Merry Christmas!

We wish the merriest of Christmases to you and yours!

Love, Margie and Edna

Festive Friday: Linus explains it all

The mailman's Gift

Margie: Edna, I've been studying on what we can give Mr. Mailman for Christmas. I don't think we should give him another Jack Daniels' fruitcake like we did last year though. We didn't see him for 4 days after he took that thing home.

I'm thinking of giving him something that all men want but few get and that's my picture with a nice note attached. I only have a few left but he deserves one. What do you think, sister?

Edna:  As usual, I think you're an idiot, and a paper-waster to boot.  You know he's going to throw your picture in the trash the first chance he gets.  Why don't we get him something useful?  The post office has a list of acceptable gifts for mailmen, and soda is on the list.  Why don't we give him some of your Orange Crisp soda for Christmas?

Margie: Edna, you're a moron and I don't like morons! Why don't we give him that big box of See's candy that you hid under your bed? It hasn't been opened because you're so dang stingy that you're waiting until I go to the beauty parlor. Guess what, sister, I'm going to start doing my hair at home! Idjit!

Edna:  Well, now you're just being mean.  All right then, why don't you dip into your pin money and buy the man a gift card.  The post office says you can do that as long as it's not more than $20.  I think you can afford that, you grinch.

Margie: Why is he my mailman all of a sudden? You get mail too. Well, I suppose bills count as mail. You should try to be more frugal, sister. As for any pin money I may or not have? It's none of your business.

I'll just give him a jug of Special tea then he won't remember if we gave him a gift or not.

Edna:  Even though apparently the post office frowns on giving liquor to your mailman (those party poopers!)  I think that might be the smartest thing you've said so far.  Although, that's not saying much since you consistently set the bar pretty low.

Margie: Edna, how would you like a bar upside your ugly head?

Festive Friday

Margie: I do so love a sweet voiced man!

Festive Friday: Let it Snow!

Welcome to Festive Fridays!  Every Friday during December, we will be posting holiday songs as sung by our favorite crooners.  We hope you enjoy listening and watching as much as we enjoyed choosing.

First up is the lovely Rosemary Clooney, singing her version of "Let it Snow!"  Wherever you are, dear readers, we hope you're staying warm.

Fun Friday

Christmas craziness

 

Edna:  Margie, I tell you what, I am getting too old for mall shopping any more.  I went to do some last-minute shopping today with Cousin T, and I like to have gone out of my mind.  First of all, the music was cranked up so loud in some of those stores that you could barely hear the sales clerks. Then, the temperature was insane in that mall. Hopefully those weren't hot flashes, because I’m too old for those too.  I think they make it so hot in the stores so you'll get thirsty and buy food and drinks at the food court.  Well, I am too smart to fall for that!

Then, all the people with kiosks accost you as you walk by, even if you're looking the other way and not making eye contact. No, I don't want to change my wireless service! No, I don't want to try a hair straightener (my hair is already straight!) If I wanted to buy an air-brushed tee shirt with Justin Bieber on it...well, if that ever happens, just shoot me. It was like an exercise in torture.  I'm not going back and you can't make me.

Oh, and the cherry on top was the traffic in the mall parking lot, pure insanity. I watched an old man in a truck completely run over a five-foot tall "no parking" sign, pause slightly, then keep going. He cut that sign off at the base of its metal pole, and last I saw it was just laying there in the parking lot. I don't think he even saw it, I think he thought he just ran over a speed bump or something. Cousin T and I just looked at each other.  For once, neither of us had anything to say.

If I were a drinking woman, I'd be relaxing with a nice wine cooler right about now. I think I need a nap.  Or a leisurely vacation in Florida.  See you later, sister!

Baking Christmas Cookies

Edna: Margie, get on in here and help me prep the kitchen. We're baking Christmas cookies today, and you know we promised Mrs. Pastor that she'd be getting some of our famous shortbread this year. Don't you forget to wash your hands!

Margie: Edna, must you scream in that shrill voice of yours? You prep the kitchen yourself. I'm tired of doing all the work around here. I sat in Santa's lap at the mall today and asked him to bring you a maid.

Wash your own hands. I haven't washed mine since Frank Sinatra kissed them back in 1942!

Edna: Oh, Lord, give me strength. I know you try and provoke me so you can get out of helping me, but it's not going to work, missy.

Besides, if you don't get in here and help me then you don't get to taste any of the cookies. It's your choice, sister.

Merry Christmas 2009!

image property SilverCollect Blog

We wish the merriest of Christmases to you and yours!

Love, Margie and Edna

Merry Christmas Eve

Margie (Jane):Merry Christmas Eve. I thought I'd take this opportunity to hijack our blog and wish a Happy Birthday to the love of my life.

This is Arabelle but I call her Boo. She is 3 years old today and I cannot imagine my life without her. She is my best friend.

Happy Birthday my Boo.

Fun Friday

Margie: One of my very favorite websites is Southern Plate by Christy Jordan. It's a wonderful place to visit for recipes, contests, and stories.

Christy has just written one of the best stories ever called "Seven Cakes." Even though this is not exactly a Fun Friday story, it is definitely one that will make you tear up and feel fortunate.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Sunday Funnies

Margie: Why buy stamps to mail Christmas cards?

Here's my card to all my friends. (Not you, Edna).

Enjoy!!

'Tis the Season!

Image property of whatsbuzzin.com

Merry Christmas!

Love, Margie and Edna

Our Christmas- Part II

Margie: Everything makes you ill-humored. That reminds me. I got you a present.

Edna: Oh Margie, you did? It's a good thing that I got one for you, too.

Margie: I had to wrap it in a page from the Sears catalog. I picked the men's underwear page just for you.

Edna: Margie, you know me too well. I hope you like your gift, I didn't have anything to wrap it in but this old piece of muslin from my hope chest.

Margie: Hope chest? Remember when we used to open our presents after dinner? You'd put everything in that hope chest.

Edna: That's right; I used to put them there with all of my special things. Margie, do you remember the year that Mama and Daddy gave us those matching velvet dresses? We looked so nice going to church that year.

Margie: Well, I'm surprised the church was still standing after you went inside.

Edna: Margie, you take that back. I was only a little girl and besides, I hadn't met any of your husbands yet.

Margie: Hush up or no present you Fruit Loop.

Edna: Margie, where's your Christmas spirit? Your sense of goodwill towards others?

Margie: I have goodwill towards others. Just not towards you.

Edna: Margie, you know as well as I do that family is all we have left. You should cherish me, you old bat. Do you remember that year that Santa left you coal in your stocking? I bet that wasn't your favorite Christmas present, was it?

Margie: You got switches. My favorite present was the year Daddy gave me that puppy. I named her Daisy. Remember?

Edna: I do remember Daisy, she piddled all over my nice patent leather shoes, and she chewed up my new hat at Easter time. You taught her to do that, didn't you?

Margie: I did.

Edna: I knew it!

Margie: And it wasn't you who wet your bed.

Edna: I never thought I did, you old meanie. Here's my present for you, I know it's not much, but it's all I could do this year, what with the economy being the way it is. I crocheted you a cozy for your hot water bottle. It's even your favorite color, pink. It's not jewelry, but it will keep you warm on these cold Kansas nights.

Margie: Thank you, Edna. I bought you this necklace with an angel on it. It's to remind you of Supernatural, your favorite show.

Edna: Thank you Margie, that was very sweet of you. Do you have a Christmas wish?

Margie: I do. I wish for peace and an end to our country's economic hardships.

Edna: You know what Margie? That's my wish, too. Merry Christmas, sister.

Margie: Merry Christmas, sister. Goodnight.

Our Christmas- Part I

Margie: Edna, our tree sure looks skimpy this year.

Edna: Margie, I think it looks just lovely.

Margie: Well, I never saw so many nuts on a tree. And look at that corn.

Edna: There's one nut in this room that isn't on the tree, and I'm looking at her. I think it's a pretty tree: the glitter on the peanuts was a nice touch.

Do you remember the nice Christmases we had when we were girls?

Margie: Yes. Mama always made her Molasses cake. She knew it was my favorite.

Edna: That's not why she made it, you selfish thing. She made it because she knew it was the best cake she made, and she knew that it put Mrs. Richmond's cake to shame every year at the Christmas bazaar.

Margie: Mama said Mrs. Richmond made her cakes from leather batter.

Edna: I know she did, and she was right. Mrs. Richmond was a lovely woman, but she couldn't bake a decent cake to save her life.

Margie: I can just see the sideboard lined up with Mama's turnips and beet pickles. What do you remember?

Edna: I remember how she used to make spiced apple dumplings, I sure do miss those. I never could make them the way Mama did. I also remember Daddy stuffing his face on all of Mama's good cooking.

Margie: Edna, remember when Daddy told you not to make unpleasant sounds at the table?

Edna: I do remember, and I also remember how you were the one making the unpleasant sounds, and blaming it on me. You always did love to get me in trouble.

Margie: Edna, I was the one who put salt instead of sugar in Daddy's coffee.

Edna: I knew it! I couldn't sit down for a week after I got punished for that. Do you remember how Mama used to remind us about our table manners?

Margie: Yes. Mama always told us to be sweet tempered. That wasn't you.

Edna: That wasn't you, either. You used to pick your teeth at the table, and oh how Daddy would yell!

Margie: My Daddy never yelled you old shrew.

Edna: I remember what I remember, and you can't tell me different. I also remember how much Mama loved having good food prepared for all the friends and neighbors who would stop by the house. Do you remember that, Margie?

Margie: I do remember all our visitors. Mama said she invited the Greens because she wasn't going there and have to drink Mrs. Green's muddy coffee.

Edna: Well, not everyone had the magic touch with food like Mama did. Do you remember how she used to say that " Ill-prepared food provokes ill-humor" so everything had to be just right.

Margie: She sure did. She was right too. That's why we're good cooks today.

Edna: Well, I know I’m a good cook. Everything you make tastes like vinegar. That must be your ill-humor coming through.


Part II tomorrow.

Edna's Fun Friday: Sawyer the Shirtless Redneck

Edna: Folks, I dearly love this time of year. Everyone is so festive and nice, and there are all kinds of holiday treats just lurking around. A good friend of mine, Miss TRoss, made this video a couple years ago in honor of her favorite TV con man. (He just happens to be mine, too.) I hope you all enjoy this little piece of holiday cheer!

It's Fruitcake Time

Margie: Folks, it's that time of the year again. You know what I mean. Yes, time to give those fruitcakes as gifts. Trust me when I say nobody wants them. Do yourself a favor and waste your money on something else.

People sure have made fun of poor old fruitcakes over the years. You know what I do like about fruitcake? If it wasn't for the fruitcake then we wouldn't have that old saying about somebody being "as nutty as a fruitcake."

Hey Edna, what do you think about fruitcake?


Edna: Oh Margie, you left yourself wide open on that one, but I'm going to take the high road and behave with some dignity. I must say, I'm not a big fan of fruitcake. But it is indeed a time-honored holiday tradition. You know, Mama had a recipe for fruitcake, it was for the kind that got soaked in rum for a month. Whoo boy, that would sure brighten up your holidays!


Margie: Get off your high horse, Edna. You left your dignity in San Francisco. Didn't think I knew about that did you ?

I could use some brightening up so I might just make Mama's fruitcake. It ought to be ready by New Year's Eve for my party.


Edna: You'd better serve that thing with black coffee and designate some drivers, because just one slice will make you see pink elephants.


Margie: Are we going to the circus? I love elephants, Edna.


Edna: Save some of that rum for the fruitcake, Margie.

Fun Friday: Edna's favorite holiday movie

Edna: Since the Christmas season has started, I've naturally started thinking about holiday movies. For a very long time, my favorite movie was It's a Wonderful Life. Now, I think that had more to do with my sweeping and grand affection for Jimmy Stewart rather than this being a truly heart-warming movie. Because let's face it, ladies and gentlemen, scratch the surface of that movie and you find all manner of depressing things. Suicidal thoughts, economic crisis, skullduggery, stinginess of soul, and a multitude of broken dreams, to name a few. I don't care that George Bailey discovers at the end that his life really is "wonderful." The fact still remains that the awful Mr. Potter goes unpunished for his foul deeds, and poor George not only can't hear out of one ear, but he never got to travel the world and build things like he wanted to. Quite frankly, every time I watch it and get to the part where Mary is hiding in the hydrangea bushes after the high school dance, I turn the blasted movie off because it's all downhill from there. Who needs that kind of depressing movie during the holidays?

Given the above complaints, it might surprise you all to learn that my favorite holiday movie is one that is sarcastic and starts out with a distinct lack of holiday cheer: Scrooged, with Bill Murray. Like It's a Wonderful Life, Scrooged also has as its focus a troubled young man, and it most certainly has its melancholy moments. But the beauty of Bill Murray's Frank Cross is that he knows he's past redemption, and he doesn't care. So it's mighty refreshing when he finds love and happiness at the end, because he didn't even think he was looking for it. Plus, what's not to love about Carol Kane as the surprisingly sadistic Ghost of Christmas Present? Now this is my kind of holiday movie!

Margie Writes Santa

Dear Santa,

Margie here. I'm sorry we haven't spoken since 1947 but I've felt sure you never got over me turning down your marriage proposal. I hope you understand that I would never have defied my parents and they had many concerns about me marrying you.

First, Daddy said a gentleman would have a proper vehicle in which to come calling on a lady. A sleigh is not one.

Two, Mama said a gentleman does not court a lady without changing his clothes on occasion. She hated your red suit.

Third, you know I told you that I could never live with a bunch of elves who hammered and banged all night for 365 days a year.

I'm hoping that eases your mind as I do need to ask your help this Christmas. My finances are tight in our current economy so I'm asking you to deliver some gifts for me. Here's my list:

Please bring Cousin T a new hat to wear to church. I think he'd look quite dapper in red.

Please bring my sister, Edna, a year's supply of her medicine. She's never gotten over those headaches you caused her to have from all that "Ho, Ho, Ho" stuff.

Finally, all I want is this:




Merry Christmas,

Margie