Happy New Year's Eve

Margie: Hello? Hello? Edna, is that you calling? What's that racket? Turn the TV down. Are you deaf?

Edna: Gah, there's something wrong with this silly phone, I can't hear a word she's saying! Margie, hello, can you hear me??

Margie: Edna? Who are you calling? There's going to be police looking for you. You stop stalking me!

Edna: Oh, good Lord. Margie, as usual you're not making much sense so just let me tell you why I'm calling. I'm at the best party and I just wanted to rub your nose in it! I figured you'd be all alone at home tonight and I just wanted you to hear how much fun I'm having. Eat your heart out, sister.

Margie: Nitwit, I'm not alone. Cousin T, pass the appetizers.

Edna? Yes, we're eating. We ordered pizza. I don't think it's my nose that has a problem. Edna, I thought you said you locked your bedroom door.

Edna: I hocked my old decor? What in the world are you talking about, woman? It sounds like you're in the middle of Grand Central Station, the phone company must have our lines crossed or something.

I don't want to stand here all night yelling at you, I've got a party to get back to. My lands, if I'd known before how much fun these retirement community holiday parties are, I'd have crashed one long before now! Glad you're not here to spoil my fun, sister.

Margie: Edna, don't you hang up on me. Oh my heart! Did you say you signed yourself into a retirement home? Boys! Old Edna isn't coming home ever again. Let's party!

Best of Margie and Edna: Sweet Treats

Originally posted on September 25, 2008

Sweet Treats

Edna: Margie, I've noticed something interesting about our readers. Would you like me to tell you what it is?

Margie: I would like to know if you're planning to tell the truth.

Click here to read more....

Margie Plays Cards

Margie: Today is National Card Playing Day. Edna is gone so I won't have to play with that cheater.

I love playing cards for sure. My favorites are Rook, Spades, and Rummy. I was just reading about different kinds of card games and there are a lot of them that I've never heard of.

How about Disorder or Go Boom? Spoons? Poison? I think I'll just mosey on down to Bailey's Tavern where there's always somebody wanting to play cards. See you there.

Merry Christmas 2009!

image property SilverCollect Blog

We wish the merriest of Christmases to you and yours!

Love, Margie and Edna

Merry Christmas Eve

Margie (Jane):Merry Christmas Eve. I thought I'd take this opportunity to hijack our blog and wish a Happy Birthday to the love of my life.

This is Arabelle but I call her Boo. She is 3 years old today and I cannot imagine my life without her. She is my best friend.

Happy Birthday my Boo.

The Best of Margie and Edna

Margie: You all know how often we talk about our Special Tea. For all the new folks who need or want to get our recipe then check out this post that we did early in 2008.

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming...

Dear readers,

Because of planned vacations and the holidays, things are going to be a little different around the Basement until after the new year. Beth (aka "Edna") is going on an extended holiday that will take her offline for a while. Jane (aka "Margie") will continue with the blog in Beth's absence and asks that you be patient with her.

Not to worry, the blog will be updated as regularly as it is now so please keep stopping by. And we also have some fun things planned! Starting this week, we are introducing a new feature here at the Basement, a "Best of Margie and Edna" series. We have many readers now who weren't with us from the beginning, so we're dusting off some of our favorite posts to share with you all every week.

As always, we deeply appreciate everyone who comes to visit us. Whether you're a daily or occasional visitor, we love you all! Because as much as we enjoy writing Margie and Edna for ourselves, we enjoy it even more with the kind of appreciative audience that we have.

Love,
Jane and Beth
aka "Margie and Edna"

Fun Friday

Margie: One of my very favorite websites is Southern Plate by Christy Jordan. It's a wonderful place to visit for recipes, contests, and stories.

Christy has just written one of the best stories ever called "Seven Cakes." Even though this is not exactly a Fun Friday story, it is definitely one that will make you tear up and feel fortunate.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Grampy and Us

Margie: Edna, I told you that you're a nitwit and I've got proof now. Look at Grampy, Claudia, and Cousin T all passed out in front of the fireplace. I told you not to ask Grampy to help Cousin T build that house.

Lord a mercy, what if somebody saw Grampy come in here? He's a married man, sister, and his wife may come looking for you. We know there's no foolishness going on here but she may not believe us.

Edna: Well, I don't know why you're blaming me for this! I never told anyone to build any house, I just told Grampy that I heard he was good at building doll houses. Things would have been just fine if you hadn't insisted on giving them special tea. And shame on you for giving special tea to Grampy's dog, I'm going to call the ASPCA.

And as for Mrs. Grampy...I'm sure she's a reasonable woman and will understand when you call her to come pick up Grampy and Claudia.

Margie: Don't you try to blame me, nitwit. Cousin T said he needed help to build him a house and you're the one who asked Grampy to help him. Furthermore, I made a special recipe for the tea that's safe for animals so you report me and we'll see who looks like a dummy.

Speaking of a dummy, there's no way I'm calling Mrs. Grampy! Let's just roll Grampy out to the curb and call Deputy Jimmy to come get him.

Edna: Now you listen up and you listen good, you old fool. Cousin T said he needed help with his new house and ALL I said was that Grampy builds dollhouses. That's it, end of story. I thought Grampy could help him with his plans or something. But you know, I think the special tea you gave them made those blueprints hard to read. That house they built doesn't look big enough to hold a hamster, let alone a human.

We can't just abandon Grampy at the curb, that would be insensitive. Plus, we might get cited for littering. If we can roll him out as far as the front yard, he'd be safe under that maple tree until his wife can come get him. Go on ahead and call her, since you're responsible for this mess.

Margie: That might work but I'm keeping Claudia in the house. Let me use your cellulitis phone and I'll call Mrs. Grampy.

Edna: Here's the phone, and I'm locking myself in the basement until everything quiets down. You give that lovely Mrs. Grampy my regards, and you tell Grampy that next time he wants to visit us, he'd best behave a bit better. My stars and garters, I need a tonic to calm my nerves!

Margie: Folks, I'm too smart for my sister. When I use her phone to call Mrs. Grampy, guess whose name will show up on that phone???

Chocolate Covered Anything Day

Margie: Edna, Wednesday is National Chocolate Covered Anything Day! I'm going to start my day with a big plate of chocolate covered biscuits. What will you have?

Edna: Maybe an antacid, in anticipation of all the chocolate I'll be eating on Wednesday. You know, I'm not a big fan of fruit and chocolate together, but Godiva has a Key Lime Truffle that will knock your socks off.

Margie: Key Lime and chocolate? Not for me. Give me some strawberries dipped in chocolate and a cowboy to feed me and that's what will knock your bloom, socks off.

Edna: Margie, no one wants to hear about you and any cowboys, so just hush up.

You know, I heard on the news the other night about chocolate-covered bacon. I like bacon and I like chocolate, but certainly not together!

Margie: No way do I want chocolate bacon. Yuck. I don't think I'd like any chocolate covered ants or grasshoppers either.

You've made me want chocolate milk. Why don't you go fix us a glass?

Edna: Sister, I'll make a deal with you: I'll fix you a glass of chocolate milk if you promise to stay out of this pound box of Russel Stover's I bought. I can't bring a box of chocolates into this house without you sticking your finger in the bottom of each piece to see what the filling is. Hands off!

Margie: Go fix the milk while I think about your deal.

Edna: Fine, but I'm taking my chocolates with me.

Sex and the Senior Citizen

Edna: Margie, our good friend Carmen at Carmen's Chronicles suggested an unusual blog topic for today's post. I do think we're going to have to tread lightly, it's a bit of a delicate subject. In fact, it's really not a topic for mixed company, I'm not sure what that young lady was thinking.

Margie: Lord a mercy, Edna, what's the world coming to these days? What is so delicate about sex and senior citizens? They just can't do all those contortions like they did when they were young. I'd like to see you try to climb up in that barn loft today.

Edna: I should have known you'd like this topic, what with all the smut and whatnot you parade around our blog. You know good and well that Mama raised us to keep bedroom business in the bedroom. But if you and Carmen insist we talk about this, I suppose we can come up with a few tips for the elderly who, er, want to get down to business.

1. Make sure that if you attempt anything where flexibility is needed, one or both of your hips have already been replaced. If you try some of those maneuvers listed in books with your original hips, you could end up having to tell a very embarrassing story to the EMTs.

2. Educate yourself about diseases and protection, the world is a much dirtier place than when we were young. Don't be like these old fools down in Florida, who didn't have the good sense to know how to avoid catching one of them ess-tee-dees. Folks, just remember that a retirement community is not a euphemism for "swinger's club."

3. If you're going to do the horizontal mambo with another senior citizen, make sure you both keep your hearing aids turned on. No need to wake the neighbors with your high-volume pillow talk. Getting a knock on the door from the police because someone's reported you for disturbing the peace can ruin the mood right quick.

4. Carmen, it's not nice to tell a gentleman to take 2 Viagra at once because it could make his heart give out. You wouldn't want to explain that scenario to anybody would you?

5. Edna says to keep your bedroom business in the bedroom. Margie says to try many other places besides the bedroom. Just watch for carpet burns. That hurts.

Sunday Funnies

Margie: Why buy stamps to mail Christmas cards?

Here's my card to all my friends. (Not you, Edna).

Enjoy!!

Fun Friday: The Christmas Song

Edna: Folks, it has been downright frigid around here lately, and it's not just because of Margie's constant bad mood. All this blustery weather is putting me in mind of the holidays, and one of my favorite holiday songs of all time is Mr. Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song." What a fine voice that man had, and this song puts me in the Christmas mood every time I hear it. Enjoy!

The wish list...

Margie: Edna, I think our readers would be interested in knowing what we'd like to get for Christmas. And don't start with that world peace and everything else you always say. Just say what you would like to have for yourself.

I'll start. I want this. Look.

The Victoria's Secret "Sexy Splendor Fantasy Bra"

Edna: Well, if you think I'm going to say I want something like that ridiculous multi-million dollar brassiere, then you are sorely mistaken. Margie, I can't believe you would want something like that; pardon me for saying so, but you can't fill it up nearly as well as that model does.

My needs are much simpler, give me a pound box of nuts and chews from See's Candies and I'd be a happy woman.

Margie: Edna, you're too dumb. Don't you know that toilet tissue can help fill any bra?

Oh, I want some of that See's too plus about 5 cases of Pepsi and a gift certificate to the grocery store. I'd also like some books so I can read all winter.

Edna: My lands, if you get all the Pepsi you won't be able to sit still long enough to read any of those books.

You know what I really want? I want a good, solid pair of ear plugs so I don't have to listen to you griping and complaining about how I never help you clean the house. Margie, that complaint might hold more water if I didn't have dishpan hands and housemaid's knee, you lying liar.

Margie: Edna, you wouldn't know the truth if it smacked you. I'm the one who needs ear plugs. You always say your dishpan hands are caused by your compulsive hand washing and those knobby knees are caused by arthritis.

I'd sure have a lovely Christmas if some fool would come adopt you.

Edna: Lord-a-mercy folks! If any of you know a sugar daddy, send them my way, maybe they'll adopt me. Either that, or they could buy Margie her gazillion-dollar undergarment and take her far far away from me.

You guessed it!

Dear readers,

The results are in from our recent "Guess Our Ages" contest and we have our winners! Grampy at Grampy and You correctly guessed Beth's age, and RNSANE (i.e., Carmen at Carmen's Chronicles) was the closest to guessing Jane's correct age. Congratulations to you both, and thanks to everyone who participated!

We have to say, we were a bit surprised at the range of ages guessed. Apparently we're good enough at acting like crabby octogenarians that our correct ages aren't easily pinpointed. While we're not going to disclose our real ages to anyone but the winners, we will admit that we are both MUCH younger than Margie and Edna.

Both Grampy and Carmen will have the opportunity to pick the subject of their choice for the ladies to blog about. Keep checking back, we're sure you won't want to miss what they come up with!

Remember Pearl Harbor

Sunday Funnies

Margie: This is my sister, Edna, for sure. She dreams the house is clean so she never has to lift a finger to help me.

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Don't forget to email us your guesses for the "Guess our Ages" contest, all guesses need to be sent by tomorrow (Monday Dec. 7th) at noon EST.

Fun Friday

Margie: Ladies, do you need something to warm you during this winter season? Do I have a present for you!!!

Look at the sexy “12 Men of Christmas,” calendar with all the steaming hot men from "12 Men of Christmas" starring Kristin Chenoweth and Josh Hopkins. Tune in to the “12 Men of Christmas” movie on Lifetime on Saturday, December 5th at 9 pm ET/PT.

I'll be busy Saturday night so don't bother trying to call.

Operation Santa Paws

Your help is needed for holiday toys, treats, and supplies for shelter and rescue cats and dogs.

"OPERATION SANTA PAWS was established by Justin Rudd in 2001. It is part of the Haute Dog organization (pronounced HOT) -- a diverse and growing network of dog owners, lovers, educators, rescuers and supporters. Our common bond has resulted in a unique and lively community of folks who share some qualities of our favorite dogs: devotion, spirit and tenacity."

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Don't forget to email us your guesses for the "Guess our Ages" contest, only five days left to enter. Many thanks to those who've sent us their guesses so far!

Where's our money??

Edna: Margie, I tell you what, I am just stumped as to how bloggers make any money with their blogs. You're forever seeing some blogger going on and on about "monetizing" this and that, but I'm starting to think they're all full of hooey. We certainly haven't had much luck so far with this monetizing thing, maybe we need to think outside the box. Winter's here and I need to raise some funds for socks and mittens.

Margie: I know what you mean, sister. I need flannel bloomers and new socks plus another blanket for my bed. I think it's hooey too.

Maybe now you'd like to entertain my notion of selling nekkid pictures?

Edna: Oh, good grief. Margie, I refuse to make money by objectifying handsome young men, I don't care how willing they are.

I was thinking maybe we could hold a widget yard sale. I'm sure we've got a few over there in the sidebar just gathering dust.

Margie: Edna, I was talking about nekkid pictures of ME. Yes, we could have a widget yard sale or we could have a Special Tea stand out by the road.

Maybe people would send donations if they saw a picture of my holey bloomers.

Edna: As much as I hate to admit it, you might be on to something there. We could put up a picture of you and people could pay us to take it down. Goodness knows no one wants to see you and your holey bloomers, let alone you IN your holey bloomers.

Oh, I know! Maybe we could find us a wealthy sponsor, and they could pay us one dollar every time we insulted each other. My lands, we'd be millionaires in no time!

Margie: Edna, did you insult me? How do you know who might want to see my bloomers?

Margie: I like that sponsor idea. Who will sponsor me to duct tape Edna's mouth so we don't have to listen to her nonsense?

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Don't forget to email us your guesses for the "Guess our Ages" contest, only five days left to enter!