Margie Makes A Profile

One morning, while Edna was bathing, Margie opened the Jericho Messenger to read the obituaries. Before she could read the first one her eyes fell upon an ad that grabbed her attention. It said: Now Open Jericho Kindred Spirits. Looking for that special someone? We bring the singles of Jericho together. Discover your soul mate or life's companion. Join now and submit your profile to find your special someone.

What happened next:

Name: Margie
Ht.: 5'7"
Wt.: 120
Eye color: Pretty blue
Hair: Brunette
Sex: None of your business
Occupation: Blogger
Marital status: This needs changing. You're too nosy.
Religion: Is this like going to church? Mine blew up.
Age: I could sue you for asking.
Hobbies: I like gardening, cooking, drinking tea, cleaning my basement, and going to Bailey's.

Please answer these questions in detail:
1. Modesty is a virtue.
Margie: I suppose so but not in every situation. I'm modest around my sister because she's jealous of my girlish figure.

2. It is irritating to be told what to do.
Margie: Yes, it is. My sister does that all the time. I just tune her out.

3. It is alright to ignore laws that don't make sense.
Margie: Why, yes, it is. My in-laws were horrid people so I ignored them all the time.

4. What kind of partner are you looking for?
Margie: I like most any man if he's tall, handsome, has money, and likes basement work.

5. Are there any qualities in a partner that you will not tolerate?
Margie: Yes, I don't want a man that drinks liquor unless it's my Special Tea and I don't like gambling men.

6. Describe your perfect partner.
Margie: I like a manly man like a cowboy. I used to like it when they whispered in my ear but I don't hear so good anymore. I like a strong man who treats me like the lady I am. I really prefer dark hair & eyes like those Eyetalian men have.

7. Is there anything you would like to add that we haven't asked?
Margie: Don't send any old men and I don't want any man from New Bern. Those men are Nuts. I like Mr. Hawkins but he's married to my friend, Darcy. I'm not a man stealer like my sister is. Speaking of Edna, send her a man too. She's so sharp-tongued that he won't last long but I don't need long to get my callers to the basement.
Here's my picture, cowboy. Thank you, Margie