Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Margie's mistake


Margie: This elderberry cordial is mighty fine, sister. I'm all tuckered out from running errands today. Have another one, Edna, and I'll tell you a funny story. It'll probably be in tomorrow's paper and I wouldn't want you to see it and have a fainting spell. Don't get your bloomers in a wad because your heart isn't what it used to be.

Edna:  Margie, with a lead-in like that, how am I supposed to stay relaxed?  You just spit out your story and let me decide what to do with my bloomers.

Margie: Well, it was a hot day and I had all the windows in the car rolled down then my favorite song by Rihanna came on the radio. I turned up the volume and was singing along when I looked in the mirror and saw the flashing blue lights. I pulled over as I'm a law-abiding citizen. This hunk of a trooper walked up to my car and said something but I couldn't hear him.

My word, he was handsome. Well, I said to myself that I wasn't doing anything wrong so my Sunday School friends must be aiming to surprise me with a little treat. I turned the music a little louder and yelled, "Take it off. Take it all off." How was I to know he really was a trooper and not a male stripper?

He took me to the hoosegow but you need not worry. My friend, Mary Bailey, came and got me out. Deputy Jimmy said it may be in tomorrow's paper though.

Edna:  Good God, Margie, you should have poured me a bigger cordial before telling me all that. The next time the doctor asks me why my bleeding ulcers aren't getting better, I'm showing him this story.

Margie: You are nothing but a big baby. Would you like to hear another story?

Edna:  Not if it involves strippers, real or imaginary.  You just keep that to yourself.

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