Baking Christmas Cookies

Edna: Margie, get on in here and help me prep the kitchen. We're baking Christmas cookies today, and you know we promised Mrs. Pastor that she'd be getting some of our famous shortbread this year. Don't you forget to wash your hands!

Margie: Edna, must you scream in that shrill voice of yours? You prep the kitchen yourself. I'm tired of doing all the work around here. I sat in Santa's lap at the mall today and asked him to bring you a maid.

Wash your own hands. I haven't washed mine since Frank Sinatra kissed them back in 1942!

Edna: Oh, Lord, give me strength. I know you try and provoke me so you can get out of helping me, but it's not going to work, missy.

Besides, if you don't get in here and help me then you don't get to taste any of the cookies. It's your choice, sister.

Pumpkin Central

Margie: Edna, Halloween is fast approaching although the cold weather is already here. I keep having memories of how the kitchen smelled around Halloween when Mama would be baking. I found one of her old recipes for Spicy Pumpkin Cookies. Remember those?

Edna: Of course I do, I'm not daft! You know, I love this time of year. The good smells that come from all the baking, and it's always warm and toasty from the wood stove.

Mama's pumpkin cookies were fantastic, everyone wanted the recipe. I can almost smell them now.... Margie, why don't you whip us up a batch or two. You're not doing anything, you're just sitting there jawing away at me.

Margie: The only thing I'm going to whip is the side of your head. You've lost your mind if you think I'm baking you anything.

Here's what I need to make after dealing with you every day. Pumpkin Rum Mousse. I'd best triple the rum though.

Edna: Now, you know good and well that we haven't had rum in the house since you made that eggnog pie last Christmas, when you drank all the rum and went and flashed the neighbors during their dinner party. I think you'd best use rum extract for that recipe, sister.

Margie: And I think I may extract a few of your teeth to shush you up, sister. Dingbat!

Happy Birthday Cookie Monster

Image by Sesame Workshop.


Margie: Edna, look at this. Your picture is in today's newspaper. Oh dear, they got your birthdate wrong. You weren't born on November 2nd.

Edna: Oh, very funny Margie. You know, one of us in this conversation got sick recently from eating too many teacakes, and it wasn't me. So I think you'd best check in the mirror if you want to see the real cookie monster.

Margie: Edna, I didn't say Cake Monster. Good grief! It describes you right here:

"can (and often does) consume anything and everything, from apples and pie to letters, flatware, and hubcaps."

That's you sister.

Edna: Margie, you're so unattractive when you're insulting. Besides, you know I eat like a bird. I inherited my delicate constitution from Mama's side of the family. You're the one who eats like a goat. I once saw you eat an entire cupcake, wrapper and all, without even blinking.

Margie: Edna, you are so funny when you lie. Delicate constitution my eye. You eat like a pig. Is a pig a bird?

I may have eaten a cupcake but I don't eat 2 funnel cakes in one sitting like you do.

Edna: Margie, I only ever did that once, and that was because you refused to eat the funnel cake I'd bought you. I just didn't want it to go to waste.

I'm getting hungry, I'm going to go make some brownies. And I don't plan on sharing.