Words to live by

"Maxine" is the property of Hallmark

Margie the Meanie

Edna: Margie, you've been especially crabby and mean lately, so I bought you this book. It's called "Anger Management for Dummies," and I think you should read it carefully. Hopefully it will help you be a little nicer to me.

Margie: How thoughtful! I'll have to read it later because I'm in the middle of another good book right now.

It's called, "How To Live With A Dummy." Very interesting.

Edna: You see, Margie? That right there, that's exactly what I was talking about! My book is a real book and I was just trying to be helpful, whereas you made up a book title to be hateful towards me. Mama and Daddy would be so disappointed in you....

Margie: Edna, if you weren't so concerned about yourself all the time then you wouldn't think everything is about you. You are not worth wasting my time by making things up about you.

If Mama and Daddy were here I'm sure they'd call the Repo man and have you moved on down the road.

Edna: You know, I have had it up to here with your bullying! Dr. Phil says you have to confront a bully, and that's exactly what I'm doing right this very second. Margie, I just don't understand how you can have so much fun being so mean to people, especially your closest kin. But I tell you what, sister: I won't stand for it any more!

Margie: Edna, you've been having these tantrums since you were 2 years old. I'll go get you a cup of hot cocoa because that always calms you down. Would you prefer it in a cup or in your baby bottle?

Edna: I'd prefer it down at Bailey's Tavern, which is exactly where I'm going so I don't have to sit here and listen to you anymore. If you say you're sorry, I might bring you home some pretzels.

Margie: Don't forget your curfew, sister.

Edna: Don't forget to kiss my grits.

Ask Us Almost Anything

Margie: Edna, I have an idea to share with our readers. What do you think about letting them ask us questions?

For instance, they might want to ask why you're so crabby all the time. I'd like to hear that answer myself.

Edna: Margie, I doubt our readers would ask that. They're much too polite to make crass (and false) observations like that.

I do like this idea, though. We have a lot of knowledge to share...well, I do anyway. You're just a blowhard.

Margie: Genteel ladies like me can answer most any question from polite society. I know all about cooking, gardening, handsome gentlemen, rules of dating, and so forth.

Actually, there's not much I don't know. I'm not too good at math or geography though. What do you know, Edna?

Edna: I'm sure there's plenty you don't know, but I'll make up for your shortcomings like I always do. To paraphrase my favorite TV character, Dean Winchester: "I know a little about a lot of things, just enough to make me dangerous."

This could be fun, Margie!

Margie: Fruit loop!

Okay friends, here's your chance to ask us whatever you'd like to know. Please excuse us if we don't answer questions of a too personal nature. Ladies never tell as you know.

Anything else, Edna?

Edna: I think that pretty much says it all, Margie. We'll do our best to answer your questions, dear readers. And I'll try and keep my sister from lying when she doesn't know the answer.


Please leave your questions in the comments, and we will respond to them on Sept. 21st.