Fruity Friday, cake edition

We know it might be too hot where you are to fire up the oven, but if it's not then we recommend this recipe.  It's sure to cure what ails you!

Fruity Pineapple Cake, courtesy of Chef Lennie.

Summer holiday

Summertime is in full swing, and that means it's time for us to take a holiday.  Starting next week, Margie and Edna will be on hiatus during the month of July, but don't worry because the ladies will be back in full force in August.  In the meantime, we suggest to our readers that you spend some time offline during the month of July, and enjoy being with your friends and family. Go outside for a little sunshine and fresh air, if it's not too hot where you are.  Do a little traveling, even if it's just a mental vacation.  Recharge your batteries, and we'll be doing the exact same thing.  But don't get so relaxed that you forget to come back.  See you in August!


Love, Jane (Margie) and Beth (Edna)

Call the dentist!

Margie: Edna, did you know that June is National Candy Month? Silly me, I forgot that you think every month is candy month. That reminds me, have you seen my Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? Don't even try that old lie about you guess a rat got them. We don't have rats!

Edna:  Oh, I ate them all right.  You're so bitter and mean, I figured you wouldn't miss your sweets. Happy Candy Month!

Margie: That is very hateful, sister. If you were a candy then you'd be Sour Apple!

Edna:  Well, if YOU were a candy, you'd be a Dum-Dum!

Frozen Fruity Friday

Margie: Look at this, sister. I've found the perfect way to beat this summer heat. Fruit desserts. What could be cooler or more refreshing?  I'm going to start eating a different dessert every day to stay cool.  Why don't you get Mama's old fan so you can fan me while I enjoy my dessert?

Edna:  I'm going to ignore that request, sister.  But you've certainly got the right idea about keeping cool by eating fruit desserts.  It's so hot outside, all I want to eat these days is cold fruit. These triple-decker citrus popsicles look like they'll do quite nicely.

Margie: Hand me one of those sister, then I'll go make some Special Tea popsicles. After one of those we won't even realize how hot it is.

Edna:  You're on!

Ice cream soda day!

Margie: Edna, today is Ice Cream Soda Day and Lord knows it's too hot for anything else. I'm going to go put on my bikini. When I get back I'm making me a huge strawberry ice cream soda then I'm going to sit by the pool. You'd best stay inside as you know what the sun does to your old wrinkles.

Edna:  Don't worry, Margie, there is no way I'm appearing in public next to you if you're dressed like that.  I'll stay inside with my own ice cream soda, where it's cool.  Don't expect me to put aloe on your sunburn later, either.

 Margie: Thank you, sister, for that idea you just gave me. I'm going to sit in the shade and sell ice cream sodas to whoever wants one. I expect to be extremely busy so you may have to run to the store to get more ice cream for me.

Edna:  It's your idea so you can do it your own self, you freeloader.  It's not "help your sister make money that she's not going to share with you anyway" day.

Margie: You're right. It's a day to sell ice cream sodas to handsome gentlemen and keep all the cash for myself. Stay out of my way.

Margie the TV star

Margie: Edna, I have a secret. I didn't tell you before now because you always interfere in my business. Anyway, I was watching the Food Network and they're looking for new talent. I had Cousin T make a video of me cooking and it's in the mail. I'm calling my show Margie's Manly Meals. I'll be cooking for different manly men every week. The ratings will be the highest in history. How do you like that?

Edna:  Margie, what do I care if you humiliate yourself on national television?  You'll just be showing the world what I already know: that you're a shameless hussy who can't cook.

And poor Cousin T, I wish you wouldn't involve that boy in your shenanigans.  He was raised to respect his elder's requests, even when said elder is a nincompoop.

Margie: See? You're trying to interfere in my business. You're just jealous. You don't want me to be a star. Well, once I'm a star, I may have your manly Frenchman on my show. How do you like them apples?

You best watch who you call names, Missy. You won't be sharing my new riches if you keep it up.

Edna:  If you think I want anything to do with your floozy money, then you've got another think coming.

Margie: What I think is that you're a moron because floozy money spends as well as any other kind.

Fruity Friday, carving edition

Edna:  Margie has always said she wished she were more artistic and creative.  The poor dear, she can't draw her way out of a paper bag.  So, to cheer her up I thought I'd surprise her by enrolling her in a fruit carving class.  Her hands are fairly steady for a nonagenarian.  I did think long and hard about the wisdom of putting a knife in those hands, but as long as we keep fruit in the house I think I'm safe.

I've been looking at fruit carvings on the interwebs, there are a lot of talented people out there!

For instance, this one reminds me of how I look when I see Margie first thing in the morning:

And this one looks a little like the hat Margie wore to church last Sunday.

And this is what I'm going to have Margie carve for our ladies book club meeting next week. Won't she be thrilled when I tell her all the ladies are expecting it?

I'm sure she'll get the hang of it in time.  

Welcome to the 21st century!

Margie: Edna, I'm sick and tired of you being so dang lazy. You don't ever make your bed so I have to keep your bedroom door shut in case we have guests. Mama would be ashamed. She told me to look after you so  get your handbag and money because I've found something you're going to buy. It's a Smart Bed and it makes up itself!

The not-at-all scary "Smart Bed."

Edna:  First of all, what makes you think I'm going to waste my money on something to make YOUR life easier? Secondly, that bed looks like just one more step towards robots taking over the world.  First it's the robotic vacuum  cleaners and beds, next it's "Kill all humans!"  No thank you.

Margie: Edna, you need not be afraid if robots say to kill all humans because you aren't one.  You either start making your bed or I'll tell the robots you're here.

Nitwit.

A cautionary tale

Fruity Fridays!

Folks, this time of year makes us want to sit out on the porch under the ceiling fan and enjoy something cold and fruity.  It's about the only thing we can agree on when the weather gets hot and we get cranky.  Okay, crankier.  Maybe one of you wonderful blog readers would like to come over and whip us up a batch of Mango Strawberry Snow Cones?  We promise to share!

Tyler Florence's Mango Strawberry Snow Cones

Ingredients
Ice
2 mangoes, peeled and chopped
1 pint strawberries, hulled and sliced
1 lime juiced, plus wedges for garnish

Directions
Fill a food processor with ice. Process until the ice is very fine, like snow. Add the mangoes and strawberries and pulse to blend. Pile the crushed ice into dessert glasses or dishes and squeeze over the lime juice. Garnish with lime wedges; serve immediately.

The ladies talk a little gardening

Margie: Edna, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your tushie is getting broader by the day. I know you hate exercise but today is Gardening Exercise Day. We need to do some gardening anyway so we can have fun and exercise at the same time. Get up and come on. Maybe I'll fix you some of those sugar snap peas for dinner.

Edna:  Sister, after all those insults you'd best not get anywhere near me while I have this shovel in my hand.

Margie: 911? This is Margie. Send deputies quick! Edna is attempting to murder me.

Edna:  You just keep digging that hole, sister, and tell me when you hit six feet deep.

The fish should be scared...

Margie: Sister, did you know that June is aquarium month? Let's buy us an aquarium. I love to watch fish shows on TV so it'd be nice to have our own. I don't want any big-mouthed fish because your big mouth is more than enough for me.

Edna:  Tell me this, sister.  Who's going to clean out that aquarium when it gets dirty?  This isn't some Disney movie where the fish can take care of themselves.

Margie: Edna, you're just being silly. Nobody cleans the oceans or rivers so it's obvious that the fish clean up their own living area. Unlike you.

Edna:  I'm going to call the pet store and tell them not to let you in.  With an attitude like that, we'll have an expensive tank filled with dead fish inside of a week.  Besides, how were you planning on paying for this  aquarium?  Maybe Mary Bailey will let you wait tables for tip money.

Margie: Edna, you are a true idjit. You'll be responsible for cleaning the aquarium since you'll be the one buying it! I just want to watch your pretty fish.

Edna:  Margie, it never ceases to amaze me how you can flap your gums sixty ways to Sunday and yet you never say anything intelligent.  Truly, it's one of the wonders of the world--or, at least, of Jericho.

Diamond Jubilee Weekend

Margie's mistake

Margie: This elderberry cordial is mighty fine, sister. I'm all tuckered out from running errands today. Have another one, Edna, and I'll tell you a funny story. It'll probably be in tomorrow's paper and I wouldn't want you to see it and have a fainting spell. Don't get your bloomers in a wad because your heart isn't what it used to be.

Edna:  Margie, with a lead-in like that, how am I supposed to stay relaxed?  You just spit out your story and let me decide what to do with my bloomers.

Margie: Well, it was a hot day and I had all the windows in the car rolled down then my favorite song by Rihanna came on the radio. I turned up the volume and was singing along when I looked in the mirror and saw the flashing blue lights. I pulled over as I'm a law-abiding citizen. This hunk of a trooper walked up to my car and said something but I couldn't hear him.

My word, he was handsome. Well, I said to myself that I wasn't doing anything wrong so my Sunday School friends must be aiming to surprise me with a little treat. I turned the music a little louder and yelled, "Take it off. Take it all off." How was I to know he really was a trooper and not a male stripper?

He took me to the hoosegow but you need not worry. My friend, Mary Bailey, came and got me out. Deputy Jimmy said it may be in tomorrow's paper though.

Edna:  Good God, Margie, you should have poured me a bigger cordial before telling me all that. The next time the doctor asks me why my bleeding ulcers aren't getting better, I'm showing him this story.

Margie: You are nothing but a big baby. Would you like to hear another story?

Edna:  Not if it involves strippers, real or imaginary.  You just keep that to yourself.

Memorial Day

Thank you.

International House of Snacking

Margie: Edna, you're such a snackaholic that you should read this article about snacks from around the world. Frankly, I'd stop snacking if I had to eat some of this garbage. Don't be buying me any red caviar chips. Yuck!

Edna: Those chips would actually be perfect for you, Margie. You have caviar taste but a potato chip-sized budget.

What I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around is Cucumber Pepsi. I think you'd better take your own Pepsi if you ever travel to Japan. I can just see you pitching a fit when they brought you Cucumber Pepsi at a restaurant. You'd be an embarrassment to our entire nation.

Yes, it's real.

Margie: Edna, here's something that you should do. Go to the UK and try this Hot Dog–Stuffed Crust pizza. Maybe that would fill your big mouth so you'd stop dissing me.

Edna: Good Lord, woman, did you just use the word "dissing"? Who do you think you are, some young hotsy-totsy who's up on the newest slang? You don't even have to leave the country to embarrass yourself, you're doing a fine job of it right here on American soil.

And I believe you know where you can stick that pizza, don't you?

Margie: Open wide, sister.

Tahiti Sweeties

The summertime blues have set in, and Margie and Edna are taking a mental vacation in Tahiti. 

They'll be back on Friday. 

 Maybe.

Margie: Edna, you know I wasn't too happy about Supernatural this season. There were several episodes where I felt I'd wasted my time except for looking at my sweet Jensen Ackles. That boy is sweeter than Granny's chocolate cake.

Anyway, I'd like to borrow 2 pieces of your pretty stationary because I have to write 2 letters. I have some suggestions for next season so I'm sending them to my Congresswoman and the Supernatural producers. Would you like to hear my suggestions?

Edna: Sure, why not? Just make it quick, it's almost time for my stories.

Margie: Edna, this is more important than your floozy stories.

First, Dean and Sam need to be in a warm locale like Hawaii. Second, Dean needs to take his shirt off a lot because it's hot in Hawaii. Thirdly, it's hot in Hawaii so Dean needs to sleep nekkid. Finally, I need to move to Hawaii so I can write this show.

How's that, sister?

Edna: Margie, once again you've proven that you're an idiot. First, if they move the show to Hawaii, that doesn't mean the writers get to live in Hawaii. They might not even film it in Hawaii, you dunce. Second, you are way too old to be writing for youngsters like that. If Sam and Dean were centenarians, then maybe you'd have a chance.

Margie: Aha! You're the idiot! I'll be writing the show so we don't need any other writers. I'll say where we film and I say it's Hawaii! I can write for any age man, nitwit.

You're just mad because you can't stand the thought that I'll be moving to Hawaii. I always knew you'd never want me to leave you.

Edna: Good Lord. Margie, you realize that you don't OWN the show right? My lands, this heat must be frying your brain cells. You go on and move to Hawaii, I'm sure not going to stop you!

Margie: I own what I say I own. I'm going to search your room and see what you took that belongs to me.

Edna: Try it, sister, and you'll be traveling to Hawaii in a pine box.

The facts about MS

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is an autoimmune disease that affects the brain and spinal cord (central nervous system).

• MS affects women more than men.  
• Symptoms of MS often appear between ages 25-31 and can last a lifetime.
• You are slightly more likely to get this condition if you have a family history of MS or live in an part of the world where MS is more common.
• Some symptoms of MS are much more common than others.  These include:  Fatigue; Numbness; Walking (Gait), Balance, and Coordination Problems; Bladder Dysfunction; Bowel Dysfunction; Vision Problems; Dizziness and Vertigo; Sexual Dysfunction; Pain; Cognitive Dysfunction; Emotional Changes; Depression; and Spasticity.

• Although there is still no cure for MS, effective strategies are available to modify the disease course, treat exacerbations (also called attacks, relapses, or flare-ups), manage symptoms, improve function and safety, and provide emotional support. In combination, these treatments enhance the quality of life for people living with MS.

For more information about MS, including how to raise awareness, please head here.

A kinder, gentler Margie?

Margie: Edna, dear, come eat your breakfast while it's hot. I made your favorites. There's a Margie McMuffin, hot tea, and fresh strawberries. You'll be ready to face the day after you fill your belly.

Edna: What are you up to, sister? The last time you did something nice for me, come to find out you'd stolen my credit card and booked yourself on a trip to Tahiti. So go ahead, spill your bad news.

Margie: Edna, I'm insulted. Can't I do something nice for my sister without you thinking I have an ulterior motive? My stars, you always ask why I can't be nice to you yet you never believe it when I am.

While we're talking I did want to say that I was wondering how much life insurance you have.

Edna: There, you see? That right there, I knew you were buttering me up for something. Never you mind about my life insurance, you keep your questions to yourself. And don't you go getting any funny ideas, you aren't the beneficiary anyway. 

Margie: That does it! See if I'm ever nice to you again, you old toad!

Edna: Your brand of "nice" I can do without, sister.

Blast from the Past

Margie: Sister, do you know what I was thinking about this morning?  Those double feature movies that we used to go see every Saturday at the Jericho theater. How come they don't make those anymore? I guess they got greedy and want you to pay for each movie separately.

Remember that wonderful popcorn? They don't make it like that anymore.  I could sure drink one of those cold drinks too. That makes my mouth water. Those were the days!

 Edna:  That old movie popcorn was the best.  These days they slap rancid yellow oil on it and call it "buttered".  Buttered, my Aunt Fanny!  That popcorn is about as close to being buttered as you are to being Miss America.

Maybe we should start showing our own double features, revive a tradition.  We could see if Cousin T could rig us up one of those projectors you can use with a computer, and we could show movies on the side of the barn during the evenings.  We could even charge a quarter admission fee!  What do you think?

Margie: I think you'll be serving popcorn and drinks because I'm going to collect the money!

Edna:  Fine.  I'll be serving special tea so you'll just have to miss out.

Margie: Fine. I'll just go to Bailey's with the money I collect.

Edna:  Fine!  When you come home, don't be surprised to find the locks changed.

Margie: Going to call my lawyer now. Bye.

Happy Mother's Day!

Treasure, there be!

Margie: Edna, lookie here at this new shovel I bought you. I got me a pink one. Would you like to know why I bought them? I'll tell you.

I went to the home to do some visiting and I saw a gentleman that I hadn't seen before. Turns out it was Irving. Remember him? He was your high school crush. Anyway, he said his great-grandpa told him that our great-grandpa had told him that he buried money in this very back yard. Let's get to digging, Edna, and I'll share some of my treasure with you.

Edna: Margie, don't you dare dig up our backyard, I just planted our summer annuals! Besides, you are way too old for this treasure-hunting nonsense. Who do you think you are, a pirate? You'll give yourself a heart attack with that digging, maybe we'd best buy us a metal detector then have Cousin T dig when we hit metal.

And darn tootin' you'll share the loot with me! I do own half of this property so half the treasure is rightly mine.

Margie: Well, I suppose a metal detector would be best but I'll do the detecting! Edna, I sure was looking forward to using my pink shovel because it matches my bikini.

Edna: Good God a'mighty. Maybe that pink bikini is the answer; you wear that outside and the treasure will all but leap out of the ground so you can go back inside and stop your assault on the eyes.

You know, you're awfully quick to trust the word of an old man who may or may not be remembering things correctly. What if there's no treasure out there?

Margie: Edna, there will be treasure even if you just go bury a jar of your old coins. I won't be fit to live with if I don't find treasure.

Edna: What makes you think you're fit to live with NOW?

A new hope for Jericho?

Edna:  Margie, I just found something on the Internet, I think you'd best come over here and listen to this. Do you remember when that film crew was in Jericho a few years back, making that documentary about us townfolk?  I'm sure you do, I definitely remember how much you complained that they focused too much on the Green family (especially that scandalous Jake Green!) and not enough on the rest of us.

Margie: Edna, those folks came here and made a big commotion but did they put you and me on the TV? No, and we've lived here longer than anybody else. We ARE Jericho. Nuts!

Edna:  I think we'd better take some steps to make sure we're included this time.  I don't know about you, but I'm going to go out and buy a new hat. The flashier the better, maybe that will attract some attention during filming.  Plus, I'm going to write a letter to that Mr. Netflix, whoever he is. Plead our case directly, so to speak.

Margie: Great idea! I think I'll wear my new hat that has the big fish on it. Do write him a letter and we'll enclose a picture of me. He won't be able to refuse us then for sure!

+++++++++++++++

News broke last week on various online media outlets (TV Guide and The New York Times, among others) that Netflix may be picking up Jericho in order to resume filming the TV series that originally aired on CBS. We were tickled to hear the news, because Jericho is a show that we both hold near and dear to our hearts.  This is partly because we both participated in the original fight for the second season, but it's also because Jericho is how and why we became friends in the first place.  We would love for Jericho to get another chance, and fans are mobilizing to help Netflix to fully appreciate what a devoted fandom Jericho already has.  If you're interested in becoming involved, we suggest you check out SavingJericho.com for resources and suggestions on how to let your voice be heard.  

On this day in history: May 3rd

On this day in history....


Music legend James Brown was born (1933).


Italian philosopher and writer Niccolo Machiavelli was born (1469).


Crooner Bing Crosby was born (1903).


Former Prime Minister of Israel Golda Meir was born (1898).


And in 1996, the best nephew in the world was born. Happy Birthday, Sweet Tea! The world became a much better place as soon as you set foot in it. You deserve the very best that life has to offer, and more.

The Love Letters

Margie: Sister, have you read this article about the lost love letters? It made me a bit weepy. I do love a sweet story about love that can last a lifetime. Do we know what's in our attic? What if somebody left love letters up there from years ago? Maybe Grandma left some.

Edna: Sister, who knew there was such a romantic heart beating under your old, cynical, desiccated exterior?

I did read that story, and I loved it to pieces. I'm a big fan of stories with happy endings. You're welcome to go poke around up in the attic if you'd like. I'll stay right here with my cordial, but you be sure and tell me what you find.

Margie: There's one thing for sure, sister, and that's the fact that I sure won't find any love letters addressed to you because you never got any.

Edna: Oh honey, you think you know everything about me? What you know would fill a thimble. The reason you won't find any of my love letters in the attic is that I am not idiot enough to leave my private things where you can snoop. You, on the other hand, parade your business in front of everyone. It's a good thing we don't live in New York City, you'd be renting out the Jumbo-Tron in Times Square to make an announcement every time someone complimented you on your new hat.

Margie: Edna, how much does it cost to rent that Jumbo-Tron?

Factual Friday: Margie hearts Kurt Sutter

Margie: I have a fact for you, sister. Mr. Kurt Sutter, my hero, has created a new series for the Discovery Channel. It's called "Outlaw Empires." It starts May 14th so you can watch your own TV that night. I will fight you to the death over Sons of Anarchy or this new show.

Guess what, Edna? Mr. Sutter says this new show will make Sons of Anarchy look like Sesame Street. Maybe that means somebody will get nekkid. I do love a handsome bad boy.

Mr. Kurt Sutter (or, as Margie prefers, Mr. Margie Callahan).

Edna: Good Lord. Margie, you can have the television all to yourself that night. I'm certainly not going to sit and watch anything smutty or violent with you. It just encourages you, and you're smutty and violent enough already. Maybe I'll spend the evening at Cousin T's, he's much less excitable than you are.

Margie: Lord a mercy! Let me see if I can find some more smutty or violent shows then maybe you'll just move to Cousin T's. Yee haw!!

The Wednesday Slump

Mama said there'd be days like this, she just didn't say there would be this many....

Jelly Bean Day

Margie: Edna, did you forget that yesterday was National Jelly Bean Day? You must have because I didn't see you cramming your mouth full of jelly beans. Wait, maybe your old teeth can't handle them anymore.

Anyway, did you know that the jelly bean dates back to at least the 1860's? Wasn't that about when you were born? They were promoted as morale boosters for army troops fighting in the Civil War. I remember when Daddy would bring some home when I'd been good all week.

Edna: I forget nothing, Margie. I didn't make a big deal about it because you always steal my jelly beans and I just do not have the patience for your shenanigans any more. I'll celebrate in private, thank you very much.

Margie: This is better than winning the lottery, sister. Please tell me you plan to celebrate every holiday in private from now on!

Farewell, Mr. Clark

Margie: Sister, I sure was sorry to hear about Mr. Dick Clark passing away.That man sure knew all about music and young people. Remember when we used to watch American Bandstand? There were no videos or such in our day. We'd wait for Saturday to roll around all week.

Oh, remember that day when Chubby Checker was on and Mama got up because she wanted to Twist? Whoo doggies, what a sight that was! Well, Mama did a good job but you looked like a tornado just bumping all around the room.

Edna: Too bad you didn't inherit Mama's grace either. And shame on you, spouting insults when we're supposed to be honoring the poor man! You know, I just loved watching him in Times Square on New Year's Eve. That Ryan Seacrest is a poor substitute for Dick Clark and that's the God's honest truth.

Margie: Who's spouting insults? I never missed him in Times Square either. That Seacrest boy should find him another job but I bet he'll be taking over for New Year's Eve. I'm not sure I'll watch 2013 come in.

Edna: As much as I'm not a fan of young Mr. Seacrest, maybe it's more important that Dick Clark's legacy live on. And if you don't like it you can always find something else to do on New Year's eve, sister. Something far, far away from me.

Margie: Don't worry, sister, I'll be at the VFW entertaining the old troops. We'll be twisting.

We'd vote for 'em!

Edna: Margie, our country is in such bad financial shape. It doesn't seem to me like these politicians are going to fix what's wrong, and things just keep getting worse.

Margie: You told the truth, sister. Politicians lie and try to fool people but we're too old to be fooled. The federal deficit keeps growing along with people's waistlines. The way grocery prices keep going up we may all turn into bones.

Edna: Maybe the solution is to get some non-politicians to turn this country around. You elect someone from the private sector who knows how to get things done, and then just wait and see how fast things get fixed.

Margie: Sister, you hit the nail on the head and I know where to start. Let's call Jillian Michaels. Not only will she solve the obesity problem but people will be riding bikes to work and school which will save on gas. Those politicians can kiss their cars and drivers goodbye!

Edna: And she's kind of scary, I think people would be afraid to disobey her. I bet she'd be able to get food prices to go down, because she'd want everyone to eat healthy and people just can't do that when junk food is cheaper than real food. We should write her in for president during the election this fall, what do you think?

Margie: Jillian scares me more than seeing your face first thing in the morning and that's scary! I fear she'd put a stop to junk food. All the fast food places would serve only turkey burgers and salads. I'm all in favor of writing her name in this Fall.

Sister, we should write Jillian and tell her that Suze Orman should be her VP. Can't you see Congress trying to pass a spending bill and Suze saying, "Can you afford it? Show me the money."

Edna: Suze would be perfect! With those two in office, they'd surely steer this ship back on course. But now I'm thinking Suze should be president and Jillian should be vice president. Jillian doesn't seem like she has the diplomacy to be president. I've seen the Biggest Loser, she'd be forever yelling at world leaders to get things done and I don't think the UN would go for that.

Margie: I agree with that. Suze is much calmer and she could handle Jillian because Suze would be signing her paychecks.

Edna, help me polish my resume. Suze is going to be looking for a social secretary and who's more social than I am?

Edna: Lord help us all.

Bora Bora bound!

Margie: Edna, that Frenchman you like just got back from Bora Bora and he sure did post some pretty pictures. I'd like to go sit in the sun there for a week or two and warm my old bones. Why don't you treat us to a nice trip? I'll buy my own sunscreen.

Edna: Why don't you treat yourself and I'll pay my own way? My lands, you are always looking for an opportunity to freeload, sister.

Bora Bora does sound lovely, though. I like the idea of sitting around in the sun, sipping on cool fruity drinks. But this better not be one of those clothing-optional places, because I will be darned if I'm going to look at your what-nots for two weeks. The very idea is enough to put me off my feed.

Margie: Edna, you never want anybody to have a pleasant trip. You can go inside while I sun my what-nots. Somebody might enjoy seeing them. I know I'm going to enjoy some of those fruity drinks.

You best mind your manners too. You always belch in public and embarrass me.

Edna: You're fooling yourself, Margie. NOBODY wants to see your what-nots. You mark my words, I am not going to have your misconduct get us banned from yet another resort. Don't make me tell our readers what happened when we went to Oahu. I still can't look at a coconut without cringing.

Margie: Edna, I have stories I can tell too and you won't like them. Frankly, you've already ruined this trip for me so I'll stay home.

Speaking of coconut I'm going to get the one I bought today. Guess where I'm going to crack it?

Edna: Your hard head would be perfect.

Cold-War condos in the cornfield

Edna: Margie, you are never going to believe what's going on just down the road. Go ahead, I dare you to guess.

Margie: That handsome widower built a pool and wants me to come swim with him?

Edna: Pfft, you're such a dreamer. No, they're turning those old missile silos into luxury condominiums! Can you believe it? I've never heard of such a thing.

Margie: What's that? When did Jericho have any missiles? Luxury? Does that mean you'll be moving soon? How about tomorrow?

Edna: Sure, as soon as you scrape about $2 million together then I'm out the door!

Margie: Let me get my little black book. I have friends who will surely give you some lovely donations.

Barbershop Quartet Day

Edna:  Folks, according to my idiot sister, today is Barbershop Quartet Day.  She pitches such a fit when I ask her to tell me where she gets her information that I don't even bother any more. But in honor of the occasion, let's all enjoy a clip featuring the Buffalo Bills quartet from one of my favorite movies, The Music Man!

National Library Week

Margie: Friends, be sure to support your local library this week because it's National Library Week. You all know that I was the head librarian at the Jericho library until I retired. Some of my happiest memories are from all the hours I spent there.

I'm always invited back during Library Week but times have surely changed. I remember when the refreshments were homemade. Nowadays, they have a store bought Wal-Mart cake. Not very appetizing if you ask me. We used to have a big punchbowl filled with lime sherbert punch but not anymore. Somebody brings Faygo drinks then expects us to drink straight from the can. Nasty and lazy!

I do hope some of my favorite children drop by. They're all grown now but I still love to see them. Children appreciated the library back then but they just use those old computers these days. It's no fun if you don't have to search through books for information.

I certainly hope Edna won't show up. Lord have Mercy. She used to come in the library to read all our magazines because she was too stingy to buy them. She also read her old romance books because she knew better than to let Mama see her with them! She always left books and magazines laying everywhere because she knew I'd have to pick them up. She's a pain in my tushie.

Let's forget Edna before we ruin our day. Do drop by your library this week and thank a librarian. And, clean up your own mess!

Happy Easter!

Edna's Favorite Things, Poetry Edition

Edna: Folks, April is National Poetry Month, and in honor of the occasion I've written a few haiku poems about some of my favorite things! I hope you all enjoy them. (Except you, Margie, I already know what you're going to say so you can just zip it right now.)

Margie is Gone, by Edna (Callahan) DuBois

Margie's out tonight.
I don't know where, I don't care.
Good riddance, harpy!



Mon Cher Gilles, by Edna (Callahan) DuBois

Smooth, charming Frenchman.
I'd love private dance lessons!
Leave your wife at home.



Death by Chocolate, by Edna (Callahan) DuBois

I like my chocolate
Like I like all my young men:
Sweet, handsome, and rich.

Monday, Monday

Margie: Edna, do you ever go to Facebook on Mondays and read all the comments from working people? Monday is surely not a happy day for most people. I can understand, though, because I worked Mondays for years. I am
so happy to be retired.

I think we should probably give those folks a few tips and they might not mind Monday so much. What do you think?

Edna:  Unlike most of your ideas, I think this is a great one.  When I was working full-time, I always had a Sunday night routine.  I'd start in the afternoon and get everything ready for the next day, that way I could spend Sunday night relaxing and be all fresh and ready by the time Monday rolled around.  It sure made Monday a whole lot easier to deal with.

Margie: I know all about your dang routine. You got in everybody's way doing all your primping. Daddy always got a headache from your stinking nail polish. You relaxed on Sunday night but the rest of us were pooped. Anyway, I suggest putting a picture of a handsome man on your bathroom mirror so that's what you see when you first get up on Monday morning. That'll get the old motor going.

Edna:  Maybe it will get your motor going on a Monday morning if you're a floozy.  Oh wait, I forgot who I was talking to.

I always found Mondays easier to get through if I had something fun planned for later in the day. Maybe lunch with a friend, or an early movie after work.  It sure made the day's annoyances easier to ignore.

Margie: I don't recall you having any friends, moron. What I enjoyed was preparing my Monday dinner on Sunday so I only had to warm it up. It meant a lot to me that I could come home and not have to do chores. 

Working with the public was annoying so I always had some quiet time when I got home on Mondays. Well, if you'd have left me alone.

Edna:  Well then, sister, I'm going to make your Monday spectacular this week and spend it elsewhere.  Maybe then we'll both have a nice Monday for once!

Margie: I love Mondays! What a happy day it will be. Bless you, sister!

Who do they think they're kidding?

Edna:  My lands, just when I think people can't get any dumber, they go and prove me wrong.  Just take a look at this diamond ring, Margie.  Isn't that the ugliest thing you ever saw in your life?  Well, aside from when you looked in the mirror this morning that is.  Hee hee.

The world's first "all-diamond" ring.  Looks like a Cracker Jack prize to us.

Margie: Edna, that really is ugly. It looks like that cheap jewelry you wear that turns your skin green. When I think about you and jewelry I think gaudy, cheap, and trashy. You make my head hurt.


Edna:  It should come as no surprise to you that the feeling's mutual, you harpy.  I was thinking that ring looked just like something you could get out of a gumball machine.  In fact, I bet we have a couple in the junk drawer.  How about we put them on and go swanning around at the VFW?  Maybe some of the old boys will think we're rich now and offer marriage proposals.


Margie: I love those rare occasions, sister, when your brain actually works. Let me grab my sandals.


Edna:  Good God, woman, you'd best stick with your closed-toed pumps.  We don't want the gents running away after they get a gander at your gnarled feet.  Freshen up that lipstick while you're at it, it's bleeding into your lip wrinkles again.

Windy Wednesday

The Wind
by Robert Louis Stevenson

I saw you toss the kites on high
And blow the birds about the sky;
And all around I heard you pass,
Like ladies' skirts across the grass

Oh wind, a blowing all day long,
Oh wind, that sings so loud a song!

I saw the different things you did,
But always you yourself you hid.
I felt you push, I heard you call,
I could not see yourself at all

Oh wind, a blowing all day long!
Oh wind, that sings so loud a song!

O you that are so strong and cold,
O blower, are you young or old?
Are you a beast of field and tree,
Or just a stronger child than me?

O wind, a blowing all day long,
O wind, that sings so loud a song!

National Peanut Month

Margie: March is National Peanut Month. I guess we all know a lot about peanuts. Yes, I remember when CBS came to town and filmed Jericho. It was a wonderful show even though a lot of nuts watched it. I bet a lot of nuts are still working at CBS too. I won't call any names.

I remember all the nuts we sent those folks. Those were the days, huh? Well, it's pretty quiet here these days. Edna and I still go to Bailey's but Skeet doesn't come by anymore and all those TV trucks are gone.

You all grab some nuts and let's watch the reruns of Jericho. Come see us again. We'll leave the lights on for you.

Factual Friday

Margie: Edna told me that there's going to be a new search for Amelia Earhart's plane and I surely hope they find it. What a mystery it's been as to what happened to her. Edna and I always felt quite fond of Amelia as she was also a Kansas girl.

Amelia was the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean and she disappeared in 1937. That reminds me of the time Edna tried to fly. I told Daddy that I saw Edna and Mr. Green go in the barn together. Well, Daddy headed for that barn in a run. Edna saw him coming and jumped out the barn loft door. She landed on her tushie and sprained her ankle. When Daddy finished with her I think her ears were sprained too.

Windy Wednesday

Margie: Happy Fragrance Day to all! I hope you all smell nice today. Don't be like my sister, Edna, though. Edna thinks if a little of something is good then a lot of it is better. That's why I'm lucky to get one cupcake when she bakes them.

Mama taught us that a lady should always smell fresh and clean although a few dabs of perfume will enhance the freshness. Once again Edna tries to smell like a flower shop. She can wear some stinky stuff!

Mama also said the way to a man's heart is through his stomach so I'd best go dab a little Meatloaf Madness behind my ears. Bye now.

Margie, Get Your Gun

Margie: Here's a picture of me when I was a few years younger than I am now. I was quite the markslady back then and you should have seen that fella run when I told him to get away from me or I'd fill him full of buckshot!

Anyway, it's the time of year when networks start renewing or cancelling our favorite shows so my picture best remind them that I don't cotton to my shows being cancelled. Just look how they treated Jericho! Margie has not forgotten. You hear me, CBS?

Here's a friendly warning to Fox. Don't you dare cancel my Alcatraz! You got that? I enjoy Jorge Garcia and I want you to leave him alone!

Who's next? CW, listen up. I absolutely love Ringer and you cancel it and I'll be ringing you! You don't want me to get angry. Just ask Edna.

I think my other show are safe. Oh, CBS, I want Jericho back too. Idjits!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Happy St. Patrick's Day, dear readers!

Love, Margie and Edna

Windy Wednesdays: Butterflies

Margie: Friends, today is Learn About Butterflies Day. I love our butterflies and I enjoy sitting on the porch just watching all the colors and varieties. How much do you know about these beautiful creatures?

Did you know that butterflies can see red, green, and yellow? That's more than Edna can see on a good day.

The top butterfly flight speed is 12 miles per hour. Some moths can fly 25 miles per hour! They go as fast as the gentlemen getting away from Edna.

Butterflies and insects have their skeletons on the outside of their bodies, called the exoskeleton. This protects the insect and keeps water inside their bodies so they don’t dry out.

Sakes alive, I'd best go get some water so my body won't dry out. Go read about butterflies:

Butterfly Fun Facts 

Learn About Butterflies Day 

Plant a Flower Day

 

Margie: Today is Plant A Flower Day. Edna, we'd best get outside and do some planting because you know what Mama always said. Mama said a house is nekkid without flowers. I think I'll plant some pretty roses. What about you, sister? More stinkweed this year?

Edna:  Perhaps some hemlock, sister dear.

Margie: Poor Mama would be so ashamed of you, God rest her Soul.

Edna:  At least I'm not a hypocrite like some sisters I could name.  You are anything but a pretty rose, Margie.  More like a dandelion, popping up where they're not wanted.

Margie: Right back at you, idjit!

Arachnophobia!

The dogs in Australia are VERY brave.

Edna:  Dearest readers, I'm sure you all know by now that I am a genteel woman and not prone to vindictiveness.  But that sister of mine could drive a saint to sinning!  I tell you what, that woman has no respect for personal boundaries.  Last week she snuck my brand-new purple satin pumps out of my closet and jammed her gargantuan feet into them for her weekly visit to the boys at the VFW.  Then she put them back in my closet and didn't say a word about it!  Like I wouldn't notice how they're all stretched out from her bunions.  She snagged the satin and scuffed up the bottoms, too.  She even had the gall to lie when I asked her about it.  I am generous, dear readers, but even I have my limits.

Well.  Maybe she'll learn her lesson once she takes a gander at these pictures from a news story I saw the other day about Australian spiders. 

Spiders!  SPIDERS!!!!

Edna:  That woman is deathly afraid of spiders, and she'll yell down the house if she spies even the tiniest of spiders inside.  I'm planning on blowing these pictures up and setting them on her nightstand so they'll be the first thing she sees in the morning.  Maybe I'll get some of that fake Halloween spiderweb stuff and put it all over her bed and nightstand.  Put a plastic spider right on the tip of her nose while she's sleeping.  THEN we'll see who stays out of whose closet!


Many thanks to Meg Wood for posting this news story on Facebook the other day.  And for contributing to the nightmares of all the arachnophobes on her friends list.