Easter Plans

Edna: Margie, Easter is this Sunday. I hope you've already done your shopping for my Easter basket, don't you forget that I like those Creme eggs.

Margie: Go buy you some then. Look at my Easter bonnet. I just finished it. Lawsy me, it took me near 2 months to get it just perfect. Where's yours, dingbat?

Edna: Who cares about your stupid hat? You always put together some over-flowered monstrosity, then people sitting behind us in church always complain to me about it because they can't see Pastor preaching the Sunday Easter service.

Margie: You're just jealous, Edna, like Sister Flora. I know she's the one who admires my hat so she badmouths me. I would have thought you'd appreciate how dignified I always look in my hats.

Edna: Margie, the only way you could look dignified in that hat is if you left that hat at home.

You know, we should put together an Easter basket for Cousin T, that boy is so good to us. He deserves a reward for all the times he drops everything and comes running just because you've got a yen to go to the store.

Margie: Moron, you run him all over town looking for your stinky lotions and powders too.

I'm going to boil a dozen eggs and decorate them for him. He has always loved painted eggs. Should we put a hammer in his basket so he can crack the eggs?

Edna: We can put a hammer in the basket because he likes hammers, you idiot.

Lord, give me strength.

Sunday Funnies

Margie: I was quite the lady in my day, eh?

Sunday Funnies

Thought Screen Helmet

Margie: Come on, Cousin T and Edna, and eat breakfast because we have work to do. I have found just what we need to keep us safe in this crazy world. It's a thought screen helmet and we have to make our own. This helmet will stop aliens from abducting us.

I think we'll probably have to wear them 24 hours a day because we sure don't want to be abducted in our sleep. Edna, we'll call this our new church hat and we won't need to buy any more hats ever.

Cousin T, we'll buy the materials if you'll make the hats. Lawsy me, I feel safer already.

Cousin T: The thought screen helmet has made you feel safer simply by knowing it exists? Imagine what it might do for you if we made you one. I got nothing to do this afternoon.

I will say this, that gal sure don't look too traumatized for having been abducted for years. And that fella looks like he has a secret alright.

Edna: Did either of you notice this part? It says on that site that these helmets are only successful for abductions from full-blood aliens. It won't work against "alien-human hybrids." How do you suppose we'd know the difference between a full alien and a hybrid that's trying to blend into Earth society? Because I'll tell you what, I've seen plenty of suspicious folks around here in Jericho that just didn't seem quite right.

Cousin T, pick me up a pretty purple hat to go over my helmet. There's nothing that says you can't be fashionable and protected from alien abductions at the same time.

Margie Writes Santa

Dear Santa,

Margie here. I'm sorry we haven't spoken since 1947 but I've felt sure you never got over me turning down your marriage proposal. I hope you understand that I would never have defied my parents and they had many concerns about me marrying you.

First, Daddy said a gentleman would have a proper vehicle in which to come calling on a lady. A sleigh is not one.

Two, Mama said a gentleman does not court a lady without changing his clothes on occasion. She hated your red suit.

Third, you know I told you that I could never live with a bunch of elves who hammered and banged all night for 365 days a year.

I'm hoping that eases your mind as I do need to ask your help this Christmas. My finances are tight in our current economy so I'm asking you to deliver some gifts for me. Here's my list:

Please bring Cousin T a new hat to wear to church. I think he'd look quite dapper in red.

Please bring my sister, Edna, a year's supply of her medicine. She's never gotten over those headaches you caused her to have from all that "Ho, Ho, Ho" stuff.

Finally, all I want is this:




Merry Christmas,

Margie

Edna and the Pheasant Hat

Edna always believed herself to be the fashion queen of Jericho. She was always up to date on what was hot in NY & had to be the first in Jericho to have it.

One day Edna saw an ad in the NY Times:





Edna placed her order, the kit arrived, and Edna made her hat. Daddy laughed so hard when he saw it that Edna got as mad as an old wet hen. Daddy said he hoped there were no pheasant hunters in town.

Edna made me go for a walk with her so she could show off the hat. We happened by Richmond Farm & saw Stanley's great-grandpa sitting on the porch. He was near blind as a bat.

As we passed by, he let out a yelp and grabbed his shotgun. He shot those pheasant feathers clean into smithereens. I had never seen Edna as mad as she was that day.

I suppose you think Edna lit into old man Richmond & called him everything but his name. No. Edna lifted her head and high-stepped it home without saying a word.

When we got home, though, and Edna told Daddy what had happened, Daddy got up, put on his hat, and left the house without a word. We never did hear exactly what happened but I do know there was talk in Bailey's that old man Richmond never picked up another gun as long as he lived.

Daddy looked after us girls.