Sunday Funnies

Sunday Funnies

Margie: I have always found this to be true.

Thanks To Toilet Paper

Margie: I love getting up every morning and enjoying my first cup of coffee. I like to start the day on a positive note which is why I'm glad Edna sleeps late.

I always think about all the things that I'm grateful for in my life. One thing I thought of this morning is toilet paper.

If you all had lived during the time of the outdoor toilet then you'd know what I'm talking about. Toilet paper is much better for you than the Sears catalog pages, newspaper pages, corn cobs, and so on.

I hope you appreciate your toilet paper.

It's Fruitcake Time

Margie: Folks, it's that time of the year again. You know what I mean. Yes, time to give those fruitcakes as gifts. Trust me when I say nobody wants them. Do yourself a favor and waste your money on something else.

People sure have made fun of poor old fruitcakes over the years. You know what I do like about fruitcake? If it wasn't for the fruitcake then we wouldn't have that old saying about somebody being "as nutty as a fruitcake."

Hey Edna, what do you think about fruitcake?


Edna: Oh Margie, you left yourself wide open on that one, but I'm going to take the high road and behave with some dignity. I must say, I'm not a big fan of fruitcake. But it is indeed a time-honored holiday tradition. You know, Mama had a recipe for fruitcake, it was for the kind that got soaked in rum for a month. Whoo boy, that would sure brighten up your holidays!


Margie: Get off your high horse, Edna. You left your dignity in San Francisco. Didn't think I knew about that did you ?

I could use some brightening up so I might just make Mama's fruitcake. It ought to be ready by New Year's Eve for my party.


Edna: You'd better serve that thing with black coffee and designate some drivers, because just one slice will make you see pink elephants.


Margie: Are we going to the circus? I love elephants, Edna.


Edna: Save some of that rum for the fruitcake, Margie.

Margie and Edna's Beauty Tips

Edna: Margie, I don’t know why you’re showing me these beauty tips, it’s not like I need them. You, on the other hand…

To keep your eyes from blinking when applying make-up, try keeping your mouth open. It really works!

Margie: You shouldn't have a problem with this one, Edna, since your mouth is always open and your tongue is always wagging.

Edna: Margie, if that’s not the pot calling the kettle black, I don’t know what is.

VODKA & LEMON will tone up tired skin. Dab ¼ cup Vodka and the juice from one lemon on face, neck and chest area with cotton. It is not necessary to rinse this mixture off. It will evaporate. The less rubbing, the better.

Edna: Seems like a waste of perfectly good vodka to me.

CAFFEINE is the main ingredient in those expensive cellulite creams. Your regular caffeinated coffee grounds (used from this morning) can be rubbed into those annoying cellulite areas. Since this can get a bit messy, try doing it in the bathtub or shower.

Margie: Edna, if you put coffee grounds in my bathtub I will rub your ugly face in them too.

WEIGHT LOSS TIP — take two Garlic Tablets and two Papaya Enzymes before every meal. You can lose up to 5 pounds in one week.

Edna: Are you trying to imply that I need to lose weight, you old hag?

JELL-O (cherry flavored powder) — dab a Q-tip into the powder and apply it to your lips. Let the powder sit for 5 minutes then lick it off. This will give your lips a natural red coat.

Edna: I tried this the other day, and the mailman told me I looked fresh and sweet as a daisy. He said I tasted good, too.

Margie: Edna, the mailman is a habitual liar.