Margie and Edna vs. Major Beck

As is so often the case in Jericho, Kansas, friends look out for friends. And when Margie and Edna hear that one of their special friends is in trouble, they don’t just get mad…they get even.

Edna: Young man, you let Heather out of jail right now. We know where your mother is and we're not afraid to call her and tell her what you've done. In the meantime, think about this...

Margie has quietly moved up behind Major Beck and knocked him over, while Edna gives him a swift kick to the crotch.

Margie: He won't be making babies, Edna.

Edna: Not anytime soon, that's for sure Margie. You remember how that feels, young man, the next time you get the idea to put a nice young woman in jail. Margie, you want to take a whack at him?

Margie kicks Major Beck in the crotch as well. Major Beck is now curled up in the fetal position, trying vainly to protect his groin from the sharp-toed shoes of Margie and Edna.

Edna: Margie, you'd better kick him again, in case he forgets...

Margie: Edna, I think I broke it.

Edna: Let that be a lesson to him, then.

Margie: Maimed for life.

Edna: That's what you get for throwing in with a corrupt government...hold me back Margie; I'm going to kick him again!!

Margie: Go, Edna!!!!!!!!!! He's got a hitch in his get-along now.

Edna: Margie, hand me my sword, maybe we should do a Bob Barker on him.

Margie: Whack it, Edna.

Edna: You see this, Major Beck? That's not rust on my sword, it's dried blood. In case you were worried about tetanus...

Major Beck wishes vainly for groin-armor, and passes out at the sight of an 80-something-year-old woman waving an old sword in the direction of his private parts….

Edna: Margie look, he’s passed out, the big baby. He must have really thought I was going to neuter him.

Later, after Major Beck lets Heather out of jail...

Edna: Margie, I suppose we owe that young man an apology for roughing him up like we did.

Margie: Edna, as Mama used to say, let him wallow in it.