Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The fake birthday


Edna: Margie, come in here for a moment, I think you have some explaining to do.

Margie: What do you want? I'm resting. My tummy hurts.

Edna: I just bet it does, I saw the huge slice you took out of that chocolate cake I baked for the Ladies Auxiliary meeting tonight! But that's not what I want to ask you about. I want you to explain this big pile of presents on the front porch, all with your name on them. What kind of nonsense have you been up to now?

Margie: I didn't touch your cake. Presents? On the porch? Maybe Santa's memory is going and he brought my presents early. Let me open them and I'll figure it out.

Edna: You stop right there, I'm not done with you yet. First of all, you've got frosting on your face so I know you're lying about the cake. Second of all, are you sure there's nothing you want to tell me about how these presents got here?

Margie: I didn't lie, I didn't touch it. Not with my hands anyway.

Well, I did hear a rumor that one of the ladies insisted my birthday is tomorrow so they didn't believe me when I tried to tell them it's not.

Edna: Oh please. If you think I believe that you told them not to give you presents, then you need your head examined. You bamboozled those poor folks and let them think your birthday is tomorrow when you know darn well that's a lie. And I know for a fact that you handed out an itemized gift list to all the ladies in town. Mrs. Pastor showed me her copy when she came over earlier to drop off her present; you even signed it, you idiot!

Unless you want me to call Deputy Jimmy and have you arrested for extortion, you'll get on the phone right this minute and admit to everyone what you did.

Margie: I'll do no such thing. Unlike you, I'm not going to hurt their feelings. They wanted to give me presents so you tend to your own business.

Unless you'd like me to tell Mrs. Pastor about that night you spent in Reno.

Edna: Well, you just added slander to your list of chargeable offenses. Keep it up and they'll send you to the hoosegow for the rest of your natural-born days.

Besides, you can't prove anything about my visit to Reno, so you just mind your Ps and Qs.

Margie: Look at this smutty picture. I have copies. Presents for me or copies for the ladies????

Edna: You know as well as I do that pictures can be doctored, you lying liar! But I'm tired of arguing with you so let's make a deal: you get rid of those pictures and I'll let you keep one or two of those presents. Deal?

Margie: The deal is you give me that cake, I open all my presents, and you can have this picture. I'm off to get more cake. Toodles.

Clip art courtesy of DailyClipArt.net


RNSANE said...

Oh, we are in trouble now, I can see. Nothing good can come of this!

Poetic Shutterbug said...

Itemized list of presents, why have I never thought of that? Blackmail always gets you anything you want.

Auntie E said...

Now that's funny.. Hubby did that a while back and I got calls wishing him a happy birthday! I said "What it's not his BD" they said well he posted this date on his site as his BD. Now when I confronted him he answer was "Everyday is a birthday, since I now enjoy Birthday freebies"
I think these places will catch on soon.LOL

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