Monday, December 14, 2009

Sex and the Senior Citizen


Edna: Margie, our good friend Carmen at Carmen's Chronicles suggested an unusual blog topic for today's post. I do think we're going to have to tread lightly, it's a bit of a delicate subject. In fact, it's really not a topic for mixed company, I'm not sure what that young lady was thinking.

Margie: Lord a mercy, Edna, what's the world coming to these days? What is so delicate about sex and senior citizens? They just can't do all those contortions like they did when they were young. I'd like to see you try to climb up in that barn loft today.

Edna: I should have known you'd like this topic, what with all the smut and whatnot you parade around our blog. You know good and well that Mama raised us to keep bedroom business in the bedroom. But if you and Carmen insist we talk about this, I suppose we can come up with a few tips for the elderly who, er, want to get down to business.

1. Make sure that if you attempt anything where flexibility is needed, one or both of your hips have already been replaced. If you try some of those maneuvers listed in books with your original hips, you could end up having to tell a very embarrassing story to the EMTs.

2. Educate yourself about diseases and protection, the world is a much dirtier place than when we were young. Don't be like these old fools down in Florida, who didn't have the good sense to know how to avoid catching one of them
ess-tee-dees. Folks, just remember that a retirement community is not a euphemism for "swinger's club."

3. If you're going to do the horizontal mambo with another senior citizen, make sure you both keep your hearing aids turned on. No need to wake the neighbors with your high-volume pillow talk. Getting a knock on the door from the police because someone's reported you for disturbing the peace can ruin the mood right quick.

4. Carmen, it's not nice to tell a gentleman to take 2 Viagra at once because it could make his heart give out. You wouldn't want to explain that scenario to anybody would you?

5. Edna says to keep your bedroom business in the bedroom. Margie says to try many other places besides the bedroom. Just watch for carpet burns. That hurts.


RNSANE said...

Margie and Edna, you have done a great service for the Medicare bunch, of which I am now a card carrying member. I knew you would come up with an excellent post on this very important topic. AARP should give you an award, that's for sure, in their annual swimsuit issue...wait a minute, is it that magazine that does the swimsuit issue? Have you ever noticed that they named those little blue pills rhymes with Niagra, that starch that keeps lots of thing stiff.

Great job, ladies!!

hitesh rawat said...

where did carmen get the topic from??

and pretty good tips and explanations.....think would use it in older days.....and two vigara's at a can kill the poor guy....

loved the post....though it doesn't mean ... i only like dirty stuff.... :)


Karen said...

I am going to have to print this list out for future reference. Thanks so much! ;-)

Blog Tactic said...

This is one entertaining article. Excellent insight.

grayspirit said...

Hmmm ... it might not hurt to keep a defibrillator next to the bed as well. Ummm ... and not for anything kinky.

Grampy said...

I guess I had better be careful.I still have the old original hips.I like the Viagra thing.I would probably sleep for a week afterward.
Keep up the good work ladies.

RNSANE said...

My dear Hitesh, it is easy to wonder where I got the topic from when you are only 22!!! But, remember, I am more the age of Amitabh Bachchan - at 65, I might actually be older! I am not getting all that many offers these days but, just in case, I want to be up to date on performance, etc. I am reviewing the kama sutra, etc, since I am hoping to visit India in a month or so and all my Indian friends keep telling me age doesn't matter!!

xanax said...

very helpful post, cheers!

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