Creative Romance Month

Margie: Edna, folks may know Valentine's Day is this month but did you know it's also Creative Romance Month?

Look here at this picture I found of Cousin T's great-grandparents. My word, is this a manly man in these short britches? Anyway, I thought we could give our readers some creative suggestions for romance. Not that you're likely to know any.

Edna: Margie, you are a crabapple and that's the God's honest truth! Making fun of Cousin T's great-grandfather's pants like that, you should be ashamed.

As for creative romance, well...my beaux never complained. Unlike yours, who ran to me for comfort every time you were mean to them. I like the idea of being creative to keep romance alive, it makes things more interesting. For example, instead of the usual box of chocolates, what about using your talents and writing your sweetie a song that you'll sing to them yourself? You don't have to be a good singer to melt their heart.

Margie: Edna, don't you be squealing any songs in this house. I seriously doubt your voice would melt any heart. You lie too.

In these economic times I'd suggest that you make a home cooked meal for your sweetie. Well, unless you're Edna and trying to kill people by poisoning.

Edna: I'm going to ignore that, you harpy.

One thing people could also do for their sweetie is to promise to do whatever chore their sweetie hates, say, for a full month. I know that I would have loved if just once, any one of my husbands offered to do the laundry for a month instead of buying me jewelry.

Margie: Edna, why does that jewelry turn your body green when you wear it? Cheap men.

Personally, I lament the loss of handwritten notes so I'd love to get a handwritten love letter. I bet lots of women would like that. Hint for you men: don't give her money and tell her to buy her own gift.

Edna: Margie, I'll agree with that last statement even if most of the rest you said is grade-A hooey. Women, and men too, like to know that their partner put some thought into their gift, even if it didn't cost very much at all. Nothing kills the romance like thinking your significant other doesn't care enough to come up with a thoughtful gift for you.

Margie: Edna, I don't know why I talk to you. You're certainly not thoughtful and it's obvious that you know nothing about true romance.

Edna: That's not what your boyfriends said.

Romance Awareness Month

Margie: Edna, do you know why August is such a hot and steamy month? Because it's Romance Awareness Month.

Lawsy me, I have romance in all my genes. I've always been a romantic. I know you're not, Edna. Who'd want to go on a moonlit picnic with you anyway? You'd bore them to tears.

Edna: Margie, you're about as romantic as a patch of poison ivy. Why, if anyone here is a romantic, it's me--just ask any gentleman in town and they'll tell you so.

Margie: Edna, I assure you that I've asked around and the gentlemen don't mention your name and romantic in the same sentence.

Once upon a time, when my beau and I were... Never mind, Edna, that's private. Maybe I should teach some classes. What do you think?

Edna: Margie, you're not qualified to teach classes on anything except on how to be a cold-hearted shrew. Leave the romance classes to someone more experienced in the area, like me. Not that a lady like myself would ever dream to discuss such things in public, but I'm just saying.

Margie: Mama, are you there? You see how Edna treats me still? I know you did the best you could but she just never listened.

Edna, ladies such as yourself don't teach romance classes. Maybe you, big lush, should teach classes on how to get rid of a hangover.

Edna: Mama, do you see how she's still a big know-it-all? As many years as you've lived, Margie, you'd think you'd be used to being wrong by now.

Margie: I do know all because people tell on you, Edna. You don't fool me or our readers. Stick a sock in it.

Margie's School of Romance

Margie: Edna, you know men have changed. They used to be gentlemen but men of today have lost their sense of romance. I believe in education so I'm going to start teaching classes in the basement.

Margie's School of Romance
Opening Soon
For gentlemen of all ages

Edna: Margie, I don't think you're qualified to be teaching that class. I think you'd better offer a money-back guarantee, because I know you're going to have some unsatisfied customers.

Margie: Edna, I haven't had an unsatisfied customer yet. Don't you remember how it felt when you got a lovely letter from a nice gentleman? I'm talking about a letter praising your virtues? Forget it, you don't have any.

Edna: As everyone in Jericho knows, there is no lady more virtuous than I am, so I surely would enjoy receiving a letter from a nice gentleman. I wouldn't want one from the men in your class though; anyone who looks to you for guidance about romance would have to be off their rocker.

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Ask Margie and Edna

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