing is kind of pretty. Just try to ignore how that ocean is going back and forth like that. It is a nice shot of the ocean I just wish it was a little longer.

Sure we can all go to the Sharptown carnival in my truck. I love the Tilty world.


Edna: Cousin T, we love having you come to visit us, but you don't come around often enough! What could we talk about here on our blog that would make you visit more?

I have an intense interest in cabinet hardware so if you talked about that more it would be good. Also, I intend to learn a little bit more about greek mythology so maybe if you threw in something about birds flying out of a crack in somebodies head or a three headed dog or the like.

Mostly you know, I am like a bad penny though, I always turn up.



Edna: Margie stores some precious things down in the basement, and she's worried about them getting out---er, someone stealing them. I know you're good with carpentry and wood-working, can you suggest some ways that we might make the basement door more secure?

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of a dead bolt. Them normal locks you can pick with a credit card or, as someone tried to do at my house, a 2 foot square. I found it all bent up on my back porch when I got home late one night. The very next day I installed me a dead bolt. This fella I know has a dead bolt installed in his front door has one of them remote controls like to open your car cept this one opens his house. I guess you would call that a live bolt. I would also suggest Miss Margie take out some four legged insurance. Most thieves hear a dog and see a dead bolt they just keep on trucking.

Can I have more of this Tea?
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We would like to thank Margaret at EyeSpi20 for making us one of her favorite blogs of the week.

Special Tea For the Soul

When Edna and I came home from finishing school, Mama told us that we should never stop improving ourselves. She said, " A lady can always find a way to be more of a lady."

In honor of Mama, Edna and I would like to present a week of self-improvement ideas which we hope will benefit you as much as it will us.
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Edna: Margie, I am a big believer in self-improvement, but mostly in others since I myself am practically perfect in every way.

Margie: Edna, I know you believe in self-improvement, just not for yourself. You have had delusions for so long that I'm surprised you're still at home. Of course, the Dr. does give you strong doses of those pills. I still say all you need is Special Tea for the Soul.

Edna: Margie, I stopped taking those pills a long time ago, but we're not here to talk about my private business you blabbermouth. Why don't you give our readers a few words of wisdom? (Folks, listen close, she doesn't sound wise very often.)

Margie: Fine, Edna. Here are some words for you.

An apple a day prevents one from going to see a handsome doctor. That's why I don't eat apples.

Edna: Here's one of my favorites from Mama: she always said that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. But what you’d want to do with a bunch of sticky flies is beyond me.

Margie: I think they made Shoo Fly Pie with them, Edna. That reminds me.

Mama also said if it weren't for Special Tea you'd have no personality whatsoever.

Edna: Margie, you can kiss my grits! Folks, listen up and let me tell you something. The way to a man’s heart is usually through his stomach. Unless you’re Margie, and then you just lock him in the basement until he gives in.

Margie: Saves on the grocery bill, Edna. And may I say that you can love a rich man as well as a poor one unless the rich man is really ugly. I don't allow ugly men in my basement.

Edna: Mama would be so proud.
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Amy Vernon tells all!

Amy Vernon, of the Remote Access TV blog, is probably the first fan that Margie and Edna ever had. She has been a staunch supporter ever since the ladies made an appearance on Remote Access back in August 2007. She is a long-time friend to Jericho, and an all-around lovely person, and we thank her for taking the time to sit down and answer a few questions from two nosy old ladies.

1. Margie: Edna, here's what I want to ask Amy: Do you know this Hughie Hefner fella? I think he wants to talk to me. Could you give him my number?

Amy: Well, um, er, [blushes] I'll see what I can do. Truth be told, he has mentioned you before. Both of you, of course.

2. Edna: Amy, Margie and I have a lot of fun writing out our thoughts (well, my thoughts, Margie doesn't have very many of her own). Do you think that there's anything we can do differently to make our blog more popular? We like to help as many people as we can, you know.

Margie: We'd also like more gentlemen callers.

Amy: Oh my. Well, as for making your blog more popular, I've learned most of what I know about networking my blog from a lovely lady named Jane; I believe you've met her? I can't imagine I could tell you anything in that respect that Jane couldn't.

As for the gentlemen callers, photos of scantily clad women usually helps with that. Don't you have any daguerreotypes from your youth?

Edna’s note: Don’t get fresh young lady, we’re not that old! We were quite the lookers when we were girls, do you think these snapshots will do the trick?

3. Edna: Amy dear, we know you spend a lot of your time watching the television, do you have any actors that you find especially mouthwatering?

Amy: Funny you should ask - you know Jake Green, of course. It seems there's this actor out there who looks JUST like him! Skeet Ulrich is his name. I've been known to time the "pause" button to a moment where Skeet shows up.

Hmm, who else? When I was a young girl, I had the biggest crush in the world on Richard Hatch. He has aged rather well. You can see him on "Battlestar Galactica" on the Sci Fi Channel. And Naveen Andrews on ABC's "Lost" isn't too hard on the eyes, I must admit.

Margie's note: Amy, you have good taste in men. So do I. Eat your heart out, dear.

4. Margie: Amy, we saw a truck in town last week with a CBS logo on the side. We don't know what that means but we think they're the ones who almost wiped Jericho off the map. What do you think?

Amy: You didn't hear it from me, but I'm pretty sure that's the broadcast arm of Jennings & Rall.

5. Edna: Amy, you've been our good friend for a while now, what are your plans for the future? We know you're busy at the paper, but will you come back to visit us in Jericho?

Amy: First off, I will always be happy to visit my favorite residents of Jericho. Just make sure you have some of your special tea waiting for me.

Margie’s note: Amy, dear, just a tip from Margie here. Drink 2 glasses of my Special Tea before you do your writing. You'll win a Pulitzer in no time.

Amy: As for the future, I really don't know. I'm glad you two have joined me in the blogosphere; I enjoy blogging quite a bit and hope to further my efforts in that area. I hope to be able to live-blog the coming civil war, but that future is still uncertain.