Fun Friday

A man and his wife were returning from a party one evening. As the couple was driving home, she asked her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?"

Totally flattered, he replied, "No, dear they haven't."

At that point she yelled, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?"

Happy New Year's Eve

Margie: Hello? Hello? Edna, is that you calling? What's that racket? Turn the TV down. Are you deaf?

Edna: Gah, there's something wrong with this silly phone, I can't hear a word she's saying! Margie, hello, can you hear me??

Margie: Edna? Who are you calling? There's going to be police looking for you. You stop stalking me!

Edna: Oh, good Lord. Margie, as usual you're not making much sense so just let me tell you why I'm calling. I'm at the best party and I just wanted to rub your nose in it! I figured you'd be all alone at home tonight and I just wanted you to hear how much fun I'm having. Eat your heart out, sister.

Margie: Nitwit, I'm not alone. Cousin T, pass the appetizers.

Edna? Yes, we're eating. We ordered pizza. I don't think it's my nose that has a problem. Edna, I thought you said you locked your bedroom door.

Edna: I hocked my old decor? What in the world are you talking about, woman? It sounds like you're in the middle of Grand Central Station, the phone company must have our lines crossed or something.

I don't want to stand here all night yelling at you, I've got a party to get back to. My lands, if I'd known before how much fun these retirement community holiday parties are, I'd have crashed one long before now! Glad you're not here to spoil my fun, sister.

Margie: Edna, don't you hang up on me. Oh my heart! Did you say you signed yourself into a retirement home? Boys! Old Edna isn't coming home ever again. Let's party!

Fun Friday: Party Aftermath

Margie: Edna, that's the last par-tay you'll ever talk me into. I never saw such a mess in my life. I'm not cleaning all this up. It looks like a swarm of locusts came through here.

There's not a scrap of food left, all the Special tea is gone, and somebody even stole my bottle of cough medicine. Lordy, my head hurts. And, to top it all off, I found some bloomers hanging in the bathroom and they don't belong to me or you!

Edna: Margie, please stop shrieking at me, my head hurts too. You know, I thought our guests would be much better behaved than that. Maybe putting "clothing optional" on the invitation attracted the wrong sort of crowd...

I just can't clean anything until I feel better. I'm going back to bed with my hot water bottle and a bicarbonate of soda, you can just cool your jets until I recover.

Margie: Oh no, Edna, no bed until I'm finished with you. You just had to convince Silly Willy and Fluffy to bring their cotton candy machine. There is so much cotton candy all over the kitchen that I can't even make my coffee.

Let's talk about Miss Lidian. She got into your hope chest and cut all the ads out of your magazines that you've been saving since 1930. I found her droppings in the trash can.

When I tell you what Cousin T has done then we may as well both go back to bed.

Edna: Oh Lord, do I even want to know what that boy did? I told you to cut him off after that 4th cup of special tea! You know, Miss Maitri brought her pugs along to the party, and they were much better behaved than our human guests.

Margie, was I hallucinating or did I see Miss Fashiona dancing with Jensen Ackles while wearing a pair of these?

Edna: I honestly don't remember much that happened after Rich started that conga line. The rest of the party is kind of a blur...

Margie: The pugs were well-behaved for sure. Edna, that was Rich wearing Fashiona's shoes. Frankly, I wouldn't be caught dead in those things.

You think Dbalcer is sweet? I caught her on the porch steps with a jug of milk and she'd swiped our stash of Oreos.

Cousin T wins the prize, Edna. That boy has put up all our Christmas decorations. Lordy, where's my bed?

Edna: Our Christmas decorations? Oh thank goodness, I thought those blinking lights I kept seeing were pixies. My lands, what a party.

You know, Dbalcer is asleep on the couch, and I spotted kricka passed out in the front yard. Should we wake them up to help us clean? Miss Amy said she'd help us clean too, but we have to pay her in bacon.

Margie: Yes, Edna, wake them up. When the house is clean then wake me up. Tell Amy to kiss my bacon!

Night.

Party time, the Basement is one year old today!

Welcome to our one-year blogiversary party! Come on in, grab some refreshments, and crank up the party tunes. A party is only as good as its guests, and we know we've got some fine ones swinging by today to join in the festivities.

Now, for the main entertainment: our good friend Amy Vernon has honored us by writing a piece especially for today. She writes The TV Tyrant, and is the VP of marketing for SMAK News, which has its inaugural launch in two weeks (more on that at the end of today's post).

So, if you're comfortable and in the party mood, join us as we celebrate today. We're so glad you came!

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AmyV: Imagine my glee when two of my favorite bloggers ever asked me to write something up to celebrate their first year on the Internet.

I happened to have been around for the ladies' public debut, when they were so gracious as to discuss the goings-on in a little Kansas town called Jericho, on a blog I used to write for. They began to develop quite a following and came back often to discuss issues with me, for which I was grateful.

They would do Q&A sessions sometimes on another blog, but eventually the public outcry was such that they had no other choice but to start their own blog. And, on March 18, 2008, the ladies set up the server in their basement and started broadcasting to the outside world.

So when the ladies asked me to write up something for their one-year blogiversary, I thought I'd turn the tables on them and ask them a few questions:

1) Were you two ladies born in Jericho, or did your family move there at some point?
Edna: Dear, Margie and I were both born in the very house we're living in now; there was no hospital nearby in those days, and Mama was such a trooper. We'll probably die in Jericho, too, but hopefully not for many more years.

2) C'mon, tell me - who's older? Margie or Edna? We're all dying to know. For that matter, how old are you two, exactly?
Margie: Young lady, I thought you were raised better than to ask such a question. Would you like to tell us your bra size? I'm shocked.
Edna: She's shocked because she's the older sister. Now, as for how old that actually is...well, that I will keep to myself.

3) Who did you vote for? Johnston or Gray? If you had it to do over again, would you change your vote? [Note to newcomers to the basement: Johnston Green and Gray Anderson were vying for the mayoralty of Jericho during a very trying time in its history. Johnston was the incumbent and Gray owned the salt mine. Gray won.]
Margie: I voted for Johnston and I sure wouldn't change my vote. He always came to help Edna and me when we had problems with our clogged toilet. How many mayors would do that?
Edna: Oh, I voted for Johnston, of course! He reminds me so much of that nice man who used to be on "Simon and Simon." As for changing my vote, I never second-guess myself when it comes to politics, dear.

4) Who's the best-known gentleman you've had the good fortune of ... being acquainted with?
Margie: Oh, Jonah Prowse and Jensen Ackles of course. Such fine gentlemen and they know how to treat a lady too. There are things I could tell you ... but I won't.
Edna: In her dreams, she's never been 'acquainted' with either of those two gentlemen! As for myself, ladies simply do not gossip about who they're "acquainted" with. Amy, dear, you should have known better than to ask such a scandalous question.

5) What are your favorite desserts?
Margie: I just love a banana pudding and strawberries dipped in chocolate. Breakfast in bed is a dessert too isn't it?
Oh, my, Margie!
Edna: Typical, my sister just can't resist hussying up any question you ask of her. Personally, I love anything chocolate, but I am fond of a decent key lime pie too.

6) If you had your life to live over again, knowing everything you know now, what one thing (and one thing only) that you did would you change, if anything?
Margie: I would not have married when I was so young. I'd have been a party girl for a while first then I'd have married my cowboy. We'd have moved to his ranch in Montana and I'd never have had to live with Edna.
I'm glad you didn't, or else we wouldn't have had the good fortune to read your blog.
Edna: Well, it's never too late for you to move to Montana, you harpy, and good riddance! Amy, to answer your question, I'd have to say that I would not change a thing. I'm of the attitude that living one's life with regrets is simply a waste of time and energy. I cherish each and every experience, because it's made me who I am today.
That's beautiful, Edna.
Margie: Lordy, Edna, I wish those experiences hadn't made you who you are today. I wish you'd been a nice person.
Oh, Margie...

7) Boxers or briefs? (For the gents, of course.)
Margie: My stars, Miss Amy, I haven't blushed this much in years. I must say a gentleman always looks nice in briefs but I don't object to boxers. Frankly, they don't need to wear either if that's what they prefer.
Edna: I'm not sure this question is at all appropriate. Surely our readers don't want to know about gentlemen's unmentionables? I'd just as soon not think about them myself, so I respectfully decline to answer, dear.
Oh, Edna. Don't be such a prude. I knew Margie would play along. :-)

8) Let's get real for a moment here. You two always seem to hate one another. But don't you really love one another?
Margie: Miss Amy, I plead the Fifth as advised by my attorney.
Oh, Margie, I know you meant to say, "Yes."
Edna: I suppose we do love each other, in our own way. Of course, that love often takes the form of bickering and death threats, but what family doesn't have a little of that?
True, true.

9) How do you two decide on what to blog about? Is there a battle of the wills every day? It's hard to believe how prolific you are.
Margie: Thank you, Miss Amy. I must admit there is no daily battle of the wills. Edna and I love and appreciate all our readers so we always try to focus on them and what they might like to read.
That's not to say, of course, that we appreciate what each other says all the time.
Edna: Speak for yourself, Margie, I always appreciate what you say. I just don't always listen to it. Miss Amy, we do talk a lot about what our readers comment on, and we try to figure out what they might enjoy. We also try and stay as organized as possible, and we plan out our posts way ahead of time.
It's nice to see you two agree on something for a change. You do always put your readers first, no matter your personal ... conflicts, and we all appreciate that. We all love visiting with you.

11) What have you learned about writing a blog after doing this for a year? You've come so far in just 365 days. What advice would you give to other ... experienced ... ladies who would like to set up their own blog?
Margie: I've learned that it's easier to let my sister have her way rather than put up with her childish temper tantrums.
I would advise others to think long and hard before you write a blog with a relative. If you do decide to involve a relative, be sure they take their anti-psychotic meds every day.
Edna: Put a sock in it, Margie. At least I don't insist that every single post also has a picture of handsome naked men. [NOTE from Amy: They're not completely naked. And they sure are purty.]
My advice to anyone starting a blog is that they should write about something that they enjoy. If you're not having fun, you won't stick with it and your blog will suffer. Luckily, my sister and I have a lot of fun, which is why we're still here after a whole year.

AmyV: Well, we're glad you're still here after a year and that you continue to come up with interesting and entertaining things to say every day. I personally hope you stick around for another year, or two, or 10, or 20! I do plan on visiting more often, so please make sure you always have some of your special tea on hand for me. And thank you so much for making this bacon appetizer specifically for me; it's simply delicious. Of course, it's bacon, so I was bound to like it.

Anyhow, ladies, congratulations on your blogiversary and thank you so much for inviting me to share it with you.

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Thank you so much, Amy! (Folks, don't forget to swing by SMAK News to sign up for its launch in two weeks; it will be a social networking site made expressly for women, which we are very excited about!)

So there you have it folks, we hope you had fun at our anniversary party, and we thank you all so much for continuing to come and visit with us. Without our regular readers, we would just be blogging into the ether, and we are grateful every day that you all seem to enjoy reading the rantings and musings of these two old ladies.

Love, Margie and Edna

It's not a party without some hard-core munchies...

Margie: Edna, you said we need food for our party so I'm telling you that I won't be doing all the cooking. I'm making a few dishes then the rest is up to you.

Don't start with me about making Funnel Cakes either because you just want that for yourself. Talk about a lack of manners! You sure never met a Funnel Cake you didn't like. Glutton!

Edna: Sister, you never cease to amaze me. You want me to help you cook but you pile on the insults? Have you learned nothing in all your years on this earth? You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, you harpy.

Now, as for our party food, I am more than willing to help cook, and I have a few menu ideas! We need to have some fun food, and it's a good thing we know so many food bloggers, so good recipes are easy to find. How about we make Jenn Cooks' recipe for Scrabble party mix? And in honor of our good friend Amy Vernon, we need to make this bacon appetizer from the Pioneer Woman's website. My lands, the mouth waters just thinking about it.

Margie: Edna, you know good and well that Miss Amy and I will be fighting over any bacon appetizers. You'd best go practice those today and let me sample them.

I'm going to make these Chocolate Gooey Butter cookies and some Prune Whip. Cousin T will be sad if I don't make these quesadillas for him so I'll do those too. Lordy mercy, my stomach is a-growling, Edna.

Edna: Mine too, Margie. But one of the good things about being the hostess is sampling the party food, so just be patient. Now, we'll be serving our special tea, but let's not forget to have a non-alcholic option for our teetotalling guests. It's a good thing I found this recipe for Golden Glow Punch, it sure does sound tasty!

We'd best get a list together so we can send Cousin T to the store for supplies. Have we forgotten anything?

Margie: That sounds good, Edna. I think I'll sample that punch and see if it makes me glow.

Edna: Just leave enough for our guests tomorrow, that's all I ask.

What a blessing it is to have friends.

Edna: Margie, we'd best get to cleaning up the house, we've got company coming this week! My lands, this will be such a party on Wednesday, I'm so excited. Do we know yet who's coming?

Margie: I'm making a list now, Edna. I already have the names of all the single men.

Margie: I'm not cleaning until you show me you're going to do some work too. I've already asked Cousin T to help us.

Edna: That poor boy, one of these days we really should think about paying him for all the work he does. And don't you start with me about doing housework, you know I do the bulk of the cleaning around here! That's why I'm asking for some help now, you ninny. We've got a lot of folks coming and not a lot of time, so get to Swiffering!

I think we should invite all of our Jericho friends, don't you? People like Debby and kricka, and definitely briarpatch and kmac. And of course, April and Jennie! My lands, I'm leaving folks out, aren't I? Who else are we inviting?

Margie: Edna, you're a lying liar. You lay around all day and try to pretend you're rich. Swiffer yourself.

You forgot Miss Lidian and Mr. The Hawg, Edna. We can invite Taylor Blue because she likes to gossip and we like to hear it. Maybe we could invite Jenn Cooks and she could make all the food.

Edna: It would be a poor hostess indeed who makes their guests cook! Margie, you're just trying to get out of work and I won't have it. Any guests that come will be treated like royalty, if I have anything to say about it.

Oh, Margie, we forgot about Silly Willy and Fluffy, Rich at Copywrite Ink, Miss Amy Vernon, and hawksdomain! They have to come too, along with Maitri and Fashiona and RollerKaty and glor!e... Goodness gracious, but we do know a lot of people. How are we going to send out invitations without neglecting anyone or hurting their feelings?

Margie: Lord a mercy, Edna, we're old ladies. If anybody says we forgot them then we'll just say we had some Senior moments. They'll be fine then.

Edna: Margie, being elderly is no excuse for bad manners. Besides, the last time you used that "senior moment" excuse was in court when you were trying to avoid that indecent exposure charge. It didn't work then, either. I know, let's just make it an open invitation right here on our blog and say everyone is invited. That way, no one will feel left out. How does that sound?

Margie: Edna, that sounds fine. You could really make my day if you say you can't attend. Lying liar.

Edna: Well, you can kiss my grits, because I'm going to be there with bells on. The rest of our friends will be too, so you'd best go put your party face on. You might want to start now, I know it will take you at least a day to make yourself presentable.

As for the rest of you, please come to our blog anniversary party on Wednesday, we'll be celebrating in style!

Fun Friday: get ready to par-TAY!

Dear Readers,

Next Wednesday, March 18th, will be our one-year blogging anniversary here at the Basement. My goodness, how the time does fly! We've got fun stuff planned for next week, and you are all invited to come share in the festivities.

In the meantime, here's a little something to put you all in the party mood...everyone around the world, come on!

Now, don't forget to come back next week and check out what we've got up our frilly sleeves. We'll be watching for you to come party with us!

Love, Margie and Edna

Not-so-fun Friday

Edna: My lands, Margie, I think I did a touch too much celebrating during New Year's. I barely remember anything that happened over the last couple days, and my mouth tastes like someone walked all over my tongue. I think I need some Alka-Seltzer...

Margie: Is New Year's over, Edna ? What day is this? My head is about to explode.

Lord have mercy! This can't be real. Edna, why are there two of you sitting there?

Edna: Margie, you're seeing things, there's only the one of me. But my head sure does feel like it split in two. This is most definitely not a fun Friday for me. I swear, we're too old to be indulging in excess like this. It's a good thing Mama can't see us now, she'd scold us for being gluttonous and hedonistic. We reaped what we sowed, Margie, that's for sure.

Margie: Oh happy day! There's only one of you. Edna, we must have thought we were young'uns again.

Mama would be ashamed and she'd sure send us to bed with no supper. As a matter of fact, I believe I hear my bed calling my name.

Edna: Mine, too. I'm going to bed and sleep until my head stops swimming.

Next New Year's, I'm sticking to ginger ale.

Margie: I wouldn't go that far, Edna.

It's Fruitcake Time

Margie: Folks, it's that time of the year again. You know what I mean. Yes, time to give those fruitcakes as gifts. Trust me when I say nobody wants them. Do yourself a favor and waste your money on something else.

People sure have made fun of poor old fruitcakes over the years. You know what I do like about fruitcake? If it wasn't for the fruitcake then we wouldn't have that old saying about somebody being "as nutty as a fruitcake."

Hey Edna, what do you think about fruitcake?


Edna: Oh Margie, you left yourself wide open on that one, but I'm going to take the high road and behave with some dignity. I must say, I'm not a big fan of fruitcake. But it is indeed a time-honored holiday tradition. You know, Mama had a recipe for fruitcake, it was for the kind that got soaked in rum for a month. Whoo boy, that would sure brighten up your holidays!


Margie: Get off your high horse, Edna. You left your dignity in San Francisco. Didn't think I knew about that did you ?

I could use some brightening up so I might just make Mama's fruitcake. It ought to be ready by New Year's Eve for my party.


Edna: You'd better serve that thing with black coffee and designate some drivers, because just one slice will make you see pink elephants.


Margie: Are we going to the circus? I love elephants, Edna.


Edna: Save some of that rum for the fruitcake, Margie.