Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Edna's Christmas Wish

Edna:  Margie, I've found what you can get me for Christmas.  Macy's is having a one-day sale today, too, so you won't even have to pay full price!  Isn't that wonderful?


Margie: Edna, you've finally lost your marbles. You think I'm getting you a gift after you treated me so badly when I asked for a maid? You can buy your own gift, idjit. What nerve!

Edna:  I should have guessed as much.  Besides, you'd never spend that kind of money on someone else.  You're such a Scrooge, Margie!  
Well, that's okay.  That just means I don't have to give you a gift at all this year if you're going to be such a sorehead about everything.

Margie: See how childish you are, sister? Mama said it's better to give than receive but all you care about is what you get.  You're the Scrooge.

I'm not even going to put up a tree this year because you don't deserve it.

Edna:  Hmph, like that's such a hardship!  You know I'm the one who always ends up vacuuming up the pine needles so no one steps on them.  I swan, those things are like daggers if you're in your bare feet.

You know what, Margie?  You sure don't deserve a Christmas present but plenty of other people do.  I'm going to donate my money to a worthy charity instead of buying something for you.  At least they'll be grateful, unlike a certain selfish hag I know.

Margie: I wouldn't mind having a dagger right about now.

What charity would that be, dear? Your Alcoholics Anonymous group?

Edna:  How anyone can be so hateful and spiteful this time of year is simply beyond me.

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