Tales From The Big Apple

Margie: Lookie here, sister. We just got a letter from our nephew, Jeb Stewart Biddy. We haven't heard from him in a coon's age. It does my heart good to see one of those Biddy boys trying to make something of himself. He's the only one who's never been in prison but that's probably because the Biddy bunch sent him off to be raised by his grandma. It is a bit worrisome, though, that he's up there in that wicked Big Apple.

Edna:  Well, he is my favorite out of Aunt Biddy's boys, and he's always amusing.  But sometimes I just do not understand what that boy is talking about.  Must be because he's so "creative" and such.

Margie: Edna, many folks have called me "creative" too. You just read his letter and I'll go get a quill and paper so we can write him back.

Dear Aunts Margie and Edna,

I hope my two favorite aunts aren’t missing their favorite nephew too badly. You two wouldn’t believe what all I’m seeing in New York City. Do you remember when old Ms. Daisy would strip naked when the mailman was coming down the road and dance for him (and everybody else) to see? Lord, it was a hoot. Things would be flying, and you would make me duck under the counter to shield my eyes. Well, that doesn’t hold a flame to what I’ve seen up out here. I can’t even tell you about it because—well, I’m too embarrassed.  It’s a sight to see. Haha. 

Crazy Patrick, the one that runs Mr. Towne’s worn-down store, told me that I would miss seeing the flatland and animals. I tell you what, Aunts Margie and Edna, he was wrong. I’ve seen horses leading carriages around all parts of the city. There’s a park as big as our town, and people take their animals to run around everywhere. I was eating in a restaurant and I would have sworn a couple of groundhogs ran over my feet.. The waitress told me it was baby mice, but I’ve seen baby mice and they sure weren’t looking like those creatures.

I’m going out in a few minutes, but I have got to tell you two about a man that I saw yesterday. I had just left a record store, and as I was rounding the corner, a man in a gray robe hopped out from behind a garbage can. He had the biggest, greenest eyes. They were about the oddest things I’d ever seen. It was like looking at two limes on on somebody’s face. Then, that man starting talking to me. He grabbed an empty soda bottle from the garbage. He started shaking like he was being touched by a spirit. Then, he raised that bottle up to my eyes and started doing a dance. He was hollering “Hoolaba, Hoolaba.” He kept going at least thirteen or fourteen times. I was just about ready to have a conversation with him until he started turning circles and conjuring spirits from the smelling bin. I took off running faster than I’ve ever ran my entire life.

Missing you both dearly,

Jeb

Margie: Edna, what ever happened to Ms. Daisy? She sure was a strange bird.

Edna:  Forget about Ms. Daisy being a strange bird, I think being in the big city has warped poor Jeb's sensibilities.  That last bit sounds to me like he's been into the spirits a bit too much.  You tell him to lay off the liquor, he needs his wits about him to survive up there in New York!

We want to thank our friend, Bradley, for writing the role of Jeb. He is a smart young man who will go far one day. Not sure how far but far enough. Bradley, you're welcome to play Jeb any old time you like.