Margie's mistake

Margie: This elderberry cordial is mighty fine, sister. I'm all tuckered out from running errands today. Have another one, Edna, and I'll tell you a funny story. It'll probably be in tomorrow's paper and I wouldn't want you to see it and have a fainting spell. Don't get your bloomers in a wad because your heart isn't what it used to be.

Edna:  Margie, with a lead-in like that, how am I supposed to stay relaxed?  You just spit out your story and let me decide what to do with my bloomers.

Margie: Well, it was a hot day and I had all the windows in the car rolled down then my favorite song by Rihanna came on the radio. I turned up the volume and was singing along when I looked in the mirror and saw the flashing blue lights. I pulled over as I'm a law-abiding citizen. This hunk of a trooper walked up to my car and said something but I couldn't hear him.

My word, he was handsome. Well, I said to myself that I wasn't doing anything wrong so my Sunday School friends must be aiming to surprise me with a little treat. I turned the music a little louder and yelled, "Take it off. Take it all off." How was I to know he really was a trooper and not a male stripper?

He took me to the hoosegow but you need not worry. My friend, Mary Bailey, came and got me out. Deputy Jimmy said it may be in tomorrow's paper though.

Edna:  Good God, Margie, you should have poured me a bigger cordial before telling me all that. The next time the doctor asks me why my bleeding ulcers aren't getting better, I'm showing him this story.

Margie: You are nothing but a big baby. Would you like to hear another story?

Edna:  Not if it involves strippers, real or imaginary.  You just keep that to yourself.

Memorial Day

Thank you.

International House of Snacking

Margie: Edna, you're such a snackaholic that you should read this article about snacks from around the world. Frankly, I'd stop snacking if I had to eat some of this garbage. Don't be buying me any red caviar chips. Yuck!

Edna: Those chips would actually be perfect for you, Margie. You have caviar taste but a potato chip-sized budget.

What I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around is Cucumber Pepsi. I think you'd better take your own Pepsi if you ever travel to Japan. I can just see you pitching a fit when they brought you Cucumber Pepsi at a restaurant. You'd be an embarrassment to our entire nation.

Yes, it's real.

Margie: Edna, here's something that you should do. Go to the UK and try this Hot Dog–Stuffed Crust pizza. Maybe that would fill your big mouth so you'd stop dissing me.

Edna: Good Lord, woman, did you just use the word "dissing"? Who do you think you are, some young hotsy-totsy who's up on the newest slang? You don't even have to leave the country to embarrass yourself, you're doing a fine job of it right here on American soil.

And I believe you know where you can stick that pizza, don't you?

Margie: Open wide, sister.

Tahiti Sweeties

The summertime blues have set in, and Margie and Edna are taking a mental vacation in Tahiti. 

They'll be back on Friday. 

 Maybe.

Margie: Edna, you know I wasn't too happy about Supernatural this season. There were several episodes where I felt I'd wasted my time except for looking at my sweet Jensen Ackles. That boy is sweeter than Granny's chocolate cake.

Anyway, I'd like to borrow 2 pieces of your pretty stationary because I have to write 2 letters. I have some suggestions for next season so I'm sending them to my Congresswoman and the Supernatural producers. Would you like to hear my suggestions?

Edna: Sure, why not? Just make it quick, it's almost time for my stories.

Margie: Edna, this is more important than your floozy stories.

First, Dean and Sam need to be in a warm locale like Hawaii. Second, Dean needs to take his shirt off a lot because it's hot in Hawaii. Thirdly, it's hot in Hawaii so Dean needs to sleep nekkid. Finally, I need to move to Hawaii so I can write this show.

How's that, sister?

Edna: Margie, once again you've proven that you're an idiot. First, if they move the show to Hawaii, that doesn't mean the writers get to live in Hawaii. They might not even film it in Hawaii, you dunce. Second, you are way too old to be writing for youngsters like that. If Sam and Dean were centenarians, then maybe you'd have a chance.

Margie: Aha! You're the idiot! I'll be writing the show so we don't need any other writers. I'll say where we film and I say it's Hawaii! I can write for any age man, nitwit.

You're just mad because you can't stand the thought that I'll be moving to Hawaii. I always knew you'd never want me to leave you.

Edna: Good Lord. Margie, you realize that you don't OWN the show right? My lands, this heat must be frying your brain cells. You go on and move to Hawaii, I'm sure not going to stop you!

Margie: I own what I say I own. I'm going to search your room and see what you took that belongs to me.

Edna: Try it, sister, and you'll be traveling to Hawaii in a pine box.

The facts about MS

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is an autoimmune disease that affects the brain and spinal cord (central nervous system).

• MS affects women more than men.  
• Symptoms of MS often appear between ages 25-31 and can last a lifetime.
• You are slightly more likely to get this condition if you have a family history of MS or live in an part of the world where MS is more common.
• Some symptoms of MS are much more common than others.  These include:  Fatigue; Numbness; Walking (Gait), Balance, and Coordination Problems; Bladder Dysfunction; Bowel Dysfunction; Vision Problems; Dizziness and Vertigo; Sexual Dysfunction; Pain; Cognitive Dysfunction; Emotional Changes; Depression; and Spasticity.

• Although there is still no cure for MS, effective strategies are available to modify the disease course, treat exacerbations (also called attacks, relapses, or flare-ups), manage symptoms, improve function and safety, and provide emotional support. In combination, these treatments enhance the quality of life for people living with MS.

For more information about MS, including how to raise awareness, please head here.

A kinder, gentler Margie?

Margie: Edna, dear, come eat your breakfast while it's hot. I made your favorites. There's a Margie McMuffin, hot tea, and fresh strawberries. You'll be ready to face the day after you fill your belly.

Edna: What are you up to, sister? The last time you did something nice for me, come to find out you'd stolen my credit card and booked yourself on a trip to Tahiti. So go ahead, spill your bad news.

Margie: Edna, I'm insulted. Can't I do something nice for my sister without you thinking I have an ulterior motive? My stars, you always ask why I can't be nice to you yet you never believe it when I am.

While we're talking I did want to say that I was wondering how much life insurance you have.

Edna: There, you see? That right there, I knew you were buttering me up for something. Never you mind about my life insurance, you keep your questions to yourself. And don't you go getting any funny ideas, you aren't the beneficiary anyway. 

Margie: That does it! See if I'm ever nice to you again, you old toad!

Edna: Your brand of "nice" I can do without, sister.