Old Ladies In Church

Global Forgiveness Day

Margie: Edna, today is a day for everyone to forgive somebody. I think this is a wonderful way to promote goodwill. Heaven knows we need more of that.

To get us started I forgive my ex-husbands for being idiots and for not knowing what a treasure they had in me. Who do you forgive?

Edna: Margie, forgiveness is good for the soul and good for the blood pressure, and that's the plain truth. I forgive Mortimer Richardson for leaving me standing at the altar all those years ago. If I had married him I never would have met and married my Joe, and so I guess I owe him some thanks.

But if I'm going to forgive him, I suppose I ought to stop letting the air out of his tires every Sunday in the church parking lot.

Margie: That's wonderful, Edna. I knew you'd feel better if you forgave somebody. I've decided to forgive our parents for having you. Bless their souls, they couldn't know how you'd turn out in later years.

I also forgive Joe for divorcing you and not keeping you there living with him. He has ruined my old age.

Edna: Well, I suppose that means I have to forgive you for being such a lying shrew? You know good and well that I divorced Joe because he had that wild idea of giving up all our worldly possessions and starting up his own religious "group" down in South America. I'm sorry, I can stand quirks and foibles, but I just couldn't stand for that kind of nonsense.

Margie: That Joe was a smart man, Edna. Why don't you go see if he still lives there? I'll take care of your possessions. By the way, can I have that new bag you just bought? I'll probably move into your bedroom too because it gets more sun.

Oh, leave your credit cards and I'll cut them up and I'll toss your cell phone. This is fun. Let me get a paper and pencil so I won't forget what all to do.

Edna: Margie, you'd best nip all that in the bud right now before I do something that you're going to have to forgive me for.

Margie: I can't forgive you, dingbat, if you kill me. Kiss my tushie.

Our Christmas- Part II

Margie: Everything makes you ill-humored. That reminds me. I got you a present.

Edna: Oh Margie, you did? It's a good thing that I got one for you, too.

Margie: I had to wrap it in a page from the Sears catalog. I picked the men's underwear page just for you.

Edna: Margie, you know me too well. I hope you like your gift, I didn't have anything to wrap it in but this old piece of muslin from my hope chest.

Margie: Hope chest? Remember when we used to open our presents after dinner? You'd put everything in that hope chest.

Edna: That's right; I used to put them there with all of my special things. Margie, do you remember the year that Mama and Daddy gave us those matching velvet dresses? We looked so nice going to church that year.

Margie: Well, I'm surprised the church was still standing after you went inside.

Edna: Margie, you take that back. I was only a little girl and besides, I hadn't met any of your husbands yet.

Margie: Hush up or no present you Fruit Loop.

Edna: Margie, where's your Christmas spirit? Your sense of goodwill towards others?

Margie: I have goodwill towards others. Just not towards you.

Edna: Margie, you know as well as I do that family is all we have left. You should cherish me, you old bat. Do you remember that year that Santa left you coal in your stocking? I bet that wasn't your favorite Christmas present, was it?

Margie: You got switches. My favorite present was the year Daddy gave me that puppy. I named her Daisy. Remember?

Edna: I do remember Daisy, she piddled all over my nice patent leather shoes, and she chewed up my new hat at Easter time. You taught her to do that, didn't you?

Margie: I did.

Edna: I knew it!

Margie: And it wasn't you who wet your bed.

Edna: I never thought I did, you old meanie. Here's my present for you, I know it's not much, but it's all I could do this year, what with the economy being the way it is. I crocheted you a cozy for your hot water bottle. It's even your favorite color, pink. It's not jewelry, but it will keep you warm on these cold Kansas nights.

Margie: Thank you, Edna. I bought you this necklace with an angel on it. It's to remind you of Supernatural, your favorite show.

Edna: Thank you Margie, that was very sweet of you. Do you have a Christmas wish?

Margie: I do. I wish for peace and an end to our country's economic hardships.

Edna: You know what Margie? That's my wish, too. Merry Christmas, sister.

Margie: Merry Christmas, sister. Goodnight.