Global Forgiveness Day

Margie: Edna, today is a day for everyone to forgive somebody. I think this is a wonderful way to promote goodwill. Heaven knows we need more of that.

To get us started I forgive my ex-husbands for being idiots and for not knowing what a treasure they had in me. Who do you forgive?

Edna: Margie, forgiveness is good for the soul and good for the blood pressure, and that's the plain truth. I forgive Mortimer Richardson for leaving me standing at the altar all those years ago. If I had married him I never would have met and married my Joe, and so I guess I owe him some thanks.

But if I'm going to forgive him, I suppose I ought to stop letting the air out of his tires every Sunday in the church parking lot.

Margie: That's wonderful, Edna. I knew you'd feel better if you forgave somebody. I've decided to forgive our parents for having you. Bless their souls, they couldn't know how you'd turn out in later years.

I also forgive Joe for divorcing you and not keeping you there living with him. He has ruined my old age.

Edna: Well, I suppose that means I have to forgive you for being such a lying shrew? You know good and well that I divorced Joe because he had that wild idea of giving up all our worldly possessions and starting up his own religious "group" down in South America. I'm sorry, I can stand quirks and foibles, but I just couldn't stand for that kind of nonsense.

Margie: That Joe was a smart man, Edna. Why don't you go see if he still lives there? I'll take care of your possessions. By the way, can I have that new bag you just bought? I'll probably move into your bedroom too because it gets more sun.

Oh, leave your credit cards and I'll cut them up and I'll toss your cell phone. This is fun. Let me get a paper and pencil so I won't forget what all to do.

Edna: Margie, you'd best nip all that in the bud right now before I do something that you're going to have to forgive me for.

Margie: I can't forgive you, dingbat, if you kill me. Kiss my tushie.