A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. "Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300."
"Easy, Dad," the boy replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on," the father said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"
Friday, July 29, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
A Really Bad Day There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Monday, July 18, 2011
Edna: Margie, you just keep your trap shut until I'm done talking. I am in dire need of a vacation and I am on my way out of town today. I know you're going to tell me we can't afford it, but trust me when I say this vacation is a wise investment. Better to pay the money for a trip now than to have to pay some therapist to listen to me later when I need to complain about my bossy older sister.
Friday, July 15, 2011
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Margie: Edna, look what Mrs. Pastor brought me. I love peaches and these are fresh from the orchard. I believe I'll make some pies. I have fond memories of peaches. Well, maybe I should say peach orchards.More than one gentleman has said I'm sweeter than any Georgia peach.
Edna: You are tough as a peach pit, and that's closer to the God's honest truth. I do love a good, ripe summer peach. Even just the smell is enough to send me into raptures.
You tell me when that peach pie is done, I'll take a nice big slice.
Friday, July 8, 2011
A man and his wife were returning from a party one evening. As the couple was driving home, she asked her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?"
Totally flattered, he replied, "No, dear they haven't."
At that point she yelled, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?"