Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Margie: Edna, I can't believe I found this. Thank you for not showing your face. You ought to be plumb ashamed making a floozy picture like this.
Edna: Well, for crying out loud, what makes you think those are MY legs? You just said you couldn't see the model's face. Although, those feet are certainly petite enough to be mine.
Margie: Edna, I've known you for decades so don't try to pretend that I don't recognize that old body of yours. You have more sags and droops now but this picture was in your younger day.
You never could recall where you'd left those bloomers could you?
Edna: I know exactly where I left those bloomers, but if I let the cat out of the bag I'd also embarrass a very high-ranking politician. We've had enough of those kinds of scandals lately, don't you think?
Margie: Thank you Edna. That's a very wise decision on your part. You certainly don't need to start another scandal.
Edna: Margie, I don't think you want me to start talking about who causes the scandals around here. I still have those pictures I took the last time Deputy Jimmy hauled you off to the pokey for indecent exposure. Don't make me share them with our readers.
Margie: Stifle it, dingbat.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Margie: Edna, I'm glad to see that our Dollar General store has enlarged their grocery section. I can usually get more there for my money. How about you ?
Edna: If I wanted groceries, I'd go down to Gracie Leigh's. Nothing's changed around her store in nigh on 30 years.
Margie: Lord a mercy, Edna, you're just stuck in the past.
Edna: I do dislike change. I'm going to write a letter.
Margie: Who cares if you write one, nitwit? You're nobody's boss.
Edna: I like it when things are plain and simple, why do companies always have to make "improvements" that aren't really improvements at all?
Margie: I wish somebody would improve your foul temper. You act just you did when you had PMS.
Edna: Kiss my grits, Margie.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Margie: Edna, I don't know what the world is coming to. I was just reading about these kids doing sexting. Lord a mercy. Do you know what Mama would have done to us if we'd sent a sex message to a boy or our nekkid pictures?
Mama would have heated your tushie, sister, because you were always in the middle of any wrongdoing. I knew how to act like a lady.
Edna: Margie, are you going to sit here and have me and our readers believe that you would never have sent a risque picture to a beau if you had the means to do it? Because I heard some stories around town when we were young...
Margie: That's exactly right you floozy. Well, I heard stories too so you best hold on to your bloomers and duct tape your mouth or I'll tell them.
Edna: Ah, but the difference is, the stories I heard about you were true.
But you know, you're actually right Margie. Kids today need to show a little more restraint and decorum when they communicate with each other. Let them learn from us; if they're not careful, stories could go around about them for a very long time.
Margie: I'll have to agree, Edna. You're a good example too. You never thought your girlish doings would come back to bite you in the tushie all those years later.
Nobody's taking nekkid pictures of me to use for blackmail! I'm not talking about you, Hef. Call me.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Edna: As you folks may remember, last month my loud-mouthed sister got us banned from the local library, which means we still can't check out any new DVDs to watch. Lucky for me, I have one of my favorite movies of all time on DVD right here at home, so I can watch it whenever I want. That movie? Why, The Princess Bride, of course! I tell you what, that movie's got it all: romance, action, adventure, fantasy, and a handsome young farm boy named Westley. If you haven't seen it yet, you'd best right that wrong as soon as you possibly can.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go lock my sister out of the house so I can watch my movie in peace. Happy Friday!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Margie: Today is National Hot Dog Day and that makes me very happy. Edna and I do love us a good hot dog. Not that she's ever had a good one because Edna won't eat onion. I love as much onion on my dog as it'll hold.
I love to put different things on my hot dog because I love variety. I might put kraut one time and relish on another. I always have to have mayo, mustard, ketchup, and onion no matter what else I may add.
I especially love them grilled. Gosh, I'm glad we don't have to eat those red weenies anymore. Remember how you'd put them in boiling water and they'd make the water turn red? I'll have a beef weenie myself. How about you ?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Cousin T: Miss Margie, put on your best shoes and your pill box hat! While Miss Edna sleeps off her fancy cruise buffet I am taking you over to the New Burn mall where they got a Ruby Tuesday’s with a salad bar that will blow your mind. Sunflower seeds, blue cheese dressing, let me tell you they have it all!
Margie: Cousin T, you don't have to tell me twice! I love Ruby Tuesday's.
Remember that song ? Rooooo- beeeeee, don't take your love to town.
Real sunflower seeds? Do they have those little miniature corn on the cob thingies?
Yes, let's go without Edna. She embarrasses us by stuffing her purse so full. Remember that time she dropped her purse and nearly a whole fried chicken rolled out?
Cousin T: Well, not specifically but I will say that is some memory you have... Load up Miss Margie, we are taking our love of salad to the New Burn Mall!
Monday, July 20, 2009
Edna: I'm back from my cruise Margie, did you miss me?? Cousin T was such a doll for picking me up at the airport. He's taking the car home but he said to tell you he'll see you in a few weeks after he recovers, whatever that means.
Margie: Edna, you smell like a brewery! You need to go take a bath and brush your teeth. I sprinkled flea powder on your sheets so you'd sleep better. I hope you didn't bring any diseases home.
Edna: I tell you what, whoever said that absence makes the heart grow fonder did not know you. Margie, I brought you a souvenir, but now I'm not sure I want to give it to you if you're just going to be hateful.
Margie: Edna, I've got one nerve left and you're on it. If you brought me some candy then you'd best hand it over.
Edna: It's not candy, but I think you'll like it. I brought you this bathrobe, they had these in all the staterooms. There were matching towels too, but I couldn't fit them into my valise.
Margie: There is no way on God's green Earth that I'm getting my fingerprints or DNA on stolen property. I'm not falling for that trick you floozy.
Edna: That is not stolen property, they expect people to take the bathrobes! You are so unsophisticated, sister, it's obvious you've never been anywhere cosmopolitan in your life.
And I can tell that you've been kicking up your heels around here while I was gone, don't think I didn't see those beer kegs out by the road when we pulled in.
Margie: Beer kegs? Where'd they come from?
It sure was cooler while you were gone, Edna, because I stayed nekkid most of the time. I sure hated to put these clothes back on.
Edna: Oh my stars and garters, nekkid?? For the love of God, please keep your clothes on now that I'm home, I beg of you.
Since you didn't like your bathrobe, I'm taking it and going to my room for the evening. All this traveling has plumb wore me out. And I'd best find my room exactly the way I left it, or there's going to be heck to pay.
Margie: Edna? Never mind. I'm going to bed too. Last one in their room is a rotten egg.
Edna: Wait Margie, I wanted to say one more thing: even though you're a crabby old bat, I missed you while I was gone. But if you ever tell anyone I said that, I'll skin you.
All right, NOW I'm going to my room.
Margie: I wonder if she'll say that tomorrow after I tell her what happened to her antique mirror?
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Our ship put in at Acapulco the other day and a gentleman friend of mine took this picture of the cliff diver doing his thing. You can't see me, but I'm at the bottom of that cliff with a nice fluffy towel to help that handsome young man dry off. He was most appreciative!
Now, you'd best start cleaning up the mess from whatever parties you had while I was gone because my ship will be back in port soon. I got you a souvenir, but you'll just have to wait to see what it is. Tell Cousin T to gas up the car and meet me at the airport on Monday. I'm on my way home, sister!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I wanted you to see the view from my balcony, aren't you jealous?? But I tell you what, there's something wonky about this camera, I swear I took that picture right-side-up!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Well, I finally figured out how to get the pictures into the computer so I could send you an email. I'm having such fun on this cruise, and the gentlemen bring apple-tinis by the dozen to my table every night!
I took the picture below myself last night, it's of the midnight buffet they serve on the cruise ship. Doesn't all the food look wonderful?
Margie: Well, it looks like the same garbage she cooks at home. I hope it was free.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Edna: Hello dear readers! Thanks to the wireless amenities on board ship, I get to blog my Fun Friday for you all even though I'm miles away from civilization. Today I thought I'd share a little video with you that the fellow in the cabin next to mine made the other day when we left port. You'd better turn your speakers down so you don't scare the pets, it's a bit loud.
P.S., That's me blowing the horn on our cruise ship. The captain is such a sweetheart, he lets me up onto the bridge any time I want!
Disclaimer: I do not own this video, it belongs to littenburg on YouTube.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Margie: I love getting up every morning and enjoying my first cup of coffee. I like to start the day on a positive note which is why I'm glad Edna sleeps late.
I always think about all the things that I'm grateful for in my life. One thing I thought of this morning is toilet paper.
If you all had lived during the time of the outdoor toilet then you'd know what I'm talking about. Toilet paper is much better for you than the Sears catalog pages, newspaper pages, corn cobs, and so on.
I hope you appreciate your toilet paper.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Date: Tuesday, July 7, 2009, 2:05 PM
Well, isn't technology marvelous? Even out here in the middle of the ocean, I can send you an email to tell you have much fun I'm having without you! This cruise was such a wonderful idea, I'm glad I thought of it.
There are so many lovely gentlemen on this boat, I have my pick of the litter. The captain is quite a looker, and goodness, he does look sharp in his uniform. He let me steer the boat for a while the other evening, but he got handsy and distracted me while I was steering so I had to nip that in the bud. What if I'd steered us into another boat or something?
I should have gone on this trip years ago, I've always said that every lady should take a grand trip at least once in her life. I've seen so many lovely things. A gentleman friend of mine has let me borrow his digital camera and I've taken some dandy pictures! As soon as I figure out this uplink doohickey, I'll send you some photos. In the mean time, you behave yourself, you hear me?
Subject: RE: Eat your heart out, old woman!
Date: Tuesday, July 7, 2009, 2:58 PM
Why do you always pretend you can't wait to get away from me yet you contact me every time you go on vacation? I am having fun here too.
I haven't put on a stitch of clothes since you left. I'm as free as a bird. I do have to be careful, though, when I'm drinking my coffee.
I don't believe a word of your nonsense. What have you been drinking on that boat? You know you have to be careful with your allergies.
You keep on dreaming, Edna. I hope you meet a man who can stand your sharp tongue then you can just get married on the ship and keep on cruising.
I have to go now. I'm meeting the VFW down at Bailey's Tavern. I'm going to find me a young one and ask him to walk me home because I'm scared of the dark.
Don't forget to lean over the rail and take a nice picture of the water.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Margie: Yes, you see correctly that it's nude recreation week. I'm so happy my old sister is vacationing so I can have this week to myself.
Some of us from Bailey's will be meeting at the creek for skinny dipping. You all should come join us. I'll not be wearing clothes in the house all week and you know how Edna would have a hissy fit about that.
What will you do this week? Go nude in the house? Yard? Go skinny dipping? Whatever you do be careful but have fun.
I wonder if I should streak through the grocery store? Wouldn't that be fun?
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Thank you to everyone who visited us in June!
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