Fruity Friday, cake edition

We know it might be too hot where you are to fire up the oven, but if it's not then we recommend this recipe.  It's sure to cure what ails you!

Fruity Pineapple Cake, courtesy of Chef Lennie.

Summer holiday

Summertime is in full swing, and that means it's time for us to take a holiday.  Starting next week, Margie and Edna will be on hiatus during the month of July, but don't worry because the ladies will be back in full force in August.  In the meantime, we suggest to our readers that you spend some time offline during the month of July, and enjoy being with your friends and family. Go outside for a little sunshine and fresh air, if it's not too hot where you are.  Do a little traveling, even if it's just a mental vacation.  Recharge your batteries, and we'll be doing the exact same thing.  But don't get so relaxed that you forget to come back.  See you in August!


Love, Jane (Margie) and Beth (Edna)

Call the dentist!

Margie: Edna, did you know that June is National Candy Month? Silly me, I forgot that you think every month is candy month. That reminds me, have you seen my Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? Don't even try that old lie about you guess a rat got them. We don't have rats!

Edna:  Oh, I ate them all right.  You're so bitter and mean, I figured you wouldn't miss your sweets. Happy Candy Month!

Margie: That is very hateful, sister. If you were a candy then you'd be Sour Apple!

Edna:  Well, if YOU were a candy, you'd be a Dum-Dum!

Frozen Fruity Friday

Margie: Look at this, sister. I've found the perfect way to beat this summer heat. Fruit desserts. What could be cooler or more refreshing?  I'm going to start eating a different dessert every day to stay cool.  Why don't you get Mama's old fan so you can fan me while I enjoy my dessert?

Edna:  I'm going to ignore that request, sister.  But you've certainly got the right idea about keeping cool by eating fruit desserts.  It's so hot outside, all I want to eat these days is cold fruit. These triple-decker citrus popsicles look like they'll do quite nicely.

Margie: Hand me one of those sister, then I'll go make some Special Tea popsicles. After one of those we won't even realize how hot it is.

Edna:  You're on!

Ice cream soda day!

Margie: Edna, today is Ice Cream Soda Day and Lord knows it's too hot for anything else. I'm going to go put on my bikini. When I get back I'm making me a huge strawberry ice cream soda then I'm going to sit by the pool. You'd best stay inside as you know what the sun does to your old wrinkles.

Edna:  Don't worry, Margie, there is no way I'm appearing in public next to you if you're dressed like that.  I'll stay inside with my own ice cream soda, where it's cool.  Don't expect me to put aloe on your sunburn later, either.

 Margie: Thank you, sister, for that idea you just gave me. I'm going to sit in the shade and sell ice cream sodas to whoever wants one. I expect to be extremely busy so you may have to run to the store to get more ice cream for me.

Edna:  It's your idea so you can do it your own self, you freeloader.  It's not "help your sister make money that she's not going to share with you anyway" day.

Margie: You're right. It's a day to sell ice cream sodas to handsome gentlemen and keep all the cash for myself. Stay out of my way.

Margie the TV star

Margie: Edna, I have a secret. I didn't tell you before now because you always interfere in my business. Anyway, I was watching the Food Network and they're looking for new talent. I had Cousin T make a video of me cooking and it's in the mail. I'm calling my show Margie's Manly Meals. I'll be cooking for different manly men every week. The ratings will be the highest in history. How do you like that?

Edna:  Margie, what do I care if you humiliate yourself on national television?  You'll just be showing the world what I already know: that you're a shameless hussy who can't cook.

And poor Cousin T, I wish you wouldn't involve that boy in your shenanigans.  He was raised to respect his elder's requests, even when said elder is a nincompoop.

Margie: See? You're trying to interfere in my business. You're just jealous. You don't want me to be a star. Well, once I'm a star, I may have your manly Frenchman on my show. How do you like them apples?

You best watch who you call names, Missy. You won't be sharing my new riches if you keep it up.

Edna:  If you think I want anything to do with your floozy money, then you've got another think coming.

Margie: What I think is that you're a moron because floozy money spends as well as any other kind.

Fruity Friday, carving edition

Edna:  Margie has always said she wished she were more artistic and creative.  The poor dear, she can't draw her way out of a paper bag.  So, to cheer her up I thought I'd surprise her by enrolling her in a fruit carving class.  Her hands are fairly steady for a nonagenarian.  I did think long and hard about the wisdom of putting a knife in those hands, but as long as we keep fruit in the house I think I'm safe.

I've been looking at fruit carvings on the interwebs, there are a lot of talented people out there!

For instance, this one reminds me of how I look when I see Margie first thing in the morning:

And this one looks a little like the hat Margie wore to church last Sunday.

And this is what I'm going to have Margie carve for our ladies book club meeting next week. Won't she be thrilled when I tell her all the ladies are expecting it?

I'm sure she'll get the hang of it in time.  

Welcome to the 21st century!

Margie: Edna, I'm sick and tired of you being so dang lazy. You don't ever make your bed so I have to keep your bedroom door shut in case we have guests. Mama would be ashamed. She told me to look after you so  get your handbag and money because I've found something you're going to buy. It's a Smart Bed and it makes up itself!

The not-at-all scary "Smart Bed."

Edna:  First of all, what makes you think I'm going to waste my money on something to make YOUR life easier? Secondly, that bed looks like just one more step towards robots taking over the world.  First it's the robotic vacuum  cleaners and beds, next it's "Kill all humans!"  No thank you.

Margie: Edna, you need not be afraid if robots say to kill all humans because you aren't one.  You either start making your bed or I'll tell the robots you're here.

Nitwit.

A cautionary tale

Fruity Fridays!

Folks, this time of year makes us want to sit out on the porch under the ceiling fan and enjoy something cold and fruity.  It's about the only thing we can agree on when the weather gets hot and we get cranky.  Okay, crankier.  Maybe one of you wonderful blog readers would like to come over and whip us up a batch of Mango Strawberry Snow Cones?  We promise to share!

Tyler Florence's Mango Strawberry Snow Cones

Ingredients
Ice
2 mangoes, peeled and chopped
1 pint strawberries, hulled and sliced
1 lime juiced, plus wedges for garnish

Directions
Fill a food processor with ice. Process until the ice is very fine, like snow. Add the mangoes and strawberries and pulse to blend. Pile the crushed ice into dessert glasses or dishes and squeeze over the lime juice. Garnish with lime wedges; serve immediately.

The ladies talk a little gardening

Margie: Edna, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your tushie is getting broader by the day. I know you hate exercise but today is Gardening Exercise Day. We need to do some gardening anyway so we can have fun and exercise at the same time. Get up and come on. Maybe I'll fix you some of those sugar snap peas for dinner.

Edna:  Sister, after all those insults you'd best not get anywhere near me while I have this shovel in my hand.

Margie: 911? This is Margie. Send deputies quick! Edna is attempting to murder me.

Edna:  You just keep digging that hole, sister, and tell me when you hit six feet deep.

The fish should be scared...

Margie: Sister, did you know that June is aquarium month? Let's buy us an aquarium. I love to watch fish shows on TV so it'd be nice to have our own. I don't want any big-mouthed fish because your big mouth is more than enough for me.

Edna:  Tell me this, sister.  Who's going to clean out that aquarium when it gets dirty?  This isn't some Disney movie where the fish can take care of themselves.

Margie: Edna, you're just being silly. Nobody cleans the oceans or rivers so it's obvious that the fish clean up their own living area. Unlike you.

Edna:  I'm going to call the pet store and tell them not to let you in.  With an attitude like that, we'll have an expensive tank filled with dead fish inside of a week.  Besides, how were you planning on paying for this  aquarium?  Maybe Mary Bailey will let you wait tables for tip money.

Margie: Edna, you are a true idjit. You'll be responsible for cleaning the aquarium since you'll be the one buying it! I just want to watch your pretty fish.

Edna:  Margie, it never ceases to amaze me how you can flap your gums sixty ways to Sunday and yet you never say anything intelligent.  Truly, it's one of the wonders of the world--or, at least, of Jericho.

Diamond Jubilee Weekend