Never give out information over the phone indicating you are alone or that you won't be home at a certain time.
Margie: Edna, this is just stupid! If I didn't give out this information over the phone then how would all my gentlemen know when I'm home alone?
Edna: Margie, they’re just saying that they don’t want you to tell that to people you don’t know. And I’ve heard you do that, you hussy! You give that information out to any male over the age of 18 that calls here, whether you know them or not.
Keep your home well lit at night, inside and out; keep curtains closed.
Margie: I always keep my curtains closed, Edna. There might be somebody's wife out in our well-lit yard trying to peep inside.
Edna: Margie, you know good and well that the reason you keep your curtains closed is because of complaints from the neighbors about your exhibitionist tendencies. Don’t try and deceive our readers.
If you arrive at home and suspect a stranger may be inside, DON'T GO IN. Leave quietly and call 911 to report the crime.
Edna: My lands, I would never go in the house if there was a stranger in there! I’d call Deputy Jimmy right away from our portable cellular telephone; he always answers my distress calls lickety-split.
Margie: Edna, you use any excuse to call Deputy Jimmy and you know he is not interested in an old windbag like you.
Use "Neighbor Watch" to keep an eye on your neighborhood.
Edna: Well, my sister and I are a two-woman “Neighbor Watch” team. Some days, watching our neighbors is more fun than watching the television. We just pop us up a bowl of Jiffy-pop, pour us some special tea, and go out on the porch to watch the show.
Margie: That reminds me, Edna, the neighbors are having a cocktail party in a few minutes. You grab the popcorn while I get the special tea and our binoculars.