Happy New Year's Eve

Margie: Hello? Hello? Edna, is that you calling? What's that racket? Turn the TV down. Are you deaf?

Edna: Gah, there's something wrong with this silly phone, I can't hear a word she's saying! Margie, hello, can you hear me??

Margie: Edna? Who are you calling? There's going to be police looking for you. You stop stalking me!

Edna: Oh, good Lord. Margie, as usual you're not making much sense so just let me tell you why I'm calling. I'm at the best party and I just wanted to rub your nose in it! I figured you'd be all alone at home tonight and I just wanted you to hear how much fun I'm having. Eat your heart out, sister.

Margie: Nitwit, I'm not alone. Cousin T, pass the appetizers.

Edna? Yes, we're eating. We ordered pizza. I don't think it's my nose that has a problem. Edna, I thought you said you locked your bedroom door.

Edna: I hocked my old decor? What in the world are you talking about, woman? It sounds like you're in the middle of Grand Central Station, the phone company must have our lines crossed or something.

I don't want to stand here all night yelling at you, I've got a party to get back to. My lands, if I'd known before how much fun these retirement community holiday parties are, I'd have crashed one long before now! Glad you're not here to spoil my fun, sister.

Margie: Edna, don't you hang up on me. Oh my heart! Did you say you signed yourself into a retirement home? Boys! Old Edna isn't coming home ever again. Let's party!

Best of Margie and Edna: Sweet Treats

Originally posted on September 25, 2008

Sweet Treats

Edna: Margie, I've noticed something interesting about our readers. Would you like me to tell you what it is?

Margie: I would like to know if you're planning to tell the truth.

Click here to read more....

Margie Plays Cards

Margie: Today is National Card Playing Day. Edna is gone so I won't have to play with that cheater.

I love playing cards for sure. My favorites are Rook, Spades, and Rummy. I was just reading about different kinds of card games and there are a lot of them that I've never heard of.

How about Disorder or Go Boom? Spoons? Poison? I think I'll just mosey on down to Bailey's Tavern where there's always somebody wanting to play cards. See you there.

Merry Christmas 2009!

image property SilverCollect Blog

We wish the merriest of Christmases to you and yours!

Love, Margie and Edna

Merry Christmas Eve

Margie (Jane):Merry Christmas Eve. I thought I'd take this opportunity to hijack our blog and wish a Happy Birthday to the love of my life.

This is Arabelle but I call her Boo. She is 3 years old today and I cannot imagine my life without her. She is my best friend.

Happy Birthday my Boo.

The Best of Margie and Edna

Margie: You all know how often we talk about our Special Tea. For all the new folks who need or want to get our recipe then check out this post that we did early in 2008.

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming...

Dear readers,

Because of planned vacations and the holidays, things are going to be a little different around the Basement until after the new year. Beth (aka "Edna") is going on an extended holiday that will take her offline for a while. Jane (aka "Margie") will continue with the blog in Beth's absence and asks that you be patient with her.

Not to worry, the blog will be updated as regularly as it is now so please keep stopping by. And we also have some fun things planned! Starting this week, we are introducing a new feature here at the Basement, a "Best of Margie and Edna" series. We have many readers now who weren't with us from the beginning, so we're dusting off some of our favorite posts to share with you all every week.

As always, we deeply appreciate everyone who comes to visit us. Whether you're a daily or occasional visitor, we love you all! Because as much as we enjoy writing Margie and Edna for ourselves, we enjoy it even more with the kind of appreciative audience that we have.

Love,
Jane and Beth
aka "Margie and Edna"

Fun Friday

Margie: One of my very favorite websites is Southern Plate by Christy Jordan. It's a wonderful place to visit for recipes, contests, and stories.

Christy has just written one of the best stories ever called "Seven Cakes." Even though this is not exactly a Fun Friday story, it is definitely one that will make you tear up and feel fortunate.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Grampy and Us

Margie: Edna, I told you that you're a nitwit and I've got proof now. Look at Grampy, Claudia, and Cousin T all passed out in front of the fireplace. I told you not to ask Grampy to help Cousin T build that house.

Lord a mercy, what if somebody saw Grampy come in here? He's a married man, sister, and his wife may come looking for you. We know there's no foolishness going on here but she may not believe us.

Edna: Well, I don't know why you're blaming me for this! I never told anyone to build any house, I just told Grampy that I heard he was good at building doll houses. Things would have been just fine if you hadn't insisted on giving them special tea. And shame on you for giving special tea to Grampy's dog, I'm going to call the ASPCA.

And as for Mrs. Grampy...I'm sure she's a reasonable woman and will understand when you call her to come pick up Grampy and Claudia.

Margie: Don't you try to blame me, nitwit. Cousin T said he needed help to build him a house and you're the one who asked Grampy to help him. Furthermore, I made a special recipe for the tea that's safe for animals so you report me and we'll see who looks like a dummy.

Speaking of a dummy, there's no way I'm calling Mrs. Grampy! Let's just roll Grampy out to the curb and call Deputy Jimmy to come get him.

Edna: Now you listen up and you listen good, you old fool. Cousin T said he needed help with his new house and ALL I said was that Grampy builds dollhouses. That's it, end of story. I thought Grampy could help him with his plans or something. But you know, I think the special tea you gave them made those blueprints hard to read. That house they built doesn't look big enough to hold a hamster, let alone a human.

We can't just abandon Grampy at the curb, that would be insensitive. Plus, we might get cited for littering. If we can roll him out as far as the front yard, he'd be safe under that maple tree until his wife can come get him. Go on ahead and call her, since you're responsible for this mess.

Margie: That might work but I'm keeping Claudia in the house. Let me use your cellulitis phone and I'll call Mrs. Grampy.

Edna: Here's the phone, and I'm locking myself in the basement until everything quiets down. You give that lovely Mrs. Grampy my regards, and you tell Grampy that next time he wants to visit us, he'd best behave a bit better. My stars and garters, I need a tonic to calm my nerves!

Margie: Folks, I'm too smart for my sister. When I use her phone to call Mrs. Grampy, guess whose name will show up on that phone???

Chocolate Covered Anything Day

Margie: Edna, Wednesday is National Chocolate Covered Anything Day! I'm going to start my day with a big plate of chocolate covered biscuits. What will you have?

Edna: Maybe an antacid, in anticipation of all the chocolate I'll be eating on Wednesday. You know, I'm not a big fan of fruit and chocolate together, but Godiva has a Key Lime Truffle that will knock your socks off.

Margie: Key Lime and chocolate? Not for me. Give me some strawberries dipped in chocolate and a cowboy to feed me and that's what will knock your bloom, socks off.

Edna: Margie, no one wants to hear about you and any cowboys, so just hush up.

You know, I heard on the news the other night about chocolate-covered bacon. I like bacon and I like chocolate, but certainly not together!

Margie: No way do I want chocolate bacon. Yuck. I don't think I'd like any chocolate covered ants or grasshoppers either.

You've made me want chocolate milk. Why don't you go fix us a glass?

Edna: Sister, I'll make a deal with you: I'll fix you a glass of chocolate milk if you promise to stay out of this pound box of Russel Stover's I bought. I can't bring a box of chocolates into this house without you sticking your finger in the bottom of each piece to see what the filling is. Hands off!

Margie: Go fix the milk while I think about your deal.

Edna: Fine, but I'm taking my chocolates with me.

Sex and the Senior Citizen

Edna: Margie, our good friend Carmen at Carmen's Chronicles suggested an unusual blog topic for today's post. I do think we're going to have to tread lightly, it's a bit of a delicate subject. In fact, it's really not a topic for mixed company, I'm not sure what that young lady was thinking.

Margie: Lord a mercy, Edna, what's the world coming to these days? What is so delicate about sex and senior citizens? They just can't do all those contortions like they did when they were young. I'd like to see you try to climb up in that barn loft today.

Edna: I should have known you'd like this topic, what with all the smut and whatnot you parade around our blog. You know good and well that Mama raised us to keep bedroom business in the bedroom. But if you and Carmen insist we talk about this, I suppose we can come up with a few tips for the elderly who, er, want to get down to business.

1. Make sure that if you attempt anything where flexibility is needed, one or both of your hips have already been replaced. If you try some of those maneuvers listed in books with your original hips, you could end up having to tell a very embarrassing story to the EMTs.

2. Educate yourself about diseases and protection, the world is a much dirtier place than when we were young. Don't be like these old fools down in Florida, who didn't have the good sense to know how to avoid catching one of them ess-tee-dees. Folks, just remember that a retirement community is not a euphemism for "swinger's club."

3. If you're going to do the horizontal mambo with another senior citizen, make sure you both keep your hearing aids turned on. No need to wake the neighbors with your high-volume pillow talk. Getting a knock on the door from the police because someone's reported you for disturbing the peace can ruin the mood right quick.

4. Carmen, it's not nice to tell a gentleman to take 2 Viagra at once because it could make his heart give out. You wouldn't want to explain that scenario to anybody would you?

5. Edna says to keep your bedroom business in the bedroom. Margie says to try many other places besides the bedroom. Just watch for carpet burns. That hurts.

Sunday Funnies

Margie: Why buy stamps to mail Christmas cards?

Here's my card to all my friends. (Not you, Edna).

Enjoy!!

Fun Friday: The Christmas Song

Edna: Folks, it has been downright frigid around here lately, and it's not just because of Margie's constant bad mood. All this blustery weather is putting me in mind of the holidays, and one of my favorite holiday songs of all time is Mr. Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song." What a fine voice that man had, and this song puts me in the Christmas mood every time I hear it. Enjoy!

The wish list...

Margie: Edna, I think our readers would be interested in knowing what we'd like to get for Christmas. And don't start with that world peace and everything else you always say. Just say what you would like to have for yourself.

I'll start. I want this. Look.

The Victoria's Secret "Sexy Splendor Fantasy Bra"

Edna: Well, if you think I'm going to say I want something like that ridiculous multi-million dollar brassiere, then you are sorely mistaken. Margie, I can't believe you would want something like that; pardon me for saying so, but you can't fill it up nearly as well as that model does.

My needs are much simpler, give me a pound box of nuts and chews from See's Candies and I'd be a happy woman.

Margie: Edna, you're too dumb. Don't you know that toilet tissue can help fill any bra?

Oh, I want some of that See's too plus about 5 cases of Pepsi and a gift certificate to the grocery store. I'd also like some books so I can read all winter.

Edna: My lands, if you get all the Pepsi you won't be able to sit still long enough to read any of those books.

You know what I really want? I want a good, solid pair of ear plugs so I don't have to listen to you griping and complaining about how I never help you clean the house. Margie, that complaint might hold more water if I didn't have dishpan hands and housemaid's knee, you lying liar.

Margie: Edna, you wouldn't know the truth if it smacked you. I'm the one who needs ear plugs. You always say your dishpan hands are caused by your compulsive hand washing and those knobby knees are caused by arthritis.

I'd sure have a lovely Christmas if some fool would come adopt you.

Edna: Lord-a-mercy folks! If any of you know a sugar daddy, send them my way, maybe they'll adopt me. Either that, or they could buy Margie her gazillion-dollar undergarment and take her far far away from me.

You guessed it!

Dear readers,

The results are in from our recent "Guess Our Ages" contest and we have our winners! Grampy at Grampy and You correctly guessed Beth's age, and RNSANE (i.e., Carmen at Carmen's Chronicles) was the closest to guessing Jane's correct age. Congratulations to you both, and thanks to everyone who participated!

We have to say, we were a bit surprised at the range of ages guessed. Apparently we're good enough at acting like crabby octogenarians that our correct ages aren't easily pinpointed. While we're not going to disclose our real ages to anyone but the winners, we will admit that we are both MUCH younger than Margie and Edna.

Both Grampy and Carmen will have the opportunity to pick the subject of their choice for the ladies to blog about. Keep checking back, we're sure you won't want to miss what they come up with!

Remember Pearl Harbor

Sunday Funnies

Margie: This is my sister, Edna, for sure. She dreams the house is clean so she never has to lift a finger to help me.

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Don't forget to email us your guesses for the "Guess our Ages" contest, all guesses need to be sent by tomorrow (Monday Dec. 7th) at noon EST.

Fun Friday

Margie: Ladies, do you need something to warm you during this winter season? Do I have a present for you!!!

Look at the sexy “12 Men of Christmas,” calendar with all the steaming hot men from "12 Men of Christmas" starring Kristin Chenoweth and Josh Hopkins. Tune in to the “12 Men of Christmas” movie on Lifetime on Saturday, December 5th at 9 pm ET/PT.

I'll be busy Saturday night so don't bother trying to call.

Operation Santa Paws

Your help is needed for holiday toys, treats, and supplies for shelter and rescue cats and dogs.

"OPERATION SANTA PAWS was established by Justin Rudd in 2001. It is part of the Haute Dog organization (pronounced HOT) -- a diverse and growing network of dog owners, lovers, educators, rescuers and supporters. Our common bond has resulted in a unique and lively community of folks who share some qualities of our favorite dogs: devotion, spirit and tenacity."

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Don't forget to email us your guesses for the "Guess our Ages" contest, only five days left to enter. Many thanks to those who've sent us their guesses so far!

Where's our money??

Edna: Margie, I tell you what, I am just stumped as to how bloggers make any money with their blogs. You're forever seeing some blogger going on and on about "monetizing" this and that, but I'm starting to think they're all full of hooey. We certainly haven't had much luck so far with this monetizing thing, maybe we need to think outside the box. Winter's here and I need to raise some funds for socks and mittens.

Margie: I know what you mean, sister. I need flannel bloomers and new socks plus another blanket for my bed. I think it's hooey too.

Maybe now you'd like to entertain my notion of selling nekkid pictures?

Edna: Oh, good grief. Margie, I refuse to make money by objectifying handsome young men, I don't care how willing they are.

I was thinking maybe we could hold a widget yard sale. I'm sure we've got a few over there in the sidebar just gathering dust.

Margie: Edna, I was talking about nekkid pictures of ME. Yes, we could have a widget yard sale or we could have a Special Tea stand out by the road.

Maybe people would send donations if they saw a picture of my holey bloomers.

Edna: As much as I hate to admit it, you might be on to something there. We could put up a picture of you and people could pay us to take it down. Goodness knows no one wants to see you and your holey bloomers, let alone you IN your holey bloomers.

Oh, I know! Maybe we could find us a wealthy sponsor, and they could pay us one dollar every time we insulted each other. My lands, we'd be millionaires in no time!

Margie: Edna, did you insult me? How do you know who might want to see my bloomers?

Margie: I like that sponsor idea. Who will sponsor me to duct tape Edna's mouth so we don't have to listen to her nonsense?

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Don't forget to email us your guesses for the "Guess our Ages" contest, only five days left to enter!

The "Guess our Ages" contest!

Dear Readers,

We'd like to announce an exciting contest here at the Basement! As you may have noticed from our profile to the right, Margie and Edna are not real people (no matter how real they may seem at times). The ladies are fictional characters created by two friends and blogging buddies, Jane and Beth. You can read more about M&E's origins here.

Now, it's no secret that Margie and Edna aren't exactly spring chickens. But does art imitate life? For this contest we'd like you, our readers, to guess the actual ages of Jane (aka "Margie") and Beth (aka "Edna"). Please send your guesses via email to margieandedna@yahoo.com (with "AGES" in the subject line). All guesses must be submitted by Monday December 7th at noon EST. (Incidentally, if you know either Jane or Beth in real life, you are not eligible for this contest.)

While there is only one entry allowed per person, you may include two guesses (one each for Jane and Beth's ages) per email entry. Whoever's guess is closest to our actual ages wins the following:

• You get to choose the subject for an upcoming blog post. Whatever you ask us to write about, we'll write about it--the sky's the limit.
• If you're a blogger, we will also run your ad in our sidebar for two weeks!
• Bonus prize: if the winner is also a member of Entrecard, you win 500 credits!

Edna: Margie, I don't know about this...a true lady never talks about something so crass as their age.

Margie: Don't talk about it then, nitwit. Just let people guess.

Sunday Funnies

'Tis the Season!

Image property of whatsbuzzin.com

Happy Thanksgiving

(courtesy of elphie76)

The Christmas card dilemma

Edna: Margie, I'm a little worried about our Christmas card list. We've got a long list of friends and family who usually get a card from us, but I don't think we can afford to buy that many brand-new Christmas cards this year. What should we do?

Margie: Let me study on that. Well, we could take the ones we've gotten over the years and erase all the signatures then resend. I guess that's called recycling.

Edna: You'd best think a little harder, because all those signatures are in ink. If we can't afford to buy Christmas cards, we surely can't afford a dozen bottles of white-out.

How about this: we take our old Christmas cards and cut them in half. Nobody writes on the inside front cover anyway, leaving us plenty of room for a message. We could mail them as post cards!

Margie: That sounds like my idea. I think Grandma used to do that so I don't see why we can't.

Edna, where will I put this picture of me and my Margiedales? I want everybody to get one.

Edna: That's NOT your idea, you glory hog. It's a better idea, actually. As for your Margiedales...well, you can just send those on your own. I don't want my name on any of those pictures, thank you very much.

Margie: Your name will never be on anything that belongs to me, sister. Go get your own men. You can buy the stamps to mail the cards too.

Edna: And you can kiss my wrinkled tushie. Those cards are from both of us, you freeloader, so we're going halfsies on the postage.

Now, you go dig out our box of old Christmas cards and I'll head on down to the post office. Have your coin purse ready, I'll expect you to pony up your share for the stamps as soon as I get back.

Margie: You're in luck, sister. Taylor Swift just paid me for a video of the Margiedales. Eat your heart out.

Edna: Oh Lord, folks, she's gone delusional again. Margie, dear, maybe it's time you went to your room for a little rest. I'll get you some warm milk and your pills.

Thanksgiving Recipes

Margie: Edna, I was just sitting here thinking about Mama and Thanksgiving dinner. I wish I had a plate full of her good food right now. What a fine cook she was. Remember when she made Apple Dapple cake? I bet our readers will like this recipe.

Edna: Mama really was a good cook, and the house always filled up with such wonderful smells at the holidays. She used to shoo you out of the kitchen because you kept snitching food while she was trying to cook, remember?

Margie: I do remember. Do you remember how I'd beg Mama to cut the cake before Thanksgiving and she never would? I cut a piece once and ate it without anybody noticing. Mama was so mad when she found a piece gone but I told her you did it.

Edna: That doesn't surprise me one bit, you were a sneaky little so-and-so. You haven't changed much, actually.

Another thing that hasn't changed in all these years is what a picky eater you are this time of year. Heaven forbid I make anything for us with sweet potatoes, squash or pumpkin in it! You yell down the house and I never hear the end of of it. Well, this year I'm making this Pumpkin Roll Cake, and if I hear one squawk out of you I'm throwing away all your movie magazines. You hear me??

Margie: That looks delicious, sister.

Sunday Funnies

Margie's Motto:

Fun Friday

Margie: Times sure have changed. I watched Beach Blanket Bingo last night. Remember those old beach movies with Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello? I thought they were grand when I went to the movie theater to see them.

I look at them now and think how silly they are and the acting surely left a lot to be desired. I can't talk about the music or I'll really get tickled.

Watch them sometimes and see what you think. I only regret that I can't get that good popcorn we had back then. It's not the same now either.

Great American Smokeout

Margie: Today is the Great American Smokeout, Edna. I'm sure you remember that I was a smoker once. That nicotine is a powerful drug but it is possible to give it up. I know I certainly feel better.

Besides, I couldn't smell a thing when I was smoking. When I walk by gentlemen now, I can inhale their good smelling cologne. Of course that also means I can smell the food you burn up every time you try to cook.

Edna: Margie, I have to say, I'm glad you gave up smoking. That secondhand smoke always did worry me, but your cigarettes also took a big chunk out of our household budget. Now that you quit, we've got more money to spend on special tea.

Plus, I guess giving up smoking means you'll live longer. Lucky me.

Margie: Edna, you are so right. I really couldn't afford to smoke anymore. The government decided to discriminate and put that big tax on my smokes so it didn't hurt to quit. They won't get my money.

Yes, we have more tea money and more money for chocolate. I sure hope lots of people will give up smoking today. We'll all outlive you.

Edna: I highly doubt that, since I'm younger than you AND I've never smoked a day in my life. But then, I guess the stress of living with you is what's going to send me to an early grave.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Once again, we'd like to extend our deepest thanks and gratitude to the following bloggers for giving us two very nice awards.

Dave at The Rooster Crows at 4am listed us at #2 on his list of top 15 blogs and gave us a Best Blog Award.

We also received the One Lovely Blog award from Spinning Lovely Days.

We are touched and honored that our fellow bloggers enjoy coming to read our blog. Thank you both so much for our awards!

Love, Margie and Edna

Happy Birthday Barbara Payton

Margie: Edna, today is the birthday of actress Barbara Payton (1927- 1967). I bet our readers never heard of her. Actually, I probably never would have either but she was in some of the movie magazines I used to read.

Remember that magazine called Confidential? Lawsy me, I didn't dare let Mama catch me reading that. She said movie magazines were "pure trash."

Edna: Hmm, count me in with our readers who've never heard of her. But I have to say, it doesn't surprise me one bit that you'd be reading magazines Mama thought was trashy.

Goodness, but she wasn't very old when she died. What happened?

Margie: Edna, it's a tragic story. She supposedly got her movie roles via the old casting couch routine then she began drinking which led to her being called a "party girl." That was not what a female wanted to be called back then.

In the end she died a prostitute on a park bench. I wonder if the library has her autobiography?

Edna: Oh my, that is a sad story! But I bet it's not an unusual one, especially for Hollywood in those days. I'd be curious to read her autobiography, her story sounds like the kind of thing they would make a movie-of-the-week out of.

Would I know any of her movies?

Margie: Probably not. You never liked that kind. I do know one thing for sure, Edna. She was a smart lady to have an affair with that delicious Guy Madison. What a hunk!!!

Sunday Funnies

Edna's Fun Friday: Weezer!

Edna: Even though I may be a half-deaf, creaky old lady with arthritis in her hips, I still know a toe-tappin' song when I hear one! Now, I'm not that familiar with these Weezer folks the kids are into, but they sure do make a mighty fine music video. Even though it's a contemporary song, this video has a retro look to it that I just love.

You know, in her younger days, Margie looked a little bit like the pretty girl in this video. But Margie certainly didn't have the men falling all over themselves to get her attention like this young lady does, no matter what Margie tells you.

Veterans Day 2009

Margie: This Veterans Day has given me a new thought about our veterans. I watched the Fort Hood Memorial yesterday and realized how the life of one veteran affects so many others. I guess I just hadn't looked at it in quite that way before.

I saw the spouses who have to go it alone now, the parents who have suffered the loss of a child, the children who will miss growing up with one parent, and all the brothers, sisters, grandparents, cousins, and friends who mourn.

I mourn with all of you and I am grateful for all those who serve our country now, then, and in the years to come.

Edna: Margie, you're so right. I'd also like to add my words of thanks and support to all our veterans and their families.

We found a lovely poem that we'd like to share with all of our readers today. The words of this poet so closely mirror our own feelings. Please read it and think of the veterans you know, and those you don't know, who put themselves in harm's way for all of us.

Remember
by Brittany Vigoreaux

American soldiers sacrifice so much,
All for the freedom of our country.
Leaving their families and heading off to war,
Not knowing what the future holds.

Working day and night
Determined to stay strong.
Watching friends be killed every day
Letters from home inspiring them to keep fighting

So little is given to them
Although there is little to do,
For those who have died in war
We can still remember

Remember all the men who have died.
Remember all the battles fought
Remember all the tears families cried
Remember it was freedom the soldiers brought

To this very day soldiers are under-appreciated
Veterans Day is the day
For the dead, living, and fighting soldiers
To be remembered

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If you'd like to find out more about contributing to nonprofit organizations that support United States Veterans, please go to the Bloggers Unite Veterans Day: Who Will Stand website for a list of links to various organizations.

As a special thanks to our American Veterans, there are free food offers for soldiers at both Applebee's and Outback Steakhouse restaurants today. Applebee's is offering a free meal to all Veterans and Active Duty Military, just show proof of military service. Outback Steakhouse is offering a free Bloomin' Onion and beverage to all Veterans and Active Duty Military, also with proof of military service.

Margie the Meanie

Edna: Margie, you've been especially crabby and mean lately, so I bought you this book. It's called "Anger Management for Dummies," and I think you should read it carefully. Hopefully it will help you be a little nicer to me.

Margie: How thoughtful! I'll have to read it later because I'm in the middle of another good book right now.

It's called, "How To Live With A Dummy." Very interesting.

Edna: You see, Margie? That right there, that's exactly what I was talking about! My book is a real book and I was just trying to be helpful, whereas you made up a book title to be hateful towards me. Mama and Daddy would be so disappointed in you....

Margie: Edna, if you weren't so concerned about yourself all the time then you wouldn't think everything is about you. You are not worth wasting my time by making things up about you.

If Mama and Daddy were here I'm sure they'd call the Repo man and have you moved on down the road.

Edna: You know, I have had it up to here with your bullying! Dr. Phil says you have to confront a bully, and that's exactly what I'm doing right this very second. Margie, I just don't understand how you can have so much fun being so mean to people, especially your closest kin. But I tell you what, sister: I won't stand for it any more!

Margie: Edna, you've been having these tantrums since you were 2 years old. I'll go get you a cup of hot cocoa because that always calms you down. Would you prefer it in a cup or in your baby bottle?

Edna: I'd prefer it down at Bailey's Tavern, which is exactly where I'm going so I don't have to sit here and listen to you anymore. If you say you're sorry, I might bring you home some pretzels.

Margie: Don't forget your curfew, sister.

Edna: Don't forget to kiss my grits.

Mud Pies

Margie: Edna, I was just reading about how children are so obese these days. Folks talk about diets and eating healthy and I'd like to shake them because there's a simple solution.

In our day we ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And, we weren't overweight. Why?

Because we were always outside playing...that's why!

Edna: That's certainly true. We didn't have Gameboys, iPods and Playstations to keep us busy and sedentary inside the house. Besides, if we'd tried to stay in the house all day, Mama would have given us a swat for being underfoot and sent us right outside.

But you know, those were also safer times, too. We could play by ourselves all over the neighborhood, and Mama and Daddy never had to worry about someone snatching us away or doing awful things to us. Times have certainly changed, sister.

Margie: You are so right. We could even walk to the store by ourselves. Nobody had a cell phone or computer so we had to walk to see our friends.

Edna, I think what's saddest of all is that kids today don't make mud pies.

Edna: You're right, that is pretty sad. Although I suppose that means that their sisters have never made them EAT a mud pie, either.

Sunday Funnies

Fun Friday

Margie: Here are some of my favorite male stars from old TV shows.
Recognize them?

Chad Everett: Dr. Joe Gannon
Medical Center

Michael Landon: Little Joe
Bonanza

Chuck Connors: Lucas McCain
The Rifleman

Tony Dow: Wally Cleaver
Leave It To Beaver

National Railroad Month

Photo courtesy Model Trains

Margie: Edna, did you know that November is National Model Railroad Month? I bet Cousin T feels like celebrating. That boy sure loves a train.

Edna, did I ever tell you about my time in the caboose? Oh, never mind, you'll just call me a floozy. Do you like trains?

Edna: Oh, I love trains! There's nothing like the sound of a train whistle--do they even have whistles any more? Toot toot!

Margie, maybe we should buy Cousin T a model train engine for his collection. He has quite a setup out in his tool shed. We could get him an engineer's cap, too.

Margie: Edna, have you been in the Special tea again? Go in your room and toot.

That's a great idea. He'd love the cap and we could have his name put on it.

Edna: All aboard!

King Tut Day

Courtesy of touregypt.net

Margie: I am proud to celebrate King Tut Day today although it actually falls on the 4th. This day is to recognize the date of the discovery of King Tutankhamen's Tomb.

I was a librarian most of my life so I know all about King Tut. Maybe Edna dated him once? If you'd like to know more then I suggest you visit your local library for books on Egyptian history.

Edna, did you ever study King Tut in school? I don't think you cared much about history. You were more interested in your hair and nails.

Edna: Oh, please. Margie, the only reason you know about this holiday is because I told you about it, so stop acting like such a know-it-all. Besides, you're flat-out lying to these folks: I know good and well that everything you know about King Tut you learned from that Steve Martin song.

Just you remember, Margie, God punishes liars.

Jack-o-Lantern Recycling

Edna: Margie, I know you're a big believer in being helpful and teaching new things to our readers, so I think you're going to like today's blog post. I'm sure most of our readers have left-over jack-o-lanterns just sitting around, and they must be wondering what to do with them. What do you say we give them a few suggestions?

Margie: Edna, you know me so well. I think that's a wonderful idea. There are many ways to recycle those pumpkins. One way is to beat it up with a hammer and use it as a facial mask. Not only does it soften your skin but all that good fiber goes straight to...

Well, what's your idea?

Edna: Margie, that's excellent! I think since recycling is so popular right now, everyone will surely want to hear what we have to say about this.

I was thinking that since the pumpkins are already hollowed out, why not use them as receptacles for things? You could fill them with bird seed and hang them in the trees for all the little birdies. Or, for the do-it-yourselfers, I think they'd make handy storage containers for loose screws and nails. Well, as long as you plug up the eyes and mouth....

Margie: Edna, that's fantastic! The birds would surely love that.

Cousin T usually makes me a nice cap and handbag out of his pumpkin. They work well until they start to rot then I get some odd looks from folks.

Edna, I wonder if we could freeze a pumpkin for next year? We do have to be frugal.

Edna: I suppose we could, but I don't know what it would look like next year when it thaws.

Margie, do you have a picture of yourself in your pumpkin cap and handbag? I'm sure our readers would love to see it.

Margie: Edna, you know I do. This is from last year when I also had the cute dress. Actually, I gave away autographed copies of this picture for Halloween.

Picture property of cookie_dough33

Margie: You know, Edna, let's think about how to use our leftover Thanksgiving turkey.

Edna: Sounds good Margie. I've already got an idea for a charming set of ribcage windchimes...

Happy Halloween!

Edna's Halloween-y Fun Friday

Edna: Ladies and gentlemen, I feel I really must apologize for my sister's behavior lately. I don't know what's gotten into her, what with all her talk of "Margiedales" and locking handsome men in our basement and whatnot. I swan, sometimes I think the pharmacist must be swapping out her iron pills for hormone pills! Well, in honor of the upcoming holiday and since it's MY Fun Friday, I'm sharing a little family-friendly entertainment today.

Note to all you handsome men out there: if you see my sister coming, you'd best turn tail and run the other way because she is plumb out of her floozy gourd right now.

1930 Halloween Evening

Photo courtesy Costume-Works.com

Margie:, Edna, aren't you excited? Mama and Daddy said you can go Trick or Treating with me this year. I know all the best places to go to get the best stuff. We can go to the Green house because they always give away bags of popcorn.

First, you have to put on your costume that Mama made. See? Mine is pink because I'm a princess. I think yours is red so you must be a little devil. Get dressed, sister.

Edna: Margie, you stop telling me what to do or I'm going to get Mama! And I'm not a little devil, my costume is red because I'm Little Red Riding Hood. You'd best not be mean to me while we're Trick or Treating tonight, I heard Daddy tell you last night that you need to be sweeter to me because I'm the only sister you have.

Margie: Edna, nobody likes a tattle-tale. Keep it up and you'll never have friends.

Daddy said he'll take us to Grandma's house if we're both sweet, Edna. Grandma is making us a chocolate cake. By the way, there's a big, bad wolf at Grandma's too.

Edna: There is not! Margie, do you remember last year when the Richmonds had a Halloween party out in their barn? My favorite thing was the apple bobbing, I could have done that all night. I wish they were having another party this year so I could show off my pretty costume.

Margie: Edna, didn't anybody tell you that we're going to the Richmond's after we go to Grandma's? I heard Daddy tell Mama that they were going dancing.

I know! Let's have a contest, Edna. You bob for an apple and I'll hold your head under until you get one. I like helping you because you're a baby.

Edna: MAMA! MARGIE CALLED ME A BABY AGAIN!

Margie, just for that, I'm not going to share with you any of the Tootsie Rolls I get tonight.

Margie: God, please give me a treat and swap Edna for a puppy.

I did not, Mama. Edna's lying again.

Edna: I never lie, Margie, Mama says it's a sin. Besides, I'd get in trouble for lying and I don't want to get in trouble tonight! I've got my heart set on some of Grandma's popcorn balls, so from now on I'm just going to ignore you like Mama and Daddy always tell me to.

Margie Loves Navy Day

Margie: Edna, I was just reading that today is Navy Day so look what I dug out of that old trunk of pictures. Remember these two sailors?

Edna: Margie, I'm not sure that I'm in the mood to listen to more of your escapades. That's probably just some picture you cut out of a magazine.

Margie: Edna, you're the old fool who cuts Gilles Marini pictures out of magazines then tapes them on your wall. You even have one of his face taped on your pillow.

Anyway, this is Navy Day and I always like to honor our military men. I've known so many of them over the years. Happy day to all you sailors!

If you're ever in Jericho just ask anybody to direct you to my basement. Come sit a spell and let's have tea.

National Popcorn Popping Month

Margie: Edna and I have always loved cool weather. You know the kind where it's cold enough to have the fireplace going. There's a smell to those old fireplaces that we always loved when we were girls. Our favorite times, though, were when Mama, Daddy, Edna, and I gathered around that fireplace and Daddy popped corn for us all. Mama made hot cider for everyone and we'd have a wonderful time.

Edna loved to hear Daddy tell stories about when he was a boy. She would get her funny box turned over because she couldn't believe that Daddy had once been a boy and not a Daddy.

Well, my old mind wanders a lot these days. I've said all this to say that October is National Popcorn Popping Month. That sure brings back a lot of happy memories. I think I'll go back and have more happy thoughts of the old days.

Edna, you sure are quiet. What's on your mind?

Edna: Nothing, I was just listening to you jaw away about the old days while I was munching on this popcorn I popped. If you want some, you'd best get over here and eat before it's all gone.

Sunday Funnies

Fun Friday

Margie: Lookie, lookie. Ladies, here are the first applicants wanting to be one of my Margiedales.

Come on over to the basement and have some eye candy. Has anybody seen Joanne? She's in charge of bringing her camera and a chocolate fountain.

What can you do with all these men and a chocolate fountain? Come see for yourself.

National Nut Day

Margie: Today is National Nut Day. Did you know this holiday is named for Edna? I know I've sure never seen a bigger nut than her.

Okay, so it's not really named for her but the good Lord knows how nutty she is. I could tell you stories but I won't because she'd sue me.

Anyway, let's just celebrate the day. Have some nuts or be a nut or go visit a nut. You could always make a cake or cookies with nuts and send some to me.

Give a nut to a squirrel if you like or send some nuts to Nutty Edna. Oops, here she comes.

Edna: Margie, I should have known you'd do something so predictable as to make "nut" jokes at my expense. I think you need new material, you hack.

Just for that, I'm not sharing the pecan pie I got at the bakery in honor of National Nut Day. Too bad for you, sister!

Where are all the good new TV shows??

Edna: Margie, I'm a little underwhelmed by this season's new TV shows. I haven't seen anything yet that I couldn't live without. What about you?

Margie: I sure haven't seen much for sure. Actually, the only new show I like is that FlashForward on ABC. I wish I could have a flash forward so I'd be able to see if I ever have any peace from your big mouth.

Edna: Well, guess what? I saw MY flash forward and six months from now I'm sitting on a beach in Tahiti sipping mojitos with a handsome young man, and you're nowhere in sight. How do you like them apples, sister?

I like that FlashForward show too, I suppose it's interesting enough. But I sure don't think it's the next LOST like everyone keeps saying it is. This season's crop of new shows just isn't grabbing me like my old favorites still do. I tried to give The Forgotten a try (because it has that nice young man on it that so reminds me of Deputy Jimmy), but it's not holding my attention much so far. I think it's bound for cancellation, and I won't be mailing any peanuts to anyone to save it, that's for sure.

Margie: Happy day! You'll be gone soon and I'm moving all my young men into this house. Margie's playmates. Yee haw!!

I watched a little bit of that Good Wife but it's just not for me. I do like her husband. Wonder why they didn't call it The Good Husband? No peanuts from me either.

Edna: It figures you'd like the husband, isn't he supposed to have been a philanderer? Mama always lamented over your floozy ways, you know.

There haven't been many good prospects for sit-coms this fall either, come to think of it. I tried watching that Modern Family but I found it too uncomfortable to watch. That's supposed to be a comedy? I am enjoying Glee quite a bit, which is kind of funny and quirky, but it has a soap opera-ish facet to it that I'm finding surprisingly unenjoyable.

Margie, perhaps we're just too old to fit the network demographics anymore.

Margie: Maybe I'll just stick to watching my Sons of Anarchy too. You're too old for anything, Edna.

Edna: I'm not too old to be your YOUNGER sister, you harpy.

So readers, what do you all think are the hits and duds of the Fall TV season so far?