Aging gracefully

Margie: Edna, I was watching this young lady on TV last night and she said she's terrified of growing older. The nitwit may as well accept the fact that age is a part of life.

Anyway, I'm very grateful to have had a long life and I was thinking that age has its advantages. Look at my breakfast, Edna, and tell me how nice it is that we can have dessert for breakfast. What do you like about getting older, sister?

Edna: I like that I can wear my purple muumuu to the supermarket and no one will say boo. I also like that I'm older then every doctor now, so if they give me advice I don't like I can just tell them I'm older than them and I know better.

Margie: Edna, do you mean that purple muumuu that makes you look like a cow?

That's a good idea about the doctor. I also like the fact that we can say whatever we like and people can like it or lump it. An old lady can get by with saying most anything.

Edna: I also like that my hearing is going a bit so that whenever you talk to me, you sound like one of the grown-ups in a Charlie Brown cartoon. My eyesight is getting a little fuzzy too, which means I don't have to watch the disgusting way you eat your stewed prunes every evening. It's enough to turn one's stomach.

It used to be that people opened doors for older ladies, but I don't see much of that anymore. Which means that if someone doesn't open the door for me, I feel justified in giving them a good whack with my purse. Clearly their mamas didn't whack enough good manners into them in the first place.

Margie: What's that you say, Edna? Oh, I heard your gums flapping and your dentures clacking.

I can only hope that you try to whack somebody and your purse boomerangs and knocks you into Kingdom Come.