Edna: I'm back from my cruise Margie, did you miss me?? Cousin T was such a doll for picking me up at the airport. He's taking the car home but he said to tell you he'll see you in a few weeks after he recovers, whatever that means.
Margie: Edna, you smell like a brewery! You need to go take a bath and brush your teeth. I sprinkled flea powder on your sheets so you'd sleep better. I hope you didn't bring any diseases home.
Edna: I tell you what, whoever said that absence makes the heart grow fonder did not know you. Margie, I brought you a souvenir, but now I'm not sure I want to give it to you if you're just going to be hateful.
Margie: Edna, I've got one nerve left and you're on it. If you brought me some candy then you'd best hand it over.
Edna: It's not candy, but I think you'll like it. I brought you this bathrobe, they had these in all the staterooms. There were matching towels too, but I couldn't fit them into my valise.
Margie: There is no way on God's green Earth that I'm getting my fingerprints or DNA on stolen property. I'm not falling for that trick you floozy.
Edna: That is not stolen property, they expect people to take the bathrobes! You are so unsophisticated, sister, it's obvious you've never been anywhere cosmopolitan in your life.
And I can tell that you've been kicking up your heels around here while I was gone, don't think I didn't see those beer kegs out by the road when we pulled in.
Margie: Beer kegs? Where'd they come from?
It sure was cooler while you were gone, Edna, because I stayed nekkid most of the time. I sure hated to put these clothes back on.
Edna: Oh my stars and garters, nekkid?? For the love of God, please keep your clothes on now that I'm home, I beg of you.
Since you didn't like your bathrobe, I'm taking it and going to my room for the evening. All this traveling has plumb wore me out. And I'd best find my room exactly the way I left it, or there's going to be heck to pay.
Margie: Edna? Never mind. I'm going to bed too. Last one in their room is a rotten egg.
Edna: Wait Margie, I wanted to say one more thing: even though you're a crabby old bat, I missed you while I was gone. But if you ever tell anyone I said that, I'll skin you.
All right, NOW I'm going to my room.
Margie: I wonder if she'll say that tomorrow after I tell her what happened to her antique mirror?