Summer holiday

Summertime is in full swing, and that means it's time for us to take a holiday.  Starting next week, Margie and Edna will be on hiatus during the month of July, but don't worry because the ladies will be back in full force in August.  In the meantime, we suggest to our readers that you spend some time offline during the month of July, and enjoy being with your friends and family. Go outside for a little sunshine and fresh air, if it's not too hot where you are.  Do a little traveling, even if it's just a mental vacation.  Recharge your batteries, and we'll be doing the exact same thing.  But don't get so relaxed that you forget to come back.  See you in August!


Love, Jane (Margie) and Beth (Edna)

Tahiti Sweeties

The summertime blues have set in, and Margie and Edna are taking a mental vacation in Tahiti. 

They'll be back on Friday. 

 Maybe.

Bora Bora bound!

Margie: Edna, that Frenchman you like just got back from Bora Bora and he sure did post some pretty pictures. I'd like to go sit in the sun there for a week or two and warm my old bones. Why don't you treat us to a nice trip? I'll buy my own sunscreen.

Edna: Why don't you treat yourself and I'll pay my own way? My lands, you are always looking for an opportunity to freeload, sister.

Bora Bora does sound lovely, though. I like the idea of sitting around in the sun, sipping on cool fruity drinks. But this better not be one of those clothing-optional places, because I will be darned if I'm going to look at your what-nots for two weeks. The very idea is enough to put me off my feed.

Margie: Edna, you never want anybody to have a pleasant trip. You can go inside while I sun my what-nots. Somebody might enjoy seeing them. I know I'm going to enjoy some of those fruity drinks.

You best mind your manners too. You always belch in public and embarrass me.

Edna: You're fooling yourself, Margie. NOBODY wants to see your what-nots. You mark my words, I am not going to have your misconduct get us banned from yet another resort. Don't make me tell our readers what happened when we went to Oahu. I still can't look at a coconut without cringing.

Margie: Edna, I have stories I can tell too and you won't like them. Frankly, you've already ruined this trip for me so I'll stay home.

Speaking of coconut I'm going to get the one I bought today. Guess where I'm going to crack it?

Edna: Your hard head would be perfect.

Tahiti Edna

Edna:  Margie, you just keep your trap shut until I'm done talking.  I am in dire need of a vacation and I am on my way out of town today.  I know you're going to tell me we can't afford it, but trust me when I say this vacation is a wise investment.  Better to pay the money for a trip now than to have to pay some therapist to listen to me later when I need to complain about my bossy older sister.

So, what do you have to say for yourself?

Margie: Edna, you go right ahead. I just worry about you. You take your good sun bonnet, sunscreen, and sunglasses because your skin is already too leathery. Don't forget to take some clean bloomers just in case and take the ones with no holes. Lay off the wine coolers and Krispy Kreme doughnuts too. You know how your stomach gets when you eat junk food. Have a good time, dear.

We're back!

Margie: Edna, remember when we were girls and we'd go back to school after summer vacation? Teacher always asked everybody what they most enjoyed about their summer.

I'll tell you what I enjoyed most this summer. Your vacation! I had this place to myself and you didn't leave a mess because you weren't here. It was a most relaxing time. I love summer vacations because I don't have to go anywhere!

Edna: Margie, you can kiss my grits! I enjoy my vacation away from you, too. There's nobody telling tale tales in which they themselves are always the star, nobody crabbing about how the kitchen isn't clean (even when it's spotless), nobody I have to bail out of jail. My lands, one of these days I'm going to go on vacation and just not come back.

Margie: That would be the best summer ever. I like it when you're gone. I also like my new string bikini. So do the Margiedales. That Cousin T made me that mobile pool and we rode all over the place every day.

If you'd been here then all I'd have heard was your preaching about being a lady. I had good clean fun, you floozy.

Edna: Good clean fun and a string bikini do not go hand in hand, sister. And I heard all about your mobile pool from Mrs. Pastor, she was quite scandalized.

Margie, look here at what I brought back from my trip, it's one of those slow cookers. I'm looking forward to using it this fall for soups and stews. You know, back when we were girls, a "slow cooker" was someone who didn't get dinner on the table until 9PM.

Margie: Dingbat, I know what a slow cooker is. You've always been slow just like Granny Callahan. Lord a mercy, you eat so late that I'm in bed when the food gets done.

I found a new show to watch on TV while you were gone too. It's called "American Pickers" and I don't mean git-tars.

Edna: I've heard of that show; don't they go through other people's stuff and take things they want? Of course, unlike certain other people I could mention, they offer fair prices to the original owners.

I found a good TV show I liked this summer, too. It's called "The Good Guys" and it's a buddy cop show starring the son of that nice Tom Hanks and that guy from "The West Wing." Fox is bringing it back for the fall, so I guess they know a good thing when they see it.

Margie: Good for you. You best go buy yourself a TV before the new shows start. I've made my list of what I'm watching and I'm not going to listen to you yammer all the way through my shows.

Edna: No problem, Miss Bossy! I just happen to have found a few new blogs that I absolutely adore, and so I'll just make sure I'm busy reading them while you're watching your shows.

Vixen Vintage (This young lady has lovely taste in clothes.)
Hark, a Vagrant (I do so enjoy smart and funny comics and the people who create them.)

Edna: Well, I'll read them unless the Internet goes out. Then all bets are off.

Margie: When all bets go off then so will my pistol, sister.

Bathing beauties courtesy of the NYPL Digital Gallery

Our blogging vacation is almost over!

Margie and Edna will be back soon from their blogging vacation, so keep your eyes on this spot for new posts!

Summer blogging hiatus

Dear Readers,

Margie and Edna will be going on hiatus for the month of July. No need to panic, we'll be back in August! In the meantime, go enjoy the summer weather and all the activities that go along with it. We'll be thinking fondly of you all while we're gone, and we hope you do the same of us.

See you next month!

Love, Margie and Edna

Travelin' Edna

Edna: Hello everyone! As some of you were aware, I was taking a vacation from my sister--er, BLOGGING, but I just couldn't stay away any longer. I missed you all too much, and I had to see what my sister was up to in my absence. I suppose Margie behaved herself somewhat on our blog while I was gone, but trust me when I tell you that you do NOT want to see the mess she made in the basement. My lands, I don't know what she was up to down there, and I don't want to know so none of you tell me.

I didn't tell anyone where I went on my vacation because I didn't want my sister tagging along. She gets whiny when she thinks she's missing something fun, so I just told her I was going to a month-long knitting seminar. I surely didn't think she was dumb enough to believe that, but she didn't bat an eyelash when I told her that load of baloney. She even helped me pack, wasn't that sweet?

Now, if you're all waiting for me to tell you where I went, you've got a long wait coming. I had so much fun that I'm planning on going back and I don't want my sister ruining it for me by going there and getting our good family name banned from the state. I'll give you a hint, though: it had palm trees, sand, and sun. And it was someplace where they know how to treat the elderly with dignity and respect. That's all I'm going to say, but I did come back with a lovely tan and a little souvenir for Margie.

Edna: I think it looks a little like Margie.

Edna Returns Soon

Margie: I was looking through some old photos last night when I found this one of Edna. How do you like it? It captures her perfectly.



Unfortunately, the old hussy will be back from vacation this weekend. I sure haven't missed her. I've had such a good time with her gone. I've not had to listen to her try to boss me or call me names or mess up the house.

I even hired a maid while Edna's gone. Cousin T really didn't like wearing that apron but I did cook for him so he wore it anyway. That boy is a good one to move heavy furniture.

I guess I'd best start hiding the evidence of what I did while the dingbat was gone. I figure she's going to be so mad about the cold weather that she won't bother me much. She'll have a hissy fit because she went to a warm place only to find it was cold there too.

Told you she's a dingbat!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming...

Dear readers,

Because of planned vacations and the holidays, things are going to be a little different around the Basement until after the new year. Beth (aka "Edna") is going on an extended holiday that will take her offline for a while. Jane (aka "Margie") will continue with the blog in Beth's absence and asks that you be patient with her.

Not to worry, the blog will be updated as regularly as it is now so please keep stopping by. And we also have some fun things planned! Starting this week, we are introducing a new feature here at the Basement, a "Best of Margie and Edna" series. We have many readers now who weren't with us from the beginning, so we're dusting off some of our favorite posts to share with you all every week.

As always, we deeply appreciate everyone who comes to visit us. Whether you're a daily or occasional visitor, we love you all! Because as much as we enjoy writing Margie and Edna for ourselves, we enjoy it even more with the kind of appreciative audience that we have.

Love,
Jane and Beth
aka "Margie and Edna"

Margie hears from Edna

From: cruisinedna@yahoo.com
Subject: Eat your heart out, old woman!
To: margieandedna@yahoo.com
Date: Tuesday, July 7, 2009, 2:05 PM

Dear Margie,

Well, isn't technology marvelous? Even out here in the middle of the ocean, I can send you an email to tell you have much fun I'm having without you! This cruise was such a wonderful idea, I'm glad I thought of it.

There are so many lovely gentlemen on this boat, I have my pick of the litter. The captain is quite a looker, and goodness, he does look sharp in his uniform. He let me steer the boat for a while the other evening, but he got handsy and distracted me while I was steering so I had to nip that in the bud. What if I'd steered us into another boat or something?

I should have gone on this trip years ago, I've always said that every lady should take a grand trip at least once in her life. I've seen so many lovely things. A gentleman friend of mine has let me borrow his digital camera and I've taken some dandy pictures! As soon as I figure out this uplink doohickey, I'll send you some photos. In the mean time, you behave yourself, you hear me?

Love, Edna

++++++++++++++

From: margieandedna@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: Eat your heart out, old woman!
To: cruisinedna@yahoo.com
Date: Tuesday, July 7, 2009, 2:58 PM

Dear Edna,

Why do you always pretend you can't wait to get away from me yet you contact me every time you go on vacation? I am having fun here too.

I haven't put on a stitch of clothes since you left. I'm as free as a bird. I do have to be careful, though, when I'm drinking my coffee.

I don't believe a word of your nonsense. What have you been drinking on that boat? You know you have to be careful with your allergies.

You keep on dreaming, Edna. I hope you meet a man who can stand your sharp tongue then you can just get married on the ship and keep on cruising.

I have to go now. I'm meeting the VFW down at Bailey's Tavern. I'm going to find me a young one and ask him to walk me home because I'm scared of the dark.

Don't forget to lean over the rail and take a nice picture of the water.

Your sister,

Margie

Edna's Excellent Adventure

Edna: Margie, I've had it up to here with your constant nonsense, so you know what? I'm taking a vacation without you. I sold some of my old jewelry that Joe gave me while we were married, and I have enough to go on a short cruise. Hasta la vista, baby!

Margie: Thank the Lord for answering my prayers. You being gone will be my vacation for sure. Hop on down the road, fruit loop.

As you said, hasty up the vista. Yee haw!

Edna: Don't get too excited, I won't be gone forever. Just long enough to pick me up a sugar daddy, I hear there are all kinds of well-to-do gentlemen these cruises.

You know, I've wanted to go on a cruise ever since that Love Boat was on the television. Such a crush I had on that Captain Stubing!

Margie: Edna, you're not very bright. If you are going to try to pick up a sugar daddy then you'll be gone a very long time. You best take some running shoes if you plan to chase the gentlemen when they try to get away from you.

Be sure to climb to the highest point on the ship so you can look down and have a good view of all the men on deck.

Edna: Just for that snide remark, I won't be bringing you back any souvenirs. Now come help me pack, and bring that bikini you bought last week. I have a feeling I might need it.

Edna: Home Sweet Home

Well folks, here I am back from my vacation, and I am pleased to see that our blog is still up and running. I admit, I didn’t know what kind of mischief Margie would get into with me gone, and I was worried that she’d get so out-of-control that the FCC might close us down or something. She seems to have taken mighty good care of the blog, so I guess I owe her some gratitude for that.

As you can see though, my sister has made herself scarce for my return. She’s probably taken Cousin T and hidden them both away somewhere. And you know, I’m not a bit surprised that they’re hiding out, considering what the two of them did to my bedroom while I was on vacation! I have told her a thousand times to leave my things alone, and I was even nice enough to let Cousin T use my room while I was gone—with a few rules, mind you. So I don’t know where in the Sam Hill she got the idea that I wanted an Extreme Bedroom Makeover!

You know, this is just like her, she gets a wild hair and then just barges on ahead and does as she pleases. I swear, she’s no better than those Biddys I went to Florida with. I won’t get started on those two, since I’m sure none of you want to read any more about my harrowing experiences. Let’s just say that I wasn’t sorry to see the back of the Biddy bus as it left town.

Anyway, Margie and Cousin T had better keep a low profile for a while, because when I find them I’m going to kick their patooties to kingdom come and back. I swan, I no sooner leave town than those two get in the special tea and start getting all kinds of crazy ideas.

Now, you all will have to pardon me, I have to go unpack. And since I know that my bedroom makeover was just Margie’s excuse to go snitch my valuables, I’ll be taking inventory in her room and getting my things back. She’d better not have stolen my Supernatural DVDs again, or that will just be the last straw! Tell me folks, can you divorce your sister?

Edna: Daytona Beach

Dear Sister,

All this time I’ve been here in Florida, and I haven’t once gotten to dip my toes in the Atlantic Ocean, so I made Itty-Biddy take a detour to Daytona Beach. Margie, some of these scandalous bathing suits made me blush! You know how I sunburn, so I kept my muumuu on, but Itty-Biddy acted like she thought she was at a nude beach. As you might have guessed, this story ends with Aunt Biddy and I bailing her out of the local jail. Margie, crazy doesn’t just run through this branch of the family, it gallops.

I think you’d better tell Cousin T to start moving out of my room, I don’t think I can stand much more of these two.


Love, Edna


Margie: Edna, far be it from me to say that I told you so but I surely did. I knew somebody would end up in jail. I'm surprised it wasn't you, though, because you do love a nude beach.

My stars! Are you saying you'd rather live with me than live with the crazy Biddy's? I want to hear those words from your mouth.

Edna, Cousin T. says he likes it here and he especially likes your room. He said to mention squatter's rights?

Edna Visits Cypress Gardens

Margie,

Now, you know I don’t like to speak ill of people, but Aunt Biddy and Itty-Biddy are driving me plumb crazy. First, the two of them decide that we should go to this park called Cypress Gardens. It’s actually a very pretty place, but that’s not the problem. Once we got there, they insisted on taking part in the water-skiing show, even though I told them the audience wasn’t supposed to participate. (That’s Aunt Biddy in the orange outfit, and that’s Itty-Biddy right smack dab in the middle of the line.) I was so embarrassed, I thought I was going to die.

This vacation is turning out to be less restful than if I’d just stayed at home listening to you yammer in my ear.


Love, Edna


Margie: Oh Edna, that Itty is a ring tailed tooter! I'm surprised none of you are in jail yet. The two of them look like the fools they are.

I suppose you'll be going to Biddy's for Christmas? That would be a sight. I hear they always rob the bell ringers at Wal-Mart so they have Christmas money.

I've had a wonderful vacation! I've had lots of callers and lots of bed rest. I feel 25 again!

Maybe you can extend your trip a bit longer?

From Edna: To Cousin T

Dear Margie,

I saw this postcard and it reminded me so much of Cousin T and how he’s obsessed about his trains. I hope you two are getting along okay without me there to keep the social niceties going. Cousin T, you’d better be staying out of my chifferobe, I don’t want to come back to find out that you’ve been using my garter belts as tool belts. Margie, are you keeping that house clean while I’m gone?


I’ve got to go, Aunt Biddy wants me to come help her do her makeup, we’re going to the Early Bird buffet down on the beach. The sunsets over the water are beautiful, or so I’m told. I haven’t seen any yet since Aunt Biddy locks down the house at 7PM.

Smooches,

Edna



Margie: Lawsy me. Edna tries to boss Cousin T and me even when she's not around. Look at her acting like I'm a maid. She's the one who never offers to clean anything.

My lands! I've never heard of Aunt Biddy wearing makeup. Heaven knows it won't help her ugly face. That's especially so if Edna is going to help her. Edna thinks makeup was meant to be caked on.

Cousin T, come here. Edna has sent you a nice picture of a train. I guess her nasty smooches are for you too. Arg!

Edna Writes Margie

Dear Margie,

Well, we made it to Miami Beach just fine; the Biddy Bus only broke down twice. Luckily, the last time was two blocks away from Aunt Biddy’s house, so we just hoofed it down the street until we got there. My lands, it surely is hot down here and this place is no better than a swamp. I do not know what all this humidity will do to my hair. I hope I don’t look a fright when we go visiting later. Aunt Biddy promised to introduce me to her gentleman friends and I do so want to look my best.

Love, Edna


Margie: I'll swan. I thought I was rid of my crazy sister for a while and she sends me a blasted postcard. Like I care, Edna.

Her hair? Lawsy me, Edna always looks a fright so I don't think she needs to worry about humidity!

I'd rather try to survive in the swamp as to meet any of Biddy's friends. You can bet there's not a gentleman amongst them. Not that that's ever stopped Edna.

Whew! I hope that's the last I hear from her.

Edna's House Rules

Margie: Cousin T, thank you so much for staying with me while Edna is gone. I get a little scared after dark.

Cousin T: (nodding and smiling)

Now, Edna did want me to give you the house rules because you'll be sleeping in her bedroom. I know it's a little fancy for you but just make do. Let me read the rules.

Cousin T: (Still nodding, the smile gives way)

First, Edna writes, "That boy can use my bedroom, but he'd best not leave boot prints all over my chenille bedspread. And you tell him there will be heck to pay if I find he's tracked sawdust into my bedroom."

Cousin T: (Eyes narrowing)

Second, never leave the toilet seat up, since Margie doesn't wear her glasses to go to the bathroom and she might get stuck if she doesn't look before sitting down.

Cousin T: (Eyes widen)



Here are the other rules:

Clean out the tub if you shower.

Cousin T: (Eyebrow goes up)

No leaving empty beer cans on the porch railing.

Cousin T: (Another follows)

No cussin', spittin', scratchin', or belchin'.

Cousin T: (Head tilts forward)

Edna: I don't want to come back and learn that he's been using my garter belts as tool belts. He best stay out of my chifferobe too.

Cousin T: (Audible noise from the throat)

Margie: Never fear, Cousin T. Edna isn't here so make yourself to home. What Edna doesn't know won't hurt us. Want some special tea now?

Cousin T bolts for the kitchen.

Margie and Edna: Past Vacations

Edna: Margie, summertime always makes me think of going on vacation. Why don’t we go anywhere anymore like we used to? Remember that year Mama and Daddy packed us up in the Model T and took us down to San Antonio to see the Alamo? That was surely a fun trip, even though it was hot as Hades down there in Texas.

Margie: We don't go anywhere, Edna, because you always want to drive and you can't see. If I drive you boss me around.

I do remember the Alamo. It was so hot that I almost went skinny dipping but I was too scared that Daddy would catch me and tan my hide. I remember one of the gentlemen at the Alamo took a shine to you, Edna.

Edna: Which is why Daddy high-tailed us right back out of Texas, he was worried about keeping my virtue safe. He knew yours was already compromised, you hussy.

Do you remember when we took that train trip out to Hollywood because you wanted to star in the “talkies”?

Margie: Edna, I told Daddy about your "virtue." Remember when he threatened to lock you in your room for the rest of your life?

I do remember that train ride. I could have been a star in Hollywood if only I hadn't let that sweet-voiced man talk me into going to Reno.

Edna: I think the movie industry breathed a sigh of relief when that happened; the world couldn’t have taken seeing you up there on the silver screen. Your face would have given even King Kong the scare of his life.

So, should we go somewhere this summer? I bet Cousin T would drive us anywhere we wanted to go.

Margie: Edna, I'm not the one who looks they got beat with an ugly stick. Hussy.

Where shall we go? We can't let Cousin T drive unless we lock up the Special Tea first.

Edna: Well, I got a letter from Aunt Biddy down in Florida and it sounded like she wanted some company, but she hates you. Maybe you'd better think of somewhere else to go.

Margie: Edna, I'm not going near that crazy woman. You'd better not go either. You know Daddy never wanted us anywhere near that fruit loop.

I'll get Cousin T to drive me to Hawaii.