Black Friday

Margie: Edna, it'll soon be time for those crazy shoppers again. They zip up and down this street like they're race car drivers. It's not safe when folks are full of turkey and head for all the sales.Do you think they really have money to spend?


Edna: I doubt it, but that never stops people from acting like fools. I just hope they don't hurt each other in the stampede once the doors open. Itty-Biddy sued Walmart for 5 million dollars last year because she got knocked over by a woman toting a flat-screen TV. 

Margie: Edna, let's go shopping at Walmart on Friday.

Sexy Sofa

Margie: Edna, would you look at our sofa? Our party guests must have dropped their food and drink all over it. We can clean all that but how did all these little holes get in there?

We can't afford a new couch. What can we do, Edna?

Edna: Trust you to go all fluttery over a little bit of damage, Margie. You know as good as I do that all a good solid piece of furniture needs to perk it up is to re-upholster it. I bet if we put our minds to it, we'll be able to find some nifty fabric choices online.

Margie: What a good idea, Edna. Let's get something bright and cheerful. The room could stand some pep. Let's start looking.

Edna: I think we should go with something tasteful and timeless. I feel sure that you'll agree, since you claim to be such a lady and all.

Margie: Here it is, Edna. I want this for the sofa, my bedroom, and my bathroom. What do you think ?

Edna: Margie, that's so typical of you; you won't rest until you've hussied up the whole house, will you? You can do what you want for your own bedroom, but it's just not decent having half-nekkid men on the sofa fabric.

Okay...if I agree to pinup fabric for the sofa, then you're going to have to pay for it out of your own money. I won't contribute to the delinquency of our sitting room.

Margie: I'll gladly pay for you to shush.

Let's see... I need enough for a bedspread and a shower curtain. I'm going shopping, Edna.

Edna: You'd best be shopping with your own money, you freeloader! You hear me?

Margie's Fun Friday

Margie: Today is Black Friday which means all the folks will be out looking for sales. Not this girl. People go crazy on this day every year which is why you won't find me leaving the house!

Besides, nobody has given me a bailout so I can't even afford a sale this year. For those of you who do plan to shop today, here's something to think about before you go.

Remembering The Peddler

Margie: I love sitting on our porch of a Sunday afternoon, Edna. It also makes me think about the old days. Things move too fast for me now.

Just looking at today's newspaper reminded me of how the old peddler used to go house to house. Remember Edna? We didn't have store bought food. Mama would get all her supplies from the peddler and she'd pay him with a chicken or ham or some of her homemade jellies and jams.

Edna: You're right about things moving too fast now. All of these young folks think that you have to move a mile a minute in order to get anything done. I hope they realize that everything always gets done, in its own time.

My lands Margie, I haven't thought about that old peddler's wagon in ages! We were just little girls then, weren't we? Remember when Mama would buy gingham to make us pinafores? That peddler had such lovely bolts of cloth, and he never did tell us where he got it from.

Margie: My goodness! I do recall Mama making us those pinafores. She was a fine seamstress. I wonder where he did get that cloth?

Edna, do you remember that hen Mama gave you? You were so little that I bet you don't remember what happened.

Edna: Margie, maybe you'd better tell our readers what happened, I might not get the details right. But don't you go telling them anything embarrassing, you hear?

Margie: Edna, I'm so tickled. Mama gave you that old hen because you loved it. You loved candy too and the peddler always had lots of hard candy. One day, when you were about 5 years old, you wanted candy. Well, Mama told you that you could trade your hen for candy.

The three of us walked to the peddler's wagon and you carried your hen. When Mama told you to give that hen to the peddler you started bawling and ran back to the house with the hen. You yelled, "I can't sell my hen, Mama."

Mama got you some candy anyway but that old hen lived on for years.

Edna: I remember the hen but I don't remember that story! Well, I suppose it's true, since I surely do love hard candy. And that sounds like Mama, she always was soft-hearted. I remember the peddler always had horehound candy, and he'd sneak me a piece when Mama wasn't looking.

Margie, as much as I've seen and done in this world, it's the old days that make me yearn the most. I suppose that's true of anyone when they get to our age, isn't it?

Margie: I believe it is true, Edna, I surely do.

Margie: Alone At Last

Margie here. So many people have asked me what Edna, my sister, is really like so I'm here to tell you. I have a pitcher of Special Tea and Edna has gone to old Biddy's so I can do as I please.

The first thing I did was dig the Miami Herald out of the garbage. I saw Edna reading it and marking attractions she'd like to visit. Lord a mercy! I had to cover my eyes several times. Edna is shameless.

I'm ashamed to say my sister first went to this section called Voyeur. Heavens above! She has circled where it says, "400+ Nightclubs." I know Edna well enough to know she'll try to visit as many of them as she can. Edna is a hussy.

My stars! Would you look at these shops she's circled? She'll go down there and spend every dime she's got. She doesn't care that her sister is sitting here and can barely afford to cook a pot of beans! Edna is selfish.

Finally, I see Edna has circled all the beaches. I suppose she thinks everybody has a great interest in seeing her old wrinkled tushie spread out all over the place. Edna in a bathing suit is a sight best left unseen. Edna is an idiot!

I can't take anymore. The thought of my sister cavorting in Miami is enough to make me barf. I'm going to Bailey's and get a smooth drink to coat my churning stomach.

Edna is on her own.