All My Margiedales

Margie: Edna, I believe variety is the spice of life so it's time for a change around here. I'm bored with 4 of my Margiedales so I sent them packing. My stars, doesn't anybody have as much energy as I do anymore? Anyway, tell me what you think about my 4 new Margiedales: Thorsten Kaye, Jacob Young, Michael E. Knight and Vincent Irrizary. I got me some soap opera men, sister. You can look but don't touch!

Edna:  It's always the pretty faces with you, isn't it?  If we're going to have four more mouths to feed, they'd better be hard workers.  I'm not tolerating any freeloaders around here!  If you can't help put a new roof on the barn then you're of no use to me, pretty boy or not.

Margie: Edna, who cares about faces? You buy the lumber and my boys will put that roof on the barn. I'll pay them for their labor.

Edna:  Margie, aren't they too busy with their soap opera work to worry about becoming Margiedales?  I don't see how you're going to lure them here, anyway.  That sour face of yours scares away everyone.

Qualities of A Lady

Image courtesy of New York Public Library Digital Gallery.

Margie: Edna and I were talking last night and we suddenly realized that many people don't understand what a lady truly is these days. If you're one of those folks then we'd like to offer a few tips on what qualities a lady needs.


1. A lady always needs to smell as fresh as a daisy.

When Edna and I were girls, Mama warmed a washtub of water every Saturday so we could take our baths. All we had then was lye soap. That was not something that smelled like a lady.

A lady's perfume should never overwhelm. You should smell Edna's fake French perfume. Even pigs wouldn't wallow in that. Neither should a lady smell like some arthritis cream or a funeral parlor.

Here's a lovely scent you should try. This is what I use and it's wonderful.


2. A lady is sexy without being vulgar.

Sexy is not letting all your assets hang out of your clothes for all to see. As Edna often says, gentlemen prefer a bit of mystery. Just the glimpse of a trim ankle can be a subtle hint.

Think of it this way; is a wrapped Christmas package more appealing than seeing the gift just sitting under the tree? Gentlemen like to unwrap their gifts if you get my drift.


3. A lady's manners are beyond reproach.

Mama always told us to have pride in ourselves and our appearance. Not only were we taught table manners but Mama taught us how to behave around others. Never let it be said that you have no manners. That's most uncouth and unladylike.



4. A lady is dignified and charming.

This means no tattoos or piercing of your anatomy. Dignified means holding your head high, shoulders back, as if you rule the world. Edna tries to act like a ruler but she's not.

Always be charming. A smile or quiet laugh can turn many a head. Attend a good charm school or ask me for advice. I really should offer classes since I am one of the few ladies left.


5. A lady always takes the high road.

Remember when Loretta Lynn sang, " You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man?" This is an example of taking the low road.

A lady does not participate in smackdowns, throwdowns, mud wrestling, or hair pulling. This would be plain tacky.


Always remember that you too can be a lady. Let's hope Edna takes my advice.