Margie and Edna's Beauty Tips

Edna: Margie, I don’t know why you’re showing me these beauty tips, it’s not like I need them. You, on the other hand…

To keep your eyes from blinking when applying make-up, try keeping your mouth open. It really works!

Margie: You shouldn't have a problem with this one, Edna, since your mouth is always open and your tongue is always wagging.

Edna: Margie, if that’s not the pot calling the kettle black, I don’t know what is.

VODKA & LEMON will tone up tired skin. Dab ¼ cup Vodka and the juice from one lemon on face, neck and chest area with cotton. It is not necessary to rinse this mixture off. It will evaporate. The less rubbing, the better.

Edna: Seems like a waste of perfectly good vodka to me.

CAFFEINE is the main ingredient in those expensive cellulite creams. Your regular caffeinated coffee grounds (used from this morning) can be rubbed into those annoying cellulite areas. Since this can get a bit messy, try doing it in the bathtub or shower.

Margie: Edna, if you put coffee grounds in my bathtub I will rub your ugly face in them too.

WEIGHT LOSS TIP — take two Garlic Tablets and two Papaya Enzymes before every meal. You can lose up to 5 pounds in one week.

Edna: Are you trying to imply that I need to lose weight, you old hag?

JELL-O (cherry flavored powder) — dab a Q-tip into the powder and apply it to your lips. Let the powder sit for 5 minutes then lick it off. This will give your lips a natural red coat.

Edna: I tried this the other day, and the mailman told me I looked fresh and sweet as a daisy. He said I tasted good, too.

Margie: Edna, the mailman is a habitual liar.

Tag: You're It

Rich at Copywrite Ink got tagged to do 7 useless facts about himself then he tagged 12 great blogs to participate if they so chose. He chose us as one of his 12 and why wouldn't he? He loves the basement and Special Tea.

Anyway, we will offer the blogs we tag the option of participating or not. You are certainly under no obligation to do anything two little old ladies request. We hope you enjoy our little tag game.

Our 7 Useless Facts:

1. Margie: This is the most useless fact I have. I have a sister named Edna.

2. Edna: I was a paramour of Minnesota Fats for a time in my youth, and he taught me everything I know about playing pool. This is why the pool players down at Bailey’s turn and run when they see me coming.

3. Margie: I was the librarian for Jericho for more years than I care to mention. This is why I'm smarter than Edna.

4. Edna: As a girl, I spent a year in Paris, France. If you want more details about that, I understand there are quite a few in my FBI file.

5. Margie: I have a weakness for a handsome cowboy. Any handsome cowboy. Well, he doesn't have to be a cowboy.

6. Edna: The name “Edna” is of Hebrew origin and means “pleasure” or “delight”, which is certainly accurate since I’m such a pleasure to be around.

7. Margie: I have a dog named Arabelle. One of my gentlemen friends, Jonah Prowse, gave her to me.



Here are the blogs we'd like to tag:

Turnip Of Power


Pixelated Thoughts


NoFaceBerg


The Sewing Mom


On The Bricks

Margie and Edna’s Favorite Things

Edna: Margie, I was reading this nice young man’s blog today, and it got me to thinking. Some cake company sent him all this free stuff because he said in a magazine how much he liked their product. Do you think we’re famous enough that if we say we like something on our blog, some corporation will send us some swag?

Margie: Well, we are famous enough.

Edna: I think it’s worth a try. We should send them a letter.

Margie: Write it, Edna.

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Dear Corporate America,

We are two very famous bloggers, and we have a lot of friends. When we like something, we tell people. Please see our list below of our favorite things. We would appreciate it if you could send us a lifetime supply of everything on our list. Trust us, you’ll get a lot of free advertising because we talk to everyone, whether they want to talk to us or not.

Our Favorite Things:

1. Oreos
2. Dr. Pepper
3. Neutrogena RainBath
4. Hershey Kisses
5. Redken Clear Moisture Hair Care
6. Wal-Mart gift cards
7. Free books from amazon.com
8. Charmin
9. Bounty paper towels
10. Paula Deen Cookware



Thank you.

Yours very truly,

National Humor Month

Margie: Sakes alive, Edna. Look what I found in the newspaper. It says here that April is National Humor Month. It says here, "It is designed to heighten public awareness on how the joy and therapeutic value of laughter can improve health, boost morale, increase communication skills and enrich the quality of one's life."

This is for you, Edna.

Edna: Well my lands, Margie, I wish we'd have known about this sooner, we could have been blogging about it all month! Although, it seems like it's always National Humor Month around here, doesn't it? And Mama always said that laughter is the best medicine.

Margie: Edna, if you're anywhere around, people are bound to be laughing. I've been laughing at your crazy antics for years.

Edna: That makes two of us, then. And you can interpret that however you'd like.

Confederate Memorial Day: A Tribute

If you’re at all familiar with this blog, you know by now that it’s not often that we have a serious entry or write about something personal. We’d like to take some time today and deviate from our usual format. Both of us had direct ancestors who fought in the Civil War, on both the Union and Confederate sides. Even though our ancestors fought on opposite sides, we honor them by standing together today in our respect and gratitude.


Confederate Memorial Day is a day set aside in the South to pay tribute to those who served with the Confederate forces during the American Civil War. It is observed on April 26 in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, and Mississippi; on May 10 in North Carolina and South Carolina; on May 30 in Virginia; and on June 3 in Kentucky, Louisiana, and Tennessee.

"At least 618,000 Americans died in the Civil War, and some experts say the toll reached 700,000.

The Union armies had from 2,500,000 to 2,750,000 men. Their losses, by the best estimates:
Battle deaths: 110,070
Disease, etc.: 250,152
Total 360,222

The Confederate strength, known less accurately because of missing records, was from 750,000 to 1,250,000. Its estimated losses:
Battle deaths: 94,000
Disease, etc.: 164,000
Total 258,000"

Photo courtesy of The Civil War

Bloggers Unite: May 15

We have been privileged to participate in previous Blogger's Unite campaigns through BlogCatalog and we are thrilled to be participating in the upcoming one.


"This time, on May 15, bloggers are being asked to tackle a topic selected by members — Bloggers Unite For Human Rights", says Rich at Copywrite Ink. "Although no one knew it a few months ago, the timing for a human rights social awareness campaign couldn’t be better. This year is the 60th anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

For most of us, human rights — life, liberty, justice, and freedom of expression — seem so commonplace that they are taken for granted. Yet, all over the world and sometimes just out of sight in our own backyards, human rights are treated with utter disregard. This is a great opportunity to speak out for those who cannot."

Copywrite Ink will be recognizing several top bloggers who join the campaign and list their posts on the Bloggers Unite Discussion Group on May 15. Please join us. Go here for more information.

Margie and Edna: Dating

Margie: Edna, I'm hiring a lawyer today. I'm suing the Jericho Messenger then I'm suing Jericho Kindred Spirits dating service. They said "discover our soul mate or life's companion." They lied. You know why I'm suing?

Edna: Because you're a contrary old hag who isn't happy until all those around you are miserable?

Margie: Look at this picture of the man I thought was my soul mate. What did yours look like?



Edna: Well, my gentleman sent me this really lovely picture of himself, so I was very excited.




Edna: Here's who showed up for the date.



Margie: Look at who really showed up for my date.




Margie: We'd better stick to finding our gentlemen at Bailey's.

Edna's Man-harem

Edna: You know, Margie, looking at those scandalous pictures of yours yesterday got me to thinking. I might want to put up some nice artwork of my own. If you can re-decorate, so can I.

Margie: Artwork, Edna? Who are you kidding?

Edna: Here, take a look at this one. Goodness knows I need something nice to look at up on the wall so I don’t have to look at you, all wrinkled and frizzed.

This is that nice young man on the TV, Josh Holloway. I think he’d make a nice change of scenery around here, don’t you? Especially if he keeps his shirt off.

Margie: He'd make a nice addition to my basement.

Edna: You stay away from him, you harpy! Oh, and here’s another one. His name is Jensen Ackles, he’s on that “Supernatural” show. If he's anything like the character he plays, he’s got a wicked streak in him.

Edna: I tell you what; he’s young enough to be my grandson, but true love knows no age.

Margie: Lack of good sense obviously knows no age either, Edna.

Edna: Margie, have I ever told you that you're not my favorite person? Now here's a gentleman who's closer to my age. He can shiver my timbers any time.

Margie: Edna, he'll be knocking timbers down to get away from you.

Edna: Fine, that's the last time I ask your opinion about anything, I don't know why I even bother. You always rain on my parade, you miserable old bat.

Margie Loves Beefcakes

Margie: Edna, I'm looking at pictures because I'm thinking of redecorating my basement. Would you like to give me your opinion on which of these three I should use? Maybe I should use all of them?

Edna: For heaven sakes Margie, can't you see I'm busy? These dishes don't wash themselves, you know! Fine, if I look at your silly pictures, will you please leave me alone?

Margie: Edna, you're not normal. Here's the pictures.

So, what's it gonna be, Edna? All three? Can I borrow some of your face powder?









Edna: Margie, you never could make up your mind, could you? Hang them all up and be done with it, see if I care.

And you stay out of my make-up, you're not using anything of mine to lure men down into your basement of iniquity.

Margie: Jealous as usual.
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The Great Jericho ReWatch

10 EST, 9 CST Tuesday Nights

Cousin T Visits The Basement

We are so happy to have our Cousin T visiting us today. He would come spend summers with us when he was just a tadpole. He's moved to Jericho Junction now so he can visit more often. (Keep the Special Tea out of his reach, Edna.)


Margie: Cousin T, you live at Jericho Junction now so you can visit us much more often. I'll give you some Special Tea to take back home with you. Now, you just sit down and tell us what's going on in town.

It is true the junction is just a hop, skip and a jump from here but sometimes it can be very difficult to get all them things in the right order to wind you up where you want to be. I love it in your basement though. Your root cellar was my second home when I was a kid. I love how it can be 95 degree outside but stay a nice cool 62 down here. Do you remember that time the twister sirens went off while my sister Sadie and I were over for supper and we all rushed down here and when we emerged that old oak down the hill was on it's side with half of it's root canopy sticking out of the ground? Oaks is some strong trees too.

You ladies should know better than me what is going on in Jericho though. I only get a call when one'a Beck's guys kicks in a door and they need someone to fix it.


Margie: Mr. Hawkins gave us new computers but these new-fangled contraptions confuse us. What should we look up on the innerweb, Cousin T.?

My feeling is it doesn't matter what you are looking up so much as how you are doing it. I got me laptop too and what I really like to do is to start a fire outside in the burn barrel using some of them scraps from my carpentry job and then sit around all night tending it and listening to baseball and sniffing around online finding stuff Like THIS fella who plays a really nice harp. I like the way his eyes go all glassy when he play's.


Margie: Edna wants to go to the carnival. Do you have a car? Maybe you could take us?

That reminds me of one of my favorite songs. Most people think I am weird for liking THIS guy but I think his singing is kind of pretty. Just try to ignore how that ocean is going back and forth like that. It is a nice shot of the ocean I just wish it was a little longer.

Sure we can all go to the Sharptown carnival in my truck. I love the Tilty world.


Edna: Cousin T, we love having you come to visit us, but you don't come around often enough! What could we talk about here on our blog that would make you visit more?

I have an intense interest in cabinet hardware so if you talked about that more it would be good. Also, I intend to learn a little bit more about greek mythology so maybe if you threw in something about birds flying out of a crack in somebodies head or a three headed dog or the like.

Mostly you know, I am like a bad penny though, I always turn up.



Edna: Margie stores some precious things down in the basement, and she's worried about them getting out---er, someone stealing them. I know you're good with carpentry and wood-working, can you suggest some ways that we might make the basement door more secure?

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of a dead bolt. Them normal locks you can pick with a credit card or, as someone tried to do at my house, a 2 foot square. I found it all bent up on my back porch when I got home late one night. The very next day I installed me a dead bolt. This fella I know has a dead bolt installed in his front door has one of them remote controls like to open your car cept this one opens his house. I guess you would call that a live bolt. I would also suggest Miss Margie take out some four legged insurance. Most thieves hear a dog and see a dead bolt they just keep on trucking.

Can I have more of this Tea?
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We would like to thank Margaret at EyeSpi20 for making us one of her favorite blogs of the week.

Fox's Earth

Margie: Edna would have you believe she's the only one who enjoys reading but she isn't. She recently wrote a book report about a book she'd read but I'm writing a review. Edna thinks she's still a schoolgirl.

This is my favorite book and I've read a plenty. You'll love this one too.
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Anne Rivers Siddons has written a riveting novel about obsession, power, and manipulation. (No, the book is not about Edna). The main character is Ruth Yancey. Ruth is the daughter of an insane father who preaches and abuses his wife and a mother who believes Ruth is destined for great things. Ruth's mother tells her that her feminine sexuality is Ruth's way out of abuse and poverty.

One day, Ruth spies the Georgia mansion owned by the wealthy Fox family. It's called "Fox's Earth" and decides she will have it. Eventually, she wins the heart of Paul Fox whose parents own the house. She ensnares him as well as his parents. Ruth then begins to transform herself into a true Southern belle with proper manners. The uneducated Ruth is left behind and the new Ruth is a sadist who intends to rule Fox's Earth. Ruth's is a story of greed, madness and murder.

She manipulates her husband and in-laws and begins a campaign to gain complete control over all who live in Fox's Earth.(Guess Edna gave her lessons). The best part of the story is about the relationship Ruth has with her children and grandchildren and with her servant, Rip.

As Ruth's grandchildren grow older, Ruth finds herself losing her control. Ruth cannot lose control so becomes more dangerous.(Think Edna and her sword).

I cannot possibly do justice to this book here. It spans decades and it is incredible. It is also the only book I have read more than twice. Take my word for it and read it for yourself.

Outdoor Activity

Margie: Edna, speaking of self-improvement, our Granny sure believed in it just as much as Mama did.

Edna: Mercy, yes, Margie. Remember how Granny talked about her outdoor activity? Wait, here's an old home movie of her; she sure was a pistol.

Blackjack Fairgrounds Blog Carnival

Margie: Edna, it's a well known fact that I am the best hostess in Jericho. Just look here. Miss Amy at Remote Access has asked me to be the hostess for her blog carnival. She didn't ask you because you're so dumb you don't even know what a blog carnival is.

Edna: Oooh, a carnival, how exciting! Will there be cotton candy, do you think? I just love carnival food...

Margie: Edna, shut your trap and let's get on with the carnival, please.

Edna: Margie, you're so mean to me. I hope you fall off the tilt-a-whirl.





Mike Loomer, Jericho On-Set Dresser, answers your questions at Radio Free Jericho.

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If you love Skeet Ulrich you'll love this new website that's all Skeet. Also, read about yet another serious flaw in Nielsen ratings that continue to make TV ratings less valuable.

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Many thanks to Terocious at Jericho Junction for making us aware of The Great Jericho Rewatch (idea by dbalcer). The Rewatch takes place every Tuesday night at 10 p.m. EST.

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Here's the motivator thread Kricka started on CBS. Feel free to use the ones she made or make your own.

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Have a question you'd like Esai Morales to answer? Ask them here.

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Jake's Motivator Thread by Kricka.

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Thanks to Anna at A Day In The Life for her post on thoughts about Jericho.

Here's a tiny sample: "First of all, I think it would be interesting to see what would happen to Jericho if a tornado were to strike. I live in Kansas and know that tornadoes are a very real threat. It just makes me wonder if they would ever depict anything like that, no if, but WHEN Jericho returns!"

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If you would like to host a future carnival, please email Amy.


To submit an article for the carnival go here.

Etiquette

Edna: Margie, I was up in the attic and I found this old etiquette book of Mama's. I think there are some passages in here that our readers might find useful. Let me blow the dust off and give it a look-see.

Here's one for you, Margie! "Flirtation: The coquette should remember that, with every successive flirtation, one charm after another disappears, like the petals from a fading rose, until all the deliciousness of a fresh and pure character is lost." You'd better pay attention, you old hussy.

Margie: Edna, you lie. Not only have you never understood the art of flirting, but your character was lost when you turned 16.

Edna: We’re not going to get into a contest of who has the better character, because you know I’d win, you reprobate. Listen to this one: "Etiquette of the Street: A gentleman should always offer his arm to a lady in the evening. In the day this is only in order in case of the pavement being slippery, there being a crowd, or the lady being old or needing support. If there are two ladies, he should offer his arm to one, and let the other walk beside her."

Margie: So that's why all the gentlemen offer me their arm and you walk beside us. Interesting.

Edna: Margie, I only walk beside you because I don’t want to even touch the man that would offer you his arm. They usually have hygiene issues.

Oh, this one is my favorite: "How to Grow Old Gracefully: A charming old lady revealed the secret of her fair and rosy complexion to a group of young women as follows: “Late hours,” said she, “and oversleeping ruin the complexion. Go to bed early, arise early, and you will grow old slowly, and retain your good looks to an advanced age. If, however, your position forces you into society and you are obliged to be up late at night, sleep an hour every afternoon. Before going to bed take a hot bath and remain in the water only a few moments. Then drink a cup of bouillon, and a small glass of Malaga wine. Sleep will soon follow, and last until the natural time of awakening, which is about ten o’clock in the morning under these circumstances. Take a cold plunge or sponge bath, a light breakfast of café au lait, and bread without any butter.” She continued: “Out-of-door exercise is an absolute necessity, but must not be carried to excess. A daily walk is excellent and it is scarcely necessary to say that whole days of lawn tennis, croquet, etc., are not favorable to the complexion.”

Margie: Edna, I told you to stay out of my diary, you old fool.

Edna: Margie, the day anyone describes YOU as having grown old gracefully is the day I eat my hat.


Excerpts from: The Home Library of Entertainment, Instruction, and Amusement, by Thomas Sheppard Meek. Published 1902.

Home Remedies

Edna: As Margie and Edna’s Self-Improvement week continues, Margie wanted to talk about a few home remedies that you all might find useful. Margie?

Margie: People nowadays are what Edna calls "wimps." They run to the doctor for every little thing. Edna and I use Mama's old home remedies and we never need a doctor. (We like a nice doctor though.)

Here are a few that we like:

Bruises: White vinegar removes the blues, heals the bruise. Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

Remember this one, Edna?

Put three drops of kerosene on a teaspoon of sugar and take for three nights; cures tonsillitis/sore throat.

Wet tobacco and put on bee stings to take the sting out as well as the swelling.

Wet tea bags work well for any sort of toothaches and swelling.

Mama's favorite home remedy was this one:

Medical Disclaimer: We are not medical doctors. Although these are real home/folk remedies, we recommend if you have any serious health issues that you see a real doctor. We cannot predict what would happen to you if you ingest kerosene, even in that small amount, so we don’t recommend you try it. If you do and get sick, just remember that we told you not to do it, you idiot. And please don’t sue us. Thank you.

Exercise

Margie: Edna, you said this shooting pool is good exercise so you'd show me how to play. Why are you saying I owe you $100?

Edna: Margie, didn't I tell you about the teaching fee? You really should turn up your hearing aid, you old bat. Now, let's go down to Bailey's so I can collect more...teaching fees.

Special Tea For the Soul

When Edna and I came home from finishing school, Mama told us that we should never stop improving ourselves. She said, " A lady can always find a way to be more of a lady."

In honor of Mama, Edna and I would like to present a week of self-improvement ideas which we hope will benefit you as much as it will us.
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Edna: Margie, I am a big believer in self-improvement, but mostly in others since I myself am practically perfect in every way.

Margie: Edna, I know you believe in self-improvement, just not for yourself. You have had delusions for so long that I'm surprised you're still at home. Of course, the Dr. does give you strong doses of those pills. I still say all you need is Special Tea for the Soul.

Edna: Margie, I stopped taking those pills a long time ago, but we're not here to talk about my private business you blabbermouth. Why don't you give our readers a few words of wisdom? (Folks, listen close, she doesn't sound wise very often.)

Margie: Fine, Edna. Here are some words for you.

An apple a day prevents one from going to see a handsome doctor. That's why I don't eat apples.

Edna: Here's one of my favorites from Mama: she always said that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. But what you’d want to do with a bunch of sticky flies is beyond me.

Margie: I think they made Shoo Fly Pie with them, Edna. That reminds me.

Mama also said if it weren't for Special Tea you'd have no personality whatsoever.

Edna: Margie, you can kiss my grits! Folks, listen up and let me tell you something. The way to a man’s heart is usually through his stomach. Unless you’re Margie, and then you just lock him in the basement until he gives in.

Margie: Saves on the grocery bill, Edna. And may I say that you can love a rich man as well as a poor one unless the rich man is really ugly. I don't allow ugly men in my basement.

Edna: Mama would be so proud.
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To Our Friend

Love, Margie and Edna

Edna's Dating Profile

Jericho Kindred Spirits: Looking for that special someone? We bring the singles of Jericho together. Discover your soul mate or life's companion. Join now and submit your profile to find your special someone.

Name: Edna
Ht.: 5'4"
Wt.: That’s between my General Practitioner and me.
Eye color: Blue
Hair: Blonde
Sex: 100% lady
Occupation: Keeping an eye on my wayward sister takes up most of my time, I don’t have the energy to work too.
Marital status: Currently single and looking for that special someone.
Religion: That’s between my higher power and me.
Age: I plead the Fifth.
Hobbies: Baking, cooking, crocheting, embroidery, and shooting pool.

Please answer these questions in detail:

1. Modesty is a virtue.

Edna: That’s not a question, but I’ll answer it anyway. I do believe that modesty is a virtue, and I practice it at all times. I’m modest and virtuous, and don’t let my evil sister tell you any differently.

2. It is irritating to be told what to do.

Edna: Goodness, it surely is. I’ve been told what to do by my older sister all my life, and I surely won’t tolerate it in a romantic partner, I don’t care if you do have all your teeth and hair.

3. It is alright to ignore laws that don't make sense.

Edna: Heavens no! I obey all the laws, even the ones that don’t make sense. Just ask Deputy Jimmy and Mr. Hawkins.

4. What kind of partner are you looking for?

Edna: I’m looking for a good listener and a man who’s light on his feet. A good sense of humor is a must. I’d prefer it if he lives as far away from Jericho, KS as possible, as I wouldn’t mind putting some miles between myself and my sister.

5. Are there any qualities in a partner that you will not tolerate?

Edna: No smokers, and he must have full control of his bladder. Beyond that, I’m pretty tolerant.

6. Describe your perfect partner.

Edna: Someone who’s smart, funny, and can dance and hold his liquor. He should think I’m the center of the universe, even (and especially) when my sister is in the room. And he should be able to pick locks, because if he’s handsome my sister will surely try to lock him in the basement.

7. Is there anything you would like to add that we haven't asked?

Edna: Well, I can’t imagine what you haven’t asked, since you all are the nosiest bunch I’ve ever seen. I know my sister has applied to you all as well, so please don’t send us the same dates. That could get quite confusing.

I’m including a picture of myself to post on your website. Maybe that will help your gentlemen members decide.

Thank you,
Edna

Margie Makes A Profile

One morning, while Edna was bathing, Margie opened the Jericho Messenger to read the obituaries. Before she could read the first one her eyes fell upon an ad that grabbed her attention. It said: Now Open Jericho Kindred Spirits. Looking for that special someone? We bring the singles of Jericho together. Discover your soul mate or life's companion. Join now and submit your profile to find your special someone.

What happened next:

Name: Margie
Ht.: 5'7"
Wt.: 120
Eye color: Pretty blue
Hair: Brunette
Sex: None of your business
Occupation: Blogger
Marital status: This needs changing. You're too nosy.
Religion: Is this like going to church? Mine blew up.
Age: I could sue you for asking.
Hobbies: I like gardening, cooking, drinking tea, cleaning my basement, and going to Bailey's.

Please answer these questions in detail:
1. Modesty is a virtue.
Margie: I suppose so but not in every situation. I'm modest around my sister because she's jealous of my girlish figure.

2. It is irritating to be told what to do.
Margie: Yes, it is. My sister does that all the time. I just tune her out.

3. It is alright to ignore laws that don't make sense.
Margie: Why, yes, it is. My in-laws were horrid people so I ignored them all the time.

4. What kind of partner are you looking for?
Margie: I like most any man if he's tall, handsome, has money, and likes basement work.

5. Are there any qualities in a partner that you will not tolerate?
Margie: Yes, I don't want a man that drinks liquor unless it's my Special Tea and I don't like gambling men.

6. Describe your perfect partner.
Margie: I like a manly man like a cowboy. I used to like it when they whispered in my ear but I don't hear so good anymore. I like a strong man who treats me like the lady I am. I really prefer dark hair & eyes like those Eyetalian men have.

7. Is there anything you would like to add that we haven't asked?
Margie: Don't send any old men and I don't want any man from New Bern. Those men are Nuts. I like Mr. Hawkins but he's married to my friend, Darcy. I'm not a man stealer like my sister is. Speaking of Edna, send her a man too. She's so sharp-tongued that he won't last long but I don't need long to get my callers to the basement.
Here's my picture, cowboy. Thank you, Margie

Edna reviews Duma Key

You know, I’ve been a fan of Mr. Stephen King for a very long time. That young man writes a mighty fine story, and he surely does know how to put the scare into someone. And I was so happy to hear that he survived the recent nuclear unpleasantness; I guess maybe they didn’t set off any bombs up there in Maine near him.

Well, I read that new book he published, Duma Key. It surely was a heavy thing, my poor old hands could barely hold it. I had to drink an extra cup of special tea whenever I put that book down because my rheumatism would act up something fierce. But while Mr. King may be a wordy young man, he does seem to know what he’s doing.

This book is about a man named Edgar Freemantle who has a terrible accident, loses one of his arms, and does some damage to his brain. He decides to get a new start and moves from Minnesota to Florida (wise move, in my opinion) and takes up painting. Now, any other author would leave it at that, but not Mr. King. He’s not satisfied until his readers are so scared that they have to go to sleep with the lights on. He has poor Edgar, through his painting, become the channel for some evil being who’s been trapped on Duma Key (where Edgar now lives on the west coast of Florida). I admit, I didn’t fully understand all the details of the evil being, but I comprehended enough to be sufficiently scared. I don’t want to ruin the story for you, but you’ve probably read enough of Mr. King’s stories by now to know that things turn out okay, in his fashion. (Mr. King’s fashion being that good triumphs over evil, but not without some casualties along the way. And I’ve certainly read enough of the man’s stories to tell you not to get too attached to any character in the book, or sure as shootin’ you’ll be crying by the end of the book.)

One person I especially liked in this story was Miss Elizabeth Eastlake, an old woman who owns the house Edgar rents down in Florida. She knows a lot about this scary being, and was a bit of a painting savant when she was a child, until something horrible happened and she never painted again. (Margie, I can just hear you asking what a savant is, go look it up in the dictionary.) Anyway, Elizabeth reminded me a lot of Margie and me, especially in the scene where she’s sitting at the end of her driveway in her wheelchair, guarding her house armed with an old spear gun. You’ve got to admire someone like that! Plus, she was the much-loved younger child and had older sisters who bullied her when she was a girl, I could certainly relate to that.

So, to sum up, this was a very good book. It wasn’t as scary or as full of blood-and-guts as some of his other books (thank heavens!), but it was still scary enough to keep your toes curled and the hairs standing up on the back of your neck. Mr. King, please keep writing your good stories, but would you grant an old lady a special favor? Please make your next book a bit lighter. Thank you.

Edna Makes Cupcakes

Edna: Margie, I’m so glad that Mr. Hawkins gave us this computer and that the Internet is back up and running. I’ve found so many wonderful new recipes to try! I wanted to make some cupcakes for Allison and Sam Hawkins, and I thought I’d take some to Deputy Jimmy’s two little ones as well. Here, try this cupcake, what do you think?

Margie: Edna, I hope this cupcake is not one of the ones you dropped on the floor. Ack. Spittt. Good Lord, Edna, there's enough oil in here to fry 4 chickens.

Edna: Well pardon me, Julia Child! I got the recipe from here. It’s from some woman named Paula Deen, I hear she’s over in Georgia. I don’t know how they’ve been faring for supplies over where she is, but all I have to say is that I wouldn’t have been able to make this recipe if we hadn’t been able to use our chickens to barter with down at the dairy farm. My lands, did you see the frosting recipe? Who does she think is going to have a pound of cream cheese just lying around these days? Well, besides us, that is.

Margie: Edna, we do love our cream cheese, don't we? I remember my second husband... never mind.

Edna: Margie, hush up, I’m still talking. Thank goodness for Trish at J&R. That sweetheart managed to find me some real vanilla extract, not that cheap imitation nonsense. I suppose I’d better take her a few cupcakes too. Good thing that Mr. Goetz is gone, he was most definitely the type to steal someone’s cupcakes.

Margie: Edna, looks like a few are missing now. Has Deputy Jimmy already been here?

Edna: Margie, you put those cupcakes down, I know where the missing cupcakes went. I won’t have any left to give away if you keep eating them!

Margie: I'm eating them so my friends don't have to suffer. Where's the Nuts?

Edna: Margie, I've had enough of you, I'm taking these cupcakes over to the Taylors before you eat them all.

+++++++++

Beth's note: I did really make these cupcakes, so Edna isn't just blowing hot air. They're extremely tasty and very rich, and my co-workers loved them. But, they do seem to have just a bit too much oil in them; if I make them again, I'm going to either try to cut down on the oil (it calls for 1 and 1/2 cups!) or use half oil and half an alternative source (applesauce, maybe?). Also, I found that the frosting recipe made an insane amount of frosting, I only used half of it. If any of you have made this recipe before, please let me know what you thought of it.

Edna's Favorite TV Shows

Oh my stars and garters, how do you like that folks? I turn my back for one minute and my sister tries to take over the blog. Well, two can play at this game, Margie!

I surely do love to watch television. Gracious, I just love my stories! And some days, it feels like I’m living in a television show myself. But you know, it seems like they don’t make these shows like they used to.

I remember that I enjoyed watching that show, Gidget. That girl was just a bundle of energy, and cute as a button, too! But I saw her a while back on that Academy Awards show and she was just a sniveling mess. I guess maybe Moondoggie dumped her or something, but she must have bounced back because I saw her just the other day on the TV selling bone medicine. Good for her!

Oh, and you know I never missed an episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show! That man was sure light on his feet back in the old days, and so funny and clever. And let me tell you, Mr. Van Dyke surely is aging well. It’s not often you see a man his age with such a full head of hair. Dick, you can call on me anytime. But if my sister answers the door, you turn around and run. If she catches you she’ll lock you up in the basement lickety-split, so you just run like the wind!

One show that used to remind me of home was that Green Acres. My lands, how I used to laugh at those city-slickers trying to live on their farm. Although personally, I think the pig stole the show.

And don’t get me started on The Love Boat! Once I saw that show, it was my life’s dream to go on a cruise. Why, you never knew who you were going to see onboard! I used to beg my second husband to take me on a cruise to Acapulco, but he said that we couldn’t take the time away from the farm. I think what he was really worried about was that I’d fall in love with that Captain Steubing and never come home.

Now it seems like I don’t have as much time for watching television any more. There are so many chores that take up the day, and some nights I'm even too tired to drink my elderberry cordial out on the front porch with my sister. But one show I stay awake for every week is Supernatural. Lordy, but that show is scary! I will tell you this, though: it takes the edge off of some of the creepiness to be able to watch two such handsome young men do their jobs. Goodness, maybe they could come visit me and do something about the old demon that I live with.

Margie's Favorite TV Shows

While Edna has gone to the market I'm going to talk about what I want to talk about. She's so bossy and she always tells me what to say and not say to people.
I'll fool her today because I want to talk about my favorite TV shows.


5. Witchblade- this is about some strange girl( played by Yancy Butler) who has a sword with special powers. Lordy, I'm glad Edna never got one of those. I think this show was on around 2001 on TNT which was owned by that odd man who married Jane Fonda. I met Jane once but it was during all that Vietnam war stuff. Jane has a brother named Peter Fonda and I'd much rather have met him.



4. The Golden Girls- is about four friends - Dorothy (Beatrice Arthur), Rose (Betty White), Blanche (Rue McClanahan) and Sophia (Estelle Getty) - who move in together in Miami.

You may wonder why this show has such appeal for me. Well, Edna is Blanche made over. My sister, like Blanche, does think she's God's gift to men. That makes both of them amusing to watch.

I'm more like Dorothy. I'm a former librarian and I'm smart about life and men. Nobody fools me.

3. The Waltons- John Boy was such a cutie. I loved them all though. If this show was on CBS today it probably wouldn't last 3 episodes. Remember the Baldwin sisters? They had the Recipe but I've got Special Tea.

What good memories I have of The Waltons. A real family show. Goodnight John Boy.

2. Leave It To Beaver-debuted on CBS on October 4, 1957. I dearly loved Tony Dow. He was perfect for the role. It was a wonderful family show and I still watch reruns today. That mom was unusual because she cleaned house in her dress, high heels, and jewelry.

I wonder if Tony would like the basement?

1. Knots Landing-this was my very favorite and I never missed it. They modeled the character of Abby (Donna Mills) after me. She's beautiful and gorgeous, and she got every man she wanted and some she didn't. Nobody made a fool out of her. Of course, she was like Edna in one way; she stole her friend's husbands.



Oops, I hear Edna stumbling in. She must have stopped by Bailey's. Goodbye for now, my friends.

Edna and Margie's Blog Of The Week

Margie: Edna, Deputy Jimmy came by today to show me his new flaptop computer. He showed me these funny pictures he found too.

Edna: Well wasn't that nice that he came to pay us a visit! I know he's been busy around town lately with all that revolution business, it was nice that he took the time out to drop by. Margie, he must have been sorely disappointed to have found only you at home.

And what was so funny about his pictures?

Margie: Go here, Edna, and see for yourself. Looks like friends of yours.

Margie: Lawsy me, Edna, that redneck bomb shelter would be perfect for us.How many people could we fit in there?

Edna: Margie, don't you even think about it.


Margie: Edna, this redneck divorce reminds me of my own. You're a hussy.

Edna: Margie, I have told you time and time again: it's not my fault that your husbands strayed. Or that they liked me more than they did you.


Edna: Margie, don't you have one of those redneck tank tops?

Margie: Yes, Edna, but mine doesn't come with the cup holder.


Edna: That redneck sports fan kind of reminds me of my first husband, God rest his hairy-backed soul.

Margie: God rest his soul is right. He has peace now and I'm left to suffer you alone.

Margie: Redneck Relatives

Dear Billie Jo,

Margie here. I hope you all are fine. We have our power back now so we're doing well. Edna hogs the TV which is nothing new.

Billie Jo, I'll thank you not to speak of my sister as a pistol ball. I have a pistol and she is the sword master.

I'm sure the Wal-Mart wedding was nice. Did everyone wear clothes? I'm sure you all did just fine without my Special Tea.

Give our regards to Alma Jean. Is it true she married a much older man? Will she be moving all 12 of her children in with them?

So John Jr. has joined the Army. Isn't he about 24 now? Did he finally get tired of 3rd grade?

The food sounds lovely. We do pride ourselves on the fine chickens we raise here. Be sure to tell Cousin Hershel hello when the hooch wears off.

We would love to have you all come visit but Edna and I have been planning a trip and we leave tomorrow. We will be gone for several years. I'll write you when we return.

Love,
Cousin Margie

Redneck Relatives

Mama was a refined, gracious lady but that did not exempt her from having kin that embarrassed her.

Cousin Billie Jo is the daughter of Mama's baby sister. Poor Mama always said she couldn't understand how such an uncouth brood existed.

Cousin Billie Jo married John Rayburn Brummitt who is a kindly man but a drunkard. Mama once asked Billie Jo if John Rayburn drank and Billie Jo said, "Only when he's thirsty."

***********************

Margie: Edna, I got a letter from Cousin Billie Jo in Tennessee. You want to help me answer it?

Edna: Margie, you are welcome to answer that letter yourself if you have the time. Besides, I'm not speaking to Cousin Billie Jo since she called me wanting bail money, and then didn't even send a thank you note after it was wired!

Margie: Bail money? You never told me that!

Edna: What, you think I tell you everything? Just read the letter already, I don't have all day.
*************************************

Dear Cousin Margie,

This here's yor cousin billie jo. I got youn's letter t'day and wuz glad to hear from youn's. That Edna always was a pistol ball. Ain't she? I told all the folks bout her-whatcha said n all bout her and them there town fellas.

Wish y'all could come see us. Been a long while since we seed youn's. John Rayburn's been tending to the farm as aways. Always sumthin to do round this here place.

John jr. dun gone and signed up to go to the army. Said he's had enuff schooling. Alma Jean got herself hitched down to the walmark parking lot. them walmark folks is nice They said we could have the weddin'doings down there seein how alma jean works for em and all. she was perty and a good time was had by all. we did miss yor special tea tho, Margie.

After the weddin' seems like the whole town showed up for dinner. smoked a pig all night before and made turnip greens. that was some fine pot likker. Oh, the girls from the Sunday school pulled out all the stops. They brung ever kind of them casseroles you kin imagine. Tater salad and beet pickles, and one of them kilt and fried 12 chickens.

Cousin Hershel snuck in some hooch & we all said we thunk of you & cousin edna.

Hear's a pitcher of John rayburn, hershel, and john junior.

Rite me back, Margie, and tell Edna we may come see youn's & bring the whole busload of kin with us.

love,
billie jo

Margie and Edna: Movin' Out?

Margie: Edna, the Rangers did everything they could to save Jericho. What will become of us now?

Edna: Margie, I know they fought very hard, but sometimes things are just beyond our control. Maybe we should find a new place to live...or at least go visit somewhere else for a while. What do you think?

Margie: I think you finally have a good idea, sister.

Edna: Margie, maybe we should go to Miami, I hear they have a good crime scene investigation unit there. I always say you can tell a town by its law enforcement.

Margie: Edna, Miami was hit by the blasts too. I heard there are more gentlemen there now than ladies. Let's go.

Edna: Margie, you dimwit. If it was hit in the blasts, then there isn't anyone there right now, gentlemen or ladies. We'd better find someplace else.

Margie: Edna, you're so hateful. I had my bikini ready.

Edna: Well then, I guess we all dodged a bullet there, Lord knows no one needs to see that. I know of someplace that's not too far from here, it's just down the road in Lawrence, Kansas.

Margie: Edna, I heard that place is haunted. I'd be scared.

Edna: Margie, I heard the same thing. But I also heard that there are two brothers there who can protect us. They're used to fighting demons. Say, I have something in common with them, you're a demon every morning before you have your coffee.

Margie: Funny, Edna, the only demon is you when you lose your temper. Two brothers? We could try them then. I mean try that town.

Edna: On second thought Margie, maybe we’d better not. Wasn’t Lawrence destroyed by the bombs too?

Margie: Yes, Edna, so we can't go there. Hmm...why don't we see if we can track these young men down and hitch a ride with them in their cool car? I do so love a back seat.

Edna: Margie, for their sake, maybe we'd better think of something else. I don't want you corrupting those two nice young men.

Margie: Edna, I'm tired of you. I think I'll just go all by myself to a remote Pacific island.

Edna: By yourself? Margie, you wouldn't get 30 yards down the road by yourself, you know how easily you get lost.

Margie: I hate you, Edna. I'll just go visit MY friends, the Beckers.

Edna: Your friends? Why are they just your friends, you selfish ninny?

Margie: Because, Edna, I wrote to them and we communicated very nicely.

Edna: Well, that's all well and good for you, but maybe we should go visit one of my favorite friends, Amy Vernon. She told me that I'm always welcome in her home. She probably meant as long as I didn't bring you.

Margie: I know Amy. She said she likes me best. You'd scare her children.

Edna: Don't you lie to me, I know what she told you, and it wasn't that she liked you BEST. You'd better turn up your hearing aid.

Margie: Hush up, Edna. We'd better go visit Mr. Skeet Ulrich. I bet he'd love to see us.

Edna: I'd better call ahead and warn him that we're coming, I know what you have in mind for that boy and it's not decent.

Margie: Edna, it is decent. I just want to take him a new towel.

Edna: Margie, it's nice of you to take him a new towel, but don't you dare give that boy any of your special tea. He'll wake up a week later, missing his new towel.

Margie: Edna, what a lovely thought. Thank you, sister.

Edna: Oh my Lord, what am I going to do with you? We're never going to decide what to do, at this rate.

Margie: Edna, I need time to think. Where do I want to go and do I leave you behind?

Edna: Well Margie, I guess I need time to think about those same things. How long should we take to decide?

Margie: Until I say I've decided. I’ll leave you, Edna.

Edna: No you wouldn't Margie. I'm all you have left, and you're all I have left, especially if the town goes under like I'm worried it will. We'd better stick together, no matter where we end up.

Margie: Well, I suppose. Let's have an elderberry cordial and talk some more.

Edna: That sounds good, I'll go get the cordial glasses and meet you on the front porch.

Margie: I'll meet you there, Edna.