National Peanut Month

What's Your Favorite Sandwich?

Margie: Edna, I'm getting hungry. I think I'd like a nice sandwich today. Remember the ones Mama used to make?

Maybe our readers will tell us what their favorite sandwich is. My stars, I'm not sure I can pick just one. Can you?

Edna: I truly don't think I can pick just one, either. I love sandwiches because they offer such a variety of different breads, fillings, and toppings you can use to make whatever you want.

I had a friend who used to make little finger sandwiches for her bridge parties. She made the most wonderful tuna salad sandwiches on little baguette slices. Oh, those were to die for!

Margie: That sounds lovely. I always enjoyed Mama inviting her church ladies over because she'd make those cute pineapple sandwiches with mayonnaise. I still eat those in the summer.

I love a bacon and cheese sandwich but no lettuce or tomato on it. Then there's my peanut butter, banana, and mayonnaise sandwich. Which one shall I have today?

Edna: Whatever you choose, eat it far from me please. Watching you eat a sandwich is like watching a cow chew its cud. Turns my stomach every gol-durn time.

Margie: Excuse me, Queen Demon, but at least my teeth don't click when I chew.

Edna: Woman, just go eat your sandwiches and leave me in peace!

Dear Readers: Please ignore Edna. She hasn't had her pills today. Do let us know what your favorite sandwich is though. Maybe we'll try it.

National Nut Day

Margie: Today is National Nut Day. Did you know this holiday is named for Edna? I know I've sure never seen a bigger nut than her.

Okay, so it's not really named for her but the good Lord knows how nutty she is. I could tell you stories but I won't because she'd sue me.

Anyway, let's just celebrate the day. Have some nuts or be a nut or go visit a nut. You could always make a cake or cookies with nuts and send some to me.

Give a nut to a squirrel if you like or send some nuts to Nutty Edna. Oops, here she comes.

Edna: Margie, I should have known you'd do something so predictable as to make "nut" jokes at my expense. I think you need new material, you hack.

Just for that, I'm not sharing the pecan pie I got at the bakery in honor of National Nut Day. Too bad for you, sister!

Our Christmas- Part I

Margie: Edna, our tree sure looks skimpy this year.

Edna: Margie, I think it looks just lovely.

Margie: Well, I never saw so many nuts on a tree. And look at that corn.

Edna: There's one nut in this room that isn't on the tree, and I'm looking at her. I think it's a pretty tree: the glitter on the peanuts was a nice touch.

Do you remember the nice Christmases we had when we were girls?

Margie: Yes. Mama always made her Molasses cake. She knew it was my favorite.

Edna: That's not why she made it, you selfish thing. She made it because she knew it was the best cake she made, and she knew that it put Mrs. Richmond's cake to shame every year at the Christmas bazaar.

Margie: Mama said Mrs. Richmond made her cakes from leather batter.

Edna: I know she did, and she was right. Mrs. Richmond was a lovely woman, but she couldn't bake a decent cake to save her life.

Margie: I can just see the sideboard lined up with Mama's turnips and beet pickles. What do you remember?

Edna: I remember how she used to make spiced apple dumplings, I sure do miss those. I never could make them the way Mama did. I also remember Daddy stuffing his face on all of Mama's good cooking.

Margie: Edna, remember when Daddy told you not to make unpleasant sounds at the table?

Edna: I do remember, and I also remember how you were the one making the unpleasant sounds, and blaming it on me. You always did love to get me in trouble.

Margie: Edna, I was the one who put salt instead of sugar in Daddy's coffee.

Edna: I knew it! I couldn't sit down for a week after I got punished for that. Do you remember how Mama used to remind us about our table manners?

Margie: Yes. Mama always told us to be sweet tempered. That wasn't you.

Edna: That wasn't you, either. You used to pick your teeth at the table, and oh how Daddy would yell!

Margie: My Daddy never yelled you old shrew.

Edna: I remember what I remember, and you can't tell me different. I also remember how much Mama loved having good food prepared for all the friends and neighbors who would stop by the house. Do you remember that, Margie?

Margie: I do remember all our visitors. Mama said she invited the Greens because she wasn't going there and have to drink Mrs. Green's muddy coffee.

Edna: Well, not everyone had the magic touch with food like Mama did. Do you remember how she used to say that " Ill-prepared food provokes ill-humor" so everything had to be just right.

Margie: She sure did. She was right too. That's why we're good cooks today.

Edna: Well, I know I’m a good cook. Everything you make tastes like vinegar. That must be your ill-humor coming through.


Part II tomorrow.

Margie Visits The Dr.

Margie: Edna, come sign this petition before I take it to Bailey's Tavern. It's time for us to get rid of this quack we've called a doctor for all these years.

I went for my check-up today and I'm here to tell you that the old fool has lost his mind. I'm getting me a young doctor.

Edna: Oh Lord, folks, she's on another one of her rampages. Margie, what did the doctor tell you this time that's got you all up-in-arms?

Margie: Edna, first he said my feet and legs were swollen a bit. He said that's because I have water retention. He said it like that's a bad thing. You know, at our age, it's good that we can hold our water and tea or we'd be wearing adult diapers.

Edna: Somehow, I don't think that's what the doctor meant, you nitwit. I don't know, it sounds to me like he knows what he's talking about. Why are you so upset with him, what else did he say?

Margie: I hate trying to talk to you, Edna. The next thing he said was that I need to limit my salt intake. That proves he's a quack.

Edna, I am not going to be a laughingstock! How can I limit salt when I live in a town with a salt mine and all these peanuts? The very idea!

Edna: Margie, I do agree that's going to be difficult. But unless you got a medical degree when I wasn't looking, you'd best listen to the man.

Besides, just who do you think is going to be laughing at you?

Margie: Edna, I'm through talking with you. You're a fruit loop. Now you sign this or I'll forge your name and you know I can.

Edna: You can kiss my grits! I'm not signing your stupid petition, you're just mad because you don't like what the doctor told you to do. And if you try and forge my name, I'll call Deputy Jimmy and have him come out and haul you back to jail. Don't think I won't!

Margie and Edna: National Fudge Day

Margie: Edna, do you remember Mama's fudge? Today is National Fudge Day and it sure brings back happy memories. We never could make it the way Mama did.

Edna: Speak for yourself, you’re the one who’s hopeless in the kitchen. Don’t you remember when I made Mama’s fudge and won that blue ribbon at the Jericho county fair back in ‘58?

Margie: Edna, you know the only reason you won was because all the judges got drunk. Mama never put so much bourbon in her fudge. You should be ashamed.

I like this fudge made with Velveeta cheese. It may not sound good but it's angelic. Like me.

Edna: Margie, I will stop making fun of your cooking if you promise never to say the words "Velveeta fudge" to me ever again. Do we have a deal?

Margie: I'll think about it, Edna. Let's share some of these fudge recipes with our readers while you anticipate my answer.


Peanut Butter Fudge


Million Dollar Fudge


More Fudge Recipes